Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, April 11, 2003

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Big Ed to the Dark Lord--No, There's plenty of room to park there. (If you're trying to dent my car up as bad as yours.)
TONIGHT?

Who is down for the bizzar tonight? I know I could certainly go a few rounds especially knowing that my FIA House of Cards is about to fall. Email me if you're game.
RUMMY'S GONNA STICK IT TO YA

This is a cute little bit supposing Donald Rumsfeld is a sex columnist. Come on, what woman wouldn't wanna go a few with a straight-shooting smooth-talker like Rummy?
GETTING PISSED OFF

Finally, somebody that hates the NY Times and its writers, especially Johnny Apple, as much as me. Best Quote: "And he gives a history lesson about U.S. interventions since Vietnam that would not look out of place in Highlights for Children."
PIGPEN VS. ESPN

"read ESPN today - it pretty much acts as if the ducks let the wings drag it
on FOREVER then decided they'll score now. Idiots! 2nd OT was ridiculous -
wings shoulda had 4 or 5 goals in that period. I don't know why they even
reveiwed the Robitaille goal, it was clear that it wasn't a goal. The
analysts have been saying that the Grind Line is limp and they are the
reason the Wings won't repeat. Morons! The Grind Line was getting the most
opportunity and inflicting the most pressure and scoring chances. Sure they
didn't score, but they clearly are not limp. The NHL hates the wings simply
because they are a Yankee's style team - stacked. But it's not stacked, they
have thier share of Hall-of Famers, but look at Datsuyk and Zetterberg, the
Grind Line and most of the defence - depth and skill is not stacked, it's
smart."

Additional point: The wings aren't exactly the Yankees. They do bring in all-stars to help win cups BUT BUT BUT they have had the same core intact for years. The wings win because of Yzerman, Federov, McCarty, Shanahan, Draper, Larionov, Lidstrom, and of course the coaching staff. However, I think alot of the ESPN venom is due to the fact that the Wings have been one of the best NHL teams now since 1991 (remember the Bob "crackpipe" Probert days). There's nothing they like more than the fall of a dynasty (see all their articles about the LA Lakers). But the wings are different because they win AND cultivate new talent (Datsuyk and Zetterberg)maintaining winning excellence for over a decade. Hopefully wings will read the same articles and will get fired up enough to win in 5.
WORST DAY OF HOCKEY EVER

Did anybody see those games yesterday. How heartbreaking!? First, Michigan loses in O.T. to a pretty evenly matched Minnesota. Then the Red Wings get 64 shots on goal and still lose 2-1 as Paul Kariya gets a lucky bounce over Joseph Curtis in tripple O.T. If you check out the boxscore the Red Wings dominated, but J.S. Giguere had an amazing game to pull out the win for Anaheim. Worst day of hockey, yes, but I don't think the wings are in bad shape. If they can get some cheap/easy goals they will really rattle young Giguere and could easily have this wrapped up in 5.
CRAZY SCHEME

Well it looks like Pepsi has a billion dollar give away promotion. Of course the odds of winning the billion are very small but nevertheless you've gotta give props to the ad-wizards who came up with this one. But as far as colas go I'm just wondering if anybody is actually going to buy pepsi based on any contest, promotion, or advertisement. About the only thing that motivates me to buy any softdrink is a sale at the local supermarket, otherwise I don't care one way or the other.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

TEMPLES OF SYRINX

Can you say discontent? Look at what happened at one of Islam's holiest masques. The people are killing their oppressors in a grand anti-saddam catharsis. It's the same type of thing that happened during the French and Russian Revolutions. People have just had enough and are attacking every institution that has helped to hold them down.
SHOWDOWN II

Well as always Tondar has won. at the 16th minute of silence she blinked and hung up. So when she called back I pretended the quiet game never took place. She bought it and then I was nice and gave her one of the random medicaid numbers. I have no idea if it will work, but as usual: Eh!
SHOWDOWN

So as soon as Tondar got finished posting the phone rang. It was some old hag complaining that her teeth are falling out and needed to go to the dentist. After I explained that I could do nothing to help being only responsible to examin her finances she asks "Do you even work there." To which I replied "Let me check....Yes, yes I do work here." And then after that I said nothing. At this time we have been on the phone together for 10 minutes in TOTAL SILENCE (except for her coughing and taking a leak, yes it was that loud and graphic). Where's your sarcasm now B!? This would be a new low if apathy had not totally consumed me.
FALL OF BAGHDAD

Yesterday was a great day for coalition forces as we witnessed the fall of Baghdad. I really felt proud as an American to see the American flag draped over the Saddam Statue right before it was uprooted and destroyed. At the same time the Iraqis cheered in the street, while the Arab media didn't know what to think. This war has been amazing in its speed and success. Just think of all that has happened: The capital has fallen in 3 weeks. Just a little over 100 coalition casualties. The Iraqi people no longer have to live in fear. Iraq's neighbors no longer have to live in fear. The world is now a safer place. And once again we see the forces of good triumph over tyranny and evil. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

JAMES ON GREMILY

Here is what James had to say about our night..."Good old gremily doing the robot and trying to steal my beer. i think our biggest failure was not using a pseudonym. why did we give our real names? next time i'm going as nick fisk." In addition, to pseudonyms I think we should have worked together as a team. Such as my plan to "break the cease-fire" with 314 E. William, if we would have worked together we could have swooped in there allowing James to get the hookup instead of letting her curl up next to the passed out guy like a wino cabbage patch doll.
SBP

It seems the preacher came to Ann Arbor this weekend. Once again, he gave a moving sermon about the time he was held in bondage in the land of Utah and forced to read the Book of Mormans. It was a moving story about sticking it to sinners, even if they are not homeless. The preacher also sang the praises of the second bottle of the american classic, Thunderbird. Yes on that glorious night everybody knew "the word."
THE PARTY

Another great party thanks to the kids in Ann Arbor. There were a few more people that got "Tondard." Probably the best was when I got the girl known as "Gremily." She was so quick to help, and to anger when she found out I was kidding. I gaurantee ya something...this was not the first (nor the last) party that some girl paced around the party screaming "I hate Tondar! I hate Tondar!" However, by the end of the night when I had won the dance-off and had Tondard a few others she was screaming "I love Tondar! I love Tondar!" But then she decided it was a good time to curl up on the couch and passout while ole Tondar took off to meet with a preacher.
WHAT'S THE WORD?

Saturday night James and I got things rolling with our first bottle of Thunderbird. Well the site was right. The stuff does taste and smell like gasoline. What's worse though is it functions much like ritalin. At 8pm it made us dead tired when we were all psyched to go, but by the time we had the second bottle around 4 am it really did become the gasoline for the fire of our rage. Let it also be noted we got into a bottle of the Richard's as well but there were no psychotic fits.
DIRTY PEOPLE SUCK WATCH

Ugh! So the Hope Network Retard just came by to empty my trash. Well, he must be a big fan of irony because as he came through "cleaning," he left a wake of shit and unwashedness that would make a rat gag. It's interesting that I have to dress up and shave and look professional, but this cretan is allowed to wander the building bringing the nuissance, and bringing the funk. I was working contently (one of the rare times) before his pooptrain logged an entry at my workstation. Now I can hardly concentrate from lack of oxygen, UGH! Just another reason why I have the WORST JOB EVER.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

WORST PENGUINS EVER

Well here's an interesting tidbit o'news. Maybe I'm wrong but don't Sts. Paul and Augustine make the case of following the laws of a country even if you don't agree with them? But nevertheless, under Aquinas since the states role is to provide protection for its people, and the United States being a just and righteous country (not ruled by a tyrant), wouldn't this act of sabotage violate God's Law through a violation in man's law?
WEEPING PATROL

Well Tondar scored his first goal in almost 3 weeks earlier today when I made a heavy-set woman cry. It came at the 10 am mark just into the second hour of Tuesday. Before you feel sorry for her let it be known that she is stealing her daughters childsupport to buy alcohol (certainly not soap). What really broke the hippo's back is when I told her that I could automatically check her childsupport via computer in Lansing.
WEEKEND WATCH

I will try to post some of the adventures we had this weekend. But my main goal today is to look for new jobs. I have finally had enough of poor people. So stay with me in the meantime, if anybody has anything worth posting pass it along.
SETH PROTECTORATE WATCH

Here's a disturbing report from our French "allies" regarding their treatment of French Jews. You know Seth, it's probably a good thing that you're not there this semester. Suddenly my hippie heckling doesn't look too bad next to this vile display of anti-semitism.

Monday, April 07, 2003

REDNECK NEIGHBORS

If you have some time check out this diary of some really bad neighbors complete with pictures. It's a bit long but worth the read. My personal favorites are the Jesus mailbox and the kiddiepool garden out back.
THE WORST GENERATION

Here is some Vietnam Vet whining in the NYTimes magazine about how much he resents the American military. The worst is when he attacks the soldiers for being too poor and too stupid to understand that they are just stooges in the Vietnam of this generation. You can almost hear the sneer in his voice as he challenges authority and "the man." However, the real irony is that the roles have switched and he is the man while those "dag-gone" kids just don't get it. You can almost see him sitting on the porch icing his bad knee and lamenting: "Kids these days! When I was their age people disrespected authority and hated America. Now look at them waving flags and being all proud of their nation! Blarg-snot-rum I'm old and irrelevant!!"
BAD AMERICANS

While American soldiers are risking their lives for strangers on the other side of the world some American stil continue to abuse their freedom. These people make me sick. First of all, they block traffic to create a minor inconvenience for good hardwork/contributing members of society. Second, and more importantly they divert resources away from law enforcement. At a time when the enemy could possibly attack on our shores at any moment, they are wasting the Homeland Security Budget for their own selfish reasons. If they really "cared" about the people of Iraq instead of hating President Bush, they would join the International Red Cross and assist in humanitarian missions. As long as there is a war going on, these people should be rounded up and detained. They should of course be freed at the end of hostilities but right now these are not acts of civil disobedience, they are acts of treason and should be treated as such.