Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, March 04, 2006


So I'm watching U2's "Discotheque" video, admiring the combination of pretentiousness and late 90's kitsch when they come to the "Boom-Cha" chorus. This is where they dress up like the Village People and have a choreographed dance number. At this point I wondered which Village Person outfit would be the least gay. Well upon first sight it would have to be the cowboy (in this case played by Larry Mullins). Unfortunately, 9 years after the "Pop" album, and with "Brokeback Mountain" about to win best picture, we can no longer say cowboys have the ultimate hetero-job. I'm not sure who would be the second least gay. It certainly wouldn't be the leather wearing biker, or the loin-clothed indian. Honestly, based on my childhood love of the TV show C.H.I.P.s, I would have to go with the motorcycle cop. It still requires a pretty bad-ass man to chase down drug runners and jump off overpasses. And I'm pretty sure you can't ride like that with a broke-ass bottom.

So I'm watching Styx videos online, why do their late 70s/early 80s wardrobe look like it was stolen from Senator Hillary Clinton's collection? From Pantsuits to sparkley vests, only Admiral Panozzo on drum has the outfit that almost stands up over time.

Is it that hard to dress rock & roll and not fall in line with women's fashion 25 years later?

It's been a while since we have had a great "only-in-Atlanta" story. Well check this out...

"Joshua White, 29, research director and campaign aide to Lt. Gov. Mark Taylor For One Georgia, Inc., is charged with first degree arson. White told investigators he broke in and used lantern fuel to set fire on each of the three floors of the John Hunsinger building at 1627 Peachtree St., just south of the Brookwood Amtrak station, to cover up the fact that he missed a crucial project deadline.

No one was hurt in the pre-dawn fire Monday.

A remorseful White told authorities Thursday afternoon he had a "major research project due" Monday morning and he was "concerned of the consequences that he had not done it," said State Insurance and Safety Fire Commissioner John Oxendine, whose office supervises state arson investigators."

That's right. He went all Milton on us and burned down his own office. It's funny, while in Texas, politics gets so heated politicians will have eachother arrested and indicted. On the other hand, in Georgia politics is about getting out of real-work by any means necessary.

"In my 25 years of doing this, just when you think you've seen everything in a campaign, something will surprise you," Rick Dent, a spokesman for Taylor said."

I don't think I have ever blogged on Michigan basketball. But today is the biggest game since 1998. Or as ESPN's Bubble Watch puts it...

Michigan [18-8 (8-7), RPI: 26, SOS: 37] Wolverines still likely good to go; beating Indiana in the finale would probably ice a bid. Still only 3-7 vs. RPI Top 50, but 7-0 vs. 51-100.

So if you get the chance be sure to catch today's home game vs. Indiana at 2:30 EST.

Tondar on passing the assisted living facility with a bambulance out front: "Good news: There's gonna be a room opening up!"

Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd. Posted by Picasa

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time would pass us by?
Cuz you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...

If I could just hold you...


Thursday, March 02, 2006


In case you haven't read the summaries, today's redistricting case was a bit of a sleeper because of all the technical details. Though it still makes you curious that Justice Ginsburg couldn't stay awake through oral arguments. In her defense both Justices Souter and Alito look pretty bored as well. Posted by Picasa

When the Tondaring goes awry: Valiant effort? Or simply the wheels falling off at 6am? Your guess is as good as the Dar's. Posted by Picasa

For those of you not married and not Drake, don't lose heart. As Vox Day says...

American men, on the other hand, need to remember their heritage. Our forefathers were explorers, adventurers and pioneers, remember? Don't whine about indoctrinated, maleducated American women, go out and find others more to your liking in the Ukraine or the Phillipines. Why sit around being hateful, bitter and impoverished when there is a wide world before you? Go work in Brazil or Slovakia. Find a job in England or Morocco. Have a margarita with Fred... I doubt the Mexican authorities care much about what the Family Court in Cleveland said you had to pay for the rest of your ex-wife's life.

His words are more elegant, but the message is the same. Whether it's in your career or love life you have to go out and demand all you deserve because nobody is going to bring it to you.

Well good news kids. I finally feel that I have climbed out of the stooper and have returned to zero. I was a bit worried when the Good Ship Tondar didn't right itself and I was horribly depressed from all the alcohol consumed at Tonnaroo. The "JW Vagina" video, more than proves that point. To make matters worse, I got my biggest scare today when I had e-mailed my mom at work for the second straight day and got no response. Normally, that is her way of being real pissed at me, so I thought I might have allowed James a little 5:30 AM paybacks that I blacked out and she was now treating me like I deserved. On the other hand, it turns out she just felt a little ockey and was taking time off of her union job. OOPS!

But part of my problem with the hangover recovery too is the fact that Monday, spring in Atlanta came into bloom. Though we haven't been hit with the yellow chalk/pollen yet, one can certainly feel the goblins starting to amass and labor breathing. They have a saying down here: "If you don't have allergies, just give it three years." I think that's pretty true considering that previously I had only had allergies in the fall.

But anyways, don't cry for me Tondar Nation. I am doing well and will defend Christendom from the barborous hordes, or I am surely not the Baron of Atlanta!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


I wonder if we will see a new federalism under the Roberts Court. Mississippi looks like they will make it 2 states outlawing abortion. I have to admit, that I dig, though I doubt the current court would completely overturn Roe. But at least this is how the Constitution was supposed to function, prior to Warren, FDR, and Lincoln that is.

Did Tres mention that he almost broke his leg? Posted by Picasa

I just had to ax, and sure enough, Seth found the answer...

9 teams haven't participated in post-season play since 1995:

Blue Jays
Devil Rays
Nationals (Expos)

The only franchises to have never participated in post-season play are the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (who didn't play their first game until 1998) and the Texas Rangers, who began as the expansion Washington Senators in the '60s when the old Senators franchise moved to Minnesota.

Pigpen sent me this article on anti-immigration/pro-assimilation steps being taken in Europe. I found it very intriguing. Notice how the author uses so much of the politically correct buzzwords of the left such as "tolerance," "multi-culturalism," and even goes so far as to confuse the term "melting pot." If it's a true melting pot shouldn't all components resemble something new instead of a rainbow colored "mosaic"?

But anyways, all that aside, this is a fine piece of editorializing on Europe trying to reclaim her own culture. I thought the article should have focused more on how the 12th Century behavior Muslims is incompatable with "tolerance" and Post-Modern Europe. But in spite of my complaints I found it to be a good summary of the solutions being introduced, assuming you are aware of the problems.

After my visits to Spain, I became of a big fan of cultural hegemony. Of course for the most part we have that in the States. But trying to get a Catalin, a Basque, an Andalusian, and a Muslim immigrant to agree on even somethings as basic as language or the functionality of rights and liberties of a liberal society is going to take a lot of work. But if this is the answer to Europe's demographic shift, I have to say that I am much more on board with baby steps hegemony than genocide or mass deportations.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


This ice tastes like booze! Posted by Picasa

From Seth...

2006 Tigers Preview

Last year was a disaster, but we're hoping it wasn't the roster's fault, because that hasn't changed very much. Gone are Alan Trammell, Jason Johnson, Troy Percival, and Rondell White. In are Jim Leyland and co., plus RHPs Todd Jones and Kenny Rogers.

The biggest change was behind the bench. Tram should have been in the Hall of Fame for his prowess at shortstop, but he sure won't be getting in on his managerial career thus far. Well, he's out, and the guy we brought in is the dude we probably should have hired instead of Buddy Bell when Sparky left: Jim Leyland.

So if the manager was the problem, then problem solved. I liked some of the old coaching staff -- especially what Bob Cluck did with our southpaw pitchers -- but the new faces are Jim's guys and come with Jim's credentials.

The other ins are two aging pitchers, both of whom should be familiar to Detroiters. Rogers started last year's All-Star game at Comerica Park, but was better known for throwing a chair at a camerman. The Tigers hope he'll be our ace. The other announcement, which has stadium maintenance crews cringing, is that Jones -- he of the 42 saves during the Juan Gonzalez year -- is returning. The guess is that he'll bring with him his habit of slamming open the bullpen door. He's no Troy Percival -- not that Troy really did much as our injured closer -- but I missed that entrance.

The Tigers are a huge question mark this year. They could possibly surprise in the Central. But that means topping the defending champs in Chicago, a really strong, young, built-from-within Cleveland team, and the perrenially strong Twins. The only gimme is that we'll be better than the Royals. Beating the other three will mean doing more than a .500 season, which we haven't had for a decade.

The thing is, there's a lot of real potential here, and there's just as many pitfalls. This team is a gamble. And to be honest, I can't think of one Detroit team in any year that's ever had luck on their side.

Taking the Mound:
LHP Mike Maroth is a solid middle-of-the-rotation starter. LHP Nate Robertson is a solid bottom-of-the-rotation starter. The rest of the starting rotation is a big question. Can Kenny Rogers push 40 and push for a Cy Young at the same time? He's not exactly Roger Clemens. Is RHP Jeremy Bonderman for real? Until his injury last year, it looked like he'd arrived. As for the last spot, we've got a lot of kids vying for it, which is a nice way of saying we could use another starting pitcher
UPSIDE: Kenny Rogers leaves his attitude in Texas and brings his game, he and Bonderman form a shut-down one-two punch, the southpaws hold the fort, and Justin Verlander becomes the next Bonderman.
DOWNSIDE: Rogers leaves his game in Texas and brings his attitude, Bonderman fizzes out in hype, Robertson or Maroth lose consistancy, and we use the 5th spot to rush and ruin several pitching prospects.

More Like a Chicken Coup:
Ugh. Compared to the rest of the league, we stink. Compared to the International League, we stink. This spot has been in constant flux, and was a weakness of the team last year, with a couple surprises. It was also devastated by personnel moves, as we traded Kyle Farnsworth and Ugueth Urbina, and Troy Percival just got too old. Jones is a big question mark, but he was good last year. Setup man RHP Fernando Rodney can throw a psycho-fast fastball, but that's about it. RHP Franklyn German was awesome before the All-Star break and disintegrated after. RHP Chris Spurling was the opposite, but he's not consistent. The only guy you could apply that word to was LHP Jamie Walker, who's always up for facing an 8th-inning lefty. Basically, the bullpen overachieved last year and still weren't all that impressive, and this season they're starting with a less.
UPSIDE: The loser of the 5th starter battle becomes a great long reliever so the starters don't get so worn out. Jones flourishes like he did in 2000, German and Spurling blossom, and pigs learn to fly.
DOWNSIDE: Pigs don't learn to fly, we don't bring in any help, and we lose 60 games in the 6th-9th inning, which kills team morale and leads to an awful finish.

The Tools of Ignomance:
It's weird to put a question mark on this position considering the guy we have starting there is one of the best catchers of all time, C Ivan Rodriguez. Pudge had a bad year last year. His weight loss had everyone whispering the "S" word, and apparently his messy divorce is the reason he starting crying to the media and making noise like an unhappy star. More concerning to me was how he got especially rotten in clutch at-bats last season. So much for star magic. Still, another "bad" year for Pudge is a good year for anyone else in the league. The bigger concern is C Vance Wilson, who was miserable as backup.
UPSIDE: Pudge returns to the form he had every year of his certain Hall-of-Fame career except last, and Wilson wakes up so that Rodriguez can get some more rest days.
DOWNSIDE: It turns out Pudge was a 'roids case who's now average and injured, while Wilson becomes your standard .150 backup catcher.

Down the Middle:
SS Carlos Guillen is an All-Star when his knees don't give out, as we saw in 2004 and early 2005. But his knees are the reason Seattle traded him, and they came to knock him out last year. 2B Placido Polanco blossomed magnificiently at 2nd Base, hitting around .400 his first month as a Tiger. Behind them is IF Omar Infante, once Randy Smith's favorite super prospect, who was bad enough as an adult to spark the Polanco trade -- but he still might have some potential.
UPSIDE: Polanco keeps it up, and Guillen turns in a complete season of excellence, meaning both guys end up as All-Stars. And when one of them goes down for a time, Infante comes in with something to prove and buds into a solid middle infielder.
DOWNSIDE: Guillen's knees go "pop" two weeks into the season, and Infante makes a fool of himself in his stead. Polanco I'm not worried about, except if his head gets any bigger we'll have to start stitching custom hats.

At the Corners:
3B/UTL Brandon Inge was born to play 3rd, but nobody seemed to realize that until the end of 2003. He made a lot of errors during his on-the-job training last year, but just as many great plays. Meanwhile, his hitting is the same: stinky, but with flashes of you-gotta-be-kidding-me. As for the No. 3 spot, 1B Chris Shelton could be the real deal or a flash in the pan. 1B Carlos Pena has nights where he goes 6 for 6, and then goes 6 nights without touching the ball, and his fielding is the same way. It's unfair to have him kill AAA pitchers AGAIN, but that looks like his role. 1B/DH Dmitri Young supposedly got in shape and wants to win back some field time, but all I want is for him to be a great designated hitter -- at least right up until the glorious day upon which that repugnant institution is forever erased from baseball. If he can field a position, though, he's tradeable.
UPSIDE: Inge takes the next step, becoming a B+ 3rd baseman and .280 hitter en route to eventually shining as a Gold-Glove .300 hitter. Shelton and Pena have an epic duel that results in one getting traded for way over his worth, and the other becomes our starter for the next 10 years. Dmitri, meanwhile, stays in the lineup, and gets some of his power back.
DOWNSIDE: Shelton slumps and his sub-par fielding is revealed, leading to Carlos Pena having another .212 disappointment, and Dmitri Young goes Bobby Higginson on us.

Out in the Cornfield
Rondell White, who should have played in the Riddler's uniform for all the questions he used to raise, is gone, but the outfield is still crowded. LF/CF Craig Monroe should be the starting left fielder; he can kill lefty pitching and I think he has the makings of a much better fielder than White was in his heyday. For an odd-man-out in last year's outfield, Monroe got consistent playing time as RF Magglio Ordonez and White went down with injury and the kid centerfielders lacked consistency. It seems CF/LF Curtis Granderson might be ready for prime time at center, and in a lot of ways reminds me of Rondell White in his youth. In right, Ordonez could be the Tigers' best player, or fall apart again, as he's done before, with injuries. CF Nook Logan is now the top backup; he's the fastest man in baseball, but that's only if he can get on base. Dmitri Young, with his fit new physique, could do time at the corners, and Granderson can play the corners too, so we can move them around.
UPSIDE: Granderson matures into a big leaguer and Logan learns to hit, meaning we can platoon the outfield positions (keeping Ordonez as the regular right fielder) for small ball or deep ball, and Leyland gets named manager of the year for getting the most out of these guys.
DOWNSIDE: All the talk of offseason conditioning proves to be smoke, and these guys turn in another performance like last year's, but this time without Rondell White's hot bat to keep them respectable.

The problem with the 2006 Tigers, as I see it, is that the upsides are pretty much as likely as the downsides, so it's a total toss-up as to how we'll do. We've got more upside than most teams out there, but there's just as much room for the bottom to drop out -- also something few other teams can boast.

I think we'll see improvement because of Leyland, but unless we can get some bullpen help, or a bullpen miracle out of the kids, we're going to lose a lot of games in late innings. That means teams that came up together, teams of destiny, and teams with a lot of heart and guts and luck are going to beat us, which is depressing but kind of justified considering how much we've overspent in past years to bring in most of these guys.

I think we can open some eyes in April against a tough schedule, and we'll be over .500 around the All-Star Break, then dip again in late July and August. Don't expect playoffs, but if we can get to mid-September only a few games under the mark, we'll have an easy end-of-the-year schedule with which to make the run.

I'm going to call this an 80-82 year, with a plus/minus of 10 due to all the question marks. It's not within range of the playoffs unless 80 percent of everything above goes right (90-72), but it's not a bottom-feeder year unless 80 percent of everything goes wrong (70-92).

Ever been pulled over for going with the flow of traffic? As we know in most states and especially here in Atlanta, it seems rather ridiculous to only drive 55 mph. Check out this movie short made by some Georgia State students as they present "A Meditation On the Speed Limit."

On an artistic note, you can tell that they tried too hard to milk their money shot, even giving it porn music. Personally, I would have opted for something more dramatic such as the climax from Beethoven's 9th Symphony played at halfspeedw while also running the video in slow motion. But anyways, my hat goes off to the kids.

Monday, February 27, 2006


And again Tondar is all alone :( Posted by Picasa

Sunday, February 26, 2006


It's all fun and games until you find her dick

Jason: Scotch, Calimatxo and bacon cheese: That's poison for the soul.

Big Fans of irony Posted by Picasa

Jason: I didn't know Atlanta was so ghetto.

James: "If I wanted to be comfortable, I'd stay in your mother's vagina a little longer. You have to decide my friend.

James: "That's what poor people do for sex. If I wanted that, I'd give you twenty bucks."

Seth: You need to saga-mold taga-mold versaille.

Seth: You need to saga-mold taga-mold versaille.

Seth: You need to saga-mold taga-mold versaille.