Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Gayson on watching Troy while listening to Tchaikovsky...

"Dude, this is like Pink Floyd and "Wizard of OZ" all over again, man."
Blacked-out Tondar on Tres' "aqua" Chevy Aveo...

"I'd rather walk home from Denny's than ride in that faggot car."

Friday, July 01, 2005


Well, here I sit in Seth's apartment in Troy. He actually shares this place with his younger brother, Ben. Ben sleeps about 4 hrs a night. So while Seth and I sat up discussing days of yore and enjoying some fine scotch, Ben would wander in and out between power naps. But don't worry, these brothers still fight and pick at eachother like always!

Anyways, at this point I'm not sure what we've got on the agenda for this weekend. Seth will be home in about an hour and after that we are gonna be hittin' the links. It's a beautiful day here with a nice breeze. Plus with a full golf course right behind the apartment complex, you can't help but want to take advantage of that.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Better bust out the Dancin' shoes. Everybody knows that when ole Tondar comes to town, it's good times all around. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


From Seth...

"Sometimes, even the best marriages fail.

When Penn State joined the Big Ten, it looked like a match made it heaven. They had so much in common. Like the rest of the Big Ten schools, they were a football powerhouse and basketball also-ran with a national fan-base, a handful of national championships, a coach right out of the Woody Hayes/Bo Schembechler mold, and great academics.

But Middle Atlantic chique and Midwest hick don't always complement each other so well.

The honeymoon was fantastic; the Nittany Lions jumped right in there to break open what had been known in the '80s as the Big Two and Little Eight. They had a perfect season and remained an elite program for the duration of the '90s. Whereas Michigan and Ohio State would traditionally trade off winning the conference championship, since Penn State jumped on board, every Big Ten team except Minnesota (who are top picks for '05) and the two basketball schools have won at least share of #1*.

But recently, the relationship has turned sour. Since their championship run was interrupted in '99, when the #2-ranked Lions lost their last three games to Minnesota, Michigan, and Michigan State, they've been mediocre at best.

Despite some occasional top recruits like Lavarr Arrington, Dan Connor and Justin King, Penn State has been unable to keep up with the frenetic lifestyle of the conference. It's not all the Lions' fault. The Big Ten changed when Michigan and Ohio State embraced the West Coast offense. We still respect your love of blocking, running, catching and tackling, but we can't be with someone who can't run a curl route, or find a standout receiver 50 yards downfield, or bounce their tailback outside the tackles after a QB draw, or simply run a screen. The 4/3 is nice, and all, but where's your 5/2, 3/4 with a three tackles and a tweener end/linebacker, and dime package? Where's your auto factory OTs? Your awe-shucks farmboy centers and fullbacks? Your QBs recruited from stereotypes-are-us? We're just different, okay?

As the sides drifted further apart, there were more and more arguments, most noticeably between Joe Paterno and the Big Ten officiating. The conference tried to instill instant replay -- which basically amounted to a guy upstairs with a TiVo -- to sate Joe's anger, but that just offended the conservative values of Penn State's old-school fans.

And as these differences became more appartent, the fact that the Lions had no natural rivalries in the conference could not be muted. When you get married, of course, you think you can handle things like there being no rivalries. They created some trophy games with Minnesota and Michigan State and believed, in the blindness of young love, that the Land Grant Trophy (PSU/MSU) and Governors' Victory Bell (PSU/Minn) could sprout into games to match the Floyd of Rosedale (Minn/Iowa), Illi-buck (Ill./OSU), the Old Brass Spittoon (Ind./MSU), Paul Bunyan's Axe (Minn/Wis), the Old Oaken Bucket (Purdue/Ind), the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk (NW/Ill.), the Paul Bunyan Trophy (Mich/MSU), the Purdue Cannon (Purdue/OSU), and the Little Brown Jug (Mich/Minn).

It was a sweet gesture, a way of pretending that great old Big East flings like Pitt, Syracuse and Rutgers were over. But Pennsylvania couldn't throw off its Middle Atlantic personality overnight. They scheduled non-conference games to pay tribute to such old loves, and the Big Ten respected its privacy. But when the Lions turned down an early-season matchup with Notre Dame to take on the Scarlet Knights last year, the differences couldn't be more obvious. A Big Ten team turning down Notre Dame? Indiana, Purdue, Michigan and Michigan State play the Irish every year. The Irish offer to play a fifth Big Ten team and you turn them down for Rutgers? What kind of Midwest team are you?!? You've heard of the hot dog, right? No, it's not like a Cheesesteak! WHO ARE YOU???

When Michigan started picking off the top recruits from Penn State's backyard -- Marlin Jackson, Scott McClintock, Steve Breaston, Chad Henne, Tim Massaquoi, Ryan Mundy -- that should have been the last straw.

There's no shame in losing to Big Ten schools. The Lions were a major program for a generation; we shouldn't hold it against them that they couldn't compete long-term in the toughest conference -- top to bottom -- in the nation (like the the SEC, we're good all the way down to the bottom; like the Big XII, we have some mega-programs at the top. The Pac 10 is SEC Light; the ACC is the Big XII Light).

So I wouldn't hold it against them if they bolted for the Big East. In fact, I think it would be better for all involved if they did. We know the Lions aren't happy right now, even though they keep saying they are. And they're not going to be so long as this relationship continues. Penn State needs to win. They need to be conference champions. They need to be an elite program. We had some great years together -- we still have so much in common -- but if no-one says something now, we could waste how many more seasons. Think what could happen. Do you really want Joe Paterno retiring after a 3-8 season? Who's going to want Penn State then?

Right now, the Big East needs someone like Penn State. Oh, Louisville, Cincy and USF might have been rebound flings, but they need something meaningful, someone to give them back their 13 Colonies identity after having their heart broken by Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College. They need a football powerhouse who can maintain the #12-or-higher conference champion average ranking to keep their automatic BCS berth. They have baskeball teams a-plenty; the Big East needs football players. And no matter how bad things have become in Happy Valley, Penn State still has the national recognition and football prowess. It wouldn't take them long to rise again.

And they'd be back with Pittsburgh, and Syracuse, and Rutgers, and all the other old friends within a few hours' drive. They'd be poised to capture the New York City market once again, while cutting the Midwest off from mining all of that Eastern Pa. talent. Their blue-state/blue-collar fans would feel so much more comfortable there than in trying to converse with a bunch of Ford Pickup-driving corn farmers who listen to metal and talk about bio-research.


I'm telling you, PSU, you can go. It's okay. We won't ever forget '94, Brown & Arrington, the Johnsons, and how beautiful you looked in those white uniforms with no names on the back that you'd wear for a night out. Seriously, not even the Tigers could wear so much white with so little navy and still look good.

But it's time to go. You deserve better than facing the harsh reality of being just below Wisconsin and Iowa, and not on par at all with Michigan and Ohio State. It could have happened to anyone -- USC, Oklahoma, Texas, Miami, Florida State. Look what happened to Nebraska. Look what happened to Alabama. There's only room for two major programs in a conference, so long as that conference can field at least 8 teams per year who could beat anybody.

After four Big East championships in six years, a national championship run, and enough years of simply being the hero of the your conference, you'll forget that you couldn't measure up in the Midwest. We won't bring it up. You can have your dignity back. You can allow Joe Pa to retire as Pa.'s favorite Joe. You can get revved up for the Orangemen, schedule Connecticut and Rutgers with no guilt, make a trophy with West Virginia, and play in-state rival Pittsburgh for all the marbles at the end of every season.

It would be a good life. You deserve it. So it's time to put our relationship to bed. It will hurt for awhile, but I think it's best for both of us.

*Big Ten Conference Championships since Penn State Joined:
Michigan (97, 98, 00, 03, 04)
Ohio State (93, 96, 98, 02)
Wisconsin (93, 98, 99)
Northwestern (95, 96, 00)
Iowa (02, 04)
Illinois (01)
Purdue (00)
Penn State (94)

Here's one to make your skin crawl. So many nematoids, so little time!

Look out Michigan, Tondar's comin' to get ya! Posted by Hello

How about this for a good bit of irony. Justice Souter helps to legalize government's use of eminent domain in the confiscation of private property. So a group of investors are now seeking to take Souter's home and build a museum/hotel dedicated to our lost property rights...

"On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.

The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Put that in your Kelo and smoke it!

Sunday, June 26, 2005


A good mark of a third world country is a complete disregard for private property rights. Thanks to the liberal wing of the Supreme Court, the Kelo ruling has America now in that category as well.

Sorry the blogging has been light. I've had cuter things and cooler places on my mind Posted by Hello