Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 25, 2004


Well the folks showed up about this time yesterday. Of course ole Tondar wasn't ready. I was wandering around with my shirt off dusting. But that didn't matter because it was time for me to open my gifts (so I was told). Well, I certainly did get the hook up. Unfortunately, I now have so many housewares in my apartment I can't even put things aways. On top of that it only took about an hour for Denise to lay into Big Ed for not hearing her the first 2 times she said she didn't want to go to midnight mass.


But anyways, check out this article in The Onion that talks about the joys of visiting with concerned outta town folks. I know Tondar can relate.

Yes, it's time to celebrate the birth of that Jew from so long ago. Yes, the Jew that came into this world to teach us about compassion, sharing, and "Death Nachos." That's right, happy birthday Seth :)

To celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior here is Pope John Paul II's address from yesterday's Mass of the Lord's Nativity (Midnight Mass)...

"1. Christ is born for us: come, let us adore him!

On this solemn day we come to you,

tender Babe of Bethlehem.

By your birth you have hidden your divinity

in order to share our frail human nature.

In the light of faith, we acknowledge you

as true God, made man out of love for us.

You alone are the Redeemer of mankind!

2. Before the crib where you lie helpless,

let there be an end to the spread of violence in its many forms,

the source of untold suffering;

let there be an end to the numerous situations of unrest

which risk degenerating into open conflict;

let there arise a firm will to seek peaceful solutions,

respectful of the legitimate aspirations of individuals and peoples.

3. Babe of Bethlehem, Prophet of peace,

encourage attempts to promote dialogue and reconciliation,

sustain the efforts to build peace,

which hesitantly, yet not without hope, are being made

to bring about a more tranquil present and future

for so many of our brothers and sisters in the world.

I think of Africa, of the tragedy of Darfur in Sudan,

of Ivory Coast and of the Great Lakes Region.

With great apprehension I follow the situation in Iraq.

And how can I fail to look with anxious concern,

but also invincible confidence,

toward that Land of which you are a son?

4. Everywhere peace is needed!

You, Prince of true peace,

help us to understand that the only way to build peace

is to flee in horror from evil,

and to pursue goodness with courage and perseverance.

Men and women of good will, of every people on the earth,

come with trust to the crib of the Savior!

"He who bestows the Kingdom of heaven

does not take away human kingdoms."

Hasten to meet him;

he comes to teach us

the way of truth, peace and love."

Thursday, December 23, 2004


Dark Lord Denise is coming to the ATL for a week. Not sure how the blogging will hold up over that time. But I'm sure it will be all-up-ons in the fan, as Tondar becomes just a little bit more crazy.

Cue the Chorus...

"Dies Irae....

Dies IRAE!!"

So Ole Tondar just got back from my second cousin Liz's wedding. I have to admit it was rather strange having the thing 3 days before Christmas. Though since it was a protestant wedding they could get away with a quickie ceremony. But overall, it's not as bad as a weepy bride or getting married at the YMCA. Honestly, the wedding was pretty fun and nice. Since this was the McMasters side of the family, they had an open bar and ole Tondar got to mingle with about 2 dozen UGA alumns and students.

Highlights of the day included...

Tondar forgetting lunch on the counter.

My grandma's sister throwing down to ludacris, and Vanilla Ice

Tondar forgetting to wear a belt.

Ole Tondar being introduced to many random hotties (how closely related? That is the dirty question of the south, now isn't it?)

Tondar forgetting his coat and sweater at work.

The 10 yr old alcohol police striking again. "Waa, I'm scared to get into the car with you. You had 3 drinks over the last 4 hours, waaaa."

Tondar having to wear a borrowed tan tweed coat and a tie as loud as the SBP (Not appropriate for a presbaterian wedding).

Yeah, today had the potential to be a trainwreck but somehow it all came out alright. You gotta love those kinda days.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


Well it looks like there were a few mistakes when the electoral college met. First check out archives where the "highly educated" state of New York voted for a non-existant John L. Kerry of Massachusettes. Secondly, NRO has the goods on what went awry in Minnesota with a regards to "John Ewards."

If the NYPost is not one of the two papers you are allowed to read, you may have missed the recent battle between Jets quarterback, Chad Pennington and the sports staff over at the Post. First check out "Chad's take." And then check out the angry rebuttal from the Post. Maybe Seth is right, it's not so much a matter of liberal bias in the media, but simply douchebag arrogance.

From Pigpen...

"Canada is quickly following Europe into the slow rot from within. This time, all in the name of political correctness. Canada: now home to Muslim extremists, as well as other old favorites such as socialist jackoffs, and America's cowardly hippie deadbeats."

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


From Pigpen...

"What is confusing to me is that this particular case doesn't take into consideration that the child is still under the legal guardianship of the parent(s). If the child was 18+ or in a rare circumstance emancipated then I can see this, but the kid has in my opinion no legal justification for be treated as a self governing individual. Otherwise what's the grounds for legal guardianship at all if anything over 11(arbitrary age) is regarded as non-compliant?"

I have not read the decision, but I think the position of the punk-defendant was that the parents were acting as agents of law enforcement. Had he simply been smacked until his ears bled it would not have been that big of deal. But since it became a criminal matter he was then subject to Constitutional Due Process. And in the state of Washington the right against unlawful search and seizure (this actually IS where a Constitutional right to privacy exists), has a much higher standard then it would in other states because of their telephone intrusion laws. Thus when parents seek to entrap their children criminally they must operate with the same care as law enforcement.

But of course a simple way for a parent to get around this is to enter into a contract with their children where they give up this right to privacy in exchange for free use of the phone.

Monday, December 20, 2004


From Seth...

"I guess if we're going to make a list of potential Hall of Famers in this generation, let's just do it. Feel free to add/subtract/edit. I put the surest things first. Team in parentheses is the cap they'll probably be wearing were they to make it in the Hall. Those listed with a 2nd team and question mark denote those players who, if they stayed with their current team for the remainder of their careers, would likely then be listed as such.

In Like Flynn Department:
Barry Bonds (Giants) - Best of all-time: Cobb, Ruth, Mays or Bonds? I say cancel the waiting period and let the argument begin.

Roger Clemens (Red Sox) - He was a sure lock when he left the Sox. Now he's Christy Mathewson.

Greg Maddux (Braves) - 300 wins. Perhaps the best control pitcher

Barry Larkin (Reds) - He's the best infielder left from the old days, the quintessential HoF '80s & '90s infielder

Randy Johnson (Diamondbacks) - Dominated the league in his 30s and
40s, which begs the question, who was coaching RJ in his 20s?

Raphael Palmeiro (Rangers) - Gold gloves, longevity, .318 lifetime BA. over 500 HRs. He's in, Texas or no Texas.

Ivan Rodriguez (Rangers) - The best defensive catcher of his era also has a career .305 BA and led Florida to a ring. Pudge is in.

Mike Piazza (Mets) - The best hitting catcher in history will have the voters saying, "Dude."

Tom Glavine (Braves) - I held onto his rookie card because I though
his 5-something ERA was a batting average. Good thing.

Joe Torre (Yankees) - Getting on the right bus. Simply not getting
fired by George all these years is a Hall-worthy accomplishment

Ken Griffey Jr. (Mariners) - That little spell hurt, but he was a
megastar in his 20s and has little left to prove.

Craig Biggio (Astros) - Four gold gloves and Lou Gehrig-like numbers. Roberto Alomar (Blue Jays) - For 15 years he was the best 2nd baseman
in the game. Case closed.

Jeff Bagwell (Astros) - Since winning rookie of the year, he's missed just 24 games in 15 years. He's in on consistency.

John Franco (Mets) - Longevity counts. So does sticking around until
you're the all-time saves leader.

Unless the Wheel Comes Flying Off Tomorrow Department:

Pedro Martinez (Red Sox or Mets?) - Pretty much a lock already, and
that will just grow.

Mariano Rivera (Yankees) - The streak, the pinstripes, the rings, the stats, the everything. He's in.

A-Rod (Mariners or Yankees?) - 50 years from now, we'll be talking
about him like he was our generation's Willie Mays.

Derek Jeter (Yankees) - If Jeter played in the 1980s, he'd be Alan
Trammell. If Tram had played in pinstripes, he'd be in the Hall.

Manny Ramirez (Indians) - Why not? He's been a slugging machine for 10 years now and will likely finish with over 550 HR.

Nomar Garciaparra (Red Sox) - Can't leave out the 3rd of the shortstop trifecta. He'll bounce back to form in Chicago.

Gary Sheffield (Braves) - That last MVP, plus going to the Yanks,
likely sealed the deal.

Sammy Sosa (Cubs) - B to B+ for 10 years, then A+ for five. Sammy
needs to maintain an A average or hit 100 more dingers.

Got That Last Little Thing to Do Department:

Vladimir Guerrero (Expos or Angels?) - He keeps playing like this for another 5 years and it's a lock.

Tony La Russa (Athletics or Cardinals?) - Four-time manager of the year. He's the Sparky of this generation if he can win one in St. Louis.

Jim Thome (Indians) - If he could have just one or two more MVP-caliber seasons, he'd be in. Otherwise, no.

Mike Mussina (Orioles or Yankees?) - Needs like 50 more wins to be a
lock, but he's on the right team to get it.

Carlos Delgado (Blue Jays) - If he bounces back next season and gets a better eye, the most powerful hitter of his generation is in.

Brian Giles (Pirates or Padres?) - If he'd had this career anywhere
but Pitt and S.D., we'd be talking, but after another 10 years it won't matter.

Lou Piniella (Mariners) - If he turns the Devil Rays into champions, it'll make people take notice. But that's a big IF.

Naught Left to Do but Show Your Hand and Hope Department:

Julio Franco (Indians) - Lifetime BA of .300 and has been doing it since 1982. Where's HIS celebration?

Frank Thomas (White Sox) - What do you think? Hitting, yes. But he was a nightmare at 1st before becoming a DH.

Kenny Lofton (Indians) - Doesn't have the stats to be a sure lock, but was the quintessential CF before Griffey Jr. hit the stage

Omar Vizquel (Indians) - When Ozzie Smith retired, they cloned him and put him in Cleveland

Juan Gonzalez (Rangers) - If he'd had a tenth of the heart of a slug, he'd be a lock.

Trevor Hoffman (Padres) - A dominant closer for like 10 years, but has anyone noticed?

David Wells (Blue Jays) - If personality can make the difference
between in and out, David Wells will make prima facie evidence.

Larry Walker (Rockies) - Okay, Larry, where'd you get those stats?
Coors Field? Thought so. No dice, bucko.

Retirees (italics are the ones I think will make it)

Leftovers of note:
-Alan Trammell (Tigers) will keep getting shirked until he makes the modern Tigers good or the live ball era ends.

-Ryne Sandberg (Cubs) is another great infielder whose 1980s stats don't measure up to modern standards.

-Andre Dawson (Cubs) joins his Cubby teammate again. Power
hitters of his age don't look good against today's #s

-Goose Gossage (Yankees) - If we held this election every
week, he'd still just miss. Had he struck Gibson out in '84 it might be

Eligible in 2005:

-Wade Boggs (Red Sox) should be a 1st-ballot in '05.

-Darryl Strawberry (Mets) is up. The 8-time All-Star might hang on the ballot awhile so we can all tell drug stories.

-Willie McGee (Cardinals) - Two-time NL batting champion. Love the way he played, but he's probably not hall-bound.

-Chili Davis (Angels) - He was good for like five years and is 3rd in HR among switch hitters, but he's not all that huge.

-Tom Candiotti (Indians) - The former knuckleballer and current sportswriter won't even vote for himself.

Eligible in 2006:

-Orel Hershiser (Dodgers), Doc Gooden (Mets), Albert Belle (Indians) Will Clark (Giants), Gary Gaetti (Twins)

Eligible in 2007:

-Gwynn (Padres), Ripken (Orioles), McGwire (Athletics), Tony Fernandez (Blue Jays), Saberhagen (Royals) , Harold Baines (White Sox), Canseco (Athletics), Paul O'Neill (Yankees)

Eligible in 2008:

-Tim Raines (Expos), Travis Fryman (Indians), David Justice (Braves)

Eligible in 2009:

-Rickey Henderson (Athletics)

Eligible in 2010:

-Edgar Martinez (Mariners), Robin Ventura (White Sox)

There's got to be a bunch of younger guys (Jim Edmonds, Carlos Beltran, Albert Pujols, Scott Rolen, et. al.) who've gotten off to HoF starts, but they'll have to keep it up for awhile to have a shot. Let me know if I left anyone off, or if you'd change the order around.


-There's a lot of guys on here from those mid- to late-'90s Indians teams: Thome, Belle, Fryman, Ramirez, Vizquel, Franco and Lofton, not to mention stop-ins by Roberto Alomar, Tony Fernandez, Eddie Murray, Harold Baines, David Justice, Dave Winfield and Doc Gooden, and young Bartolo Colon, Richie Sexton and Brian Giles. Those teams also had Sandy Alomar Jr., Charles Nagy and, until they traded him, Carlos Baerga.

Even the Yankees of those years couldn't boast a roster like this:

CF Kenny Lofton

1B Julio Franco (yeah, he played 1st during his 2nd stint in Cleveland)

RF Manny Ramirez

3B Jim Thome (yeah, he used to be their 3rd-baseman when he was young)

DH Eddie Murray

LF Albert Belle

2B Tony Fernandez

C Sandy Alomar Jr.

SS Omar Vizquel

SP: Doc Gooden
Bartolo Colon
Charles Nagy

Bench: Dave Winfield
Richie Sexton
Brian Giles

And it's not like the Central Division put up much struggle, until the emergence of the Twins in recent years. But somehow, they could never get a ring. So here's a fun baseball discussion: If not the 2nd-half-of-the-'90s Tribe, what do you think was the best team (over, say, a 4- to 9-year period) that never won a World Series?"

From Brado...

"Well, if it wasn't apparent before it's now very official...


It's amazing how they always find a way to LOSE. Now that the Redsox have won, I think we gotta start talking about the real "curse" in professional sports.

From Seth...

"The difference between me and the Republican Congressman who wants to get rid of the BCS is that I made my decision by assessing the system, its outcomes, and its overall fairness and worth to the public good. He wants to waste the time of the nation's most populous state's government in order to pursue a grudge because the BCS duked his team.

I think this is a perfect example of a bipartisan effort. Seldom does the Democratic ideal of doing things for other people and the Republican ideal of doing things for oneself lead to the same conclusion on a political issue.

Let's celebrate one more bi-partisan accomplishment. And while we're on the subject of the BCS's obvious rect@l invasion of the Cal Bears, I think the Democrats and Republicans can also both agree that Texas has no business despoiling the hallowed grounds of the Rose Bowl. Do they even know the difference between playing in the Grandaddy and the Fiesta Bowl (which has been playing since only the late '60s)?

Republicans: These plebians are invading our exclusive club
Democrats: Texas?!? I HATE Texas!"

Why is it when Seth describes Republicans I can only picture some country club with Mr. Peanut, Monopoly's Uncle Moneybags, and the Argentinian aristocracy from "Evita?"

Pigpen, you used to play hockey. Do Zambonis NORMALLY explode? Ya know, you never give much thought to how they run, you simply are too fascinated by the water. But personally, I know I will never look at a Zamboni the same way again.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Is that Neil Diamond at the Temple of Dendur? Oh wait, it's just the dar. Posted by Hello

Last weekend, while I was in New York, I was able to swing by the Met. One of my all time favorite exhibits is the Temple of Dendur in the Egyptian wing. Now one of my favorite parts of the exhibit is the security guards militant attitude towards no-flash photography and keeping quiet. However, this time there was a group of "challenged" people obviously on an outting from some "home." Well, I'm not normally one to find retarded people funny. However, when you combine them with douchebag security, it made for an entertaining awkward moment.

From some reason the handicapped group was moving in a large hand-on-shoulder conga line. And every once in a while one of them would randomly scream "WOOOOO WOOOOO" at the top of his or her lungs (obviously representing the train). At this point, the look on the security guards face was absolutely classic. He SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO wanted to yell at them but held back on account of their retardation. Thus we were left with this line parading around the Temple of Dendur disrupting the normally highly pretentious Met atmosphere. Needless to say, Tondar loved it!!!

I updated the blog a bit over the weekend so check out the new linky dinks to the left. Where else could you have the Virgin Mary next to Robot Frank?

With the Larry Harrison's recent "mess" involving the AAPD and his exposure an interesting point is raised. Would you rather be a Dan Chen, getting caught blasting the dook in the communal showers, or a Larry Harrison grinding 'em out all over town. Personally I think people would rather drop a Chen. However, it doesn't make either of these any easier to get your head around.

What do you think Pigpen?

"What possesses some people to do stuff like this - on a sociological level this is just a massive head shake and a "why". I don't get it, what would go throughb someone's mind to justify this. What conclusion could be so rewarding and seemingly attainable that the negative consequences (ie: busted) are outwieghed in the internal deliberation that Harrison went though in his mind. Maybe I'm a simpleton, but I don't get the motive or the courage to follw though - weirdness everywhere you turn. I think I'd rather be found out as a "Dan Chen" than a "Larry Harrison", and both are not anything to write home about."

Pigpen stumbled upon this interesting bit of legal news...

"This is absolutely rediculous - who do all of these justices think they are and that they are uncontested in rulings..."

Court: Mom's Eavesdropping Violated Law...

SEATTLE - In a victory for rebellious teenagers, the state Supreme Court ruled Thursday that a mother violated Washington's privacy law by eavesdropping on her daughter's phone conversation.

On the surface it looks like rogue courts gone OOC again. However, if you examine the Washington law...

"Federal wiretap law has been interpreted to allow parents to record their child's conversations. But Washington privacy law is stricter. Washington is one of 11 states that requires consent from all parties involved before a conversation may be intercepted or recorded.

"The Washington statute ... tips the balance in favor of individual privacy at the expense of law enforcement's ability to gather evidence without a warrant," Justice Tom Chambers wrote."

To ole Tondar, it looks like the right call. However, like Pigpen and the parents I am bothered by the fact this punk got off on a technicality. But I would blame the kids own mother, not the girlfriends mother for his general douchebaggery.

From Pigpen...

"Keith Primeau HOF? NO WAY! I remember back in the day screaming at the TV a la Tim with Big Daddy Darling about the boneheaded plays Primeau made every shift. I was so happy to see him get axed in the Shanahan deal...ha ha ha ha ha ha now your in Carolina. The only former Wing that I hated then and still hate now."

He may be a boner, but I'm just curious, how do his stats compare. I'm sure Seth musta had a pretty good reason for including him in the HOF discussion. Though personally I would take a solid grinder like McCarty anyday.

Check out Dick Morris' latest piece as he shares his experience in Ukrainian politics over the last few months. And you thought we had it bad with Swiftboat Veterans and Dan Rather pulling election shenanigans.

Pat Buchanan first brought up Mitt Romney in 2008 when the Massachusetts Supreme Court decided on federalism by fiat for gay marriage. Now George Will is hopping on the bandwagon with this "get-ta-know-ya" piece on the Massachusetts' governor. I remember a similar thing going down in 1996 as we were introduced to the Texas governor, George W. Bush.

She's BaaaAAAAAAck...

"I made it back all the way from Africa! I got home after traveling for 36+ hours Tuesday night at midnight. It is quite an adjustment to the cold, and it is not going well so far! I want to go back to Africa! It was extremely hard to leave Ghana, especially saying my goodbyes to friends and children that became a part of my heart. I am already looking forward to when I can return! I am so glad that I was able to have this experience teaching in another country. I highly recommend any international experience that you are offered- go! do it! It will change your perspective on life and you will make a difference when you don't even know you are doing it.

I am in Mt. Pleasant now since I graduate from Central Michigan University tomorrow. WOW. It is already that time... and I am sad that it is over. I know that graduation is supposed to be a celebration of all of the hard work that was accomplished, but to me it is sad because I want to keep studying abroad! I guess that means that I will have to do some Masters work around the world. I am not worried.... that traveling bug is still swimming in my blood!

I hope you all had a fantastic fall and start to the holiday season. It is hard to believe that Christmas is literally right around the corner... but it is good. I am happy to be in the USA this year for the holidays! I want to see each and everyone of you sometime soon!

Take care! I miss you all and am looking forward to seeing you. Have a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for 2005!"

She is right about studying abroad. All y'all need to take advantage of any chance you get to check out other parts of the world. As Drake would say, it puts things in perspective.

Check out this thoughtful piece about Iranian involvement in Iraq's upcoming elections. It's interesting to see a column that is not driven by domestic Rep/Dem politics but by thoughtful analysis of international affairs. It's worth the read if you take seriously the long term goals of the War on Terror.

From Brado...
"So, remember how it was rumored that Kerry was looking at McCain as his VP for a while? While McCain would have certainly declined the offer what about another crack at a bipartisan ticket in '08? I was thinking McCain/Lieberman. If you could get Lieberman on board I think the ticket would be unbeatable."

Brado's onto something here. This would be an interesting political move. It certainly wouldn't be politics as usual with the major parties shut outta power. My only concern would be what happens when this Unity Party is attacked by both the big money machines of the Republicans and Democrats? These two are gonna get dragged through the mud twice as bad as Bush or Kerry caught it in 2004.

On top of that, I wonder what would happen as the Republicans were pushed further towards the Bushes and right, while the Democrats are pushed further towards the Clintons and the left. Who could you ever get to run seriously against McCain/Lieberman? Chris Rock/Bernie Mac? Pat Buchanan/Bob Dornan? Michael Moore/John Conyers?

What do the poly sci kids out there think?

If you're down with the band Rush check out "All Rush Radio." It's pretty cool, playing alotta rare songs. Though I did hear "Xanadu" twice in 45 minutes, it was totally worth it to hear a Geddy Lee rant about what a "bummer" it would be if the stage collapsed. Classic :)

If you're wondering why it's a big deal what happens to President Bush's judicial nominees, check out this NYPost column by Collin Levey. It's a great summary of what the Democrats pulled during Bush's first term, what we have to look forward to during the second term, and why the Democrats have been voted "not yet fit to govern again."

Money quote...

"Look at what's really going on here. Democrats have totally lost power to set the nation's agenda in the White House and Congress — but liberal groups still feel entitled to legislate through the courts. Hence their keenness to block conservative nominees and so preserve the power of liberal Carter and Clinton appointees to shape the law.

That's why liberals care so much. With their agenda rejected by voters, the interest groups depend on activist judges to carry out their agenda on issues like gay marriage, the environment and the "progressive" downgrading of property rights. So the leftist People for the American Way whines that a conservative Bush appointee would be "staggeringly damaging" and should be prevented at any cost."

Seth is always getting on my case because I compare the modern liberal Democratic party to the Soviet Union. However, when one sees the court behaving like this without the consent of the people, it easy to understand how the liberal agenda is so important that even democracy must not stand in its way. Afterall, why bother trying to sway millions when you can simply get a handful of judges to "interpret" a law your way.

I'm going through my in-box deleting any mail from Lady Talkington and it's funny because she is the only person that emails me that SPELLS HER NAME ALL IN CAPS. Fitting? Yeah, I think so.

In the coming days we will take a look back on the trainwreck that was the year of 2004. However, in the meantime, we must set the agenda for 2005. Now 2004 was the year of the monkey. Everybody pretty much agreed that we would bring in the year of the monkey with rum. After all, monkeys and rum are a pirate's best friend. However 2005, the year of the rooster, is not so clear to identify...

"People born in the Year of the Rooster are deep thinkers, capable, and talented. They like to be busy and are devoted beyond their capabilities and are deeply disappointed if they fail. People born in the Rooster Year are often a bit eccentric, and often have rather difficult relationship with others. They always think they are right and usually are! They frequently are loners and though they give the outward impression of being adventurous, they are timid. Rooster people's emotions like their fortunes, swing very high to very low. They can be selfish and too outspoken, but are always interesting and can be extremely brave. They are most compatible with Ox, Snake, and Dragon."

If anybody has any ideas in the best way to bring in the year of the rooster please let me know so that we can officially set the agenda and get to doing the Lord's Work for the new year.

Also while we're at it, let's look for a few 2004 reviews to post and remember, such as...

Event of the Year...
Girl of the Year...
Trainwreck of the Year...
Blog-post of the Year...
Monkey of the Year...
Song of the Year...
Album of the Year...
Boner of the Year...

Lady Talkington's last grasp at the Dar (of course it should be read as a VERY LOUD monologue)...

"So I hope that got your attention. :) I was not sure what would. Below is an excerpt from my new book on girls who are freaks. I hope you take the time to read and enjoy. I will dedicate it to you on the first page. Haha.

First of all, I really hope all is ok with you! I've been a little worried. And, I was not going to write an email at all, after leaving you those couple messages, but I was thinking about it today (will tell you why at the end) and I realized two things. First, I have been too concerned with looking like an ass if I called or tried to find out what was going on, but realized that is definitely not as important as finding out what is going on with a friend. And, second, as I have gotten older, and I have seen people come and go from my life, I have regretted more than once not trying to salvage a relationship or not saying what I have really been thinking. So, please bear with my rambling just a minute, if you will. Or consider it your good deed for the day. Yes, that is a better reason. Haha.

Ok, so I am not stupid or naive, and I know that most always not hearing from someone, or silence, is an answer in itself. And I know you must've heard my messages (and sorry about the drunk one...I was drinking all day with the guys from college for my birthday, so it just got crazy). Anyway, bottom line is I just want to know what's up, if you will tell me. It's obviously your perogative to talk to me or not, and maybe the answer you've already given me is your silence, but I just hate not talking all of a sudden! I had a really great time last Saturday and Sunday, and up until then, so I was honestly (and still am) pretty confused as to why I never heard from you after that.

I know we are vastly different. Trust me...there were a couple nights like the nights in the Highlands and the Art Party where I concluded that we were just too different to hang out. But you know what? I ultimately have enjoyed all the time I have spent with you. (I had such a good time the last night we were at Sidelines!) Much to my surprise, I have ended up going against my normal nature and enjoying the differences we have, and I have actually learned a lot along the way! Believe it or not, that is saying loads for me. I almost never give a guy a chance, and no matter what happens, I am glad I did! I know I frustrate you, and I am really sorry for the times that I didn't listen or overlooked things, but really, I've heard a lot of what you had to say. I even told people how smart and worldy you are. So I guess what I am saying is that I am hoping that despite the differences, you've had fun too.

And finally, in conclusion, what does this massive bulk rambling mean? It means I am trying to be totally honest with you and, I hope in return you will be honest with me. I really like you, and I really like spending time with you, but it drive me nuts when I don't know where I stand with someone. I try to always let people know where I stand with them. I completely understand that it is a part of life that sometimes these things don't work out, but if that is the case, I just hope that you know me well enough by now to tell me what's going on. Maybe it's something about me, maybe it's something totally different (and now you'll have great reasons to pick on me!), but I just really want to know what's up. I would act this same way for any of my other friends, only I could call them every ten minutes without looking like a freak. :)

Ok that is all. I promise. I hope you understand where I am coming from and don't think I am a spastic weirdo, even though at times I can fool myself. Haha. I just have missed seeing you and talking to you, and I figured I would at least put in one last email after the past two months. So sorry about my ramble, but I never got to talk to you on the phone or in person, so I was forced to write my first (and of course bestselling) novel. If you don't answer, I will take that as your answer, but I really hope I get to talk to you again. Just in case...we have some good stuff going on this week if you would like to participate. We're going to see some great live jazz on Friday night, and I would love to see you!

Ramble ramble least it was not 17 pages front and back (If you've watched that Friends episode)! Damnit Bobby!

So that is all. I really hope you're really doing well, and if I don't talk to you, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and enjoy the Rose Bowl! You guys stay out of jail... And really, and I mean it, I hope that you are happy and successful in all you do!

From your newest, and most famous, bestselling, weirdest, loudmouth author,

Of course this has been edited to remove names and identifying ramblifications, however, the bulk has remained the same. But, there you have Lady Talkington in full ramble mode. Of course if you take what she says here and try to picture it in conversational mode the only difference is that pauses are followed by louder more direct talking that drawns out any point somebody else may make. But I think it also should be said that any reference to "King of the Hill," or "Friends" is strictly her and has no bearing on any SHARED joke during the course of our time together.