Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, August 22, 2003


It seems ESPN made a few factual errors...

"1. "Shaky Curtis Joseph"
CuJo wasn't shaky. He wasn't at his best, but played well enough to keep the Wings in every game. The forwards just took too many low slap-shots from the top of the circle.

2. Jiri Fischer "may be able to play on par with Hatcher"
Derian knows how to hit while Jiri's still learning, but for 23, Fischer is hardly ever out of position and he beats out Hatcher in both passing and shooting.

3. "Lidstrom will return to his native Sweden"
Rule 1 in Detroit, even if there's a $20 million cap, Lidstrom is staying here. Ask Mitch Albom; if we need to bring all of Sweden to Hamtramack, then by God, get the Swedes packing.

4. "Very capable Dmitri Bykov"
Bykov is playing in Russia.

5. "The Wings elected not to re-sign Sergei Fedorov"
Ilitch tried everything short of holding Anna Kournikova hostage to get him resigned

6. "...range as Wings centers Kris Draper, Pavel Datsyuk, Igor Larionov.."
Igor hasn't been re-signed and probably won't be.

7. "With Mike Richter's health...Blackburn just plain young"
The Rangers have Mike Dunham. Remember him?

8. "[Lindros] is buddy-buddy with Steve Yzerman"
Yzerman said he'd like him to play here. I think the connection stops there.

Honestly, why does Linda Berra have a job with ESPN the magazine while
I'm still working for an industry mag? "


Illegal immigrants are sneaking into this country at an amazing rate. However, groups on the left and right see no problem with this since it's a source of cheap labor and easy votes. Check out this FOXNEWS VIEW on why liberals should oppose illegal immigration. I would agree with many of the points raised here especially since illegals create a burden for the welfare state and drive down wages for Americans and legal aliens that do have respect for the law. It's a real shame that nobody has the political courage to tackle this problem.

Thursday, August 21, 2003


MSNBC has an interesting article about religion and video games and how it's impossible to seperate theology and gaming. I'm not sure if we are ready for the St. Augustine of video games yet. But on the other hand, playing video games can also be considered a microcosm for the Lord's devine plan for the universe. Think about it...every game has a conflict between good and evil, order and chaos, and it's all the product of god-like programmers that create these worlds and the rules that govern the decision making within. Take Vice City for example, we see the laws of nature manifested in the rules surrounding such things as gravity and death. But on the other hand, the city is also bound by man's law when the FBI and tanks come to stop your murderous rampage. Viewed philosophically, it's a temporal world almost as complex as our own.

Looks like Ole Tondar may have to start looking for a new job soon. Instead of cutting funding for Big Blue's "How To Be Gay" classes or redistribution programs, Granholm is going after working people (Yep, that's Tondar). State employees are being asked to carry the burden of State fiscal irresponsibility. From paycuts to layoffs to reduced benefits, it sounds like nothing is sacred as long as the working man is there to sacrifice for the good of the politicians. Remember to vote Democrat, they support (screwing over) labor!

The Detroit Redwings got swept last year by the Mighty Ducks in probably the biggest debacle of 2003. But in case you're wondering what the Wings are doing to prevent a repeat of this disaster? ESPN has a good rundown of what the Wings have been doing in the off season. Sounds like they will be back as strong as ever.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003


I hate FWDs but I figured I would post this story as a little inspiration.

> I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten
> to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying,
> "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" He replied "Wrong number asshole" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and I hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
> Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
> day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me
> up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
> calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is
> John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to
> see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!"
> and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
> "That's because you're an asshole! "
> So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a
> parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the
> spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had
> been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For
> Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
> A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had
> his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole,
> too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the
> black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see
> it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
> the car's parked right out front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My
> name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you
> something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and
> added his number to my speed dial.
> Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after
> several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
> So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello?" "You're an
> asshole!" (but I didn't hang up). "Are you still there?" he asked.
> "Yeah," I said." "Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.
> "Who are you? " he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you
> live?" "I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Asshole, a yellow house with
> my black BMW parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now,
> Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah,
> like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole # 2: "Hello?" he said. "Hello Asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then, I called Channel 11 news about the gang war going down on Westb34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.

First, Who buys a bar of soap during a routine booze purchase?

Secondly, You are so clouded by having a view opposite to Tondar and the rest of Yeza that you don't realize your "editorials" are nothing more than incessant whining and weak attempts to discredit the opposition rather than credit your position. Your rants have become, not a literary form of posing questions and veiwpoints but a gigantic finger point at anything and everything deemed "Conservative". Since he's apparently anti-conservative the "free-wheeling, anything goes, liberal" Seth should think before talking out of the ass about "liberal media this" and "evil conservative that." Not that I'm damning anything labeled Liberal, there are good and bad to both sides, the bad being the extreme ends of the "political spectrum". So Seth, go live in a shack in Montana till your "evil empire" has been toppled and we all live on hippie communes with abortion clinics on every corner and a conformist media that can have any opinion they want as long as it is NOT "fair and balanced" and only has the interests of every dead beat, down trodden piece of trash that feels everyone is to blame for thierown laziness and misfortune. You suck! Whatever kind a journalist you think you are - I don't care if the grammer in this sucks, I'm just someone who is tired of your broken record sob story about how some whitey somewhere is keeping you down.

i'm glad fisher kept the receit, but his numbers don't add up. there were 2 receits, the first i left in the bag and the second was for the 2nd bottle of sambuca that was charged seperately. i have the second receit, and i looked up my visa online, so here are the figures:

2nd bill-7.41 (this was only one bottle of sambuca)

1st bill-29.24

two bottles of sambuca come to 14.82. the 6 of woodchuck comes to 8.50, and the two liter was 1.12. the total for boozin' was 24.44, my share was 12.22. if the grand total was 36.65, then fisher owed me 24.43. he gave me a 20, and i didn't want to haggle over a few dollars, and i have eaten 2 of his boxes of mac and cheese. but i know they retail under a dollar, so i figure that entitles me to a few more. never trust a jew with numbers.

second, if you look on the bottle of sambuca you'll notice it is a product of italy, so despite whatever apocryphal origins fisher might ascribe to it, it is an italian drink as it was made in italy, just as a ford is an american car, though cars were invented in germany. once again fisher is wrong about everything.


Sit back and let the liberal tell you why there is no liberal media bias. Notice how Seth doesn't offer any evidence except his opinion that there isn't a liberal media bias...

"Why is FoxNews pursuing the lawsuit against Al Franken for using their slogan "Fair and Balanced" to sarcastically refer to their news coverage in his book title? The last thing that network needs is for more people to crack jokes about their self-styled "Fair and Balanced" claim. This, I remind you, is the station that's so damn biased that it unabashedly claims it formed to combat what it called the
"liberal media," one of the grossest examples of Conservative propaganda lies in modern politics. FoxNews is no better than Ann Arbor's own Michigan Review and opening itself up to criticism concerning their real political leanings, let alone fighting a drawn-out court case against a popular comic over whether or not they own the words, "Fair and Balanced," will just make the network more of a joke.

But seriously, as a journalist,the "Liberal Media" bullshit is one of the biggest things that piss me off about modern Conservatives. A journalist stakes his/her
career on reputation and because of that, puts untold effort into maintaining an unbiased approach to reporting. The best in the business go to work for top publications like the New York Times and Chicago Tribune because their high standards establish the necessary trust with readers. These peoples' lives are devoted to finding and reporting the unblemished truth. It is not their stories but the editorial sections of many of these top-end papers that most often side towards the left. Editorials, I remind you, are supposed to demonstrate bias, and I would purport that the reason that bias goes left more often than right is
because the people on the editorial boards are highly educated, intelligent, free-thinking, urban people who generally do side with the Democrats.

So then Conservatives, who can't stand the trusted news source printing centric or left-leaning editorials, started bitching about a supposed "Liberal Bias in the Media." Not only have Republicans been actively working to discredit the country's top news sources (and thus, the country's best newspeople) but also started forming their own news sources that were unabashedly pro-Conservative. The 1st Amendment clearly allows them to do so, but the real evil lies in these outlets,
FoxNews providing the perfect example, pretending to have equal credibility with the giants they've accused of doing exactly what the Conservative papers set out to do. A FoxNews reporter never had to spend years building credibility, seeking huge exposees, or establishing impeccable credentials. All they need is a college degree and membership in the GOP, and these deuche-bags can go on TV feeding the public exactly whatever the party leaders give them. The Jayson Blair scandal
represents a huge blemish on the NYTimes, but it also caused a massive upheaval in which many of the Gray Lady's top personnel resigned in shame. It was a break-down in the hiring process that made every respectable journalist cringe. But the whole affair still wasn't nearly as damaging to the profession as what Conservatives did by writing the damn lies about "Liberal Media" in the first place, then promulgating them in barely-concealed propaganda outlets like FoxNews with the audacity to claim that they can even sit at the same table as any of the great metropolitan newspapers."

From early polls I can't understand why the Republican Party would still want to pursue a recall election in California. They're in a lose-lose-lose-lose scenario. First of all, by the nature of the ballot, the Democratics get two chances to get their candidate in. Dems get to vote on whether to recall or not and pick their second choice on the same ballot. Still, consider what could happen:

Scenario 1: Recall fails. Gray Davis strengthen's his re-election credentials, stays in office, can use the recall fiasco against Republicans in 2004 Presidential Elections.

Scenario 2: Recall passes, Dems unite under Lt. Governor, get to
replace unpopular Davis without having to counter a Bush presidential
campaign, use national notoriety of their crises to get federal aide,
still blame Republicans for recall fiasco in '04

Scenario 3: Ahhhnold wins. I put this third because even though his
numbers lead the poll right now, 39% of his polled supporters said they could likely pick another candidate before the election while other candidates have a bit more loyalty. The Terminator is getting smeared pretty badly right now by the dueling Conservatives vying for Republican votes who are calling him, among other things, no different than Gray Davis. A centrist Republican who doesn't need the Party is exactly what the GOP doesn't want going into the '04 elections with a Conservative national candidate. Remember, if the Democrats lose California in 2004, it'll likely be a Republican landslide.

Scenario 4: Conservatives get their act together. Honestly, if the
regular Republicans could have united under a single candidate, they
could have walked away with a plurality while Dems split votes with each other and single-issue freaks. This is a moot point with Arnold in the running, but say a Conservative did win with 35 percent of the
electorate. The coup would probably have angered the other 65 percent of Californians, rendering the new governor a useless tool in the '04
presidential campaign.

Understand, California has a slightly Democratic edge but could easily
swing with a well-run campaign. Bush is smart to stay out of the mess
going on over there right now, but the damage is already done. Republicans could have ridden Gray Davis' shortfalls as governor to an
electoral win in that state, but that's over now, and the 2004 Presidential Election remains up for grabs.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003


Leave it to the Jew to keep the receit from buying booze...

"Sambuca is Greek, and isn't vaginal. You mix it with with Jaeger and 151 to make some drink with the word "Cocaine" in it. Granted, it's no Irish Rose but what's the point of kicking bums off the porch if you're just going to turn yourself into one?

Here's the bill for our alcohol purchase:
-2 pints of Sambuca....13.98
-Vanilla Ice Cream........2.50
-Bar of Soap..............0.79
-2L Faygo RB.............1.12
-Whipped Cream can....1.49
-6-pack Woodchuck......8.50

Total: 28.38
Tax: 1.70
Charge: 30.08

I gave James $20.00. His share of the Sambuca plus the Woodchuck (he drank four) was over ten. Add in root beer for mixing, and the ice cream, and whipped cream for the pie that Cat and Angeline made for us, and I think he ended up a few bucks up. So some words for the Gambler: Don't ever bitch about money to a Jew, and don't touch my macaroni.

We tried to make it come off as real but James just doesn't Tondar like the Dar. "Hot" would be an understatement for the girl that Tripper Ken brought out. She said she was 21 but the "She's 17" alarms were going off in everyones' heads. I figured..."CENSORED BY THE DAR

Ever wonder why humans don't have fur? Me neither. But the NYTimes does have an interesting article about the evolution of skin, clothing, and the louses that live on both.

Ever wonder why humans don't have fur? Me neither. But the NYTimes does have an interesting article about the evolution of skin, clothing, and the louses that live on both.

Check out this synopsis of what the Holy Father had to say about European Unification. He even cites St. Augustine in trying to his hope that they build a "City worthy for men." Lately the Pope has been greatly concerned with the lack of even a reference to Christianity in the European Union's new constitution. This and fading morality across Europe have led to what he calls a culture of death. This can be taken a step even further when one examines the falling birthrates in Europe. Europeans are not even reproducing enough to maintain current population levels. If these current levels continue we could witness the death of Europe within our lifetime as it loses its way culturally and morally. Because of this I think we will eventually see the Church allow priests to marry. The next generation will need a stronger voice of morality and greater means to increase birthrates. The Church would be able to solve both of these problems by allowing priests to have families. This may be the only way to save Europe from its own implosion.

Here's an interesting column from David Limbaugh that illustrates a great example of the media's liberal bias. Now Dan Rather has never been one of my favorite anchors, but for crying out crying out you think the guy could pretend to be unbiased. If this is how a major network acts, thank goodness for alternative media sources such as the internet and blogosphere.

Monday, August 18, 2003


i rolled into town and seth suggested that we go get liquor. so we did. seth has been into this italian liqueur called "sambuca", which he mixes with root beer. he wanted that and woodchuck. well, that's a little vaginal, and expensive, but i figured all right. i wanted to go to vc's and get a forty of pbr or two. i think seth ended up short changing me on the bill a little, but oh well. i guess that means i get to eat his mac and cheese whenever i want.

Back at the hizzle, there were a few special guests for the evening. oi punk brad showed up again, and tripper ken stopped by with a hot 17 year old blonde. by the end of the night she had unbuttoned all but 1 of the buttons on her shirt, and i could clearly see a nice lacy bra. so i decided to do the only thing to do...i tried to tondar her. i don't know why i wanted to do this. maybe because you tried to get the last girl Tripper Ken brought out. why does that kid get to hang out with so many hot chicks? fuck him. brad explained the difference between hardcore punk and oi punk. tres said he'd never heard the NIN version of hurt or see the video. i was drunkenly confused and began to explain the video for closer. oh well. by the end of the night tripper ken was the tondar of the evening, yelling like a wild animal. cammy and scott stopped by, and cammy brought her weird friends. this one guy kept asking about my shirt, and was weirding me out. so i went back inside to avoid him. seth said he was gay and trying to hit on me, which figures.

At the end of the night, i don't think i hit my desired target of drunkenness. fisher asked "do you want to get 'hit on ugly girls' drunk or 'vandalizing' drunk"? i said "somewhere betwix the two", but i don't think i was anywere past ugly chicks...not that there were even ugly chicks available in that town. the cat lady really pissed me off too, because i was trying to make moves on the 17 year old (hey, she told me she was 21), and scat started saying "oh he's got problems with his ex-girlfriend" and "yeah, internet stalker here". thanks scat. i guess you don't give a shit as long as you get laid, screw james.

Final two things; the kids found some baby birds in the dumpster, so they adopted them and named them chubbs and nub nub. they fed them all day. i asked the cat lady if she was bringing them inside, and she said "they'll be fine out here". i was worried about them getting too cold in the night, but alas that wasn't the biggest concern. the next morning one was dead in its box and the other was missing. its dead body turned up next to the sidewalk. was it a tomcat? a psychotic hobo? the world will never know. finally, miss kristin and angeline were piss drunk and roudy. they began the craziness by licking my neck in tandem. it wasn't a sexy lick, it was like licking a popsickle. then they found the whip cream. the put it on rob's neck and licked it off in tandem. i laughed til they looked at me and got the devil in their eyes. i dashed into fisher's room and closed the door, but the barged in after me and pushed me to the ground. then they lifted my shirt and put whipped cream on my stomach and licked it off.

So ole Tondar went to visit Ferris State over the weekend. It was a pretty good time. Saturday we went tubing down the Muskegon River. This was almost a wonderful time except I tipped over on the first of the Big Rapids taking my 24oz beer under with me. Well this pissed me off and sank my idea of heavy drinking to the bottom of the river. The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful until the feats of strength broke out just as we were finishing up our journey down the river. Of course the massive 6'8" Jason won this battle.

The rest of the time was spent hanging around his house. Now when I had my own apartment in Ann Arbor I thought THAT was a crack-house/hole. However, this house is actually worse. It was previously owned by a black fraternity that did step dancing (with canes) and refused to clean anything. So the place is a dump with canes strewn randomly about the property. Plus the basement would put anything found in Ann Arbor to shame.

As for the partying, things were a bit dissapointing since there weren't very many kids in town yet. However, FSU was introduced to the wide world of Tondar and kalimatxo. As for the girls, things here were also very slim since nobody was there. However, I'm sure if we were to wait 30 days FSU could be a great untapped market for doing the Lord's Work. Tondar will do it again one of these days.