Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, August 06, 2005


It all seems so easy
But so are you
That's what I've heard them say

Looks like ole Tondar's gettin' Frankified. Posted by Picasa

If you haven't seen it, check out this letter from Darren McCarty to Detroit. It's sad that the NHL is forcing this great team apart. But McCarty certainly has an optimistic way of looking at the situation...

"These are the great things about my time as a Red Wing that I will always remember no matter where I go. Thank you to all of you. But please don't shed a tear 'cause it's over -- crack a smile 'cause it happened, and no one can ever take that away. I'll always be a Red Wing at heart, and Detroit will always be my home."

What a class act. In fact, he's one of the few in professional sports.

From the FreeP...

"Citing an anonymous source, the newspaper reported that there was talk the Pistons would trade Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace plus two first-round picks for Timberwolves forward Kevin Garnett."

I could see sending them 'Sheed and the draftpicks. 'Sheed was a nice fit for 2004. However, I think he is too much of a liability, especially considering the way that he pisses off half the officials and has a great way of making himself ineffective. If he could get his points and boards without the negative externalities that would be great. But unfortunately he just doesn't work like that. Plus, I'm sure there's no way Detroit is going to get rid of Ben Wallace. That would be just stupid.

In other Pistons news it looks like Joe Dumars is biding his time to try and pick up an additional scorer at the 2-3 positions. Right now Joe has his eye on Michael Finley, Allan Houston, and Jalen Rose.

A while back I posted a Pic of the Day which must have offended Frank. A couple of days later, he left this message on my voicemail belittling me...

Tondar...Tondar...How dare you? Call me fuckin' poo - pukey on your godamned li'l web-blog. Take that shit off. Take that shit off. You son of a bitch. Goddamned fuckin' mick. You think you run Hotlanta? You don't own shit. Know your roll Tondar. Get in the ga...WHA-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? What type of game are you playing? Don't do this Tondar. Oh, excuse me; DAR! Shut your mouth. Shut it! shut it now!

Is there anything better than a Frank drunkdial. It's a shame I can't turn this into an MP3. It would so totally fit on a Tool Album, just like "Message to Harry Manback" from Aenima...

[words in brackets unclear]

Figlio di puttana, sai che tu sei un pezzo di merda? (1)

Hm? You think you're cool, right? Hm? Hm?
When you kicked out people [out of] your house

I tell you this, one of three Americans die of cancer,
you know? Asshole. You're gonna be one of those.

I [don't have the] courage
to kick your ass directly.
Don't have enough courage for that,
I could, you know.

You know you're gonna have another accident?
You know I'm involved with black magic?
Fuck you. Die. Bastard.
You think you're so cool, hm? Asshole.

And if I ever see your fucking face around,
In Europe or Italy,
Well I'll -- That time I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fuck you. Fucking Americans, Yankee.
You're gonna die outta cancer, I promise.

[Bang bang / Deep pain]

No one does what you did to me.
You wanna know something? Fuck you.
I want your balls smashed, eat shit. Bastard.

Pezzo di merda, figlio di puttana. (2)
I hope somebody in your family dies soon.

Crepa, pezzo di merda, e vai
a sucare cazzi su un aereo! (3)

(1) Son of a bitch, do you know you are a piece of shit?
(2) Piece of shit, son of a bitch.
(3) Die, piece of shit, and go suck dicks on a plane!

I guess this explains the drunk-dial Jason Biggs rambalation that Frank left on my voicemail last night...

"To All:

FYI, last night I had a star sighting. I went to a local bar by my house, Monroe’s, last night at around 11:00 PM, and saw Jason Biggs of American Pie fame.

I did not say anything to him - that is looked down upon in LA. He seemed to be having a good time at the bar, until he left about 10 minutes after I got there. He was a little scruffy, looking like he had not shaved in a few days.



Pigpen passed along this link featuring transcripts of every episode of "Seinfeld" in order.

Here's a quote from my favorite...

George: What is Lloyd Braun doing here?

Frank: Your mother recommended him.

George: Yeah, of course she did. That's all I ever heard growing up is 'Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?' Did you know he was in a mental institution?

Frank: I didn't read his resume.

Ann Coulter's latest column is a must-read. She lays out the conservative resume of left-wing Justice David Souter, showing how a stealth candidate can change his colors on the bench. Money quote...

As New Hampshire attorney general in 1977, Souter opposed the repeal of an 1848 state law that made abortion a crime even though Roe v. Wade had made it irrelevant, predicting that if the law were repealed, New Hampshire "would become the abortion mill of the United States."

He filed a brief arguing that the state should not have to pay for poor women to have abortions — or, as the brief called it, "the killing of unborn children" and the "destruction of fetuses." At this point the only people more opposed to abortion than Souter were still in vitro.

Also as state attorney general, Souter defended the governor's practice of lowering the flag to half-staff on Good Friday, arguing that "lowering of the flag to commemorate the death of Christ no more establishes a religious position on the part of the state or promotes a religion than the lowering of the flag for the death of Hubert Humphrey promotes the cause of the Democratic Party in New Hampshire."

Also, did you know that Ann Coulter went to the University of Michigan? You don't often hear the school advertising her as an alum. I wonder why?

Thursday, August 04, 2005


As my soul
Heals the shame
I will grow
Through this pain
Lord I'm doing
All I can
To be a better man

I think EVERYBODY misses Tripper Ken. Posted by Picasa

From James...

"Good to see he's up to no good."

Pigpen asks the great burning question...

>"Has any word trickled down to you most likely from Seth about who's who on the Wings this year. I know "The Captain" as Sarah's dad ONLY refers to him as is back, but I also heard that McCarty went to Calgary and Hatcher is gone as well. If that is true then I'm really bummed out. Hatcher not quite as much, but McCarty has only and can ever only wear the winged wheel - I'm not sure I'm ok with him wearing a stupid flaming C (emphasis now on flaming). What's the word if any."

To which Seth kinda had an answer...

"How can anyone write on the NHL when it's changing so much right now.

I had an idea for the Wings to fix their salary cap problems:

The CBA counts the mean of each player's salary over the length of the contract as the official cap value. So I was thinking, let's give Lidstrom, who earns 7.6 million this year, a league-minimum player option on his contract for next year at $450,000.

Anyway, the Wings are in a tight spot, and I'm not sure what they think they're trying to accomplish. They re-signed Matthieu Schneider for 3.3 million per year, which leaves very little left for signing free agents. Basically, we have 10 more roster spots to fill and only $11 million left under the cap. We still need to get Datsyuk and Zetterberg under contract, and Datsyuk is reportedly asking for way too much and threatening to go play in Europe.

Montreal poached Dandenault from under us, so we're down another defender, too. Jason Woolley can be re-signed for a decent price, I think. Dmitri Bykov might come back from Europe to give us some depth, too. Chelios wants to come back, but we'd have to offer him the league minimum to do it.

Anyway, I was hoping when all was said and done that we'd have the cash left to make a play for Ziggy Palfy. There's a chance we could bring back Martin Lapointe. What we will do is bring up some prospects. Defenseman Niklas Kronwall is ready for prime time, and we'll most likely bring up forwards Jiri Hudler and Jason Williams for full-time duty.

Waiting in the wings, Igor Grigorenko would have been an NHL sophomore by now if he hadn't had his accident. He needs a full recovery season in Europe before coming over here.

Ken Holland says he's looking for a goaltender (Osgood?) but I don't see why we need one. Joey MacDonald emerged as a great goalie in the minors last year, so why not bring him up, bring prospect Stefan Liv to America to take his spot on the Griffans, and let Legace be the starter.

CuJo is certainly gone. But since goalie pad size was reduced dramatically, his type of goaltending is passe anyway. This is when an athlete like Osgood or Legace is what you want to have, not some bulky guy like Giguere who sat in the butterfly all day and let his knee pads do all the work. And Ozzie will work for cheap, since he never caught on outside of Detroit. Anyhoo, why bother when you can bring up MacDonald for a rookie contract ($450,000) and use the cash left over to make a run at Zigmund Palffy, who will take less to play here.

Anyway, here's the 23-man roster as it looks to shape out now, but keep in mind that things in the new NHL are changing rapidly (for example, Peter Forsberg is now a Philadelphia Flyer, Tony Amonte is a Flame, lifelong New York stars Brian Leetch (Rangers) and Brad Isbister (Isles) are now Boston Bruins, Chris Pronger and Michael Peca are playing for the Oilers, and the PENGUINS are signing high-priced free agents!

Scoring 1: Shanahan, Lang, Holmstrom
Scoring 2: Zetterberg, Datsyuk, ???
Checking 3: Maltby, Draper, Yzerman
4th Line: Hudler, Mowers, Williams
Def. Line 1: Lidstrom, Schneider
Def. Line 2: Fischer, Woolley
Def. Line 3: Kronwall, Rivers
Backup Forwards: ???, ???
7th Defenseman: Bykov
Goalie: ???
Backup: Legace

Here's the team I'd like to see:

Scoring 1: Shanahan, Lang, Palffy
Scoring 2: Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Lapointe Checking 3: Maltby, Draper,
Yzerman 4th Line: Hudler, Mowers, Holmstrom Def. Line 1: Lidstrom,
Schneider Def. Line 2: Fischer, Woolley Def. Line 3: Kronwall, Rivers
Backup Forwards: Williams, Richard Park (Minnesota) 7th Defenseman:
Goalie: Legace
Backup: MacDonald

Richard Park is a fast, young winger who Minnesota let become a free agent. Pertty soon, a lot of teams are going to be looking to maximize what they can do with a $550,000 and Park is right up there.

Now that there's no red line, what used to be a 2-line pass is now a good chance for a breakaway. So you need guys with speed and great hands. Palffy is the premier speedy scorer in the league. With offensive genius Lang, and Shanahan there as your sniper/grinder, that line would be unstoppable."

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


Look me up in the yellow pages
I will be your rock of ages
Your see through fads and your crazy phases, yeah
Little Bo Peep has lost his sheep
He popped a pill and fell asleep
The dew is wet but the grass is sweet my dear

From Pigpen...

"Over the course of adolescence and even now (a continuation of adolescence really) one sometimes asks themselves: What is a Donkey Puncher? Also what is one doing when the aforementioned activity is carried out? Well here's your answer...J-mac probably already knows this.

A donkey is a peice of steam equipment that was used in logging before the more modern technologies and equipment came along. It was a stationary steam engine that pulled logs through the woods to a loading area via cable. With that being said a donkey puncher is the guy who operates the capstan mechanism to pull in the cable in addition to mantaining the correct operating parameters of the boiler. Therefore a donkey punch was the action required to set this machinery into motion.

Now you know...and knowing is half the battle"

Somebody's lookin' a bit like Cory Martin. EWWWW! Posted by Picasa

The naked swordsman is pleading guilty. Curtis Rarick of North Liberty, Iowa, was accused of chasing his neighbors with a sword.

His neighbors told police a nude Rarick was standing in his front yard and they complained.

According to the neighbors, Rarick got upset then ran into his house, came back out and threatened them with a sword. He's now pleaded guilty to assault with a dangerous weapon.

Rarick will be sentenced next month and faces up to two years in prison and a $5,000 fine.

Which "sword" do you think resulted in the criminal charges?

Is it me or does Ole Cory Martin look a bit like Tondar? Freakin' Tennessee!

From Pigpen...

"A few things that compounds the regionalism of the U.P. First, they don't really consider themselves Michiganders like we do. They see themselves more as from Wisconsin or an entity unto their own. Not in any militant way, but in a isolation type of wayOver on the "penninsula" Keweenaw that is, it's really a blend of the Wisconsin ("Sconsin") and Minnesota ("Minna-soh-tah") dialects. And I do mean dialects. They got some weird words for alot of things and some of the old time guys you can't understand worth a damn. While I agree with the professor that "Escanaba in da Moonlight" isn't an accurate representation of the dialect, it isn't entirely false. The most noticable intricacy is the dragging out of ALL O's and A's no matter how the letter is pronounced in the word, and all sentances are ended with eh, not ah and not yah-hey. Yah Eh is also a very popular subsitute for when you are talking and use the term "right?" for agreement. Yah Hey is used alot over by Drummond and The Sault, but not in the west where I was. Unlike the southern (example: Tondar) or eastern accent (example: my uncle) I noticed that most Tech students at some point in their academic career will pick up on some of the more common and fluid points of the dialect (myself included, and with a certain sense of pride - don't know why), not to the effect that the locals can't pick ya out, but definitely when you go "down state" people notice (kinda like how Allison immediately caught me using "Eh" at Ucello's). I think that the real reason lies in the fact that the majority of immigrant settlers to the Lake Superior basin (UP, Minn, Wisc) were primarily of Norwegian descent and many senior citizens in the Copper Country still are VERY Finnish and fall seamlessly into it in the same fashion that I noticed with some old dutch women when I was working in Holland, MI. The same holds true for the Swede's in Wisconsin, Minnesota and eastern North Dakota. My dad's dad for example is 100% swede, speaks swede and still retains abit of accent on certain words. He moved to the very Sweedish community of LeRoy (by Reed City) when he was young from somewhere in Wi. He sounds like he's from Wi, but it's due to the ethnic emmersion of LeRoy."

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


Boy, do I miss Ole UofM *shudder* Posted by Picasa

"Me and my monkey
Drove in search of the sun
Now me and my monkey
We don't wanna kill no Mexican
But we've got ten itchy fingers one thing to declare
When the monkey is high
You do not stare, you do not stare
You do not stare"

From Seth...

"Actually, the umpire DID signal an out, and then hurriedly found a way to make it look like he was just pumping his fist for no reason.

Where was Tram?!?

The Tigers were getting good pitching from Bonderman, but they were lagging in the field.

Where was Tram?!?

This is a badly managed team. You can't do anything about an umpire making half-signals on dropped balls. But you can at least let the umpire know he owes ya something. It is someone's job to make sure that the guys don't get down after something like that. It is also someone's job to recognize when a guy coming back from injury is dragging ass, and pull him for a game to give your young, slick fielder a shot on a day your best pitcher's on the mound."

Good to see the University of Michigan take an interest in the actual State of Michigan. Sure a linguistical study of da Yooper-speak isn't all that exciting, but nevertheless it's important from a cultural standpoint, especially for all the New Yorkers that don't quite understand the natives of the mitten-shaped land.

Monday, August 01, 2005


Tu es Petrus, et super hanc petram aedificabo Ecclesiam meam, et portae inferi non praevalebunt adversum eam. Et tibi dabo claves regni coelorum. Et quodcumque ligaveris super terram, erit legatum et in coelis; Et quodcumque solveris super terram, erit solutum et in coelis.

For some reason last night, I went to bed with this Latin text from Matthew 16: 18-19 in my head. Unfortunately just as I fell asleep I had a disturbing vision as I saw the "portae inferi" rise up out of brimstone. The sky was a bright crimson red, as there seemed to be an ever present source of red-light, similar to the way the sun illuminates the day. All of a sudden from the black jagged ground shot up the gates, which were made of a shiny silver material. The gates of hell, themselves were artistically quite intricate. In some ways they were similar to the work by Rodin. It was very modern in appearance and seemed to have been designed by H. R. Giger, featuring a wide variety of deformed humans and demons. The columns themselves even seemed a Biblical mockery as they had the same shape as the Hebrew spiral columns used in the construction of Old St. Peter's though of course they were more ornate like Bernini's Baldacchino. Probably, the most surreal part of this vision was the way the gates overall formed a grotesque mockery of Bernini's Piazza di San Pietro. I guess it is rather fitting that the gates of hell would take on many aspects of Bernini's designs near the Vatican. In addition, the vision was made even more disturbing because, I knew that the location of the gates was VERY close to the Vatican and St. Peter's in Rome. Of course as Christ tells us, the gates would not prevail. However, this did not make their attempt any less comforting.

It's is a shame that I don't have any artistic ability to show it in more detail than this brief prose description. But in reality the vision was quite frightening as it caused me to quickly awake and became so unsettled that I was not able to return to sleep for another 3 hours. Maybe it is for the best that the temporal realm should not witness the gates assault on Peter's Church of Christ.

I'm an honorary Sean Connery, born '74
There's only one of me
Single-handedly raising the economy
Ain't no chance of the record company dropping me
Press be asking do I care for sodomy
I don't know, yeah, probably
I've been looking for serial monogamy
Not some bird that looks like Billy Connolly
But for now I'm down for ornithology
Grab your binoculars, come follow me

Speaks for itself >:( Posted by Picasa

Sunday, July 31, 2005


"Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist almost certainly consumed the greater part of O'Connor's brain and heart prior to the ritual feeding, in a rite believed to grant him the knowledge, wisdom, and courage of the devoured," said American University law professor Donald Hewett. "Any portions of O'Connor's brain and heart that Rehnquist refused would have been consumed by the remaining justices within minutes, as they chanted passages from her seminal opinions."

Check out this piece in the Onion on the devouring of retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Once again America's Finest News Source nails it again. Though as Chief Justice Rehnquist put it...

"Hear us, Justice," said Rehnquist, wearing a necklace of human bones and an elaborate headdress adorned with yak horns. "In the abiding name of Jurisprudence we consumed her; in the eternal name of Law was she eaten; and as her flesh does become our flesh, so her wisdom shall become our wisdom, yea, through all time everlasting."

Everybody getting cash for the bung
Everybody wants to know how I'm hung
You can read it in the papers
I'm a giver not a taker
But it won't be the same

hehe Posted by Picasa

One might consider it a sign that I've had too much to drink considering that an Arby's commercial threw me into a fit of rage. However, I call that passion. I for one will not be fool by Arby's 5 for $5.95. Everybody knows that a fair price is 5 for $5, and until I get that, Arby's can shove their marketing up Hootie's Blowfish.