Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, March 29, 2003

LAST NIGHT

We went to see an Oblivion show. On the way there, James and I ran out of the house and jumped in Tres' car. But we were in such a hurry we left Seth behind. He was eating silverfish and butter and playing video games. It reminded me of the time when I went to Spain with my Spanish class and I was really drunk in Malaga. Well I knew I was running behind so I came running up to the bus and proclaimed with drunken confidence "OK everybody's here, lets go." So the bus took off and we ended up leaving some fat girl and her fat mom behind. Just like we left fat Seth behind.

Friday, March 28, 2003

JOHN REVOLTA STRIKES AGAIN

It seems that John Travolta has made another bad movie. Of course I will not see it but I will link this scathing review.
PISSING ME OFF

Unless you enjoy anger, stay away from ESPN's NBA page today. It's a mess of articles praising superstars and badmouthing everybody else not playing for Dallas or Sacramento. I now have to modify "The List" to include Peter May, Bill Walton, and Fred Carter. UGH!
SADDAM AND TERROR

If you were not convinced with Powell's case then take a look at this disturbing picture. Not quite a smoking gun but it's still a very damning piece of circumstancial evidence. Also when it comes to weapons of mass destruction a smoking gun is too late. That is probably why the French demanded one.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

Wess-- "You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and the Germans don't want to go to war."
THE F***ING PRIME MINISTER

Here is a rather ho-hum article from the Times of London. But it's totally worth reading when you hear how Tony Blair sticks it to France, and Gordon Brown.
WAR *huh* WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

Wonderful ideas going horribly awry. It seems like such a good idea in theory, but when you see those involved all you can do is shake your head.
TV SHOW IDEA

Courtesy Pigpen...We all know the shows on TLC where they bring in a few gay guys to redo a room in your house or your wardrobe. Well Imgaine a twist on "While You Were Out" called "Shouldn't Have Gone Out." It would be hosted by the Macho Man Randy Savage and feature special guest stars. In this show people leave for work, then TLC breaks in and trashes your house in an exciting yet educational way. Then when you get home, TLC captures your reaction while The Macho Man tells you "Shouldn't have gone out, OH YEAH!" Now that would be some good entertainment!
GRANDPA'S WILD IRISH XXX

I went to visit my grandparents last night. And after being forced to eat a HUGE sandwich (2-3 inches), my grandpa and I started talking about bum wines. He said that "a few" years ago somebody had left a bottle of Richards Wild Irish Rose at his house. Since grandpa grew up during the Depression he can't throw anything away. He said that he had put the Richards in his garage and its probably still there today. Now in my lifetime nobody has been in their garage (think of the U-Store It from "Silence of the Lambs"). Between these two clues, at the newest that bottle had to have been put there sometime during the 70s. I can't even imagine what kind of psychotic fits that would induce (assuming your liver doesn't explode or your brain doesn't melt). Maybe its best mankind never discovers this curse it could be a thousand times more destructive than "The Bottle" of bicardi from winter 2000.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

MALEBOLGE

It was probably the warmest day of the year here in Grand Rapids and one could certainly feel it in my building today. If a ventilation system full of bird feces and dust wasn't bad enough they had to crank up the heat on an already humid and warm day. Now I have often compared my job to the eight circle of hell, but I guess they wanted to match the temp with the atmosphere. It really does make sense that the Dark Lord Denise works here.
UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER

I think William Safire is probably the only person at the NYTimes that wants America to win. This is a very good column that did not piss me off like everything else in the NYTimes.
WHAT'S THE WORD?

Tuesday night at Great Day Foods I stumbled upon another of the Forbidden Five. So far we have found Wild Irish Rose, MD 20/20 and a very dusty $2.99 bottle Thunderbird. But with any luck we will make a clean sweep of all the bum wines.
WEEKEND PLANS

I talked to James last night and we decided that we are going to Ann Arbor for this weekend and next. If any of you west side kids wanna join me it would be great to have some company along in the car. Gimme a call or shoot me an email if you are interested.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

LUNCH DATE?

I just received this email...
We are having SO AND SO's "Wedding Party" on April 2nd from 12-1:30. Please let me know if you are interested in joining us to celebrate her big day and if you would like to contribute towards a gift for her and her soon to be hubbie Corey. We are asking for 4.00 from each person. I will also need to know what you are planning on bringing to the lunch pot luck. Please let me know by tomorrow March 27th if you are going to be joining us and I would like to have all of the gift money by tomorrow as well so I can pick up the gift.

Since I don't like the dirty looks this girl constantly gives me, I will have no part in celebrating the manifestation of sin that grows in her disgusting belly. So if anybody wants to have lunch with me so I can have a legitimate excuse to blow off this gift-locust and her celebration of ripping me off, please email me.
THE DOORS

So I busted out my old Doors CD today and I really forgot how much Jim Morrison and the Doors suck. The music isn't that great and the poetry is probably the worst to ever have been published (except for Jewel's). Also if you think about it there are alot of similarities between the Doors and Smashmouth. Both bands suck. Both have pompous lead singers that curse at their audience. Both have really catchy music that sucks live. The only difference is that Jim Morrison could sing when he tried REALLY hard (Touch Me) and had a classic scream (like Roger Daltry).
MYSTERY LINK

I dont know what it is but I was told to post this link. Enjoy, courtesy Pigpen.
DARK LORD WATCH

This morning I was talking to the Dark Lord Denise and she was explaining why she didn't go to the University of Michigan for college. "I didn't like the idea of having to take a bus to class." Now when I went there I NEVER had to take a bus to class. In fact, I went 4 years without even going to North Campus. In addition, the school she went to, Central Michigan, is even more sprawled than the University of Michigan. Nothing like having your world apart from reality, it's truly amazing where she comes up with this stuff.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

IRONY OF THE DAY

So ole Tondar had to leave the office so he could attend a training seminar this afternoon. This training stressed ways for people to increase their productivity and manage all 300-500 of their cases (as if this is possible). Now if they wanted us to be more productive and not waste time, why would they have mandatory training sessions that take us away from our work? Three cheers for government efficiency!!
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH

Today a homeless man was seen outside the FIA building rumaging through the ashtray. Reports say that he was collecting used cigarette butts. Now when a good chunk of FIA clients are diseased from AIDS to T.B. to Hepatitus ABC, why would anybody ever do something so nasty filthy and disgusting. The closest analogy I can come up with is when I saw this monkey pretend to smoke cigarettes once at the zoo. Something tells me that monkey is a more productive member of society.
TONDAR TO EUROPE, OVER

Here's an interesting read for all of you on the other side of the Atlantic (and this side too). This talks about the battle between Blair and Chirac over the war in Iraq.

http://www.upi.com/view.cfm?StoryID=20030324-015735-4638r

Seems to be pretty true except for the end where they site Chirac's possible veto of Eastern Europes entrance to the European Union. If this were to happen then it would automatically cause a default alliance between "New Europe" and America. Really the only way I see France and Germany keeping their power and a good hold on multilateral power is to allow the U.N. to rebuild Iraq. Because with or without France's blessing there will someday be a European confederacy.
WORD ON THE STREET

Here is an interesting article that talks about why the Iraqis are not quite dancing in the street. I think it makes some very interesting arguments though we should wait until the war is over, and Saddams' thugs are all dead before we can begin to understand how the Iraqi people really feel.

http://www.indianexpress.com/full_story.php?content_id=20783
WELCOME

This is my first attempt at the daily rant so there is probably going to be some experimentation for a while. But in the mean time check this out

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/25/opinion/25TUE3.html

It seems the New York Times has come out against Amber Alerts. I guess stopping child molesters must be some sort of Republican conspiracy.