Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, January 09, 2004

BUCHANAN ON DEAN

These days every pundit has been writing on Democrat front-runner Howard Dean. Pat Buchanan has an interesting perspective. Like most, he compares him to Goldwater and McGovern. Though both lost in landslides, they also set the tone for the future of their parties. At this point it looks like Dean could be setting the course for the democratic party over the next 30 years.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

DEAN IS SSSSOOOOO BIG

It's not quite as good as FDR hiding his wheelchair, or JFK wearing makeup on TV, but check out the trick of the eye that made Dr. Dean the same size as NBA legend and former Senator Bill Bradley. I always love these little psychological tricks meant to enhance the image of a president, king, or candidate. It's the little things like this that have Dean out in front of the Democratic pack. The man plans ahead.
SORRY GUY, WRONG FORMAT

When is Rep. Dennis Kucinich going to drop out of the presidential race? This guy has no chance of winning, however he continues to waste our time without drawing any support in the polls. If I were a democrat I would be pissed this fringe character is taking time from the important mainstream candidates that actually have a shot of capturing the nomination. But then again, it's another example of the complete disarray that has seized the democratic party in recent years.
A WORK STORY FROM SETH

So today was Seth's first day in the new office. Goodbye beautiful office with door, hello cubicle.

The cubicle isn't so bad except for the phone system. We got these new expensive phones that we had to take a 2 hour class today to learn how to use.

One of the pantheon of magnificient features this phone offers is the ability to change ring tones. Somehow, during these 2 hour sessions with the phones, a number of my co-workers discovered a specific ring tone that has a robotic voice call out incessently "Are you there? Are you there? Are you there?"

It's the actual physical incarnation of Office Space's "Just a moment" girl except the fucking office phones don't ever shut up!

Monday, January 05, 2004

PUTTING THE BIG IN BIG LOTS

Last week Ole Tondar went out to eat with the folks. Being the week after Christmas the Dark Lord had to pick up post holiday bargains. This led us to the great orange menace: Big Lots. However, what I saw inside warped my fragile little mind. There was only one girl working there, she was kinda cute in the face but was losing her battle of the bulge. Upon further inspection I realized that I had known her. Yes, I had dated her during the summer of 2001. Of course in those days she was cute and petite and just out of highschool. But I tell you my friends, time had not been kind to her since. She was starting to get that girth around her middle and of course her tight jeans were pressed to the max and even took on what appeared to be a bit of horizontal width that spilled down from a massive ass that I remembered being rather nice. In hindsight I am glad that she decided to date other people during that summer or I quite possibly have been stuck with Hippo Lady Choco-chunk. So let that be a lesson to all the losers in love. Better to get thrown off the Bacon Wagon, than to go down in the grease fire.
RICHARDS RAGE IN CHATTANOOGA

This guy stole three cars, crashed one into a house, bit 2 people including a TV reporter, all in about an hour. Throw in some cinder blocks, a few newspaper boxes, and a case of Icehouse and it describes a night in Ann Arbor.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH

TIME Magazine has some pictures of President Bush at work at the Western White House that stir up bad memories for Tondar. It's kind of cool to see him doing other things. However, as a kid my dad used to drag me along to do the same kind of work and I can tell you--IT SUCKS. There is nothing fun about cutting and hauling brush into a burnpile while wearin' your cover-alls. Back in the day President Franklin Pierce spent his spare time drinking, while JFK on the other hands spent his doing Marilyn Monroe. Personally, I would love to do these activities instead of hauling Brush and driving my dog around in a pick-up. But that's just me.