Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Tondar's Road Rage: "Just because you're handicapped doesn't mean you have to drive like a retard!"

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

MILLION DOLLAR BILLS Y'ALL

I'm too crazy to testify but you can just park the dump truck full of money between the hummer and the swimming pool shaped like a dollar sign. Nobody sings about Rosa Parks without payin' their dues. Bling bling y'all.
BIN LADEN IN TAMPA

If you didn't hate the Buccaneers before you now have a great reason. Check out this unpatriotic attack on one of their fans for displaying an American flag.

Personally if I owned the Bucs I would call the fan and his family up and give them free tickets for the rest of the season. I would then make security apologize or receive a pink slip. This is not the kind of publicity a business needs.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

LIONS BANDWAGON WATCH

From Seth...

"If they take down Philly, I'd say we have something. But the offense only made two good drives and capitalized on turnovers, so there's not much there still. Joey needs to learn to operate a bit better with his offensive line and set before making the throw. He should watch some tape of Brady play; the two are very similar in raw talent, but Brady is leaps ahead in understanding and having a feel for the game. That's one thing you notice about Michigan QBs. Their interceptions are usually badly thrown balls or tips by the receivers - not very often do they "not see" a corner or safety or linebacker stepping up into the zone. Joey threw one "bad" interception in both games and he's got to learn to see that.

As for Kevin Jones, Sethy likey likey. He runs with speed and power, breaks tackles, can block and make catches. We've really got something here, and a running game could really make us turn around.

The other thing I like that nobody seems to talk about is that Mariucci tailbacks don't fumble. That's HUGE, especially since the Texans'tailback was fumbling right and left in that game. Last year, the Lions had 4 fumbles lost all season (best in the NFL) and not one of them was from the tailbacks. This year, with a different set of backs, we've seen the same thing. Jones runs with two hands on the ball and the way Pinner protects it you'd wonder if the refs have to use a crowbar to pry it loose after the play. That's the kind of thing that can turn a less-than-mediocre offense into one that allows its defense to carry it.

Roy Williams is stepping up. He made a Spiderman catch for his first pro touchdown that made the Lions go up for good. Defenses are keying on him, however, and Tai Streets (Michigan) doesn't replace Charles Rogers (MSU) for taking some of that pressure off. But for a rookie receiver to be a receiver other teams are worried about says a lot about the guy.

But that's the real quandry, isn't it. Chris Cash is no Dre Bly, or even Andre Goodman, and as much as I like some of our young linebackers, none of them can make plays like Boss Bailey. Shawn Rogers left the game early and he's been our best player on defense this year - UNBLOCKABLE, I'd even say - so there's not much hope they'll be able to contain Donavan McNabb and Terrell Owens when David Carr (picked 2 spots above Harrington) and Andre Johnson (picked 2 spots after Rogers) were a
dominating duo.

Eddie Drummond is an exciting player if you get him going. His 99-yard kickoff return for touchdown was beautiful.

If the Lions keep winning, it will be special teams and turnovers that do it. But as important as these X-factors might be, don't underestimate how important OFFENSE and DEFENSE are to football game, and the Lions are still not top-notch or even top-25 in either category."
WHAT UP THIS WEEK IN UM FOOTBALL

I think people are underestimating how Michigan's faring right now, mostly because you're underestimating the prowess of Notre Dame and San Diego State. S.D. State has one of the best defenses in the country and we put 24 solid points on them. When they were down, Henne engineered a beautiful scoring drive and the defense dug in beautifully in the 2nd half. That 3rd down pass to Edwards in the end-zone was perfect execution and gives me hope that we have our next great Michigan QB in the young #7. And Michael Hart shows tons of promise at tailback - I haven't yet seen a truly bad decision from him and that's not something you can say very often about a true freshman. He's just as good a runner as Jerome Jackson right now, but he seems to already be a better pass blocker, which is kind of a hallmark of the tailbacks who play for Michigan.

Our offensive line is still coming together, but they look good. Don't forget that Jake Long is only a freshman, even if he run-blocks like a redshirt junior. Jason Avant needs to get it going this year - he's had some rough strings of luck and it's making Henne be a bit too predictable in going to Braylon. Also, those longball passes need to be a bit more accurate. Edwards made some great plays to bring them in, adjusting more than most receivers know how, but if Henne had placed them a bit better we would have seen some easy walk-in scores on those two plays. As for Breaston, I like his receiving mechanics more but the defenses are keying him. I hope Carr notices this and uses that jailbreak screen pass to Breaston that hasn't been working to have Steve throw back to Henne for a QB screen play. The whole "get Breaston the ball and have him make something happen" ideology isn't working right
now and neither is play-action - which means we need to run the ball about 50 percent more on 1st and 2nd down. If Hart can handle the extra load, we might see that high gear you're waiting for.
NOT THE TOP 10 OF THE WEEK

Kerry was on Letterman last night. Here are his top 10 Bush tax proposals:

10. No estate tax for families with at least two U.S. presidents.


9. W-2 Form is now Dubya-2 Form.


8. Under the simplified tax code, your refund check goes directly to Halliburton.


7. The reduced earned income tax credit is so unfair, it just makes me want to tear out my lustrous, finely groomed hair.


6. Attorney General (John) Ashcroft gets to write off the entire U.S. Constitution.


5. Texas Rangers can take a business loss for trading Sammy Sosa.


4. Eliminate all income taxes; just ask Teresa (Heinz Kerry) to cover the whole damn thing.


3. Cheney can claim Bush as a dependent.


2. Hundred-dollar penalty if you pronounce it "nuclear" instead of "nucular."


1. George W. Bush gets a deduction for mortgaging our entire future.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

President Bush: "Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all
across this country."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

President Bush: "Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all
across this country."
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

President Bush: "Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all
across this country."
SHENANIGANS WATCH

Looks like local police here in GA finally caught the "Mad Tacker." In total, he ended up flattening tires on 7 patrol cars. I would like to hear what exactly his motives were. An unearned speeding ticket? Too much police harassment? Whatever it was, looks like they finally nailed him.

Monday, September 20, 2004

IS THE NEO-CONSERVATIVE DREAM OVER?

Check out Bob Novak's latest column that says the U.S. is going to be pulling out of Iraq early in the new year. Not really sure what to think about this. But it will certainly be rough on the people of Iraq. Though if Bush isn't going to ask for sacrifice and put the necessary effort required to build a Middle Eastern democracy this may be best for everybody. Afterall, we can always just go back and depose the next dictator.
NO MORE ZOMBIE SEX FOR YOU

Looks like the jig is up. Better lay the necrophilia to rest, which is finally illegal in California.

From the article...

"Which raises the question: It was legal before?

The new legislation marks the culmination of a two-year drive to outlaw necrophilia in the state and will help prosecutors who have been stymied by the lack of an official ban on the practice, according to experts."

WHO'S LEADING THE CHARGE FOR THIS LAW? THE CAST OF 'DAWN OF THE DEAD?'

"Nobody knows the full extent of the problem. ... But a handful of instances over the past decade is frequent enough to have a bill concerning it," said Tyler Ochoa, a professor at Santa Clara University School of Law who has studied California cases involving allegations of necroFilia. "Prosecutors didn't have anything to charge these people with other than breaking and entering. But if they worked in a mortuary
in the first place, prosecutors couldn't even charge them with that."

Actually you think there would health issues involved that could put the person in violation of some sorta health code. A rotting body isn't the most sanitary thing. Unless of course youre using it to drive in the carpool lane. Then that's cool.

well since this was in California, probably some liberal judge threw out a previous law because convictions hurt self-esteem, and who are we to judge what goes on between a consenting adult and the thing he loves.

Though if you wanna give the dead hump a go now, you will discover a new kinda love spending 8 years in a "pound me in the ass" prison.
HU NOW FIRST?

From Seth...

"So China consolidated power in one guy.

Yep.

So who gets control?

Yep.

I mean who's in charge of China.

Right.

The fella running the most populated nation on Earth.

Hu.

The Chinese Leader!

Hu's running China.

What are you asking me for?

I'm not askin' ya, I'm tellin' ya: Hu's running China."



WRATH OF ZELL

This time he's going after liberal Georgia Dems.

Mon(k)ey quote:

"because our constitutional officers and legislative leaders are so
timid that they are like those monkeys who "see no evil, hear no evil,
and speak no evil" about the current direction of our party."

Say what you will from a partisan point of view, but there is a reason why this guy is so popular among ALL Georgians.
GREAT MOVIE PRESIDENTS

From Seth...


"As Kerry and Bush vie to be the next resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., we think back on all the great men who've come through the White House...

at least on the silver screen.

?- Party of President never mentioned nor hinted to
*- Party of President isn't mentioned, but the character is a
characterature of a sitting president.


Tom Beck (?)
Movie: Deep Impact
Plus: First black president in U.S. history. Led America through the tragedy of a large meteor hitting us, then gave a touching speech about rebuilding
Minus: Kept the meteor a secret for years, then let it hit. The president in Armageddon didn't let it hit.
Issue of the Day: Covering up the fact that we're all going to die from hot TV reporter

Rick Becker (R*)
Movie: The Day After Tomorrow
Plus: Strong-willed and took over the reigns of leadership upon death of beloved President Blake
Minus: Wouldn't believe Dennis Quaid's theory that Earth was entering a new Ice Age
Issue of the Day: Well, it's not Global Warming.

Norman Bennett (R)
Movie: Clear and Present Danger
Plus: Strongest movie president in the War on Drugs
Minus: Administration full of scandal, left Marines to get killed, doesn't like Boy Scouts like Harrison Ford
Issue of the Day: War on Drugs

Tug Benson (R*)
Movie: Hot Shots! Part Deux
Plus: Strong military background, likes babies. Took out Saddam in epic lightsaber duel.
Minus: Kind of a major awkward dunce.
Issue of the Day: Desert Storm Round II

Mike Brady (?)
Movie: The Brady Bunch in the White House
Plus: Charming, wholesome, and groovy.
Minus: Watching the movie is like listening to to Barbara Streisand singing the national anthem. You want to be patriotic, but inside you're screaming "stop the abortion, stop the abortion"
Issue of the Day: Hijinks and Shenanigans...and bosoms.

Monroe "Eagle" Cole (R)
Movie: Welcome to Mooseport
Plus: Charismatic, down-home but smart, social moderate
Minus: Stole Ray Romano's girl.
Issue of the Day: How to get a mid-20s hottie to sleep with a craggy old politician...oh yeah, money.

James Dale (?)
Movie: Mars Attacks
Plus: He's sly, he's coy, he's Jack Nicholson
Minus: Accepted campaign contributions from alien warmongers
Issue of the Day: Short Green People with Laser Guns

Matthew Douglas (D)
Movie: My Fellow Americans
Plus: Recovered country from recession. Learned valuable life lessons while running from the FBI
Minus: Divorced and sleeps around. Favors big taxes
Issue of the Day: Corrupt Washington versus the problems facing the average joe, who apparently gets chased by the FBI a lot.

John Fields (R)
Movie: Exectutive Power
Plus: Strong leader is popular in Congress and can bring both sides to the table
Minus: His wife's a harpy, and he murdered his sexcapade before she could hand over the blue dress
Issue of the Day: Can we just kill the bitch and on?

William Haney (R)
Movie: My Fellow Americans
Plus: If we get rid of him, the Vice President is an idiot
Minus: He's totally corrupt and wants to hunt down his two surviving predecessors
Issue of the Day: Let's blame our scandals on the last guy

Russell P. Kramer (R)
Movie: My Fellow Americans
Plus: A good family man, honest and a good soul, learned valuable life lessons while running from the FBI
Minus: Presided over a big recession, a bad tipper
Issue of the Day: Okay, by seeing America from a camper, now I can go back and fix the economy.

James Marshall (?)
Movie: Air Force One
Plus: When terrorists take AF1, he goes from Commander-in-Chief to Action Hero
Minus: Doesn't seem to be too aware of how the 25th amendment works.
Issue of the Day: Euro terrorists with a penchant for one-liners

Jamison McKenna (?)
Movie: X-Men
Plus: A God-fearing man, a political moderate in disturbing times
Minus: Always fence sitting on issue of what to do with mutants
Issue of the Day: Should we take away more rights to defend freedom?

Bill Mitchell (R)
Movie: Dave
Plus: Personable, loving, strongly pro-job growth after his stroke
Minus: Actually he's a philandering asshole, had a big scandal, and is now in a coma while an impersonator does his job better and bangs his wife.
Issue of the Day: Jobs, jorbs, jawrbs. Campaign to get everyone a job in America...wait...uh...how is this not communism?

Merkin Muffley (R*)
Movie: Dr. Strangelove
Plus: Down to Earth attitude. Wants to hear all sides Only guy in Washington worried about a nuclear crisis
Minus: Won't let people fight in the War Room. Indecisiveness ends in nuclear war
Issue of the Day: How I learned to stop worrying and LOVE the BOMB

Jack Neil (D*)
Movie: Murder at 1600
Plus: Really cares about his family.
Minus: Administration filled with conspiracy. Wesley Snipes has to save his life before he'll fix a damaging tax code.
Issue of the Day: Local cops versus federal government for jurisdiction
over a case involving a dead girl in the White House.

Allen Richmond (D*)
Movie: Absolute Power
Plus: Talks straight, is a likeable guy
Minus: The problem with Absolute Power is that it...
Issue of the Day: How much power do the president's staff hold and what will they do to keep it?

Jack Stanton (D)
Movie: Primary Colors
Plus: Can mesmerize a crowd with his charisma. Really cares about the people.
Minus: Clinton's fictional dobbleganger has Clinton's infidelity problem.
Issue of the Day: Can Jack keep his pecker in his pants long enough to become president and save the guy at the donut shop from economic peril?

Andrew Shepherd (D) Movie: The American President
Plus: Smart, honest, vigorous, a good father, and very patriotic. Republican challenger is so much like Dick Cheney that you spend the movie praying the incumbent wins out.
Minus: Banging an environmental lobbyist but two-plays her to pass a weak crime bill. Depending on your political leanings, the fact that he's controlled by Aaron Sorkin (West Wing creator) could be considered good or bad.
Issue of the Day: Bachelor president finds a stable, loving relationship with a classy woman and this becomes a scandal, but he can win back moderates' support by proposing tough gun and environmental legislation.

Bob Whitehead (R)
Movie: Canadian Bacon
Plus: The bumbling, bed-wridden fool is the kindest portrayal of a Republican in Michael Moore's career.
Minus: Uses media control to start phoney war with Canada to help flagging approval ratings. Looks like Hawkeye Pierce, but minus the funny.
Issue of the Day: How to get Americans thinking about something aside from the well-being of America without the Cold War.

Thomas Whitmore (D)
Movie: Independence Day
Plus: Fighter pilot veteran leads Earth in battle against invading aliens
Minus: Right before aliens attack, he, too, is trying to outlaw handguns. Whoops.
Issue of the Day: Aliens come down out of nowhere to purge the planet of its natural resources like intergalactic locusts, but planned it so badly that three days after a Shock & Awe campaign, the locals had mounted a stiff and effective resitance.