Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

POWER TRANSITION AT HAND

The Power Transition Theory of political says that the next great war will be between the U.S. and China. Hopefully 2040 will be avoided. But 2004, says different so far.
TOO DRUNK FOR THIS

So I just got back from watching UM escape SDSU at a local bar owned by a fellow Michigan Alumn. On the way home I decided to swing by the liquor store to pick up some Jack Daniels for manhattans. As I was paying, this hot Asian girl comes in and screams, "that's my friend!" Since I just left the bar I had a few drinks in me and didn't think much of it because I was concentrating on standing up straight and not slurring my speech. However, the hot Asian then comes and cuts in front of me in the line. She leans close and takes a deep whif of Tondar (I was wearing my usual Drakkar Noir at the time). She then let's out a moan (and yes, I mean moan), like she is catching a deep dicking. At this my mind overloads and becomes a blur and I quickly collect my change and run out of the store.

A few minutes later I was at the grocery store picking up cola. Thinking I had recovered, and was once again in control of my situation (and not wobbling). This 300 lb. black woman comes tearing around the corner with her shopping-cart and knocks about 20 things off the shelf onto the floor. At this point, my mind is screaming WTF, and I simply make a break for the checkout hoping to avoid further shenanigans.

It's funny when you got out after a few drinks and remain the most sober person in the neighborhood.

Friday, September 17, 2004

9 DRUGS KILLED ME BITCH!

Ask Rick James what happens when you take cocaine, methamphetamine, valium and vicodin all at the same time.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

WHO'S THE MEANIE?

Nothing pisses me off more than those mean ole conservatives hurting children and making them cry. Huh? It was a Kerry/Edwards supporter that made a 3 year old cry? Well she probably deserved it, supporting Bush and all!

Why is it that conservatives are accused of being the meanies when it's always the left that tries to suppress free speech and attack anyone with a different point of view regardless of sex or age. On the other hand, at least they maintain the liberal idea of diversity in their hatred and rage.
CURSE YOU SCORPIONS

Hurricane Ivan is the third Hurricane to roll through Atlanta in the last month. I'm really getting sick of these storm things. They've even closed down some of the schools here in anticipation. But like a snowday in Michigan everybody still has to go to work and fight through the idiots on the road. What makes all this even worse is that every time a hurricane comes through town I get the Scorpions' song "Rock Me
Like A Hurricane," stuck in my head.

Of course, the funniest part of that song is the horrible use of approximate rhyme...

"Here I am
Rock me like a Hurricane"

Really not even close when you compare the short A and the M to the long A and N of Hurricane. But I guess, what do you expect from a bunch of Germans singing in a second language. If it hadn't been for "Winds of Change," I would say that they should have stuck to mini-golf. To Europeans only the pull of butt-rock is stronger than the allure of mini-golf.
TOP 10 OF THE WEEK

Professional sports figures that deserve to fall flat on their face. Though in the words of Seth; "Just 10, huh? That's tough:"

By Tondar and Seth...

10. Eli Manning - Whiny whine whine whine. Isn't your contract enough?

9. Jim Rome - Congratulations, you've made a career out of being an absolute a$$. And what's with all the long pauses during your stupid radio show? In the words of Tondar's Grandma, "Turn that idiot off!"

8. Claude Lemieux - From New Jersey to Colorado, he's been on the darkside of history his entire career. Darren McCarty kicking you're a$$ is still one of the top moments in Detroit sports history

7. Chris Weber - How much was that bribe worth to ya? Ten years of Michigan basketball going down the tubes? 20 years?

6. Juan Gonzalez - If we're going to trade our best prospects and best pitcher for you, at least warn us that you plan to fake injury half the year, put in zero effort all season, then leave as a free agent to sign with our division rivals.

5. The Soldier (Kellen Winslow Jr.) - So what if I made a cheap hit that ended that guy's playing career. "I'm a soldier!" Make me the top-paid Tight End in history before I even play one down in the NFL.

4. Barry Bonds - I don't dispute that Barry Bonds is the best player in the history of baseball. Ty Cobb was a great hitter. Neither man was worthy of his talents.

3. John Elway - Whiny whine whine whine. If you hadn't done it first, Eli wouldn't be doing it now.

2. Grant Hill - Gets injured in his last season with the Pistons ruining their chances in the playoffs and then has the balls to demand more money than they can afford. So they sign and trade him away to Orlando. Since then he has played about 40 games in 4 season due to constant injuries, he has refused to retire, and has sucked up enough salary cap space to keep the Magic mediocre for quite some time. On the plus side, everything worked out for Detroit since they got Ben Wallace in that sign and trade deal. However, Grant Hill deserved to fall on his face for his blatant greed.

1. George Steinbrenner (and Yankee fans) - The epitome of the buy-to-win ethos that has ruined sports, King George recently said that he thinks the media's responsible for people hating him 'cause everything he does gets overblown. Well, here's why you deserve to fall flat on your face:

- Signing of Dave Winfield began the era of free agency

- Personally responsible for ticket prices rising from $10 to $50 league-wide

- Cecil Fielder - signed and ruined.

- Matt Nokes - signed and ruined

- Jason Giambi - signed and ruined

- Gave Drew Henson $10 million minor league contract to leave Michigan

- Catfish Hunter - signed and ruined

- Joe Niekro - signed and ruined

- Phil Niekro - signed and ruined

- Willie Randolph - signed and ruined

- Reggie Jackson - signed and ruined

- Goose Gossage - signed and ruined

- Ron Guidry - s&r

- Dave Righetti - s&r

- Danny Tartabull, Wade Boggs, David Cone, Doc Gooden, Kenny Rogers (until he escaped), David Wells, Luis Sojo, Rondell White, Karim Garcia, Paul O'Neil, Darryl Strawberry, Chuck Knoblauch, Chad Curtis, Tim Raines, Joe Girardi, Homer Bush, Shane Spencer, Mike Stanton, Jeff Nelson, Chili Davis, Tony Clark, Aaron Boone, Scott Brosius, David Justice, Jose Canseco, Wilson Delgado, Sterling Hitchcock, Jeff Weaver, Todd Zeile, Raul Mondesi, Bubba Trammell, Robin Ventura, John Vander Wal, Steve Karsay, traded for in lopsided salary dumps, then ruined.

- Javier Vazquez and Gary Sheffield - Signed, and soon to be ruined.

- Traded for A-Rod, who makes $25 million a year for 10 years, after telling Aaron Boone (whom they ruined) that he wouldn't get paid this year due to his getting injured. Oh, that made the Yankees team salary jump to over $250 million when the league median is about $37 million. He then proceeded to move the best shortstop in the game to 3rd base and watched one of the best hitters in the game drop his batting
average about 100 points.

- Asked the league for a forfeit win against last place Devil Rays when the Tampa Bay players missed the first game of a double header to make sure that their children wouldn't be killed in a hurricane.

- For all of his complaining about the Luxury Tax, George found a loophole, using his Yankee-owned TV station to dramatically underwrite how much the Yankees' TV deal is worth...unless you believe they make less from their TV rights than the Tigers?

- Fired some of the best managers in modern baseball in fits of rage. Lou Pinella, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Billy Martin, Buck Showalter, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Stump Merrill, Yogi Berra, Billy Martin, Billy Martin, Billy Martin, and Bob Lemon...these guys gave a lot to baseball and deserved better than to get screamed out of Yankee stadium.

- Criticizes umpires for every call, bad and good, even though his team gets more calls to go their way than any other

- Criticizes league schedule makers for making the Yankees' schedule too hard

- Has a fan base of 9 million people but still thinks that other team owners could do what the Yankees do but just don't wanna.

- Has the audacity to call his team's success a victory for free
enterprise. Don't sully the good name of our economic system, based
in competition, by extolling your own perversion of it.

Steve Burgess, the New York Times' version of Mitch Albom, once wrote,
"There are two things sure in life: death, and the Yankees. Taxes? You
can cheat on your taxes."



There you have it! The top 10 athletes that should be accused of stealing our phonebook ;)
LIVIN' LA VIDA SACKETT

This is worth the read (Bold type mine)...

"Guys,

I again came back from class today at 12 noon and the front door was unlocked. So someone left and was in a hurry or forgot to lock the door. It doesn't matter if there are still people upstairs or in their rooms, just lock the door. Maybe you don't have anything out, but Sarah and I do have things out that are of value and please respect that. People are always wandering around this campus, especially after dark, looking for stuff to loot. I left my bike on a rack and even faked locking it for 5 minutes and when I came back out it was gone. Also, like I told you
before, the guys below got robbed one night by just leaving the back door unlocked and not even open. The last few days, on four occassions, I have came back and no one was on the second floor and the door was unlocked - one time was after dark. I think I am making my point. So when you leave, lock the front or back door, and when you come in, relock the front or back door, simple. Also, if your the last one to go to bed, check to make sure the doors are locked and the lights are off.

Also, when we are done using a light, or leave our room (we should try to turn fans,
off, etc.), just to spare a little electricity. Let's just try to change some habits.

I'm not trying to say that I'm doing all the above flawlessly and blaming
anyone, I'm just speaking up about it. It's something I'm trying to get in the habit of too.

Let's have a short meeting to discuss a few things and also do that inventory sheet together b/c it's due tommorow if we want to avoid fines.

Can you all meet up sometime after 9pm?"

Of course Drake calls it like he sees it...

"I just find the image of Sackett "fake locking" his bike to be a CLASSIC. Imagine him looking all around fiddling with an imaginary lock.

haha I'm laughing out loud...

He comes back only to see his failed efforts....poor, Sackett. he should have just
fake purchased a real lock."

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

THE "PASSION" STRIKES BACK

Seth is gonna educate y'all on Christianity...

"I finally saw "The Passion" this weekend.

At times, I wanted to throw large objects at the TV.

I now see what all the hullabaloo was about for this movie: the portrayal of Jews isn't just grossly innacurrate - it's propaganda. The San Hedron and Jewish leadership, the rabble-like arguments, these were all taken directly from the medieval Passion plays used to incite anti-semitism.

You see, Passion plays weren't just put on at random, but during times of political instability, widespread unease, and even more widespread discontent. Their purpose was singular: divert the peoples' rancor from the tyrants in control and toward the Jews, who, spread out by the diaspora, lived in small communities across Europe and were easy pickens. The Dark Ages were dark indeed.

I was particularly appalled at the mock trial scene, where our greatest tradition of long-winded debate, procedure, etc. were drawn into a rabble-rousing shoving match. This was also the beginning of the filmmaker's arrogant practice of having Jewish characters question dubious claims by Jesus (and Christianity) for no other discernable reason that to incite hatred. The practice isn't new to Gibson or Christianity, of course. Rather than find a way to back up or at least analogize questionable dogma, just have an "evil" character mouth the argument against it.

What we get is thus a complete perversion of the events surrounding Jesus of Nazareth's last days. I was hoping that the movie would present a few answers, even if I didn't take them to heart, about how Jesus' teachings could have converted the Jews of his day. But Gibson, like his medieval counterparts, wrote the story for believers, not the masses. The comments from Jesus that make it into the movie are germane to the New Testament but would make no sense to his contemporaries based only in the Old Testament. He doesn't claim to be the "Son of David," or the biblical "Meshiach" but the "Son of Man," a uniquely New Testament moniker that simply didn't mean anything to the Jews or anyone else of his time. When he speaks to a group of followers, he talks about himself and how great he is, but that would have been a major turnoff to Jews, especially if he hoped to be the Messiah.

From Gibson's portrayal, were I living during that time, I WOULD call Jesus a blasphemer. And he wouldn't even have been a good one. There's no way he could have attracted a following with such preaching. It also goes against what we knew of Jesus - that he was a Rabbi of the rabbinical sect that was fighting against the Koheinim ("im" is the Hebrew pluralizer, like adding "s" in English). No - Jesus wouldn't have been talking about his kingdom being in heaven or about breaking all the old rules to refocus on the first two amendments, but preaching based off of language from the Torah and the wisdom of Jewish scholars who predated him.

What I'm saying is that Mel Gibson chose for Jesus' key arguments post-hoc rationales from Matthew and Paul, strongly entrenched in Christian dogma but specifically those which are most implausible to be actually the word of Christ. It's a reaffirmation he's looking for, in order to engender greater sympathy for Jesus as drunk Romans and riotous, ugly, swarming, covetous Jews administer his torture. He's priming the audience. Rather than questioning and finding affimation of Jesus' supposed majesty through intellectual means, the audience is at once asked to declare that they're behind Jesus 100% and be transformed into a righteous rabble roused by each subsequent fall of the whip. It's like a pep rally - at least a pep rally in which guys dressed up as the opposing team commit heinous acts upon our beloved starting quarterback.

It's because of this that the movie is seen by modern Jewry as so dangerous. Judging by the movie, you could easily suppose that those who tried to help Jesus, give him water or cry out to stop the madness, would be the ones to turn Christian while those who stayed to remain Jews were the rabble calling for his crucifixion. But that couldn't be further from the truth. The separation at the time was not between followers of Jesus and followers of the Koheinim. Rather, Jesus must have been a small and more than likely radical offshoot of the more mainstream Rabbinical Jewish splinter group, who eventually won. Had Jesus of Nazareth and his followers been big enough within that rabbinical left to get such a response from the establishment, we'd have historical records of them. Thus, he was much more likely a fringe nutjob who was given over to the lordy establishment by the moderate left as a token of non-extremism - like Martin Luther King Jr. allowing Nixon to throw a particularly abnoxious Black Panther in jail.

That the "nutjob's" prophetecisms were to come true and Judaism to turn, if not as extreme, to a moderated form much more akin to his teachings than the religion of his contemporaries would have made a compelling, and much more realistic story. And I think that this country and Western Society in general is more than educated and prepared to accept a more complex reading of who Jesus was in history than dogma. I think the relgion has in the past, does in many ways today, and has the capacity to refocus itself on the meaning of Jesus' teachings rather than bask in the glory of Christ's divinity while perverting it into a populist cat call for non-Christian activities. I think Chrisitanity has moved in the last 800 year much more toward being a rabbinical rather than rabble-rousing religion. Maybe it's time that Gibson follow suit. However, since he didn't, I ask any Christian who sees this movie to re-interpret it through the eyes of one who doesn't believe in Christ's divinity, particular one descended from those vilified in the movie, and join me in abhoring it.

If you need help, let me remind you that this movie was made with very contemporary implications. Gibson is not just looking for a reaffirmation among Christians in their belief in Christ but perpetuating a ridiculous but pervasive and persuasive belief that it was the Jews who killed Jesus and the Jews who will still today use any means necessary and appeal to the greater powers that be to accomplish their goals, their beliefs and laws be damned. Such rhetoric is the sigul on the standard of anti-semetic and anti-Israel campaigns. If the Jews would ask Rome to kill their enemy, would not Israel use America to destroy theirs?"


WOW! Where to begin after a tirade like that? First, I guess Seth should check out the Gospels and realize that the Passion is taken directly from the original text. Like Lord of the Rings, it's a solid interpretation of a well known book, hence the popularity of the film. On top of that this is the same story I've heard every Holy Week since I was a little boy. Now there were times in history that the Passion Play has become too secularized and then condemned by the clergy. But it was originally a means of making the Gospels more accessable to the people (the same goal as Gibson's film). And if youre going to call the film anti-semitic then you should call all of Christianity the same as well. Afterall, they are promoting Jesus Christ, the New Covenant sent to take away the sins of the world, over the Old Covenant of Moses and Judaism.

Now Seth does raise some good points that the movie lacked sginificant background information on Christ. Gibson assumes his audience is familiar with the work of Jesus, and makes the artistic desicion to instead focuses on the sacrifice Christ made for all of mankind. This artistic decision is certainly debatable. If you read my review from when the film first came out, these personal moments were my favorite parts of the film. However, Seth seems to be grossly misinformed as to the nature of Christianity and should do some research into the New Testament before spouting heresies of what he says Jesus REALLY meant to preach during his ministry.

I take particular offense to the fact that Seth calls Jesus a token sacrifice by moderates to the ruling government. If he's calling the great politician/high priest, Caiphas, a moderate he should reread his history. His analogy really breaks down when you consider the fact that the man they killed was the kindly Prince of Peace. Since when is the guy preaching "love thy neighbor" along with 12 other guys really that much of a threat? Sure he was going to tear down the temple and rebuild it in 3 days, but what did the Romans care about that? He was gonna put it back! And on the other hand, if Christ and his followers were so few and marginalized how has Christianity managed to spread to every corner of the globe? Was Christ the dangerous extremist or just a small fry to be given up to the Romans? You should at least clarify this contradiction Seth.

I guess in the end Seth should remember that Jesus wasn't killed by the Jews. He was killed by the sins and weaknesses of mankind and the sacrifice portrayed here is to remind us of the saving body and blood that God lovingly sent to Earth. Now I find it, ironic that Seth would attack the movie for being too dogmatic when it is obvious that he doesn't have the faintest grasp of Christian Dogma at all.

On the other hand, Seth may be correct about one thing. This movie when viewed through the eyes of a non-Christian certainly falls flat on our modern liberal values and world. For that matter, you should also remember the caucasian-only Sistene Chapel is Michelangelo's stab at white supremecy. Perugino's "Marriage of the Virgin" is the Christian right's assault on gays, to exclude equality for loving homo couples. And don't forget the sexist intentions of El Greco's "Adoration of the
Shephards," where he doesn't even portray a single woman bowing before Jesus and Mary. Where's Seth's outrage at these other forms of"propaganda?"
GETTIN' THE CHILDSUPPORT

From Frank...

"The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details:

These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

6. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

7. From the dates, it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

8. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

9. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

RATHER FINISHED

Well take that Liberal media! It looks like Rather and CBS have been completely outted on their attempt to scandalize Bush by any possible fake means. Afterall, their candidate Kerry, is on the ropes, they couldn't sit idly by and watch Bush steal a second election! Thank goodness we have the blogosphere to counter the realities of a biased media. First, the NYTimes, then the BBC, and now CBS gets theirs as well. It's a new world of information out there, and unfortunately for liberals, Americans are now being exposed to conservativism and stories the media would have swept under the rug 10 years ago.
ALREADY SICK OF RUG

What's the one thing that can wrinkle the undergarments of the religious right more than gay marriage?

Gay divorce, of course.

At least it wasn't a Jewish Gay Divorce.

Monday, September 13, 2004

INJURY TRAINS NEXT STOP: FORD FIELD

Ever notice that every year the lions always get hit with key injuries that make their bad team horrible? Is that a lack of training? Calcium? As usual...looks like they are a game away from having the wheels fly off again.

Seth agrees but has an interesting theory...

"I'm really not sure why.

We used to blame it on the Silverdome's awful turf (all those knee injuries) but it might just be chance screwing with us.

We do have a young team and it's always the athletes who are getting the injuries. Charles Rogers is a receiver - on a bad team receivers tend to get pelted a lot more. Boss Bailey is a strong safety turned into a speedy outside linebacker, but he's still playing with a defensive back's body in a grueling position.

But that's a poor excuse for the Lions' injury woes. All teams have to deal with injuries. Training is part of it, but only because everyone in the league overtrains to build muscle and upperbody strength quickly - which leaves you susceptible to muscle damage. You can't break fat.

So we're left with the only possible explanation for the Lions' string of injuries the last several years, something so painfully obvious you're going to whack yourself upside the head for not thinking of it. Why do the Lions get hurt all the time? Because God hates the Lions.


That's the best explanation Tondar's heard yet.
SETH ON EMPEROR JULIAN

From Seth...

"My favorite Julian story takes place right after he came to power. He went on a tour of the major cities in the Eastern Empire to establish himself, but when he came to Antioch (a city that favored Constantius, Christianity, etc.), the people there were not that receptive, holding plays that poked fun of the new emperor or having rhetoricians read Onion-like news rolls mocking his policies. So Julian decides to write his own mock-play, entitled "Misopogon" or "Beard Hater" in which he parodies his beard as a storage for cakes, etc. It's not a Shakespeare work, but could you imagine Bush writing a two-act play for New Yorkers called "The Dumbass."

That would be funny. Unfortunately the rhetoricians of the New York Times and DNC would use the play to rip him a new one. Nothing like Democracy to bring out the worst in people.
BIG BLUE TAKES A BIG BROWN

From Pigpen...

"What's the deal? Is Lloyd Carr goin round the bend or did Bo, Woody and Haden call the offensive plays saturday. TB up the middle on 3 and 9! Three times! Lets NOT do the time warp again thank you. Awful, really, really awful. Henne is unproven, but the mechanics are top notch and hey he can run 10x faster than Navarre. However the swing pass to a wide out is crap, don't use that play anymore, everyone knows it and the secondary can get a full head of steam as they come barreling in for a guaranteed loss. When the TE "sneak" and I use this term loosely immediately behind the line for a 2 yd lob that is a crap play also - no more of the nonsense, again the secondary comes screaming in 900 mph uncontested for nothing but a fumble or a busted neck.

Ugh terrible play calling. With that corps of receivers Henne should be airing it out like stank ass laundry. Lastly David Underwood should be relegated to towel boy or something, his running is crap for Big 10 but in a game of red light green light he would be the undisputed champ. Note to ALL UoM backs, stop running like Barry, you are not Barry. The only Barry that you do resemble when running is Barry Gibb, yet where is the Saturday afternoon fever? Terrible just terrrible. Lloyd you let me and your defense down, your offensive play calling was just that, offensive."

While on the other hand Seth agrees but has a more Maddenesque breakdown...

"Going from college to the NFL can be. Defenses are more precise, more hidden, more athletic, and just plain faster than in high school.

In the NFL, we've known for a long time that sticking a young QB in too early is the easiest way to ruin him.

So perhaps this is the prevailing theory that Lloyd Carr is going with when playing Chad Henne. Throughout the game, it looked like Carr had a very, VERY short leash on his young starter, to the point in which we were throwing the ball two yards, tossing screens, or even running it on 3rd and long. Passing the ball 10 to 20 yards downfield? Hah! Not this offense. Carr made things very easy on his freshman QB, making sure his confidence wasn't rattled while letting the defense do the work.

Let's be honest about this: Carr is not coaching the offense to wins. So far, we've been kept afloat only by the defense causing turnovers....lots and lots and lots of turnovers. What was it this game, 6 turnovers for Notre Dame? And each of those was like water on the Irish flame, putting out drives that would have nailed our coffins shut had they succeeded. But even with all of that field position, we got 4
field goals. We were looking at a by-the-book-written-in-1997 defensive win up until the 4th quarter, when our offense turned the ball over on three successive possessions.

Look, as much as I admire our defense, it's the offense's job to score, and they don't seem to want the job. Was there ever during that whole game a first down by Michigan on 1st or 2nd down?

This was bad offensive coaching, which we've been complaining about for years at Michigan, at its absolute worst. Jason Avant should not have fumbled that one play in the 4th, but do you realize that was only the 2nd pass all game to come his way? Guys get cold.. and edgy when you do that. And what's with Braylon Edwards' dropsies coming back? When that happens, you don't keep throwing at him - you use your other guys until Braylon fixes his concentration.

The parade of people who didn't like John Navarre the last 4 years should have realized it wasn't the QB, it's the coaching. Every game we come out with rolls and play actions etc. which end with firing the ball to a guy on a button-hook. There's no room for changing the play - just check-offs. And there's never, never, NEVER, a floated pass except for that one deep ball every five or six 2nd Downs that never materializes into anything. Basically, our offense is designed to out-talent any team
we face - which explains how we lost to USC last year. Other than that, we hope for the football gods to assist us - as just one mistake costs us a drive every time.

If football were perfect, I could see how this relatively conservative, wait-for-your-breaks but never make something happen on your own style of offense could work. But because it doesn't correct for imperfection, the offense stutters.

This was especially true against Notre Dame, where the idea of conservative offensive playcalling went to extremes. Remember the play right before the blocked punt? It was 3rd and 19 and we ran the ball up the middle with Pierre Rembert - not a fast or elusive guy by any stretch of the imagination. And we ran the ball on 3rd and long the previous drive, too, so you can't say it was a surprise when the Irish
stopped Rembert after a 2-yard gain. And this is a team that purports to have three of the best receivers in the game? Throw the ball downfield and take what you get! You can't win football games by throwing darts for short gains every play any more than you can win baseball games throwing fastballs at the corners all day, no matter how good your quarterback/pitcher's arm may be. You've got to change it up, keep the
defense off balance.

And another thing: if Notre Dame is a rival, where's the trick plays? I know the reverse has gotten old, but we've had Steve Breaston for three years now and nobody's thought to come up with a trick play for him? Henne's got some legs, where was the QB-pitch screen? Where's the direct-snap to the tailback who then lobs it to an end-around receiver? Where's the Option play early on to keep linebackers spying the QB rather than our Tight Ends and the option play late that opens up a receiver down the middle. Where's the double-slant route when the defense shows blitz? Where's the wheel route. Have you heard of the wheel route Lloyd? It's perfect for tall and fast receivers who want some space to catch the ball 20 yards downfield in the middle. You need good offensive linemen and a smart receiver who can find the pocket the defense leaves and it's there about 1 in 3 times.

That WR screen play is good for 6 yards about twice a game at best. It's nice for young QBs to get confidence and a 50+ percent completion rating. It's not good for 3rd and 11 when you've already run it four times.

All I can figure is that Carr doesn't want to ruin Henne. It's a lot of pressure to go into Notre Dame Stadium. But one way to get past that pressure is throw a long touchdown to a talented receiver...which means throwing it toward the end zone....which is that way."
ELECTORAL COLLEGE UPDATE

Check out this map that tracks electoral college trends among the 50 states over time. Interesting stuff.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

NFL PREVIEW

With the first week of NFL action almost over, and Tondar better-late-than-never attitude, I present my annual NFL predictions...

Now of course with injuries the 2004-05 season could go anyway. In fact we possibly could see the lions in the Superbowl. That's just how depleted and thinly spread the
NFL talent is these days. It all really depends on injuries, just ask New England, Tampa, and St. Louis.

Anyways, here's the Tondar breakdown...

NFC

East
Dallas (Parcells is back but still needs a GOOD QB)
Philadelphia (3times NFC runner up, the decline will finally begin)
Washington (Gibbs will make the hogs respectable right off the bat)
Giants

South
Tampa (Chucky's gonna have the house back in order)
Carolina
New Orleans
Atlanta (AJC really says the wheels are coming off these guys)

North
Minnesota (Well somebody has to win)
Detroit (Hopefully this will be their first season back at .500)
GB (Brett Favre finally falls apart)
Chicago (Those Poor Bears :( )

West
Seattle (They're bringin' it by the wagonload!)
St. Louis (Still gonna be a contender)
San Francisco
Arizona (At what point do they just fold the team and give the Phx market an expansion clean slate)

AFC

East
New England (ahh the champs)
Buffalo (Comin' on Strong)
Jets
Miami

North
Baltimore (defense wins games/championships)
Cincinatti (Not as horrible as in the past)
Cleveland
Pittsburgh

South
Indianapolis (I dig this Manning)
Jacksonville
Houston
Tennessee (and the wheels fall off)

West
Kansas City (Its go time for another Dick Vermiel team)
San Diego
Denver
Oakland

All fine and dandy, however, the Daily Rant's Sportsguy has a few objections.

From Seth...

NFC East

Philly - McNabb to Owens keeps the party going, and they've got Jevon Kearse, too! Cedric Henry would be a great fit if the Bills go with McGahee.

Dallas - You're right, Parcells has a good thing going, but Henson's not ready to lead them to a division title yet. And contrary to what you might of heard, you can never have too few Miami Hurricanes on your team.

Washington - Gibbs is better than Spurrier but you don't go from 5-wide and blitz often to an I-set offense and linebacker defense overnight. However, having Lavarr Arrington helps.

Giants - In case we needed a reason to hate them aside from being in New York, Eli Manning is my new John Elway. Whine whine, I wanna play in New York so someone else can be the Chargers' QB, whine whine.


South

New Orleans - It's time. It's finally, finally time. Those 1st round draft picks from Miami really helped, too. How's that tailback working out for ya, anyway?

Tampa Bay - Nothing against Chucky; they lost too much talent this offseason

Carolina - Wasn't last year fun? Ready for four more years of ignomy?

Atlanta - Not a bad bottom team, but what's going ON down there?


North

Green Bay - They're healthy. They're good. They're back.

Minnesota - Signing the leader of the Lions' defense the last 4 years doesn't suddenly make you a defensive juggernaut.

Detroit - 7-9 or 6-10, Tondar. Remember, Boss Bailey is out most of the year. And don't forget THEY'RE THE LIONS!

Chicago - Calling Rex Grossman your quarterback of the future means the
present must really suck.


West

Seattle - My Superbowl Champs this year. Steve Hutchinson kicks butt.

St. Louis - Pieces of Superbowl team still hangin' around but the party's over

San Francisco - When Joe Montana left, there was Steve Young. When Jerry Rice left, there was Terrell Owens. When The Boss left, there was The Mooch. When everyone left, there's, well, hippies, I guess.

USC

San Diego State

2003 Detroit Tigers

The original cast of CATS

Arizona - I've noticed that in Madden 2005, with good drafting, savvy front office moves, key trades, and a little luck, you can make the Cardinals into a competitive franchise. Bugs like this need to be fixed!


AFC East
New England - What do you get when you add a running game to the
defending champions?

NY Jets - I like Pennington; I hate Marshall. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Buffalo - If you needed something to finally give Bledsoe his gray hairs, the "I didn't get enough carries" whine-fest between Buffalo heart-and-soul Cedric Henry and flashy Miami kid Willis McGahee should do the trick. I say send McGahee to Miami (Dolphins) for their first 2 picks and we'll all be happy.

Miami - Dolphins re-thinking their stance on drug testing players. And somewhere there's a 26-year-old smoking reefer on top of a beautiful Asian mountain with millions of dollars and perfect health, and he's laughin and laughin and laughin...


North

Pittsburgh - What? The Steelers at the top? Oh yeah, me like Duce Staley. Me like cast of young players straight from the Big Ten. Me like Cowher's mean mean 3/4 blitzing defense. Why wait for Big Ben to learn the game. Tommy Maddox will have his one and only good season. And in two years, they'll be back again. We'll nickname them "Big Ben and the Big Ten."

Baltimore - Defense gets championships so long as your offense doesn't throw 30 interceptions. Then, defense just gets an excellent cardiovascular workout every Sunday.

Cincinnatti - Recovery stalls from losing Corey Dillon, but at least the Cancer is over. Sitting out Carson Palmer all year was what we call Chemotherapy.

Cleveland - We stopped the bleeding! We stopped the bleeding! Wait, oh crap, there it goes again. Never pick the team who drafted The Soldier.

(I say we follow his career from here on in, like we're the anti-Kellen Winslow Jr. fan club. On your website we can have a bi-weekly "Soldier Update")


South

Indianapolis - Yeah, I think it's time too. However, both Peyton's high school team and college team won championships the year after he left. Hmmmm....

Jacksonville - I hate Marshall, but I think Byron Leftwich will be good. Am I a hypocrite?

Houston - I said you've IMPROVED your offensive line. I didn't say it was GOOD. And speaking of Houston, I'm looking over my Madden 2005 Texans playbook and can't seem to find the play called "David Carr gets sacked." What gives?

Tennessee - If last decade they were Elvis in the '50s, this decade they are Elvis
in the '70s.


West

Kansas City - They're like Vermeil's Rams plus defense. Did we really care about Marshall Faulk before 1999? Did we really care about Priest Holmes before 2003? Does Mr. Spread-happy Dick Vermeil know what he's doing with running backs or what!

Oakland - What, Warren Sapp's not enough for ya? Don't hate on the Raiders. Any team with Charles Woodson is okay by me.

Denver - Don't you ever wonder exactly how Shanny got ahold of the Michigan offensive playbook? Run up middle. Run up middle. Incomplete. Run up middle. Pass. Incomplete. Run up middle. Incomplete. Reverse. Repeat.

San Diego - They're going to go with Drew Brees until Philip Rivers is ready to be an interim quarterback who holds the fort while they prepare the next worthless dungheap they draft in the 1st round. Thank goodness for LaDanion "When's-My-Contract-Over" Tomlinson.
DRAKE'S MOVIN' ON TOO

Looks like Tondar isn't the only one packing up and moving out of Michigan.

From Drake...

"Soooo, I feel like people are getting news from others and I just wanted everyone to know that I applied to and have accepted a job xfer within the Government in Los Angeles, California…exactly 3 miles from the Ocean;) Yaaaaaaaaaa! I will be moving out there in early October. Those of you who have had the unfortunate opportunity to visit Detroit know that this is a good move for me…BUT, it is a good move for YOU, too!

Over the past few years I’ve had the great opportunity to visit many of you in your respective cities/countries, and of course I’d like to return the favor and open my doors to anyone who would like to come and chill on the beach;)..or god forbid…with me!!

Last weekend I went out to SoCal to check out the area and chill with some friends, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t really absolutely gorgeous out there, I mean really nice. Dios Mio."

That's great and all but I still don't understand why Paul would wanna leave Detroit? Is it the crime? The snow? The lack of girls? I just can't seem to get my head around this one.
NOT A BAD FILM

Since I don't have cable I have recently been watching the DVD (including 10 hrs of bonus footage) for "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl." I have to admit this is actually a really good movie. I remember back in early 2003 when I first saw the previews and found out they were making a movie about ghost pirates. At the time, I could not roll my eyes far back enough to account for the absurdity of this premise. However, somehow director Gore Verbinski makes it work by giving the ghost pirates desires and complex personalities that help the audience understand their curse and position. This nod to old Hollywood, with a collection of interesting characters, both pirate and soldier, is what really makes the movie great. By seeing the comic releif misadventures of these minor characters play out over the course of the film, the story is given a depth lacking in most films today. And being The Good Pirate myself I have come to love Johnny Depp's portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow. My favorite moment of his is when he comes within a heartbeat of shooting the beautiful Keira Knightley for burning all of the rum. I know it certainly would have crossed Tondar's mind in the same situation. True it may be a Disney film and there is a bit of slapstick thrown in for the kiddies, but this is a great movie with plenty of clean fun for all ages to enjoy.