Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

TOP 10 OF THE WEEK

From Dark Lord Denise...

Top Ten Ways to say "Your zipper is down"

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson.. Paging Mr. Johnson..

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....
1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts
THE NATURE OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

From Seth...

"I was thinking yesterday as I did some studying on Henry II Curtmantle (a Bill Clinton if ever there was, with Eleanor of Acquitaine the perfect Hilary). When life gets good, we tend to overplay smaller things rather than bask in a golden age. You think anyone would have cared about Thomas Beckett one generation later when King John was fighting wars with the barons and the church, or one generation earlier when the idea of a common law and justice beyond the king's will was unimaginable in light of England being burned down between warring grandchildren of William the Conqueror fighting for the throne. Would we have responded so viciously to Monica Lewinski or Tom DeLay's unethical fundraising any other time in America's history?

I guess this speaks to the nature of humankind. We're always striving to better ourselves, and can't do that unless we can be unhappy with wherever we are."


For Tondar, I think this is one of the most important aspects of Christianity and one that plays a major influence in my life. In our daily lives it is so easy to grow complacent and develop a simple, lazy routine. But when Christ came as the New Covenant, He said to be able to follow him we must abandon our humanity (or sinful ways) as defined by Plato. On the other hand, as mortal humans we continue to strive towards the familiar, comfortable, and enjoyable aspects of our lives. However, if we are to truly follow Christ we have to become better people. Christ could have had a much easier life if he had never challenged Rome or the Jewish elders. But from a strictly political point of view, he came and turned the world on its head. Plus, considering that He was perfect, there will always be room for improvement in our own lives when we try to live more in accordance with Him.

Witin the political body, this trend can also be seen. Though our Founding Fathers created a system of government to withstand the imperfections of man, we are still upset when we see our politicians submit to their passions for pride, greed, sloth, and even lust. Sure these issues become less important when we have to fight off a Norman or Japanese invasion or some other form of barbarian hoards. But even in those times when we are fighting for our survival, there is always that conflict between complacent and the perfect. Though I agree with St. Augustine and that we live within the City of Man where these two will never be one and the same, we still must continue to improve as individuals and within our political body.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY

From Seth...


Kellen Winslow's bike now matches his career:

Expensive
Offensive
Mangled
And a complete waste. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

OBLIVION'S LAST DANCE

From James...

"i took a ton of pictures, and put them up for you all to see."

Be sure to check out all those mustaches. Though Tondar can't grow one, I maintained the spirit of solidarity nonetheless.
SOLDIER WATCH

Seth's continuing coverage of the NFL trainwreck also known as Kellen Winslow Jr...

"The Cleveland Browns are concerned that injuries suffered by Kellen Winslow Jr. in a weekend motorcycle accident will prevent the second-year tight end from playing this season, NFL sources told CBS SportsLine.

The primary problem, sources said, are potentially significant injuries to the right knee and right shoulder--with the club unable to determine the extent of damage until swelling subsides.

The swelling in the knee was considerable, sources said, with the Browns fearful Winslow may have torn his anterior cruciate ligament. The club also suspects Winslow may have suffered ligament or tendon damage to his shoulder, sources said.

Winslow was injured when his new motorcycle hit a curb, causing him to fly over the handlebars.

His use of a motorcycle might have violated standard NFL contract language that prohibits players from engaging in dangerous activities.

In other news, Patrick McManamon notes that Winslow was popping wheelies earlier in the day.

Here's today's Yahoo updates on him:

May 3 Winslow's motorcycle accident could have significant financial consequences for the tight end, the Akron Beacon Journal reports.

Recommendation: Reports indicate Winslow's contract specifically prohibits motorcycle riding. If Winslow breached the contract he may have to repay part or all of his $6 million signing bonus and $4.4 million option.


May 3 The Browns remain tight-lipped about the extent of the injuries suffered by tight end Kellen Winslow in Sunday's motorcycle accident, but sources indicate that at a minimum the sixth overall pick in the 2004 draft will take a hit to the bank account. NFL.com reports that Winslow's contract includes language specifically forbidding dangerous activities such as motorcycling, and that the Browns could go after the $4.4 million option bonus paid to Winslow on March 1 as well as a portion of his $6 million signing bonus. Winslow's questionable status for the 2005 season also puts in jeopardy the salary escalator clauses that inflate the value of his contract, as well as the base salary which Winslow would not be entitled to if he doesn't play this season. Reports indicate that Winslow is being treated for unspecified internal injuries and has swelling in his right knee and right shoulder. "The extent of these injuries will not be known until further medical evaluation is complete after the swelling is reduced," read a statement the Browns released to the media. The statement added that no timetable has been set for Winslow's release from the hospital.

Views: None of this sounds like good news for the Browns, who have gotten two games of work from their top pick in last year's draft and appear to be in danger of getting another series of goose-eggs. Winslow has already missed out on more than $5 million in incentives by sitting out the final 14 games of last season, and another hit to the wallet could be in store. The Browns, meanwhile, have to be glad they didn't pass on wide receiver Braylon Edwards in the 2005 draft because they thought they already had their playmaker in the passing game.


May 3 Updating an ongoing storyline, Clark Judge, reports for SportsLine.com, according to sources the Cleveland Browns are now fearful TE Kellen Winslow Jr. may have torn his ACL. The team also suspects Winslow may have suffered ligament or tendon damage to his shoulder, according to sources. The injuries occurred when Winslow crashed his motorcycle Sunday, May 1.

May 3 Reportedly, Winslow has some minor internal injuries, as well as swelling in his right knee and shoulder, but the Browns are not saying how long he might be out of commission. The tight end was taken by ambulance to a Cleveland hospital after hitting a curb at about 35 mph and being thrown from the motorcycle he was riding in a parking lot on Sunday. He remained in the hospital on Tuesday and a timetable for his release has not been set.

Advice: More info is expected to be released once the swelling goes down and Winslow can be re-evaluated by the Browns' medical staff. Winslow, the sixth overall pick in the 2004 NFL Draft, missed most of his rookie season after breaking a bone in his right leg in September, requiring two surgeries.

An ode to the soldier:

Never forget:
How he promised a Heisman early in his junior year.

Never forget:
How his unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against Tennessee cost Miami the game, and how Winslow responded to that afterwards with the elucid comment, "I hate refs. They were looking at me the whole time. I can't even get hyped up after a play. I can't even get my crowd hyped up." Oh, and he said one more thing too....

Never forget:
How he tried to end a promising player's bipedal career with a cheap shot to the legs, then stood over the hurt player to taunt him, then told a room full of reporters that he did it because he's a soldier and Miami football is at war

Never forget:
He only got like 2 touchdowns all season and wasn't a great blocker.

Never forget:
How he styled himself "The Chosen One" going into his NFL career.

Never forget:
How Cleveland traded the Lions a high 2nd round pick (Ted Lehman, who was the Lion's best linebacker last season) for the right to select The Soldier one spot higher

Never forget:
How he held out through training camp on his first contract because being the highest-paid rookie Tight End ever wasn't good enough. He ended up settling for an incentive-laden $40 million contract. By the way, the best Tight End in the game, Tony Gonzalez, is making a third of that.

Wait.....okay, we have exclusive video of the actual contract negotiations:

Never forget:
How during the holdout, Jeff Garcia (then QB for the Browns) publicly said Kellen seems to have a problem putting his teammates ahead of his contract.

Never forget:
How he broke his leg last year just two bad games into the 2004 season.


And just because I love giving this quote, the quote that launched the soldier's career in the annals of jackasses:

"It's war, they're out there to kill you, so I'm out there to kill them. We don't care about anybody but this U. They're going after my legs. I'm going to come right back at them. I'm a fucking soldier."
HOURS OF FUN

STDs got ya down? Don't worry mate! There's no need for celibacy now that Ole Dante Malawi (the blogger formerly known as Tondar) has the Michael Vick/Ron Mexico alias generator. (hat-tip to Seth or should I say Jesse Taiwan)
MEET MR. BAKER

From Seth...

"Why haven't you and I found this guy before? An excellent editoral review of British politics, and althought he's partisan toward Bush, he doesn't let it cloud his take."
THE LAST FRONTIER

From Seth...

"Remember, psychology as a science is still in its infancy, like studying biology before Darwin. And once again, the human brain defies all expectations."
CALLING ALL DORKS

Star Wars: Episode III will be coming out later this month. For those of you not totally turned off by how campy episodes I and II were, check out this John Williams soundtrack Music Video. It's actually pretty cool. I especially liked the choir and then later the triumphant version of Vader's march (think of the 4th movement of any Dvorak symphony). Also if you don't mind catching a few spoilers check out what dork and director Kevin Smith had to say about the film. It says a lot that another director is actually praising Lucas' work.
KINGDOM OF HOLLYWOOD

Check out this review of Ridley Scott's "Kingdom of Heaven." Turns out the story is ruined by a hollywood bastardization of courage and story-telling. Money quote...

"basic facts are shoved into a pre-packaged Hollywood film equation. Infallible hero? Check. Beautiful damsel in distress? Check. Cheesy lines about bucking the establishment and fighting for the common man? Check. Modern day groups portrayed in politically correct light? Check. There is a reason similar "historical" fictions like Troy, Alexander, and King Arthur all failed. Someone just forgot to send Ridley Scott the memo. The Crusades, with all their ghastly warts, was a reality packed full of rich drama and excitement. It's a shame Kingdom of Heaven distorts it for Hollywood predictability."

OUCH! Is it too much to ask Hollywood to tell descent stories? Am I going to have to beat good movie making into them?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY

You should be all smiles after knocking the 76ers out in five just like Tondar predicted.


"It's official, 'Sheed eats children" Posted by Hello

Monday, May 02, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY


*sigh* Posted by Hello
SAINT OF THE DAY

May 2nd is the feast of St. Athanasius (296-373). Be sure to read his biography to see how he bravely went to prison to stand up against the Arian heresy which denied the Devinity of Jesus Christ. In fact, during his 46 years as Patriarch of the Church of Alexandria, he spent 17 of those in exile. St. Athanasius was certainly a model for the defense of faith and truth in a time when it wasn't popular or politically safe.
'SPLODIN' TOADS 'SPLAINED

Well Elena, it turns out it was actually crows getting at the toads causing their natural defense to become deadly. Splainin' Quote...

"The crows are clever," said Frank Mutschmann, a Berlin veterinarian who collected and tested specimens at the Hamburg pond. "They learn quickly from watching other crows how to get the livers."

Based on the wounds, Mutschmann said, it appears that a bird pecks into the toad with its beak between the chest and abdominal cavity, and the toad puffs itself up as a natural defense mechanism.

But because the liver is missing and there's a hole in the toad's body, the blood vessels and lungs burst and the other organs ooze out, he said. "It's not unique -- it's in a city area, and that makes it spectacular," Mutschmann said. "Of course, it's something very dramatic."


Shoulda known it was a smart predator like a crow. They are certainly crafty li'l devils.
HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL EVIL OVERLORD

As Ironic as it is, this comes from Dark Lord Denise.
MAY-DAY, MAY-DAY

Sunday was May Day so Pigpen sent along this little piece letting us know what the Socialist International Organization is all about.

From Pigpen...

"Kinda reminds me of the "Red Rider" song "Lunatic Fringe" or prehaps Most of "The Wall" Disc 1."

Sunday, May 01, 2005

3 DOWN, 13 TO GO

WOW, what a game today. I certainly needed a drink to calm down after that one. But in spite of the officials and Rip Hamilton's defense, the Pistons were able to pull out the 97-92 overtime win in this crucial game 4. Chauncey had an amazing game down the stretch scoring 12 in the 4th to allow the Pistons to climb back into the game.

If you look at the boxscore, you will notice that the Pistons had 20 turnovers. Statistically, this is what kept the 76ers in the game. However, if you had watched the game you would have known that Chris Webber and Samuel Dalembert were getting away with murder under the boards. Notice how both finished with with 5 fouls a piece despite the raping they were handing out everytime a loose ball was in the air.

Another thing the boxscore won't reveal was the calf injury to Tayshaun Prince. Though Tay was able to stay in the game, Larry Brown opted to have Rip Hamilton cover Allen Iverson late in the game. This was a terrible move because Webber or Dalembert would step up for a high pick and roll. And by the time that Hamilton fought his way through the screen, Iverson was putting up a money runner or jumper over 'Sheed.

Though now with a 3-1 lead, and 2 of the next 3 games in Detroit. This series should be rapped up in 5 as I predicted. Phew! It will be nice to have a wild card like Iverson outta the way.
TRIPPIN' TRAIN WRECK


From Pigpen...

"Who's running MTV anyway...Who would underwirte such a craptacular show! It's almost ridiculous that this is seemingly held in such high regard by the participants. It's also sad to note that on the MTV website for this show they managed to rope in (dupe if you will) Kid Rock and Chris Chelios to go whimper and bitch over a reef in Central America. Kid better have the PBR flowin and Cheli better be throwing some whompin cross checks on unsuspecting locals. I hope that Dennis Leary shows up in an episode eventually al la "asshole"


Yeah, nothing like the world of Hollyweird colliding with the 4th World. Hit me with the money quote Drew Barrymore...

"I took a poo in the woods..."
THE TRAINWRECK BLOG

From Pigpen...

"Margot Wallstrom, Vice President of the European Commission, has been running a blog for the last couple of months." Yeah that's right, the EU...all the anti-american, O'Doyle...sorry Europe RUULLLEEES! rhetoric you can handle. In a veil of stickin it to the man style of blogging"


Finally, there is a insider chronicle for the secular destruction of Europe! Yessssssssssss!
ABOUT THEM 'SPLODIN' TOADS

From Elena...

"I was thinking after reading that article, they keep testing for viruses and fungus and such. What if it's something like alkaselzer residue? Because I know if you feed a bird an alkaseltzer then it explodes. They should test for things like that. It just bothers me they wouldn't think to test for simple house hold items since it is in a neighborhood. Scientists should be smart!"


Maybe it is a bunch of no good kids. Though doesn't alkaseltzer dissipate in water? Also, how could you get the Toads to consume it?
CULT OF DOUCHEBAG

The other day I was listening to the Bill O'Reilly's Radio Factor. It's actually not that wretched of a show. However, Bill mentioned the premium membership at his website. I'm just wondering what kinda people would be willing to throw down money for this. Or for that matter, purchase Bill O'Reilly gear. I find it hard to believe that there are those that think the sun rises and sets at Bill O'Reilly's every command. Does anybody else find the cult of (asshole) personality surrounding this guy really odd?

On the other hand, Seth found another O'Reilly-type in the media...

"It's like Jim Rome in sports. If you can be mean and bombastic, people will watch.

Rome's funnier though because he blows everything out proportion (one bad night and you should retire, one good night and you're Awwwsome.

Excerpt from a recent show:

"What's up everybody, I'm Jim Rome.
(pause)
The Pistons finished the season losing to CHARlotte.
(pause)
They're doone.
(pause)
Defending Champs my fanny.
(pause)
Last year was a fluke.
(pause)
They cheated on Defense so much they had to change the rules for them.
(pause)
They're doone.
(really long pause)
Look for Allen Iverson to sweep.
(pause)
Time to read a letter from my fans.
(long pause)
'Dear Jim: (pause). I'm your number 1 fan. (long pause). I want to talk about Barry Bonds (longest pause yet). He went 0-for-4 last night against the Dogders. (even longer pause). Heeee's Dooone. (abnoxiously long pause). Hang up your cleats, old man. (pause for eternity) Jim, you're awwwsome. (pause again) Signed, (short pause) Jim Rome.'

(pause)

That's Awwsome."

*stomp stomp* OH! You're outta control Frank! *stomp stomp* Posted by Hello
FOR FRANK

Tonight I was talking to Frank on the phone and he was telling me of his latest conquest and her unusual desire to wear Frank's essence like one would wear makeup. Well being a longtime fan of Tucker Max, it reminded me of this story.

That's all you Frankie. That's all you.
SOMEBODY DOESN'T LIKE THE USA

Patterico stumbled upon an article in the LATimes that had been edited to remove facts supporting the American position regarding the shooting of an Italian Intelligence officer. However, can you really be surprised that the LATimes would change a story to protect a communist journalist?