Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Things are going well. It's a shame that everybody ate too much Mexican. But in spite of no three way kissing, the dick punch has been in full swing because it turns out that you're a vagina. Let it be known that Tondar may not have posted everything on the blog over the last few days.

Straw? What am I twelve?

Like I need a game to help me drink.

I've had tougher guys than you come out in my stool.
Throw magazines....not butter......!!!!!!!!

Jason: To put it in Canadian terms, you slip one past the goalie and we'll see how you feel.

Friday, February 24, 2006

I'm Dar, I like to lick balls.

Jizzames: Seth, I didn't know you played video games.

James: That's like I thought my belly button was my mouth.

Jason: Did you get navel raped?!

Tondar: That ice tastes like booze.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

We'll howl at the moon, and shoot out the lights. It's Tonnaroo, comin' at you tonight! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

"If you don't have enough GBD's to cover the loss, then you will be tied to the bed and I will do whatever I wish to you. This will continue every night until you are ready to be compliance, at which time you will need to apologize and explain how you are ready to be my sex slave again." Posted by Picasa

If the Good Wife Guid was just the tip, the Contract of Wifely Expectations represents the rest of the iceberg. I don't have time to go into detail. But I love the "My Time" clause, especially the "Will Not" list in the left corner of the First Page. Don't worry I shall return to rant on the many clauses but I absolutely had to get this out to the kids as soon as possible.

Most importantly you will need to know how to get to the celebration. When your plane arrives take the shuttle to the baggage claim area. From there follow the signs to Marta (It's Smarta'). There you want to board the Northbound North Springs Train (not Northeast bound Doraville train*). Ride this to the end of the line and I will pick you up at North Springs. Please be sure to call me when you get close to North Springs N11. If you are confused here is a map showing how far I actually am from the ATL Airport S7.

* If you come in too late you may have to take the Northeast Doraville train. This is not a major complication since they remind you to transfer at the Lindbergh Station N6.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


If the futon is good enough for an "Armenian" named Frank, surely it will be just fine for the Cisco Kids of Tonnaroo '06! Posted by Picasa

Note how Seth's spelling allowed him to slip this past the Mailwatch Big Brother filter on my work e-mail...

So yesterday I saw the V@gina monologues at the Power Center (Beth had a part, otherwise I would have been happy to stay home and watch USA/Sweden in hockey).

The Conservatives on campus were protesting fiercely. They had a big rally on the diag and about 40 of the khaki-clad Young Republicans were standing outside.

The reason: this year the Monologues decided to be a "Colorful Production."

I don't think the righty weenies outside even knew what that meant. The cast was multi-cultural, but pretty much everyone who tried out was in the play (you could tell at times, too). However, I wouldn't doubt that a bunch of white girls who like acting decided to skip tryouts because of the tag.

Anyway, what they really meant by "colorful" was that they changed those whom they were interviewing. If you're not familiar with the play, every year they interview a bunch of women about their "down theres" as Beth's character called them. Then the actors play out the best stories. Problem was, the writers were New Yorkers, so for the last 9 years, we'd been hearing from a lot of white New York v@ginas and very little else. This year, they went and spoke to black southern ladies and California ninnies, and Las Vegas showgirls and beaten Native American girls in South Dakota.

Now, if your company has spent a decade ignoring different people and decide to make up for it in one fell swoop, I see nothing wrong with that. The khaki brigade outside thought differently, though. They were also upset over one of the acts that featured a 16-year-old girl who was seduced by a 30-year-old woman, and liked it. The girl had been raped by a man before the incident and I think the conservatives were upset about how the rape and statuatory rape were played off each other to make lesbianism sound okay.

Anyway, I thought the play was funny and, because the script was taken directly from interviews, it didn't feel fake at all. I think it was proper that SAPAC and the local battered womens' shelter were outside ready to talk to anyone who was disturbed by the more disturbing things out there. But the topic was what it was, and therefore those inside the building were bound to look like a Women's Studies 340 lecture.

When I showed up, that was what I expected: a gaggle of feminazis going off on men and politics and whatever else. But the meanest thing about men that was said inside was one interviewee's complaint that her husband wanted her to shave her "down there."

I did get to see some hysterical political blindness, but it was from the cats outside. They played the role of uninformed intolerants so well they could have almost been set up. Ah, college. Everything unimportant seems so important, everything has to have a sociopolitical context, and in the midst of all that, we miss things like a well-written play about c00ters.

1. After discussions with T-Bagg we have decided not to get a hotel this weekend. We figured that the logistics of getting any sorta shenanigans going there would be outweighed by the benefit of the additional space. So as of right now, we will play it by ear and re-evaluate the situation after the Friday Trainwreck.

2. By the way, y'all better bring your slickers to the ATL...

Feb 24

55°/39° 20%

Feb 25

Few Showers
55°/34° 30%

Feb 26

Mostly Sunny
49°/27° 20%

Feb 27

53°/34° 20%

Monday, February 20, 2006


This is why you don't leave valuables in the car...

"Crime Spree Targets Parked Cars

ALPHARETTA -- Thieves are targeting vehicles parked at some popular shopping centers.

Police in Alpharetta say more than a dozen vehicles have been broken into while the onwers were in nearby stores.

"The victims are usually shopping for a length of time or at dinner for a length of time. By the time they realized they've been robbed those people are long gone," says Alpharetta police sergeant Chris Lagerbloom.

Matthew Bennett says his car was broken into right after he bought two new TVs and a laptop computer.

He and his family had stopped at another store to pick up groceries when the thieves hit.

When Bennett and his family returned to their car they found everything gone.

"They took my laptop, took my daughter's new TV, took my bowling ball, my bowling shoes. Everything that was in the trunk they just took it," says Bennett.

Investigators say the thieves are targeting high-end Chevrolet and GM vehicles. They are able to get into the vehicles without setting off alarm systems and without breaking any glass."

When I see stories like this, it's safe to assume that Europe learned its lesson from thed Holocaust...

Right-wing British historian David Irving was sentenced to three years in prison Monday after admitting to an Austrian court that he denied the Holocaust _ a crime in the country where Hitler was born.

Irving, who pleaded guilty and then insisted during his one-day trial that he now acknowledged the Nazis' World War II slaughter of 6 million Jews, had faced up to 10 years behind bars. Before the verdict, Irving conceded he had erred in contending there were no gas chambers at the Auschwitz concentration camp."

It is ironic that the state is sending him to prison for not understanding the evils of another powerful government. Obviously, Europe has learned that you don't give power to the people giving the Roman Salute and using the swastika as their emblem. That lesson, and nothing more.

"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
Joseph Stalin. Posted by Picasa

I have heard reports that the Wisconsin 26th is on the move to the Durrty Durrty. War is the remedy that or enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want.

Sunday, February 19, 2006


From Brado...

"I love the Good Wife's Guide

Personal favorite

Let him talk first-remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."

I'm more partial to this nod to devine right...

"Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfullness. You have no right to question him."

So let it be written, so let it be done.