Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

COURTROOM SHENANIGANS

From Drake's site.
Professor Warren Whately is a piece of crap that makes $102,000 a year.
WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT

Gentlemen, we have our 2004 Noble prize winner (in the field of gettin' the party started)
I KNOW THE PIECES FIT

Ever wonder what happened to cause the Eastern Orthodox church to seperate from the Roman Catholic Church? Well it turns out it was a result of the "See of Constantinople," and they have stuck with it for 900 years and even 500 years after the fall of Constantinople to the Turks. Once again in history, we see the result of mixing politics and religion. But anyways, here is a history of the Schism from the Catholic Encyclopedia.

And, as James points out, not all Eastern Churches broke from Latin Rome...

"check this out:
its about eastern catholic churches that are not orthodox, but rather still in communion with the catholic church but they have different rites. interesting stuff."
DUMPING DICK CHENEY

Pat Buchanan has an interesting history lesson about dumping the vice-president when a president is seeking re-election. Of course there are rumours floating around about President Bush dropping Dick Cheney. But this is mostly wishful thinking from the left as Pat points out in his latest column.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

LAST WEEK IN THE WORLD OF SETH

"Seth news: went to Calif. for weekend to hang with chick friend from Paris, lost chance of getting study abroad hangover ass when i stopped her from driving drunk and got in a big argument. Also met with guy who's putting Oblivion music on Fox Sports and other tv stations about the band and me possibly doing a bi-monthly newsletter.

The state sucks. You can see how the plebians there decided to elect a Central European bodybuilder on name recognition alone; they're way too worried about how others are seeing their nails and whether or not their skin is in good shape to think about poltics beyond occassional mob-mentality doings-of-the-right-thing. Fuck it all, people, be wrong for fucking once. Eat a cheeseburger, pop a pimple, and skip a damn appointment with your shrink to just stand on the beach and appreciate the weather.

Da Senator: Mike Ditka? One of only a few contested senate seats in an essentially 51-49 senate, Illinois looks to be the election playing Citrus this year to the Grand-daddy Rose Bowl between Bush and Kerry. But Mike Ditka? The name recognition thing worked for the aforementioned plebians, we know, but Mike friggin' Ditka? Arnold at least was involved in politics. Republicans had to meet with Da Bears retired coach to make sure he even was one of them.

Mehmet Oh-ffersheet: Yes, we knew. We knew you don't get to keep a young 7-footer who can shoot outside on the bench when the league is starved for centers. And look who we got! When the Tigers or Lions try to bring back an injured mid-career guy, it always blows up in their face (except Carlos Guillen this year). But Pistons seem to be lucky with their diamonds in the rough. Antonio McDyess is so us: a one-time star suffering from lack of name recognition, more talent than he's getting paid for, a killer defensive game but sketchy offense against the double-team, and the willingness to leave it all on the bench for more time than not. Bring in Delfino and bring in McDyess - a guy so quintessentially us that Larry Brown hand-picked him over several MVP candidates to accompany him to the Korea Olympics - and you have to say that Joe Dumars has done it again. Knee surgury isn't something that goes away, but he can come off the bench without subjecting the knee to starting grind. Maybe it's enough so that we can actually win it all again, heck, maybe even enought to weather another season of Darko trying to learn his ass from a hole in a rim.

More NBA, and how K = X -- Y(Z -- 1): You really realize how much sports coverage we have in this country when it gets to mid-summer and the All-Star game is the only thing on. Thankfully, maybe because of that name recognition thing, we're always into the rap with Kobe & Shaq.
To recap, Miami sent their whole team to L.A. for the Big Diesel, and teams are crawling all over each other to free up enough salary to blow on Kobe. Yes, most other jobs will shun an applicant with an impending and nationally televised rape trial going on, but then again, most other jobs will pay more to the guy who finished college than the kid who dropped out after his freshman year; not the other way around.

So as I flew out of L.A. the Clippers were clearing what they called "cap room" and African countries called "gross domestic product." Let's see; if you can have X amount of salary on your team, Y is the league minimum salary for any player, and Z is the minimum number of players you need to field a team, what's the maximum (K) you can give to one guy? I know, I know, there's a league maximum. But to get there, it looks like the Clippers are going to start constructing their lineup card with one beautiful building and nine open lots with signs reading "Future Site of 2006 Draft Pick."

And then there's Carlos Boozer, who can neither confirm nor deny, nore could he recollect that the Cavs had an "understanding" with him. Poor poor Cavs. Try to save a few bucks by making your guy a free agent and then those piss-ant Jazz have to come by and grab him away.

I bet they did discuss it with Carlos before they made the move; I bet they came to him and said "okay, look, we want to keep you but we don't want to pay you what you can demand after having an awesome season. So what we're going to do is release you into free agency with the understanding that you'll sign with us for less."

Boozer's a smart guy; he's got a degree from Duke University I remind you (so rare these days, an NBA player with more than 14 college credits). So when the Cavs were saying "re-sign for less because you want to be here" he was thinking "you numb-nuts, thanks for handing me free agency after my career year and I'll give your regards to the Mormons while I'm building my new log home in Deer Valley. Don't let LeBron's crown hit me on the way out."

And speaking of Utah, isn't it funny how when a team frees itself from cap or salary hell (in this case, losing the mailman), they fill up the space like it's a vacuum. Look at Detroit and 'Sheed. We had all of this cap space and then, boom, it's all spent on a guy making league maximum. Of course, Joe Dumars hasn't led the people of Detroit astray yet so we'll have faith in him.

Which makes you wonder, just in case we have an emergency senate seat to fill, does Da-Mars happen to, you know, follow politics at all?"

Though Ole Tondar feels sorry for Cleveland for getting burned by Boozer. You just can't help but think "I told ya so." Afterall, in a league full of men, some of whom barely got a HS diploma, that command $30 million, and are constantly having fame and fortune thrown at them. It just makes sense that a "gentleman's agreement" isn't that valuable considering its a league where Jason Kidd can fire his boss, Shaq can get fat and out of shape and still get paid, and Vin Baker is promising constantly that THIS TIME he will stay sober. Yeah, it's a real league of "gentlemen."
STAKING OUT THE BATHROOM

Looks like Tondar's not the only one concerned about airport security.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

WHERE'S THE PROFILING?

Check out this frightening account of a woman's flight from Detroit to LA with a few Syrians. Now when it comes to traditional law enforcement Ole Tondar doesn't care much for the idea of racial profiling. However, when it comes to airline safety and the national security implications, I don't understand how airport screeners can look the other way when several Syrians board the same flight pretending not to know eachother. I don't think anyone cares much about a few civil rights getting trampled when you're at 30,000 ft and Muhammed and the gang are assembling a bomb in the can. And after 9/11 you would have to be either a cry-baby liberal or an idiot, not to suspect Arab men between the ages of 18 and 40 of trying to commit acts of terror. Have you learned anything from the 3,000 dead? While in the meantime, 80 year old white grandmas are getting strip searched and harassed in the interests of fairness and not hurting feelings. Boo freakin' Whoo! I would like to survive my plane trip, thank you very much. Search and question them all for cryin' out cryin' out.
LETTING AMERICA BE AMERICA AGAIN

Looks like John Kerry is getting more than just slogans from the Communists this year. He is actually getting their support.

In the words of Pigpen...

"Yikes! Pretty Grim."
SAVE THEM 'BAMA QUARTERS!

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have
them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury
announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that
are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently
issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.

"This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters
will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay
phones, or other coin-operated devices".

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined

the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors
worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which
was created by a University of Alabama graduate," Shackleford said.

"Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together

keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

SCANDAL AT BIG BLUE

Looks like the Justice Department has finally caught up with UofM for screwing people over in their checks-for-degrees scheme. After what has happened to Drake, James, and myself it all makes sense.
SETH'S CONSPIRACY CORNER

"Pack 'em in, before we pack you out."

Sunday, July 18, 2004

FRANKIE'S FAVORITE FWDS

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly
walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a
bra for my wife."? What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" Look
around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,
size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this
variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and
the Baptist types.? Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences
between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
the Catholic type supports the masses,
the Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

====================

Bra Sizes:? Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G,
and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the
letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
HERE I COME ROCK AND ROLL FANTASY CAMP!

From Pigpen...

"As per the Pete Townsend story, even the dick band of Eddie VanHalen, Trent Reznor and Dennis DeYoung aint down with the kids on this shakedown."

This so totally sums up Michael Moore. Instead of trying to promote his new movie for political convictions he engages in war profiteersing to get another million dollars off the sacrifice of America's dead soldiers.



NOT OUTTA HIS BRAIN ON THE 9/11

From Pigpen...

Meet the new boss...same as the old boss - Nope, it is not Michael Moore.

Micheal Moore: I'm going to use "Won't Get Fooled Again" in my crappy new movie whether you like it or not!
Pete Townsend:Would you settle for "Boris the Spider" instead?
Micheal Moore: (Cue Crickets)
Pete Townsend: DEAL WITH IT!