Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT I'M GONNA BUY

So I went to return some dress pants that I received as a crappy gift to Kohls today. Since the chick at the front checkout told me that I could get anything for $19.99, I picked out a cool shirt that just happened to be that price. When I took the pants to customer service a battle of wills ensued. Grumpy McScruhue decided the pants were only worth 16.99 compared to the chick at the front desk. Since I really wanted to get rid of the pants I was at first going to go along with it. I then scanned my debit card to make up the difference. But this is where Grumpy decided it was a credit card despite my comment "I'll put this on my debit card." When I tried to insist it was a debit card, she simply yelled at me. Well after being bamboozled outta the 3+ dollars, I lost it at that point.

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Credit, Debit, it's all the same."

"What!? What kinda "customer service" is this. Just void the thing and gimme back the pants. The shirt sucked anyways...NO! VOID IT!"

I then stormed outta there mumbling under my breath like I was on social security. Ya know, it's one thing to have bad customer service and it's anothother to screw me outta a few bucks, but I tell you what, you aren't gonna do both.

I shoulda left them a Dan Chen in the bathroom as an answer to their Chenny attitude.
SLAMMA JAMMA WATCH

While I'm discussing all that is wrong with sports we might as well touch on one of my favorite topics. Y'all know how Tondar feels about slamma-jamma-in-yo-face basketball. Well yesterday I was speaking with one of my coworkers who was wearing a Tim Duncan jersey for casual day (I was wearing the company t-shirt, a Nike hat and a hangover)...

Tondar: Oh, dig the jersey. Are you a big Tim Duncan fan?

Coworker: Tim Duncan ain't flashy enough.

T: You don't like a great consistent player that wins championships.

CW: I like Vince Carter. He'll put the nuts to your face and SLAM. That's what I'm talkin about!


Hmmmmmm, Im not sure what the significance of this is, but I know it must mean something.
WHAT HAPPENED TO HOCKEY?

Being a Red Wings fan, it's difficult to accept the fact that there is no hockey. Though the Sports Guy nails to problem right on...

"And we are all victims of a once-likable league that screwed itself up beyond repair, the same way you screw up a relationship by drunk-dialing too many times. The NHL made two unforgivable mistakes: expanding more recklessly than Krispy Kreme and paying their players way, way, way too much money. It was a lethal combination of greed and sheer stupidity."


Does Florida, Texas, Arizona, or the Carolinas really seem like hockey territory? Let the teams fold and get this league back down to a handful of legitimate hockey cities. If corporate America can't sell hockey to 'Bama, the same way they sell it in Detroit, so be it! It's time to give this sport back to the people that actually dig it.
PAPAL RETIREMENT

Not that anyone has the power to make this decision. Nevertheless, I feel that it is important to debate when and under what circumstances is it acceptable for a Pope to resign his office. Pope John Paul II is an interesting case because his mind is sharp, despite his weakening body. On the other hand, what if there was a Pope like Ronald Reagan in his last years, a mind with decreasing capacity while the body is far too strong.

In either case, it is something to think about. Check out this excellent article from the NYTimes (yeah, I'm surprised too) that further explores the issue.
PIC OF THE DAY

Here's a pic of Frank and Paul in Pasadena right before we made our way over to the Rose Bowl...

Friday, February 04, 2005


I wish I was hanging out with these two crazy characters this weekend. I can just imagine the shenanigans they would pull. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE IRAQ

From Pigpen...

"Get the Thunderbirds on the phone right now! Scramble GI Joe. tell Thomas the Tank Engine to get that ordinance train to the harbor right now we got a situation! Notify Geoffery the Giraffe, we may need to negotiate"


Can you just imagine these half-ass terrorists after they get caught. This is like something outta a Monty Python skit.

"Akmed, I told you to dirty the toy and apply the red nail polish, you insolant fool! You have made Crimson Jihad the laughingstock of the insurgency. I hate my life!"
SIGNING DAY

Well with Michigan basketball taking a dump, it's time to look ahead to the football season now that Signing Day is here.

Here's Seth's breakdown of the future...

"I gotta check in; there were some out-standing defensive line prospects, but all-told, we're a lock for the Top 5.

Names of note:

-Kevin Grady: Tailback, he's the best in the nation and broke every state record.

-Terrance Taylor: Big Defensive Tackle should replace Watson in '06.

-Antonio Bass: Flirted with being a QB for Virginia Tech, but came here and is a natural safety. I wonder if we can make him a cornerback, though.

-Corey Zirbel: Best offensive line prospect in the country.

-Mario Manningham: The best receiver ever at his school, which had some good ones

-Zoltan Mesko: Awesome punter. ZOLTAN!"
PIC OF THE DAY

This seems to work for today's lighter blogging...


"Gimme that ball!" Posted by Hello
BERT IS EVIL

When things went bad on Sesame Street, one Muppet turned to evil. Check out the evidence for yourself.
MADDOX'S 11 WORST SONGS OF 2004

Pigpen past along this little gem. He was especially fond of the li'l animated graphic.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY

In Middle Eastern culture (and even in most of Europe) it is no big deal to flash anyone the middle finger. In fact, when I was in Turkey, Paul's friend Tugba was going around calling everybody, "My little cunt!" Needless to say, eventually after Paul and I could catch our breath after almost dying of laughter, we explained how the word "cunt" and "sweetie" didn't actually mean the same thing. But anyways, today's pic comes from Pigpen, straight out to the Negative Nancys (Pelosi included)...

"I like my finger better - To those about to bitch....we salute you"
 Posted by Hello
YEEEEEAAAAAHHH BOOOOOY-EEEEEE

From Pigpen...

"Double Cheese - I'd hit that!" Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that phrase have non-culunary implications, what's next...Chicken McNuggets - I'd tap that! (Mc Donalds Ad at the top)"


For those of you not as hip as the Dar, why don't you look it up in the Urban Dictionary (Don't forget to look at definition 11 as well). However, in this case I think Pigen was referring to definition 3.

Monday, January 31, 2005

NEW FEATURE: ON THE RAG THIS WEEK

Per the suggestion of Seth after we couldn't get our heads around this article about the first woman in professional mens' basketball getting fired. This is a must read to understand the full insanity of what went down as GM Sally Anthony raged red.

Money Quote...

"If they're willing to stick their neck out for Ashley, and that would be dumb, I would fold the team right now," she said. "If I say no it should be no. She's done. She's fired."


Is that shrill enough insanity for you? I've never seen this kinda thing in "pro" sports before. Even Al Davis and Mark Cuban aren't this bad. For those of you not down with the AJC, here's the full article...

First Female Coach of Men's Pro Team Fired

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Ashley McElhiney, the first female coach of a men's pro basketball team, was fired Saturday night after an on-court dispute with the co-owner of the Nashville Rhythm of the ABA.

Co-owner and CEO Sally Anthony was unhappy that McElhiney was playing Matt Freije after Anthony instructed that he be benched.

The argument over the former Vanderbilt star's playing time began during the third quarter and apparently escalated when Anthony attempted to remove McElhiney as coach during the team's 110-109 win over the Kansas City Knights. Anthony was eventually restrained by security guards and taken off the floor.

"I called my coach a couple of hours before the game and said, 'I don't want him playing,'" Anthony told The Tennessean after the game. "She ignored me. I walked onto the court and said I'm her boss and she needed to bench him."

McElhiney declined comment when reached at her home on Sunday by The Associated Press. The team is 17-7 so far this season under the 23-year-old, a former point guard for Vanderbilt who was taken in the third round of the 2003 WNBA draft by the Indiana Fever but released before playing a game.

Rhythm forward Adam Sonn said he was shocked by the situation.

"It was something that shouldn't happen at any level of sports," Sonn told WKRN-TV of Nashville. "It's something that's sad to see."

Anthony, a singer who also has her own record label and a Web site promoting female artists, said she was just trying to protect her players.

"My co-owner and my GM decided to pay Matt Freije to have the name here," she said. "He came in for two games. Our players are struggling financially."

According to Anthony, Freije, Vanderbilt's all-time leading scorer, was paid $10,000 to play two games for the Rhythm.

Anthony also had a message for members of her staff and players who might dispute her actions.

"If they're willing to stick their neck out for Ashley, and that would be dumb, I would fold the team right now," she said. "If I say no it should be no. She's done. She's fired."

Assistant coach Scott Flatt said in a statement the team still considers McElhiney its head coach.

"Sally was one of three owners acting alone. As far as we're concerned Ashley is the coach of the team right now."

The other owners listed on the Nashville Rhythm's Web site are Justin Christian and Tony Bucher."


I tell you what, there's certainly no P or S in teaM!

But, in the future if anyone has a crazy story about a special lady, or any lady riding the ruby rapids to insanity feel free to pass it along. (Of course names can be withheld to protect the temporarily insane)
CA-JUN PHONE HOME

From Pigpen...

"What about a lot of tin cans and a lot of string - I can't beleive that Huey Long couldn't get this done way back when."

Well if you think about it, it kinda makes sense. Even if they had somebody to call nobody would understand they creole.
1 IN 3

From Seth...

"Want a good reason for education reform?

One in three high school students, when read the text of the 1st Amendment, thought it went too far, and that the government should be able to regulate what the press says.

The news is buzzing around my office (imagine a room full of defense lawyers learning that high schoolers think you should be guilty until proven innocent) a lot today.

If there's anything I think we can all agree on, it's that high schoolers should know the principles of democracy, especially that of free speech and freedom of the press. This room of journalists isn't the only group of people freaked out by that number; I just got word from Washington that the bones of Thomas Jefferson have been twitching uncontrollably since the results were announced, while the remains of
John Adams and Ben Franklin have risen from the grave and begun printing copies of the Bill of Rights for every high school student in the country, enlisting the corpses of Paul Revere and his horse, which had to be stolen and re-animated from the Smithsonian, to distribute them. Reports say that skeletons believed to resemble those of Madison, Monroe and Hamilton took part in liberating the equine cadaver. John Hancock could not be reached for comment."

This is pretty messed up. It's amazing how Americans can be so ignorant. I thought for a bit that this was the type of exception for National Defense (remember Geraldo's map in the Afghan sand?) But it really sounds like from the article that Americans just don't know how good they have it.

Just for the record...if the ghosts of the revolution rise up, Tondar's riding with them.
STILL DIGGING BUSH

In spite of the efforts of the legacy media and the terrorists it looks like the new mayor of Baghdad is still digging on the US. Money quote...

"We will build a statue for Bush," said Ali Fadel, the former provincial council chairman. "He is the symbol of freedom."


Love him, or hate him, President Bush is certainly doing A LOT to change the course of history. Though you'd better have an Iraqi do the statue (preferrably from old Baathist weaponry), otherwise you may end up with something like this.
NEW NAME, SAME TIRED, OLD ROUTINE

From Brado...

"Has anyone noticed how Democrats are trying to reinvent themselves by constantly inserting the title "progressive" where the word "liberal" would ususally appear. Not that I have problem with trying to change your identity, it only makes sense when you consider that a majority of the country, as evidenced by recent elections, associates the term liberal with extreme left pinko communism.

With regard to the use of the word "progressive." It strikes me that liberals are anything but progressive. They've been using the same playbook that FDR wrote 60 years ago. Just look at the way they attack any mention of a change to any one of the New Deal's failing social programs (social security's obviously the current
example). I was sure the term "progressive" had something to do with actually
progressing.

Webster's... progressive 1 moving forward 2 continuing by successive steps 3 of or favoring progress. Seems Webster (not the little black kid who lives w/ the Alex Karras) has shone the light of reason on this mess. Let's face it, until Democrats come up with new policies and a new direction they will never be progressive, they are stagnant at best, if not regressive."


Brado raises a good point. In many ways the old world has been reversed. In reality Tondar is much more "liberal" than Seth. Considering I favor, social security reform, tax reform, abortion reform, immigration reform, and many other "changes" compared to Seth's position in defending the New Deal status quo, I am far more progressive. In fact, social security itself is a REGRESSIVE tax being harshest on those that are poor and have the lowest life expectancy. But anyways, the vocabulary of the day labels me conservative. When really, those that are "conservatives," are the ones that have taken over universities and have made them strongholds of leftist group think that dogmatically will silences voices of opposition.

But that's simply the ebb and flow of language. Rarely is it used as perfectly as it is intended. Ja-no-wha-I-mea, Verne?
WHAT A FLIP-FLOP

From Pigpen...

"If I'm interpreting this correctly all I have to say is: Nice, huh?"


It's not the best written blog since it doesn't explain where it's going for the basic reader coming outta nowhere. However, the argument is a very solid representation of why a "global test" fails in a unipolar system, as it reveals the failures of the Sesspool on First Ave. known as the U.N.
PICS OF THE DAY

On a day of such historical significance, we just gotta have 2 pics to celebrate democracy in Iraq...

"That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government"

Thomas Jefferson--Declaration of Independence
 Posted by Hello

Sunday, January 30, 2005


"Consequently we must say that the natural law, as to general principles, is the same for all."

St. Thomas Aquinas--Summa Theologica
 Posted by Hello
TONDAR SPEAKS OF THE FEAR

From the Yeza Chronicles November 5, 1999...

"You think I'm not afraid, too? Of course I'm afraid. But the point is,
you cannot give in to that fear. If you give in to fear, you live in fear. Maybe forever.

And if we live in fear, he has already won.

Ten years ago, I had a dream that we would defeat Chuck Woolery before the end of the millennium. That may sound impossibly foolish and idealistic, especially to the younger readers of this column, but in those heady days we had not yet learned the full scope of his power.

Chuck Woolery might destroy one of us. He might destroy a thousand. But he cannot destroy an idea. He cannot destroy our dream of freedom. We must be courageous and devote ourselves to the movement. Don't think of yourself; think of the next generation. The ones who will inherit this earth when you and I are gone. The stand you take today will make a far greater world for the children and their children after them.

This, of course, begs the old argument, "Why would I want to bring children into a world with Chuck Woolery in it?" The answer is: to keep up the fight. To know the pride, if not the joy, of the fight against an ultimate evil. Teach them that when that immaculately coiffed, Dating Game-hosting magog is finally gone, the world will know that generations of courageous rebels are to thank for their freedom. Our names may be lost to the dustbin of history, but our spirit will inspire the human
race for all time.

You see that trash-filled vacant lot over there, where a playground used to stand in the happier times, before the premiere of Love Connection? I dream that one day a great monument to our struggle will be built there, and schoolteachers whose grandparents are not yet born will stand by it and tell their students heroic tales of our courage and sacrifice. And maybe one such student will be so inspired by the
tales that he or she will grow up to fight the Chuck Woolerys of the future. Or, better yet, stop them before they rise to power.

It can be, my friends. Of that I have no doubt. But we must believe it and stand ever-vigilant. And, most of all, we must conquer our fear, no matter how large it may loom in our souls. If he defeats us today, he must know that we will be back to fight him again in two minutes, two seconds.

When I was seven years old, a bully accosted me on my way to school and demanded my lunch money. I stood tall and told him no. I lost track of how many times he punched and kicked me that day, but I still remember how hard. Halfway through the ordeal, I realized that it wasn't the bully I was afraid of. No, it was me. I was afraid I would give in and hand over my money like a frightened kitten. Realizing that, I held on. And no matter how many times he pounded my face and body, I would not give
in and hand him my 50 cents. Finally, he reached into my pocket and took it himself. By then, I was too weak to resist. But as I lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness, I felt a strong sense of pride. He may have taken that 50 cents, but I didn't give it to him.

That's how it must be with Woolery.

Even as I write, I know that He Who Hosted Scrabble In The Mid-'80s will read this. He has eyes and hands everywhere. And I, for one, do not mind. I want him to know the fight he is in for. I want him to know that there are some who will never bow down before him. You hear that, Oh ruggedly handsome, lantern-jawed minion of Satan? Come and get me! Kill me! The dream will continue, for as long as it must. I don't expect you to understand, Chuck Woolery--you would have to be human to feel the
passion for liberty that we do.

As long as I tread this Earth, I pledge to tirelessly strive for a world in which all citizens have the courage to walk up to Chuck Woolery, look him in the eye and say, "Chuck Woolery, I am not afraid of you."
TONDAR SAYS "BRANDY, YOU'RE A FINE DRINK"

So being stuck inside all weekend I had nothing to do but PS2 and drink. So before I got to the crappy rum, I was working on a bottle of Veterano Brandy. Katherine picked this up for me as a gift since I was so amused by the Osborne the Bull ads throughout the Spanish countryside. But since, the lone bottle I have is a pricey import, I'm wondering if there are any good domestic brands I can buy and what the kids suggest.

Here's what Seth had to say after I posed the question to him...

"I'm not a big brandy fan, especially American stuff. Even California hasn't done much in the way of Cognac yet. They worked hard to find grapes that make a good wine, but good Cognac is usually more of an accident. The typical tale behind a Cognac is that some Frenchman in between Yore and Yesteryear made an awful wine that couldn't sell, so he went and distilled it and gave it to [insert French ruler], who loved it. You've still really got to go to France to find brandy that doesn't taste like fruity SoCo.

The imported stuff isn't bad. Try Remy Martin V.S.O.P. (preferably while with a girl or face a week of h0mo suspicion).

Stateside, sadly, brandy drinking is pretty much for bums and college students and the market reflects that. Courvoisier is Busta Rhyme's idea of treating your gal from the ghetto, Christian Brothers is pretty much distilled Richards. They're cheap because getting drunk from brandy creates a wiked hangover.

If grapes aren't your thing, Michigan has a few local applejacks I liked (always go well with a cigar). Our state also came up with cherry brandy, which I've never tried. If you're ever in Normandy, stop by to see how they make Calvados (an applejack), which is exquisite.

This side of the pond, might as well go for whiskey if you want something that's been distilled. Or I guess find out where local brewers make the stuff. The American South should have a bunch of plum, pear, et al. brandies on the shelves that are worth a try...or at least good for a night of binge drinking with a nasty next morning."


Well, that kinda sucks, I want something to compliment my big bottle of Johnny Red as a sippin' drink. But if anyone else knows anything about finding brandy (or grappa) in the states, pass it along cuz I've got the craving for said taste.