Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, May 02, 2003

SLOWDAR

I apologize for not writing as much this week. But I have been busy and have actually had to do work. But hopefully next week things will pick up. In fact, work has been going well. The grumpy trolls are back under their bridges and only pleasant people have been calling on the phone. Hopefully this streak of happiness will last.
DECREE

Let it be known if you are irresponsible and do not pay your bills Tondar may be more willing to help in exchange for Childrens' drawings and/or souls. These will go much further than a bad attitude and lies.
SCREW LIBERTY

Since they are so rare, I'm posting another wonderful editorial from the NYTimes. This one is about American Civil Liberties in the face of epidemics and disease, but surprisingly the NYTimes comes down on the side of safety. I would really have to agree with this point. First, the Supreme Court has agreed for years that the safety of Americans is the top priority for the government. Secondly, if anybody has ever seen the documentary from the BBC (I know Nick has, I watched it in Sweden) about a small pox epidemic that wipes out 1 million Americans and a quarter of the world then you would agree too. We're just one psycho/accident away from a massive disaster, especially with such an interconnected post-modern-world, any disease has to be met quickly and swiftly to avoid massive casualties. After all what good are Civil Liberties if we are all dead?
BEST DAILY ARTICLE EVER

I have been down on the Michigan Daily for years. But once in a while you come across a gem of an article that's the equivalent of a William Saphire column in the NYTimes. The Daily's crowning moment came courtesy of Brian A. Gnatt. In 1997 he conducted a taste test of 11 bum wines and published the results. Here's the money quote regarding my favorite demons:

"The infamous Night Train (18 percent) pulled into the station at No. 10, pushing a train wreck for anyone who could down the entire bottle of wine. It had a rather nasty, pungent and incarcerating taste and side effects to back up its poor reputation."

Incarcerating indeed :)
MY PLATINUM NIGHTMARES

Well it seems that the American Hobo Favorite comes in more flavors besides Red and Gasoline. Check out Richard's website and all the varieties of his Wild Irish Rose. Which thus begs the question, when are we going to have our wino sampling night?

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

CRAP LINK OF THE DAY

This site is a travesty, disturbing really. I mean, to desecrate such an excellent collection of pics of attractive women, and then to SOLICIT MONEY FOR IT?!

Frank
AIN'T LEARNIN' EBONICS

So I just had a client called me and wanted me to fax some paperwork to a person named Lana. No problem? Right? WRONG! Unfortunately this consumer could not say the word Lana (it was like he said all the letters at once) and when he tried to spell, it came out like this. EEL-AIGH-EEE(n)-EH He must have repeated himself about 5 times and I still couldn't get it. As close as I got was L-a-e before he had some woman communicate for him. When did L become EEL and N become EEE(n). This guy needs to stop hanging out at the Klingon Language Institute or get unhooked from crack and get hooked on phonics.
DEATH OF THE U.N.

It seems between France, Cuba, and Libya that the United Nations has really lost all credibility. Their latest debacle was renewing Cuba's position on the human rights committee despite Castro's recent crackdown on dissidents. Now I'm not in favor of destroying the U.N. all together but the politics being played by France to maintain economic ties with Iraq, and Cuba's effort to block international criticism of its police-state are truly disgusting. However, I think it is necessary for the United States to stay engaged in the U.N. This will keep France and other countries from hijacking the institution and using international sanctions against the U.S. and its allies.
WHOS A BROTHER GOTTA KILL

Well it seems our old buddy the Iraqi Information Minister is trying to surrender to the infadels but they are too busy killing themselves at the walls of Baghdad to allow this. Sure, the guy was a puppet for a brutal regime and all of that, but you have to give this guy credit for beLIEving right up until the end. Hopefully they can find SOME way of getting him out and getting him a spot on TV or in my cubicle doing his wonderful brand of commentary.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

THE DRAGON SAYS...

Check out this NYTimes book review about the history of dragons. It's like CSPAN! You don't even have to read the book because they tell you everything you need to know. Unfortunately there was no mention of the Dark Lord Densie and her dragon rants.
PIGPEN WATCH

Son you're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you dont stop drivin' away in my Lincoln
MASTER OF THIS SAD SAD UNIVERSE

It seems my phone skills have improved. First, I just got off the phone with this retarded guy that couldn't get his medication. Well I frustrated him with enough rides on the beauracratic merry-go-round that I tricked him into getting off the phone. That was followed up by a social worker that called me and wanted "4 things" for somebody and with a little quick double talk I was able to get the social worker to do everything herself.
WEEPING WATCH

Well I finally just met with THE LIAR. If she is telling the truth then she has been here since 7am (4 hrs). Though I didn't know she was waiting until hour 2. But better yet, Tondar made her cry like a child who lies about breaking the cookie jar and is forced to eat the shards. She wept and then apologized. But what really made her tears taste the best is that she is currently in rehab...mmmm beer tears. But the real money quote of our meeting: "Nobody wants to hire somebody with a felony conviction. Don't ever drive drunk." No problem! You have put the fear of alcohol in me better than any previous neardeath experience.
NEW RULE

From now on when anybody calls me at work, they will immediately cease all previous conversations or I will hangup the phone. I apologize for never making that clear before today.
BOGUS ENCOUNTER

Well it seems I have somebody downstairs waiting for me in the lobby. But this is a very special person. Yes, good ole "THE LIAR" has decided to try to sneak back onto foodstamps. You may remember her as the one that can't hang up a phone properly. You may also remember her voicemail with the money quote: "Well I had to lie to him." Right now though, I'm just going to hangtight and see how she enjoys our lobby for the next hour.
CRAP LINK OF THE DAY

UGH!
VIVA LAS NUDAS

This would be a great idea for an airline if it weren't for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. There is only one problem. Southwest airlines tried the same thing about 20 years ago and had to change their image because their hiring practices were ruled unconstitutional since they didn't hire any male flight attendants. It made no difference that they had cornered the market on creepy businessman. Personally I think this is where the gender equality movement made their first step backwards as they used the Supreme Court to force the free market to be more politically correct.
DREAM POLICE

There's nothing like a great dream gone horribly awry. Especially, if it's the one with the hot naked girl laying there and then all of a sudden she starts talking like your mom saying: "Get up! Ooooooooooh, I guess you're not going to work today! That's fine stay home and be lazy. Maybe you can get on foodstamps too!" *sigh* What a perfect beginning to another day of Malebolge. All I've got to say is that's its a bad day to be poor.

Monday, April 28, 2003

TOO MUCH TIME ON THE HANDS

That is a phrase I throw around alot. But after seeing this website it now has a new meaning. What I dont understand is why they can't decide between all upper case or all lower case.