Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 18, 2004


Ever been Lynndied Old Hickory? Ha! This one's from the Cherokee, biatch! Posted by Hello
NY PICS

Keep an eye on The Daily Rant for photos from my trip to NYC. Anybody remember the Lynndie page?
GOIN' BLUE?

Looks like we may be picking up Pat Carter, a transfer from Ga Tech. Here's the Seth analysis...

"This story makes it look like he's transferring here to play QB 'cause Tech wouldn't let him. If it's Georgia and Michigan he's considering, that's unlikely. First of all, neither team is known for playing option-style quarterbacks - at least, not since the late '80s. Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, Nebraska until this year, and a handful of other schools do that. Meanwhile, both Michigan and Georgia are set with a handful of pro-style quarterbacks. However, both the Dogs and the Wolverines could really use young receives in two years.

Well, let's figure it out. Georgia makes sense 'cause it's close by. Michigan, however, has a top program, will need receivers once Avant and Edwards are gone in two years, and, well, it's MICHIGAN. Maybe he's into the engineering school. Maybe he just wants to go to Georgia and the way to make his mom happy about the whole deal is to say, "Well, maybe I'm considering Michigan too." Maybe Michigan did a lot of recruiting on him when he was in high school and he came away with a good impression. There are no hints in the article as to where his decision comes from.

With college football, the more the merrier. We do need receivers. And we need corners more, if he's at all interested. But Michigan's not doing the recruiting - they're not allowed to. Until he gets his release signed, the kid does all of his own choosing. So even if it's the pipeline to the NFL at QB that he likes about Michigan and he's yet to hear that there's already as many as three guys in his eligibility class, it's up to the kid and his family to figure it out.

If I had to venture a guess, though, I would say that he was probably recruited here for receiver, went to Tech to be a QB, and once they said he'd be receiving, the guy was like, "s#i+, if I'm going to a receiver, might as well do it at Michigan, the place where they took a 2-star recruit (Braylon) and turned him into a 1st Round Draft Pick."


If the article is correct, then I think we would have a much better chance of landing Carter than the Dawgs. Ga. Tech. doesn't wanna see him in any rivalry game, so what better way to send him on his way then let him transfer to the Big 10. As Seth said, "the more the merrier."
WORST TRADE EVER

Everybody knew Vince Carter wanted out of Toronto. Who could really blame him, afterall he plays an American game in a city that's not to fond of the game that they even created. However, if you look at the trade to New Jersey, I'm not sure who got screwed over more.

New Jersey now has one of the best backcourts in NBA history. They are gonna be runnnin' and gunnin' like nobody's business. However, with Kenyon Martin throwing it down in Denver now, the Nets forgot they don't have a frontcourt. Sure it's gonna be exciting in the regular season to watch them score 100+ a game. But when they run into the Pistons and Heat in the playoffs they are gonna be decimated in the halfcourt game without any frontcourt to bang with Shaq and the Wallaces.

Toronto on the other hand gives up a great player (that they weren't using), and picks up some draft picks and journeymen (including bad kidney 'Zo). Now if history tells us anything, it's that it's always good to have Clippers and Nets draft picks. But since they made New Jersey a team that can now lose in the playoffs, they haven't really helped their cause that much at all. On top of that, how much longer is 'Zo gonna be around with his 10.4 ppg and 7.1 rpg. Talk about a freakin' riddle box gamble!

Ya know after seeing buffoonary like this, it totally makes sense how Joe Dumars was able to turn the Pistons into champs. With idiots like this all around the league, it becomes pretty easy to swindle yourself an NBA championship team.
FANTA PEACH, EH

After being to Europe many times I find myself a big fan of Fanta pop. However, tonight at Kroeger I picked up a 2 liter of Fanta Peach. Compared to Orange or Lemon (only found in Europe), I was not impressed. First, if you catch the right whiff of it, the peach somehow smells like ass. Secondly, the flavor is just down right sugary. Sure there is a faint hint of peach in there. But certainly not enough to appease the Dar. Overall, Fanta Peach, I declare thee eh.
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH

From the AP...

"An ebullient Michael Jackson greeted about 200 children who were brought Friday to the fairy-tale theme park at his countryside ranch - and looked at one point like he might even stay to play.

"I hope you have a wonderful day. Merry Christmas. I love you," the pop singer called out from the driveway of his estate.

When one of the youngsters shouted, "We love you!" Jackson replied "I love you more" before putting an umbrella over his head and walking back toward his house."


I think this story alone is proof that there are MANY MANY people out there that are not fit to be parents. Who in their right mind would bring their kids to visit Neverland and Michael Jackson? After 10 years of molestation allegations, you think people would figure out that maybe Jackson likes the kids a little too much. *shaking head* Idiots!! The whole lot of 'em, just damn idiots!
HILLARY CLINTON: More Bush Than Bush

James has often referred to President George W. Bush being "More Clinton than Clinton." However, if you take a look at Hillary Clinton's behavior she is taking co-option to a new level, as she positions herself to the right, (yes, that's correct), of the Republican Party. Check out Tony Blankley's latest column that examines Hillary's position on the need for immigration reform (I wonder if Seth is going to start calling her racist now too).

Money Quote (not really that profound but brought a chuckle to the dar)...

" As Hillary knows better than most, politics makes strange bedfellows."

HIGH-OH!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL BOTTOMS UP

Well it's that time of the year again. Ole Tondar's heading out to buy Christmas gifts. But you ask what kinda one-stop-shop would have gifts for everybody on Tondar's list? Well, that's an easy question: THE LIQUOR STORE!!

You see there's one near my aunts house that gives discounts if you buy in cash. So, Im takin' $200 bones up that way and ain't gonna stop until everybody on my list has the hook-up. Plus if I have enough left over I may get a bottle of Johnny for the Dar as well :)

Friday, December 17, 2004

ROADIE HEROES

Check out this account of last week's Damage Plan shootings. It's quite frightening, but also quite amazing how these metal roadies laid down their lives for a greater good (No, not Dio).

Plus you get to read about people such as...

Jeff "Mayhem" Thompson
Erin "Stoney" Halk
Dimebag Darrell Abbott

With names like that, you know they have great stories to tell.
CONGRATS TO NIGERIA

This reminded me of a conversation Miss Erika and I had last weekend at the bar. With the 2008 Genocides being awarded to Nigeria, I think it is official that Africa will become the Middle East of the 21st Century. Let's hope that we can turn them into another East Asia instead of another West Bank. But don't take my word, listen to Kofi...

"With so many poor and powerless people involved in messy, years-old conflicts, the situation is likely to be ignored long enough for things to get really ugly," Annan said. "And, of course, the slow-to-move, ineffectual UN will do everything it can to help shepherd Nigeria into a combined religious, political, and economic disaster of horrific proportions."


Well at least we can count on the U.N. for consistency.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

POOR SETH

From James...

"Apparently there is a republican out there who thinks like seth!"

Wow, poor Seth. Now he must either choose between siding with the BCS or a Republican. I'm gonna be really sad if his head explodes in trying to figure this one out.

"The Republicans want to ban the BCS. The BCS should be banned. But then I would agree with a Republican. Republicans are evil. But so is the BCS! AAAGGGGGHHHHH!"
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

We all know that it's often hard to say goodbye. So why not try the Tondar method: throw down a smoke bomb, make ninja "fwit fwit" noises, and escape in the confusion. Now THAT'S an exit!
PIGPEN ON HOF RED WINGS

From Pigpen...

"You mention that it'll be 20 years or so before another number is raised. This is not something that surprises me - think about the guys that the Wings retired thus far...

Gordie Howe
Sid Abel
Al Delveccio
Ted Lindsay


That's a pretty prestigious list for the NHL let alone the Wings, add Yzerman and Lidstrom to that? Holy crap, what a list. It's a pretty tall order to throw numbers in among this crowd."
LOSING IT

From Seth...

"Richard's Rage? Nope. Just good ol'fashioned exam stress served up U-M style."

This is such a great story I'm gonna cut and paste the entire thing just in case the link should ever die. Someday when there are li'l Dars, they should be able to come back here and read this and know what they have to look forward to when they serve their sentence at Big Blue...

Student tosses possessions out of U Towers window

By Farayha Arrine, Daily Staff Reporter
December 14, 2004

Computer parts, furniture and other belongings were tossed onto South University Avenue from a 12th floor University Towers apartment window yesterday morning.

Before 10 a.m., a man standing at the window had strewn the street with notebooks, CDs, desk drawers and pictures.

After receiving numerous calls, the Ann Arbor Police Department arrived at the scene and took the man away for treatment.

He was not arrested and will not face charges, as is the case in mental health crises, the AAPD said.

People walking down the street ran for cover as the man threw the possessions, witnesses said. They also said they heard the man making loud screaming noises while some said he sounded as if he was laughing loudly.

One object hit a parked car, denting the hood. The AAPD said no one was injured by the projectiles.

Those standing around the area — including employees from nearby stores and students passing the scene — said the loud noise of the objects hitting the street frightened them.

Kristen Engel, an employee at STA Travel, which is across from University Towers, said she was opening the store when she saw the first things flying down from the window. She said she was almost hit by a falling object that landed on the sidewalk in front of the store.

“Shelves, checkbooks, CDs, a printer (and) keyboard were all coming down. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen down here,” she said.

Employees from other stores said everyone stood outside watching, thinking that the man would jump from the window himself.

The man left the building shirtless but police officers covered him before he entered the car, one employee said.

During the incident, the AAPD blocked off the street while Ann Arbor trash collectors quickly cleared up the many objects scattered all over the street and surrounding corners.

Many of the pictures thrown out the window depicted two men who appeared to be of college age.

The AAPD did not specifically say what caused the man to throw these objects out of the window. They said that alcohol and drugs were not involved."
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH

Well, ok, this one is actually a bit TOO logical. After all, if your dog has a biting problem, what better way to "learn him" than to show him how biting REALLY HURTS.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

MILITANT CHRISTMAS

Check out this great Vox Day column that examines the secularization of Christmas by corporations and liberals. It should put you in the festive spirit to burn a little bit more than a lamp and show Trotsky where he can put his corn. Money Quote...

"I am not buying them (gifts) because Kwanzaa Timmy is coming to town with his maize and his copy of the "Communist Manifesto." I am buying them because it is Christmas time."


Seriously, does anybody out there celebrate, or even KNOW HOW to celebrate Kwanzaa. I work with many African Americans. And I have been invited to the Southern Baptist church even a couple of times. However, nobody REALLY knows what "Trotsky's Christmas" is all about except there is corn involved and it's "festive." If I had to venture a guess, my idea of a perfect Kwanzaa would be listening to Elminestrone, drinking a 40 of Steel Reserve, eating 3 cans of corn, and whiping my ass with Marx and Engels. Now THAT'S festive!!
HOCKEY FIX

With the lockout dragging on, let's take a look into the Seth Archives at a li'l bit of Wings talk. From Seth...

"I was reading over some old e-mails and came across a pigpen/seth thread about Shanahan.

Well, with Larionov's retirement today, I was thinking about the potential Hall of Famers who came through Detroit in recent years:

Steve Yzerman
Sergei Fedorov
Igor Larionov
Brendan Shanahan
Luc Robitaille
Chris Chelios
Nicklas Lidstrom
Rob Lang
Larry Murphy
Paul Coffey
Dominick Hasek
Brett Hull
Derian Hatcher
Keith Primeau
Scotty Bowman


Who could make it in the HoF? Who will be wearing a Wings jersey if/when they do? Whose numbers will we retire?

Yzerman - This is the only absolute certain. He'll be a first-ballot Hall of Famer. His 19 will hang from the rafters. We'll probably even build a statue of him. As for his Hall jersey, the only question will be whether he's wearing the red or white one.

Fedorov - I think he'll make it in the Hall of Fame when he's done. He's almost already got the stats and likely could play 10 more years. If
he plays all 10 with Anaheim, they'll still hang red in his showcase. But because he went to Anaheim, he forfeited his chance to have 91 retired. I wonder: would the fans have liked him enough to do it?

Larionov - They've been asking the question a lot since his retirement, because his NHL stats are only good - not star. But he was a bona fide superstar playing for the Red Army. If you have to hang an NHL jersey, it'll be the Wings, where he won 3 cups. But I think it's best to remember Igor for centering one of the greatest lines in hockey history -- wearing red and "CCCP." We won't retire his number; Fischer's already wearing it.

Shanny - Who'd have thought he'd stick around this long? For HoF credentials, he's one of those guys who slowed down in scoring when the league slowed down, but he's consistently had 30-goal years and never lost his ability to play defense. He used to be better defined by his Blues days, but Brendan has now played over half his career with the Wings. I think he'll be a Hall of Famer, wearing the red and white, even though he gets lost in the superstar shuffle in Detroit, and he deserves it. As for retiring #14, I don't know. It'd be a classy thing to do.

Lucky Luc - He's the top-scoring left winger in history, but he'll go to the Hall of Fame as an L.A. King, where his #20 will hang in the rafters.

Chelios - I think the general understanding when we traded for him would be that Chelli would finish up his career in Detroit in '98-99. But
here we are in '04-'05 and Chelios is still playing in Detroit. Wow. Anyway, he's a certain Hall of Famer. As for jerseys, I think it's Chicago over Montreal and Detroit; even if each stay was similar in length, he was most prolific in Chi-town. He hurt his chances of getting #7 retired in Chicago, although it's still possible, by playing so long for the rival Wings.

Lidstrom - Well, since Ray Borque retired, he's been the consensus
best defenseman in the league, so keeping that up for just a few more years should guarantee a glass case filled with apparel from the only team he ever played for. As for raising that #5, if he plays here at that level for five or seven more years, we won't have much choice, will we.

Lang - He's only played about 20 games as a Wing. If he's among the
league's scoring leaders for another 8 years or so, he's a first-ticket Hall-of-Famer. But he's kind of borderline, and I think at the moment, he's best known as a Penguin. Who knows. We won't be retiring #20 for him, I'm guessing.

Murphy - He's now in the Hall of Fame, and between L.A., Washington, Minnesota, Pittsburgh and Detroit, he's in there as a Capital. A journeyman, nobody really had much will to hang his #55, as he would have wanted it.

Coffey - Elected to the HoF the same year as Murphy, the
quintessential scoring defenseman had the Penguins and Oilers ahead of Detroit for
which color to wear. He's in there for his Edmonton years, appropriately, where he made his young career feeding Wayne Gretzky. Nobody retired his #7 or #77.

Hasek - No question about Dom, once he's done making his "comeback." He'll go as a Sabre, where he re-defined the phrase "you just can't
score on him." Detroit was a just a late career cup-stop. As for #39, no Buffalo player will ever wear that sweater again, mark my words.

Brett Hull - His Detroit stay was just like that in Dallas: 3 years
and a cup, and I think both parties got what they wanted from it. Golden Brett will certainly follow his father to the Hall, most likely wearing his Blues #16 jersey. As for that jersey, nobody's worn it since Hully left - they even made traditional 16 Mike Sillinger switch to 18 - so I'm guessing they're saving it for the rafters.

Derian Hatcher - His time in Detroit has just begun, but with a huge long-term contract, and the fact that he grew up in Detroit and wants to play out his career here, Derian could possibly make #2 his own. Slava Fetisov couldn't do it, but they made Jiri Fischer change to 8 to make room. It would take 10 years of being a superstar defender, but he's on his way toward becoming a Hall of Famer already, more likely than not as a Dallas Star. But time will tell if he can make his Detroit years more memorable.

Keith Primeau - Like the man he was traded for, Primeau gets lost
among a list of stars. He's certainly more memorable as a Flyer than a Red Wing, even though he spent more years in Detroit so far, and his Hartford/Carolina years are wholly forgettable. I think he's on his way to a Hall of Fame career if he keeps getting better through his 30s. Neither team's going to hang up his jersey, though.

Scotty Bowman - Doesn't need a sweater, and he was already in the Hall of Fame when he coached here....for coaching! Scotty was the quintessential super-coach who always got brought in to coach a good team into a dynastic team. Wings, Penguins, Habs, Blues, doesn't matter. If there was a number for coaches, his would be retired from hockey.

Wrap-up:
We all know 19 won't be worn again. We knew that even before Stevie won his first cup with Detroit. I think Lidstrom has the potential to be the last #5. And it'll be interesting to see what they do with Shanny's 14. Maybe if he has two more great seasons, we can feel better about it. Anyway, unless Zetterberg and Datsyuk become super-duper-stars here for the next 20 years, that should be all the jerseys added to the rafters.

However, I would like to see a statue, or at least a display case in Joe Louis arena, featuring Maltby, Draper and McCarty. Or maybe giant bobbleheads. Or, how about at the entrance to the Joe, we have an animatronic Drapes with cement hands skating around the outside of the stadium at 90 mph, an animatronic Maltby blocking 200 pucks with a bored-looking goalie standing behind him, and an animatronic McCarty
who knocks you down on your way in, chugs a 20-oz. beer in the penalty-box, shoots a 95-mph slapshot over a wimpy-looking Patrick Roy's shoulder, beats up Claude Lemieux, plays a set in a metal band, then cures cancer."
WORST TONDARING EVER!

I know I've gotten all y'all pretty good from time to time. However, check out what happened to this Costa Rican that thought it would be a good idea to try a practical joke in the 3rd world. A few inches over and he could have qualified for this year's Darwins.
MICHIGAN COULDN'T DO THIS

From James...

"see, i wish i got one of those back in the day, maybe things would be different..."

Frankly, I would be more confused than anything. Nobody REALLY wants their college experience to be a FOX show. On top of that, how can this be from a church school?

Monday, December 13, 2004

WIZARD OF OZ?

From Pigpen...

"Who dares disturb the GREAT and POWERFUL Oz? Go away and come back tomorrow!

"There's no sign on the building, no logo on the locked glass door, nothing to indicate that an Internet icon has come to town.

A note taped to the door points visitors to a buzzer, which prompts a polite, but firm, female voice to shoo you away. The voice can't - or won't - confirm you've found Google, or even if you're in the right place."


Damn this is like the various Ministries in Orwell's 1984. What could be so secret that people can't go inside - It's presumably nothing more than banks and banks of commercial servers - or they don't want would be hackers to find out that the security is only a radio shack surge protector integrated into a 4 outlet plug strip. Kind of ironic really, Google lets you find out anything about anything, but not about itself, an informational mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle, housed in a white box in Atlanta. Stupid people might start knocking on the door thinking they can buy a comp there like it's Gateway or PeoplePC.

Here's one to blow your mind - Imagine if the ENTIRE internet is housed in one building. I wonder what Al Gore has to say about this? Think about it though if the internet lives in this building, it is quite possibly the highest single concentrated point of adult material (for your mail server) in the known universe - pure concentrated internet. I bet the building pulses and glows at night. Get Mulder and Scully on it ASAP, Area 51 is old news."

Though I wonder how the security compares to Check Point Menards and that Jabba look-a-like that demands your papers but doesn't know anything about the merchandise she is actually employed to protect.

"You wanna drive around back to door 8. And dont forget to stay to the right. STAY TO THE RIGHT!"
SACKETT'S YEAR 6 COME BACK

Well good news from James...

It seems our buddy Sackett has been accepted back into the University of Michigan. Way to go Dave. Keep the retail politic to a minimum and you can make it out in time for the next boom economy.
WORST NAMES EVER

From Pigpen...

"So apparently Gwynyth Paltrow's kid, "Apple" was the dumbest name ever...until now (second name down)."
PERFECT GIFT FOR SETH

Somebody's gotta li'l too much *clap clap* time on their hands. So do you want this for your birthday or Christmas Seth?
JETHRO TULL'S FIRST FLUTE

From the Ice-age to Pigpen to you...

"At least it's not a skin flute made from a Wooly Mammoth (*ZING*). Nevertheless,this proves that Ian Anderson is MUCH older than scientists intially percieved and has been sucking as Jethro Tull for 35000 years instead of the 35 or so that we know of."
AND THE WHEELS COME OFF THE CAR

From Brado...

"Looks like the wheels are literally falling off over at Dodge..."
KAR' MALO' TINK YO WIFE BE HOT

From Brado...

"Looks like The Mailman apparently has a delivery for Mrs. Kobe Bryant."

Be it true or not, you would think that Kobe would be reluctant to comment on ANYBODY'S unwanted advances. I know I'm takin' Kar' Malo's side in this one.