Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, June 20, 2003

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

I'm not sure why but people get all offended when you walk through the premature ward at the hospital and sing "when I look into your eyes I know that it's true: God must have spent a little less time on you." Nurses need to lighten up!
HATCH PIRATES SOFTWARE TOO

A couple of days ago Senator Orrin Hatch (R Utah) was talking about remotely destroying the computers of those that violate copyright laws. However, Hatch himself has been using pirated software on his very own website. Congratulations, you've created a scandal Senator Hatch. Would you like to make another idiotic comment?
TONDAR INSPIRES THE MASSES

From Seth...
"I also wanted to let you know that I was inspired by something from the Tondar Blogspot website. This week we got an email saying one of the financial people were no longer with the company. So upon reception, ol' Fun and Games went upstairs to say goodbye and wish her luck and came down with a mailbox, chair, the good filing folders (there's a premium at my office on 8 1/2 x 11 filing folders) and an inbox-outbox tray thingy. Thank you dar for your inspiring remarks."
TRES' ROUGH WEEKEND

From Seth...
You should have seen Tres last week at the bachelor's party. tres ended up walking around drunk in strangers' backyards in inner-city Detroit then sat for an hour on a compost heap waiting to puke all by his lonesome (fighting off anyone who came near). When he finally yacked, it was all over himself but that didn't stop ol' T-body from exclaiming "Fuck you all" to everyone present, then passing out on the floor. His best quote of the evening:

To Dave Shank (O's manager): "This is the best night of my life... everytime we play a show, afterwards, we should have a BACHelor
party!......wait.....no.....guys, this is the worst night of my life."

Thursday, June 19, 2003

DEAL WITH IT

The following letter (typos and bad grammer included) has been thrown out by Tondar because I don't know what to do with it and I really just don't care...

"Caseworker,

I will probly be going to a shelter because he throw all my cans goods outside lastnight and I cant handle this anymore. If you could let me know where I could go that would be helpful."

Oh I know where you can...YOU CAN GO TO HELL! YOU CAN GO TO HELL AND DIE! DON'T BE POOR BIZNATCH!!

BUM WINE WATCH

This time from the "Blues Brothers"...

First - Elwood hands Jake a bottle of Night Train when they get to the "eloquent abode of one Elwood Blues"

Second - When they get to the Palace Hotel and get out of the car Jake states "That Night Train's a mean wine", to which Elwood replies "You better get bright, we got a show to do."

In both scenes the bottle is visible, but you have to know what a Night Train bottle looks like to discern it.
ESPN WATCH

Normally when it comes to bad NBA reporting it's either Bill Walton or Peter May that throw me into fit of rage. But this time Charley Rosen takes a shot at sending Tondar's blood pressure through the roof. This is possibly one of the worst reasoned articles I have ever read. He uses no statistics to say that the 2003 San Antonio Spurs are the worst NBA champions ever. This is because they only have one superstar. And according to Rosen every team needs two superstars to be considered great. This is why the 1994 Houston Rockets also suck and the Bad Boys were only marginally good. So why did the Spurs win the title? Well, according to Rosen's dream world everybody they faced had some tragic flaw that created a mishap by allowing the Spurs to eek out a win. That makes alot of sense saying that EVERYBODY screwed up instead of giving the Spurs credit. Now probably the worst part of this whole article is that it's going to give the Spurs motivation to win another title next year instead of becoming complacent and handing it off to Detroit. Thanks alot moron!
SENIORS STICK IT TO ALL

Congress and President Bush are about to pass a national prescription drug program. This will be the most expensive federal program in four decades. Now I don't have the time to go into how much I really hate seniors and social security, but I found somebody who does. In my opinion this will be the biggest failure of the Bush Administration. With the recently passed tax cuts this is the time to eliminate programs but instead they are creating a new entitlement program for the wealthiest of Americans (seniors). This is truly fiscally irresponsible behavior and the worst part is, there is nobody willing to stop this train wreck because both Republicans and Democrats need the consistent votes of seniors.
AND THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE OLDS

Last night was a major victory for Tondar. The Dark Lord dragged me on an expedition to spend a large chunk of my money on a new car. Though I do need a new car I am not going to get caught up with a huge car payment, especially since I won't be working for more than a year. But last night at the dealership the Dark Lord fell in love with the Pontiac Aztek. So this means that Tondar can now buy Big Ed's Oldsmobile Eighty Eight. And they can take on the car payment as they throwdown to get the Aztek. This works out for everybody considering that I have wanted to buy the Olds for months but I haven't found the right way to approach the Dark Lord with the subject. Now she is insisting that I buy the Olds so she can have her dream car, the Aztek. Sure it may look like a cross between a station wagon and the Incredible Hulk, but it actually is a very solid automobile. There's plenty of cabin room and enough leg room to appease those of us with freakishly long legs, it sets high above the road, it comes with a tent/air mattress option, and it comes with a cooler in the center console to make drinking and driving a breeze. There will still be a debate over the price of the Olds but right now things are coming up Tondar.
WILL FERRELL GOES TO HARVARD

Check out Will Ferrell's commencement address at Harvard this year. I wonder if he was there to revive the greek system old school style. Classic :)

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

TONDAR'S SETTING THE PACE

Remember when ole Tondar linked to the air guitar world championship? Well now Foxnews has seen the light too. Check out their version including details of the Beast of the East finals.
PERSONAL NOTE

The following were today added to my enemies list: Shirley the dirty bird, cockroaches, and moths.
NEW YORK FUN

This weekend I discovered a fun new way to stick it to the French. Since French national pride is based on an assumption of cultural superiority, I was able to exploit this with ease. While I was at the Metropolitan museum of art I commented in the presence of the Vichy kids: "This is WAY better than the Louvre." This caused a look of horror to come across their surrender monkey faces. Truthfully, the Louvre was a little better but only because Napolean (who was actually from Italy) stole much of the world's best art.
CASTRO PRANKED

Personally I hate those "whacky" morning radio shows. But when they are making prank phone calls to Fidel Castro, you at least have to smile. Way to stick it to the man.
IRANIAN IMMOLATION

Things are so bad in Iran that people are willing to light themselves on fire. Though this all happened in Paris, it should be noted that the French are one of the few countries that maintain ties with the Islamo-fascist government in Iran. Things are definitely heating up and it is very possible that revolution is just around the corner in Iran. This is especially true with Americans to the east and west in Iraq and Afghanistan. The people have a renewed hope and longing for democracy that could come to a head very soon.
WHY ORRIN HATCH CAN SUCK IT

I used to be a big fan of Senator Orrin Hath (R. Utah) until I read this Washington Post article. It seems he wants to remotely destroy the computers of people that illegally download music. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he would desire such technology, or the fact that he is taking a dump on the 1st, 4th, and 14th Ammendments.
BRITTISH TRAITOR

In case you haven't heard this story, George Galloway was a member of the Brittish Parliament that has been accused of taking bribes from the Iraqi government. This story in the Daily Telegraph updates the situation. Right now things are unraveling quickly for Mr. Galloway as there were documents found in Iraq that ties him to #375,000 worth of dirty Iraqi oil money.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

WHERE YOU AT 401?

For anybody out there interested in putting a few bucks away for retirement, you might want to check out this article from MSNMoney. Year to date, the biggest gainers have been mutual funds. In fact, over the last year they have declined only half of what regular stocks have. With a recovery looming it is a good time to jump in and ride the snake (ride the snake). People are sick of the bears and they are being trampled under by the mutual fund bulls that have been gaining over 10% this year.
MMMM SHERYL CROW

Today at work I am listening to Sheryl Crow's self-titled second album. And I think I would have to say that in addition to being a solid collection of rock and roll, that it is the best smelling album I own. It has almost a perfumed plastic smell to it that reminds me of 1997. I dig it!
BUSH THE LIAR?

Byron York of the National Review takes a look at Bush's record when it comes to telling the truth. Though many sources claim the President is less than truthful, York gives a rundown of the most famous "lies." Since this is not the NYTimes we have no reason to doubt York's reporting. He rebukes the "lies" about Iraq, the economy, the USS Abraham speech, and the weapons of mass "deception." It's kind of lengthy but worth the time if you consider President Bush a liar and wonder about all the political quibbling over his record.
TALES FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

During the war with Afghanistan the terrorists that were captured were sent to the naval base at Guantanamo Bay. The NYTimes gives a pretty interesting account of what the conditions are like based on reports from prisoners that were released. It sounds like they are well treated (no beatings or torture) because the worst they have to complain about is depression. Just keep in mind while reading the article that these people were captured because of the woman and children they killed on September 11, 2001. They are not soldiers but simply terrorists, not protected under the Geneva Convention and not technically prisoners of war.
HUMMER JUSTICE

So what do you do when your small business is robbed? You hop in your tax exempt hummer and run down the perps. At least that's what happened in Phoenix. Hopefully this will not turn into another P.C. witch hunt where the victim/hero ends up on trial.

Monday, June 16, 2003

PREHISTORIC AGRICULTURE?

Remember the frozen mammoth found in Siberia that scientists were going to clone and bring back to life? Well now scientists say that this is unlikely with our present technology. Tondar finds this dissapointing because this would make agriculture interesting. Imagine owning a farm in Montana with a hundred mammoths roaming around, getting fat, and getting ready to be sold for big bucks to exotic posh restaraunts around the world. But now it looks like this will remain science fiction. For the time being if you want to see a mammoth you will have to watch them graze in the Diag at Michigan.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Crazy Man on the Subway: It's hard to fuck in chinatown motherfuckah!
BACK IN THE SADDLE

Tondar's back from fabulous NYC and boy do I have things to post. But since it is Monday I am on the DL so in the meantime check this out.