Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

The blogger has had the same look now for almost 3 years. Yeah, can you believe that I have been ranting for that long? But anyways, the old format is starting to wear on Dar as a little stale. So I ask you, the kids to come up with some ideas for changes. What do you like? What could be better? What do you want to see for the fourth year of rantations. Hit me with full cruelty because I'm feeling a bit complacent here in the blogosphere and that's not Tondarriffic at all.
YEZANET

Check out the new Linky Dinks at left. Two more Yezamen have joined the blogosphere. A big welcome to Tres and his cult of personality. And be sure to check out James' account of eternal winter from the great State of Wisconsin.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

It seems there may be a new Destroyer in our midst. Seth's new roommate on Friday's snowfall in Detroit:

We got more inches than a black guy watching Baywatch.

Friday, December 09, 2005

SUCK OF THE DRAW

Well the drawings came down today for the 2006 World Cup. Looks like the United State isn't going to match their 2002 performance...

"If the U.S. finishes in the top two of Group E and reaches the second round, it would face one of four teams from Group F: Brazil, Croatia, Australia or Japan. In other words, if the U.S. wants to match or improve on its quarterfinal run in '02, it should really hope to win its group. Otherwise, the likely second-round foe would be defending world champ Brazil."


No problem? Think again. We drew Czech Republic, Italy and Ghana, numbers 2, 12, and 50 in the world respectively. Even if we go 2-1-0, we will probably end up losing to Brazil in the next round. Now the conservative in me would like to blame crappy Europe and the internationalists. However, my realist side says we just got dealt the extra chromasome, and now we have to deal. BLARG! *snort*

Thursday, December 08, 2005

BENEDICT XVI WATCH

From today's homily for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception...

People think "that part of being truly human is the freedom to say no, to descend down into the darkness of sin and to want to do things by oneself; that only then can one fully experience the vastness and depth of being human, of being truly ourselves; that we must put our freedom to the test even against God," he said.

"In a word, we think that evil basically is good, that we all need at least a little of it in order to experience the fullness of being," the pope said.

However, Pope Benedict said, "looking at the world around us, we can see that it is not that way, that evil always poisons; that it does not raise man up, but lowers and humiliates him; that it does not make him greater, purer and richer, but damages and diminishes him."

The feast of the Immaculate Conception is a call to all believers to realize that the person who "totally abandons himself in God's hands does not become God's puppet, a boring, spineless person," he said.

"Only the one who trusts totally in God will find true freedom, the great and creative vastness of the freedom of goodness," he said.

"You will see that with him your life will become vast and enlightened -- not boring, but full of infinite surprises because the goodness of God can never be exhausted," the pope said.
PIC OF THE DAY

Tres on his own Cult of Personality...


"The irony of having t-shirts and stickers with your name on it has never been lost on me, so to commemorate this, and my somewhat megalomaniacal attempt at building cult of personality, I have created this page for the new design of my website. What do you guys think?" Posted by Picasa
KATHERINE WATCH (RETRO EDITION)

From the Katherine Archives of 11/17...

Priviet everyone!

I hope you are all doing well! I miss you all so much!

I just wanted to send out one last email to say goodbye to Russia! I am leaving my little town of Glazov tomorrow foê a 16 hour train ride to Moscow. Then I will be there for a 4 day conference.... and a day of traveling..... and then I will be landing in Grand Rapids at 9:45pm (if all goes as planned) the night before Thanksgiving. Yeah! I can't believe I will be eating a turkey dinner at home a week from today! Hooray!

It is so horribly sad to leave here. I am really not looking forward to our goodbyes tomorrow. My eyes are going to fall out! I have had a busy week, but it was great. I got to go to the orphanage today to present the winner of the coloring contest her prize. I have never seen a girl so happy in her life!

Anyway, I must get to packing my bags. I will not have internet or computer access for a week, but I will email when I get home. Until then, take care! I can't wait to come home and see all of you!

Paka! Best wishes from Russia!

Kat
WHAT'S ON THE CALEN-DAR?

12/13 - Atlanta Thrashers vs. Detroit Red Wings

1/27 - Atlanta Hawks vs. Phoenix Suns

1/30 - Atlanta Hawks vs. New York Knicks

2/25 - Atlanta Hawks vs. Milwaukee Bucks

Lemme know if anybody is down for any of this "great" action.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

JEWISH HIP-HOP

I'm sure it's not all because I work in Hebrew Hills. However, I have been hearing this a lot on the radio lately. The truth is, it's actually pretty good stuff. If you don't know about Matisyahu then you better ask your Rabbi genti-foo'!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY


I don't expect you to understand, Chuck Woolery--you would have to be human to feel the passion for liberty that we do. As long as I tread this Earth, I pledge to tirelessly strive for a world in which all citizens have the courage to walk up to Chuck Woolery, look him in the eye and say, "Chuck Woolery, I am not afraid of you." Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 04, 2005

PIC OF THE DAY


The last of the great bumwine conquests. Frank, behold a victorious Tondar and the spoiler of his innards. Posted by Picasa
SUPERBOWL DRIVING TIPS

Seth sent this along so all y'all can prepare for Superbowl XL in Detroit...

SUPER BOWL DRIVING TIPS FOR DETROIT

For all the visitors, from other than Michigan, coming to the Super bowl in 2006.

1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Deh-TROIT, not DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the Country Music Hoe-Down.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules. Like if you have a green arrow left turn, you can keep turning until 3 seconds after it goes red. Speed limit signs are there denote the minimum appropriate speed during a hail storm.

3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.

4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going across the intersection. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.

5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too. If you think you need vowels to pronounce a word correctly, stay out of Hamtramck.

6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge and The Southfield Freeway are a way of life and forever. Just deal with it.

7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners"

8. All old men (or women) with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.

9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!

10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car to take pictures.

11. If you want to park your car, we have two lovely, brand new casinos downtown. If you want to gamble, we have Windsor.

12. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm reloading", he/she is.

13. If you are in the left lane, and only going 80 in a 70-mph zone, people are not waving because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you duck.

14. I-275 and I-696 are our daily version of NASCAR. The I-275/696 interchange is our version of a parking lot.

15. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge". If you weren't brought up knowing the proper use of "the Fisher" or "the Chrysler" then don't try. If you ask directions to "M-39" we'll just look at you funny.

16. That's not a lake, it's a pothole. If you find yourself on a street or highway with a large crack every 3 seconds, then stay on it -- you've found one of the roads we recently resurfaced.

17. That noise-making device on your steering wheel is only to be used when notifying other drivers that the local pro hockey team just scored.

18. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map.

19. Street Parking is only for the privileged few who got in line early and are willing to pay exhorbitant prices, kind of like Superbowl tickets.

20. The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left into the turnaround, then make another left, then make a right when you get back to the intersection where you wanted to turn left in the first place. NOW you have gone left.

21. If you get lost on the Ford, keep going until you run into a large cloud of smoke and realize you have a pressing urge to eat Doritos. If the locals are strangely friendly and welcoming, you're in Ontario. Go buy beer. If the locals are quoting Goethe, you're in Ann Arbor. Go buy art.

22. The brown, slushy stuff you see on the side of the road is called "snow." This is not to be confused with the white powdery substance covering your car, shoes and clothes, which we call "salt." The wet droplets falling from the sky are called "liquid ice."

23. If you run into a tricked-out black Cadillac Escalade pumping out gangsta rap, and a 6'5", heavyset black man gets out surrounded by several thuggish gangsters, the proper apology is "I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor."

24. Those with family members who insist on wearing Ohio State clothing may pick up the remains of their loved ones at any one of several downtown mortuaries. They all take credit.

25. As for those two really ugly arches over Telegraph???? DON'T EVEN ASK!! WE DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!

WELCOME, ENJOY YOUR STAY, AND TRY NOT TO MENTION ANY LARGE CAT SPECIES, NOR LAST NAMES THAT BEGIN WITH "M"
IF YOU'RE DOWN WITH HOCKEY

Why aren't there more show ideas like this. In da fine tradition of "Slapshot," check out the promo for "Beer League." Whether this is real or not, I am amused!

"That's it! I'm outta here."