Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

DYNAMISTS VS. STASISTS

Looks like dynamists vs. Stasists, will be the political battle for dominance in the 21st Century. Check out Glenn Reynolds' must read column on the Anglosphere for a great breakdown of our political future.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

OPERATION DON'T GET FIRED 2?

Remember the days of Tondar working welfare and doing just enough not to get fired? Well now that I'm in the private sector I have reformed my ways and actually do work at work (note how blogging is only done at night now). Well ok Seth, for the most part I now work. But I tell you what, there is nothing like random firings to put the fear of God into you. Last week it was the gay guy with the cubicle across the row at my 9, and the nice lady who sat at my 6. I was actually happy to see the gay guy leave. I didn't like him much. Yes, it was because he was gay, but don't worry I have decided that I'm not a biggot with hate in my heart. I just happened to hate this gay man in particular. You see, what really did it in for Ole Tondar was overhearing how this 6'5" 300 pounder spent his weekend doing body shots. Yeah, like when your roommate has sex with a biggun right below you, you just kinda spend the day wandering around in a haze as your eye twitches to the beat of Kylie Minogue and you can't get the horror out of your head. Between stories like that and his loud, flaming, lispy voice announcing his presence in one obnoxious instance after another, I don't think it would be possible for anyone to sit near him without being consumed by hatred.

But anyways, today's crop of 4 was let go because they went to lunch without clocking out. However, it also happened that 2 of them sat at my 2 and my 4. Thus, I only have people left at my 10, 12, 3, and 8. 4/8 is not a good ratio for one person's location. Now sure they were all fired for legitimate reasons. Big faggy lied on his resume. The nice lady at my 6 made a few mistakes costing the firm about 3 years of her salary. It's obvious the company isn't intentionally using fear to increase productivity. But nevertheless it remains the case.

Oh and by the way, we have some openings so email me if you're interested in working with the Dar down in the A.T.L.
DOES THIS PASS THE GLOBAL TEST?

Remember the 380 tons of explosives missing in Iraq? Remember? The story 60 minutes was going to sit on until right before the election, not that they have a liberal bias. Since no such thing exists. Well anyways, it looks like Russian special forces actually helped move those explosives to Syria right before the start of the war.

Now I'm just curious again, with France being bought off, and Russia actually helping global jihad, how would a more "nuanced" or diplomatic approach get anyone to come on board for this war? Seth and John Kerry have some spinning to do on this one.
ELECTION SPECIAL

The AJC has a new special historical feature that gives a nice breakdown of every election in American history. From electoral to popular vote tallies, they're all here.
CRIME NOTES IN ATLANTA

If you haven't had time to check out the AJC Copblog, give it a shot. It's actually pretty well written and quite amusing. This week he "tackles" the problem with nekkid suspects.

Blognote--North Fulton is the fancy pants suburbs where people like my aunt and John Smoltz live.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

NEW REPUBLICAN STRATEGY

It's a close election and the Republicans know they need to do everything they can to win. That's why they are organizing a great campaign to get out the vote.
ONE FINGER SALUTE

Well this one makes me laugh. That's how you know he's a real guy. Just like a Tondar or Seth, his instincts tell him to get on camera and act goofy.
BAD TIME TO BE A DESPOT

First Castro, now Arafat. What hard work it is to be a murdering leader of thugs. Here's wishing them both a quick demise.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

NOT A BAD IDEA

This would be great for somebody like Tondar. Though I wonder if you can throw them away when the kittens grow up and stop being cute?
FORMER CLIENT WATCH

Dude, isn't that your mom protesting President Bush?
BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP SETH

Seth's weekly Top 25, errr, 10...

"This late in the season with perfect records makes the whole idea of a national champion a, what did you call it, traveshamockery.

Of course, if there is no BCS and everybody went back to understanding this as a regional sport, we'd be having a great season. The best of the ol' South is Auburn. The best of the Old West is Oklahoma. The best of the West Coast is USC. The best of the MidWest is Wisconsin. The best of the Atlantic Coast is Miami. Then say Utah is the best of the 2nd-tier in the Old West and keep on drifting down. If you're looking for the best football team in the nation, watch the NFL. There's no way with over 115 teams in the league that one team is going to be head and shoulders better than the rest every darn year. Why not let the rivalries, the pageantry, the similar styles of play, the guys who recruit against each other, etc. be enough reason to watch college football...oh yeah, we need a reason for Michigan fans to want to watch
a Miami game on ESPN. Bah!

The BCS has always been a sham. But you have to understand a bit about it. Utah is undefeated and beat Texas A&M, who keeps winning. Miami is undefeated and beat Florida State, who keeps winning. Auburn beat Tennessee. Oklahoma beat Texas. USC beat Cal. For every undefeated team but Wisconsin, there's a 1-loss team that was only beaten because they played one of the top guys. That should put each of the undefeateds one step above Wisconsin, who's best win came against Purdue who lost last week -- except I'd put Utah beneath the Badgers because Wisconsin's played teams that can beat 'em every week while the Utes took on one monster and a bunch of pee wees -- and then all of those 1-lossers a step above Michigan. That's why we're still so low. Our loss was to Notre Dame, who has 3 losses after falling in a late Hail-Mary game to Boston College. However, since that game we've played tougher teams
(like Purdue and Iowa) while Texas A&M beat up on Baylor, et. Al. so I'd put us above them.

1. USC
Still no reason to drop 'em. Pollsters keep Cal high to help USC beat the BCS points, though

2. Oklahoma
Keep beating good teams, including Texas.

3. Miami
Behind USC, and Oklahoma because FSU took them to overtime, but they've played played a very tough tough schedule.

4. Auburn
They're 4th because although undefeated, unranked LSU took 'em to overtime.

5. Wisconsin
They've had half strong teams and half weak teams but no monsters. I'll move 'em up if they can beat Michigan State, Iowa and Minnesota.

6. Florida State
Only loss is taking Miami to overtime, so give 'em credit.

7. Utah
Texas A&M keeps winning but the Utah perfecto is hurt by playing all babies since then.

8. Tennessee
Simple formula. Toughest schedule, big wins, lost only to Auburn. Give 'em a break.

9. Texas
Mid-to-easy schedule after Oklahoma but they keep puttin' up Ws.

10. Cal
Only lost to the #1 team in the country and beat some darn good ones.
STICKING IT TO UNCLE TEDDY

Pigpen points out the Governator's weight shame program...

"It almost seems too easy that it's trite - Yet funny nevertheless."
THE BITCHES ARE BACK

Remember Tucker Max and the Tardblog? Well, they're back. Enjoy the reading kids.

Monday, October 25, 2004

GOOFY FWD OF THE WEEK

This one's actually not bad...

"Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON.. You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors
for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get! your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get
out..
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside
bars

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK!!"

Sunday, October 24, 2004

WORST PANDERING EVER

We all know John Kerry is a flip-flopping liberal that has no clear position on Iraq except for the fact that he is not George W. Bush. However, as a Catholic his record is quite apalling when it comes to the Church's most important issue of defending all human life. As Bob Novak points out, Kerry really drops the ball when it comes to being a good Catholic.

Money Quote: "He says he accepts the Catholic doctrine that ''life begins at conception'' but will not impose it on others."

So basically, what Kerry is saying is that in theory he is a Catholic and a) is too cowardly of a politician to vote with his conscience or b) it's a B.S. position used only to pander to the handful of Catholics that vote knee-jerk Democrat. Either way, it shows that Kerry is not a man of beliefs, but merely another shifty politician, who in this race happens to not be George W. Bush.

Though I think New Advent pointed it out the best with these simple statistics. In the last 16 months...

"CAPITAL PUNISHMENT killed 97 Americans


The WAR IN IRAQ killed 16,561 people


And 1,750,656 American infants were murdered by ABORTION

"One cannot justify a vote for a candidate who promotes intrinsically evil acts which erode the very foundation of the common good, such as abortion and same-sex 'marriage,' by appealing to that same candidate's opposition to war or capital punishment." --Archbishop Raymond Burke"

CATCH ME IN TWO DAYS

Not that the liberal media is paying attention to Dan Rather's election tampering, but Pigpen came across this li'l gem about Dan Rather's forged memos a while back. Interesting stuff, how fake they actually were. But I guess, Dan should have known that no matter how true you want a story to be you gots to check yo' facts.
THE TROUBLE WITH SETH (AND MONKEYS)

It seems Seth is having a hard time taking care of Captain Lou Albano as he continues the work of the Republic back in Southeast Michigan...

"I don't think he's very happy in Michigan. The kid found a copy of Plato's Republic in the back seat and has since been insufferably homesick. News of the October Day parade hasn't lightened his mood any, either. He won't eat, won't sit up straight, won't talk...just sits in the back seat on his side staring at the door handle.

I'm not a monkey daddy. I don't know what to do with these things. We were having fun at first when he was hanging from the passenger-side vanity mirror so as to be face-to-face with whomever was riding shotgun, but that got old for everybody. Should I hit it or something? Get him drunk? Secure him via his velcrow hands (all four of 'em) to the radio antenna so he'll get some fresh air? What?"

Actually, Captain Lou is fine. You see when he glazes over like that it actually means he's thinking about important things such as the Allegory of the Cave, the Wizard of Oz and flying monkeys, or most likely food. Try giving him some candy and then discussing the advantages of having a learned monarch instead of the messy democracy America is so fond of. Also be patient with the little guy. He is one of the first to leave the Republic and bring the message to the world regarding monkey governments. Just because they are the first on earth to create a perfect government doesn't mean they are capable of perfectly sharing these ideas (as well as their fruit and candy) with others.
KATHERINE UPDATE OF THE WEEK

It's time for us to check in this week with Katherine to see how hard she is pressing the rains down in Africa. Afterall, she's taking the time to do the things she never had.

"Akssombo.....

Hello! I hope you all are well! Things are going well here in Ghana. I already ran into someone that I knew down here, and I thought that would never happen! It is an international student that lived in Barnes hall where I was an RA at, and now she is a teacher at the school where I will be teaching. What a small world!

So.... things are quite different here. Everyday I eat rice and chicken, and it is really good. I am sure in a few weeks it will not be good just because I will be tired of eating it. I have also had lots of great new foods, most of which I have no idea what they were. (I dont ask because then I probably wouldn't eat them!)

Yesterday I went on a boat down the river to see a damn where all the power is produced in Ghana. We also got to go to a really nice hotel with a pool to swim and play with the monkeys. It is soooooo hot here. I sweat constantly, but I am getting used to it. It is about 35 degrees celcius, which I forget what that is in Farenheit degrees, but I do know that it is a lot! The humiditiy is really really high too!

Last night I came home and there was a lizard on my wall! It was huge and white, so he is now my pet. There are lizards everywhere!

Today we are going to a waterfall and then tomorrow we are going to the beach. We went to Coco Beach on Monday and it was gorgeous. One neat thing that I have been seeing is a sign that is posted all around Ghana about HIV/AIDS. It is sad, but 1 in 20 people here have it, and it is a HUGE problem. Ghana actually has one of the better rates of this than most places in Africa.

The schools here are so different! They all wear uniforms and are SO well behaved! I am going to teach in the primary school for a month, and then at the High School for a month. I can't wait!"

For all y'all yankees out there the best way to figure Celsius to Farenheit is to double it and add 32. For example, if its 35C in Africa, its about 102F.

Cx2=Y
35x2=70
Y+32=F
70+32=102

This is a good rule of thumb if you're not an engineering and don't care about knowing the EXACT number.
LET THE CHEATING BEGIN

IF you thought the run up to the election was bad, it looks like you ain't seen nothin' yet. Check out the post-election "victory strategy" for John Kerry. If you cant get the people to like you, then have the liberal courts make you president.

Let's just hope whichever way the election goes, that it's not as close as all the polls tell us.

MODERN MEDIEVAL TALE

Via Seth...

"Indian bandit king's death sparks scramble for treasure

MADRAS, India (AFP) - The death of India's bandit king has sparked a treasure hunt for his fabulous wealth believed to be stashed in secret caves and tree holes deep inside a forest, officials said.


Koose Muniswamy Veerappan, accused of killing over 100 people and over 2,000 elephants in more than three decades of banditry, was buried Wednesday in southern Tamil Nadu state after being killed in a police trap two days earlier.


Few dared to venture into the southern Indian forest during the years that the bandit was being hunted by the police, but cowherds and firewood gatherers are once again returning with an eye open for the treasure.


"Instead of carrying their usual bamboo sticks and pots of rice gruel, these cowherds and wood-pickers are sneaking into the jungle with sickles and crowbars," said a firewood dealer in Salem, close to the bandit's jungle home.


"Some are even offering special prayers to identity the treasure troves," he added.


Police officials say the local residents are chasing a wild dream.


"It is just a figment of imagination," said Pon Manickavel, superintendent of police in Salem.


"These tribals and wood-pickers can go up to 10 kilometres (6.25 miles) into the forests and not beyond that for fear of wild animals, whereas Veerappan had operated 30 to 40 kilometres into the deep woods," he added.


"It may take seven or eight years for any treasure hunter to stumble on the Veerappan trove and by then he would be dead," Manickavel said.


In the course of nearly 40 years of elephant poaching, sandalwood smuggling and abductions for ransom, Veerappan is believed to have accumulated billions of rupees (millions of dollars).


The kidnapping of southern Indian film idol Rajkumar alone four years ago is reported to have earned him around 200 million rupees in ransom money.


Alarmed by the hundreds of people flocking into the forest to look for Veerappan's buried treasure, forest authorities have issued a warning that they would face police action.


"We have seen groups of locals venturing into the forests looking for Veerappan's money. We have warned them and turned them back," said Salem district administrator U. Ravindram.


"This phenomenon may last some days as these tribals and local villagers hope to lay their hands on his treasure. Hopefully, they will lose interest in due course," he added."
NOT ACTUALLY A BRUNETTE

Today I made a road trip to Athens, GA to visit the UGA law school. Of course, I also got to meet the "Brunette" that my aunt thought fit the profile. Unfortunately, turns out she is actually more of a dirty blonde. Her hair was too short and she was actually more pretty than cute. Though obviously, she wasn't the girl from my dreams, she was quite the hottie and I did enjoy spending the afternoon with her. It seems we have both been to Spain several times, so there was plenty to talk about. Also, she has a delightfully light and playful personality. Plus, she wasn't afraid to say "I don't know," which is a great trait if anyone has ever known a dragon or two when they hit the war path (see the Crazy Margaret linky dink at left for a great description).

I would say that the only problem with the Dirty Blonde (who actually has the same first name as Lady Talkington) is her tool of a boyfriend. It't not that she really seemed to like him, it's just that she seems reluctant to make any kinda change, ever. Now as conservative as I am, I also have a strong adventurous streak that makes me more open to change. I'm not sure if it's possible, but I wonder if I can give her just enough Tondar adventure to make her come to the Destroyer's side.
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH

You go on vacation to Greece for 2 weeks, only to come home and find that somebody has moved into your house and has started to redecorate.
HE'S A BIG POOPER!

Don't you hate it when your toilet floods and does $300,000 worth of damages? Is a $3 plunger REALLY that expensive? Damn, Lenny Kravitz must drop some bigass dooks!

But anyways, this reminds me of the time James and I went to an Ann Arbor graduation party. This was the night I was pretending to be a recent engineering graduate, as I was wearing my cap and gown. I told people, "I'm an engineer. I drive the train. I make over $100,000 a year, AFTER taxes." But anyways, at this party James was going to hook up with the flirty hostess that had gone out of her way to invite him specifically. However, she actually had no intention of hooking up, as she was throwing herself all over some other tool. Ouch, but yeah, typical U of M girl. But during the course of the night Tondar came to the early realization that James didn't want this girl. You see on her fridge there was a picture of her standing by the toilet with a plunger in hand and a big smile on her face. Kinda a funny pic to an innocent passerby. However, Ole Tondar used to work in plumbing and between that photo, and the fact they had a giant 5 gallon flush tank, there really should be no reason to use a plunger on that toilet. Afterall 5 gallons is about enough to flush the most massive of the sideways anaconda turds. Bottom line, James was chasing a big pooper, and I ain't talkin' about her caboose.
HUSHING MY FUSS

A few weeks ago I was badmouthing Rosa Parks for her lawsuit against Outkast. Well from the sound of this AJC article, it turns out she actually does have dementia. The lawsuit is nothing more than a shakedown by her legal guardian and lawyers. So I do apologize to Ms. Parks, and will now focus my angst against her representatives.
WELL IT'S OBVIOUS WHO YOU WANT TO WIN

From the left leaning UK Guardian...

"With no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?"

Afterall when you are a liberal the ends always justify the means. Right, comrade Lenin?
LADY TALKINGTON


So Tondar has been seeing a certain Southern Belle for the last few weeks and well, Im dissapointed. Although I dig her company she has a very annoying habit of talking over me and cutting me off when I speak to hear. She also has a few tendancies that are simply downright rude. For example, last week she placed a call to her friend in California. She then stepped outside of my apartment to have a 5 minute long conversation outside of earshot from me. Well, having a few drinks in me I did the first Tondar thing that came to mind, I locked her out. Eventually she came back in upset, I simply gave her the ultimate "Yeah, I'm cute, deal with it" smile. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy her company. Last night we went to a childrens charity wine tasting together. It was a good time overall. We met a very interesting 59 year old drunk woman who wanted to "take us home with her." I thought it was kinda funny because the function reminded me of the types of get togethers that the liberals in Seth's links go to. However, the difference here was that many quietly professed to be conservatives. But anyways, last night wasn't all HP and high society crowds. We also ended up walking out of there with alotta left over wine, so it was kinda like running shenanigans (well sorta). I have to admit we had a good time. But yet, she still drove me nuts. For example, I would talk to people and she would hijack my conversation. She would actually move her body between me and the person with whom I was speaking. Thus, my part of the conversation would be cut off and then she could take over and ramble on about herself and all the hard work of "running a childrens charity."

But anyways, tonight I finally cooled off our relationship, and let her know where the Dar stands. We will probably still get together for football every Saturday. But since I have a new Idee Fixe I will probably not get to go to any more free alcohol functions. Overall, I find my feelings to be more dissapointed because she is a great person. However, I just can't stand her personality at the volume/degree at which it exists.