Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Thursday, May 15, 2003


Yesterday Andrew Sullivan had a good rehashing of this older article from Robert Novak. Check out the original because it's the better of the two and includes a scenario where the First Lady of Shrill may get the Presidential nomination in 2004. As Novak said, this could hurt the Democratic party for years, or she could run a perfect Clintonesque campaign and win. It's gonna be interesting either way.

"So last night I have all sorts of bizarro dreams. shark attacks, owning a medicine store, etc. but i had one dream that you (Tondar)came over to my house and made a molotov cocktail. you then tried to burn down my house and the neighbors house. perhaps it was an omen."

You just can't make this kinda stuff up *shaking head.* So I went downstairs to meet with my latest foodstamp in-take after making her wait about an hour and 20 minutes. Why so long? Because I'm an asshole and had online reading to do. Besides what are they going to do, go to our competitor Illinois and get free money and foodstamps from them? Well I go downstairs and I call "Cracky" over the intercom and a 200 lb black woman shouts from across the room "over here!"
I go over and introduce my self as Anthony as we walk to the interview area. She then informs me her boyfriend named Anthony dumped her last night. At this point I'm still in a good mood so I tell her she can call me Tony.
So I look over her application and start asking her questions.
Tondar: "Do you live at 123 Sesame Street, apartment 4?"
Cracky: "YES!"
Tondar: "Do you have a phone?"
Cracky: "NO!"
Tondar: "Do you live with anybody else?"
Cracky: "NO!"
Now when she screamed, it wasn't a beligerant Dark Lord style noise. It was a more uncomfortable agitation. This was especially weird since she had problems being still. She was figiting and speaking very quickly, that is when she could get the words out of her mouth. I then proceed to finish the interview and went to make copies of her ID. Well when I came back she was asleep. Who can possibly fall asleep in the Eigth Circle of Hell. There are children screaming, the smell of filth and an atmosphere of general mayhem that would not be out of place during the last days of Saigon. Here in the eye of this storm Cracky decides to take a little nap. Well seeing this I make the mistake of waking her up, and thus it began.
Cracky: "Do I get emergency foodstamps?"
Tondar: "No you have a job."
Cracky: "But I just got outta jail. Everyone down at Van Andel get outta jail get emergency foodstamps!"
Tondar: "You are still going to receive income this month and they didn't put an emergency sticker on your application."
Cracky: "Shit, yo need to get yo shit talked out. The lady up der say I gonna get emergency foodstamps! I ain't got no goddamn food!"
Tondar: "Well get your paperwork back to me and you will get your foodstamps then."
At this point she began screaming, yelling, flailing, ranting, and raving. Before this morning I could honestly say I had never seen anyone cracked out of their mind. After this display I understand why Rodney King got the shit knocked out of him. Crackheads deserve to be smacked around and tortured for their crimes against themselves and society. Today unfortunately there were no LAPD to be found. But she had had enough at this point, as she snatched up her paperwork and stormed out leaving a trail of obsenities that made the walls weep dirty brown tears of shame. I then calmly collected my things and left. It's times like this that I ask myself "what am I doing here?" And honestly, I don't know anymore. I just don't know.

Last night's game was alot closer than it should have been. It seemed the longer Detroit played the more inept their offense became. Luckily they were able to hold on for a 78-77 victory. If you take a look at the boxscore you see that Iverson had a terrible game shooting 5-25 and only scored 14 points. But later he said that it was the team, not him or Rip Hamilton's defense, that was responsible for the loss. Now Detroit has to go back to Philadelphia Friday night. Hopefully in this game they will hit their shots in the 4th quarter instead of the 1st so they can wrap this thing up without risking a game 7.

It seems that my website uses too many big words and localized slang for my non-English friends. I'm not sure what I can do about that since my blog is an attempt to duplicate my speech. But in the future I will try to make it easier on people that have only recently learned English. Though my website might be a good place to pick up a word or two that you probably aren't going to find in your English books. Fo-shizzle my nizzle.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003


Nothing like my most favorite news source sticking it to my most hated news source. You get him Cavuto, you get that "pretentious charlatan" known as Krugman good.

In case you have seen the new X-Men movie you may remember the fight scene at the begining where a mutant kicks secret service ass up and down the West Wing. Well one of the reasons this scene kicks ass is because of the music. They play the Dies irae (Judgment Day) piece from Mozart's Requiem. This requiem necessity always depicts God's return to Earth to judge and seperate the wicked from the righteous. Though the moment isn't exactly as unsettling or dramatic as the music, it's a great use of famous classical music that really enhances the drama of the scene.

Check out the Fox 411 on the new Matrix movie. Even though it's reportedly a rehashed "Flash Gordon" (whoever that is) the reviews seem to be good. Also be sure to stick around after the credits to see the trailer for Matrix Revolutions. Tondar's down.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003


You write enough about a subject and you eventually get it right. Check out this piece from ESPN about the Pistons' debacle in Phillie over the weekend. They are absolutely right for once. Detroit's defense was torn apart by the pick and roll and the offense was sputtering. Hopefully Carlisle understands this and can make the necessary changes to get the Pistons back in gear for game 5. Though if it's anything like game 4 where he played Okur, Rebracca, and Robinson despite their suck, they could be in deep trouble.

Last night a representative from Champion Windows and Siding came over to give my parents an estimate/demonstration. He took one look at our windows and said "Your windows are 18 inches off the floor. I have to call my boss about this one." I knew right away after that little number this guy was playing out of the manual, and though I don't know where it is, I know we're going to the cleaners. So during his 3 hour visit he demonstrated how his siding and windows are so superior. Now normally my dad is as good as an arab camel salesman and twice as shrewd. But for some reason last night he was bamboozled into buying windows from the first monkey with a song and dance that came by the house. Now I'm not saying this was a stupid move, but I have some land in Florida that might interest him since he obviously has so much disposable income.

Monday, May 12, 2003


So I saw the new X-Men movie over the weekend. I have to say that I liked it alot more than the first one. The special effects kicked ass and they did a much better job capturing the complexities of Magnito's character. But I was still dissapointed by the fact that they had left out Beast and Gambit. Also the ending was a rip off for me considering that it was almost identical to "Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan" in structure.

Ever since Grandma May discovered that feeding any kind of blackbird causes the spread of West Nile disease she no longer likes her birdfeeder. Instead of taking it down though she insists on running to the window every few minutes to shoo away the birds. However, the birds immediately come back so she is constantly waging a losing battle. However, she has a better solution. She is going to get a BB gun and "kill everyone of those damn birds" herself. You get 'em Grandma, you get 'em good!

Yesterday in honor of Mother's Day we went and visited all the Grammas. Grandma May is now 89. She has 36 grandchildren and 40 great-grandchildren. She started showing pictures of her great-grandchildren to us and since she has 40 of them all under 5 it is difficult to keep track. My dad realized this so he pointed at each picture and asked "Who's this." Well after a while grandma became upset because there was really noway anybody could remember so many children. What made it worse was the fact that my dad would go back and ask 2 or 3 times who one kid was, just to scramble her brain. Grandma got upset, the rest of us were amused.

I think this guy took one out of the Dark Lords playbook. I can't remember how many times as a kid I heard "If you don't shutup so help me, I'm gonna sell you online to child molesters."

So Pigpen was watching Back To The Future Part 1 on saturday when he noticed something. Towards the end when Marty gets back to 85 and the bum rambles on about "crazy drunk driver" if you look you'll see his bummy kung-foo grip strangling the hell out of a bottle of Thunderbird -The label is clearly visible, almost so visible that it could be argued that it is product placement.

At least it was a believable hobo.

Thank goodness for America's conservative nature so we don't have to see the horrors associated with the British Naturists that let it all hangout before and after midnight. *shudder* Though you gotta love the picture at the top of the story, so idyllic yet so wrong. But it also raises the question, why is it that people that are into nudity are always the ones that should be the most covered? Ever consider a mumu ole chap?