Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, April 30, 2005


I pity da foo' who ain't be takin' Mr. T's advice. You gotta treat yo mutha right, sucka.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


This can't be heading in a good direction Posted by Hello

If you've been watching the NBA playoffs you've noticed that the big D has left Dallas as the Mavericks forgot to play defense. Instead of the new found defensive effort I had hyped, they are actually giving up 105.5 ppg. Looks like I'm going to eat a bit of crow on this one as the Mavs (my pick to lose in the NBA Finals) are down 0-2. Plus after losing the first two games at home, it's unlikely they are going to be able to shut down McGrady-Yao on the road. Since I relied on myself to put the Mavs in Finals, here's Marc Stein to point out where the wheels fell off this team.

I guess it would have to take a Phi Psi to get this done. But it looks like USA Basketball is going to get the kick in the pants it so desperately deserves. Jerry Colangelo will be taking over and is planning radical changes to return USA Basketball to glory. So how do you play the right way?

"The international game is a lot different game than people truly recognize,'' Colangelo said. "It's more than just the trapezoid lane compared to our line. It's a different game. As you prepare a team, you need players who can shoot the ball, pass the ball, understand the game, as much as you need players who are just athletic.''

Sounds like somebody that's actually interested in winning instead of selling jerseys.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Even Lenny is a fan of DEtroit BASKET-BAAAAAAAALL! Posted by Hello

More than 1,000 toads have puffed up and exploded in a Hamburg pond in recent weeks, and scientists still have no explanation for what's causing the combustion, an official said Wednesday.

Both the pond's water and body parts of the toads have been tested, but scientists have been unable to find a bacteria or virus that would cause the toads to swell up and pop, said Janne Kloepper, of the Hamburg-based Institute for Hygiene and the Environment.

I wonder if Oprah's been gettin' into this water too?

Seth sent me this LATimes Jack Miles column. Sure it's a piece of crap. However, it gives excellent insite into a Democrats defense of obstructionism and the party's anti-Christian agenda. My favorite is a secret quid pro quo between the Republicans and the Vatican to restore the Constitutional process to judicial nominations...

"What his letter seemed to suggest was that if Bush gave Rome what it wanted on the abortion issue and the (now strategically inflamed) euthanasia issue, Rome would do its best to give Bush what he wanted regarding the death penalty and, above all, war. The question that now arises is whether Rome is offering a similar deal with the U.S. Constitution at stake: If Bush backs Rome on abortion and euthanasia, Rome will do what it can to turn U.S. Catholics against the filibuster."

RIIIIIIGHT, because the GOP will only do what their King in his pointy hat in Rome tells them to do. I'm sure Jack Miles would find himself most welcome with Bill the Butcher and the "Native Americans."

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


From Seth...

"A few days before the draft, the Lions signed Kevin Johnson, a speedy slot receiver who can back up Drummond in kick returning.

I haven't heard anything about him since. He's not on the Lions' homepage. And from ESPN to the NFL, to SI, everybody just has draft stuff up.

The Lions also got OT Kyle Kosier from San Francisco before the draft, but in talking about how the Lions fared, everyone said they needed a tackle in the late rounds. Hello? We grabbed one THIS WEEK!

Anyway, the storyline that everyone's missing out on is that Harrington is going to have an all-new receiving corps, pretty much. Roy Williams has the most time with Joey, and didn't even get a full season in last year.

But look at all these strangers:
Marcus Pollard (free agent Tight End)
Adam Herzing (undrafted free agent last year)
Glenn Martinez (undrafted free agent last year)
Mike Williams (10th overall draft pick 2005)
Charles Rogers (3rd overall draft pick 2003, missed last two years with injuries)
Kevin Johnson (acquired as a free agent)

No more Tai Streets. No more David Kircus. No more Scotty Anderson. And while Hakim will still be there on paper, I don't think ol' butterhands will be seeing too much playing time.

I think the Lions now HAVE to come up with a new type of offense, entitled "Receiver you to death." Spread 'em 4-wide with Kevin Jones in the backfield and get the passes off quickly, or 3-wide with Pollard.

Another HUGE surprise: Ernest Shazor wasn't drafted. Had he stuck around, we would be in good shape for a national championship. He joins Shantee Orr (2001) and Alex Ofili (2005) as Wolverines who chose to forego their senior seasons and ended up undrafted. With Orr, it was just a numbskull move. With Ofili, nobody ever reported why the backup entered the draft, but my guess is he got enough credits for a degree and thought "hey, I'm a 300 lb. defensive tackle, might as well take a shot at an NFL career." With Shazor, though, you're talking about an All-American and Thorpe candidate. Guess that'll teach guys to walk out before their time is done. My guess is that Ernest will sign somewhere as an undrafted free agent. The Lions are a possibility, as we could give him time to develop. We nabbed Julius Curry before like that, too.

Speaking of Currys, Markus Curry went undrafted too, but we expected that considering his poor senior year campaign, in which he got replaced by Leon Hall by the end. This is a guy who could probably have helped himself if he went after his junior year. One thing every draft board mentions is he has character issues, for hitting his girlfriend in '01. Anyway, he's still a talented guy, and it's possible some team come sign him and help him become a better finisher in one-on-one. But he also got ticketed for passing a school bus while its lights were flashing, and has been caught driving on a suspended license five times.

Nobody drafted Kevin Dudley either, but I guess heart alone does not an NFL player make. And I guess everyone's happy with their punters because Adam Finley wasn't selected either.

Don't you have to be famous for making idiotic statements about 9/11?

"it is always useful as individuals or nations to ask how we may have knowingly or unknowingly contributed to this conflict. Not to have the courage to ask these questions of ourselves is to betray the victims of 9/11."

Who the @#$% is Maggie Gyllenhaal?

Democrat obstructionism calls for the defeat of any thing that President Bush and Republicans may be trying to do. However, some of that isn't always compatible with what Democrats have done over their careers. For example, Senate Minority leader, Harry Reid, calls Social Security the "most successful program in the history of the world.” While Ole Tondar would call that socialism at its best, it turns out Congressman Reid wasn't down with it at all. Money quote...

"Reid’s bill would have kept all federal employees hired on or after Jan. 1, 1984, such as the president, elected officials, political appointees and judges, from participating in Social Security"

If you're out and about on the weekend of May 13, you might wanna consider a couple of wine fests in Michigan. For you Detroit kids, be sure to check out Ann Arbor. But for my West side dawgs, run up to Traverse City for some of that tasty cherry vintage.

If you don't wanna spoiler avoid this Bruce Bethke movie review of the latest Star Wars film. But if you're down, you might consider the fact that today often news doesn't always register depravity.

Monday, April 25, 2005


It looks like Pope Benedict XVI is reaching out to other faiths. Monday, in a meeting he met with leaders of many different churches including our Orthodox Brothers from the East. However, the most interesting revelation of the day was the fact that Holy Father had actually prayed for the papacy to pass him over. "Evidently, this time He didn't listen..."

Sunday, April 24, 2005


My Explorer has taken a major dump so blogging will be light until I can Firefox up and running. However, special shout out to Elena for giving me a jump off of her Explorer installer.

uh-oh, internet's not workin :( Posted by Hello

An internet classic of a shout-out to Paula and all the other BA Women...

I received this funny story in my email, and since it's one of the only messages I actually read and enjoyed, I suggest you do the same.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already froze over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."