Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Why does this remind me of a Syndrome of a Downs video? Posted by Picasa

I'm not sure if I'm going or not, but Atlanta Opera is performing Mozart's "Abduction From the Seraglio." Honestly, if I don't have a clown hair at my side, I don't see the point in going to the opera. On the other hand, the review said "Seraglio" is zany, so it has that going for it.

I can't think of a much worse way kick it than these two found. Yuck...

Father and Son Die in Manure Pond at Dairy

By JULIANA BARBASSA Associated Press Writer

(AP) - GRANGEVILLE, Calif.-A dairy worker and his 8-year-old son died in a manure pit on the farm where they lived, authorities said Tuesday.

Luis Gutierrez, 27, and Luis Armando Gutierrez went to feed calves Saturday night and apparently stumbled upon the manure pit in the dark, investigators said.

Footsteps near the edge of the 10-foot deep pit seem to suggest one of them fell in, said Kings County Sheriff Allan McClain.

"We could see the dad seemed to be doing what he could to reach his son," McClain said. "But this stuff ... if you step in, it sucks you in."

When Gutierrez and his son didn't return, family members called the dairy's owners and the sheriff's department for help.

Investigators found Luis Gutierrez's stalled pickup with its hood up. They said the Gutierrezes probably got out of the truck and tried to take a shortcut home.

The dairy's owners dredged the cement-lined holding pond that collects rainwater and manure running from the farm, and the bodies were pulled from it early Sunday, McClain said.

The 9-year-old was the oldest of four children Luis Gutierrez had with his 22-year-old wife, Maria.

The county coroner is still working on the autopsy, but investigators don't suspect foul play. McClain said the pair may have drowned in the thick, foul-smelling sludge. It's also possible they were overwhelmed with noxious gases emanating from the mixture.

The state's workplace safety office is investigating the incident, Cal-OSHA spokesman Dean Fryer said.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Good news kids, springs comin' and it's bringing the fury of the ages. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


THIS IS still NOT A WINE COOLER! Posted by Picasa

From today's SI...

The Magic has been gushing about Darko Milicic, who is averaging nine points and 7.3 rebounds the last three games. Scouts say he projects as a player who should average about 12 points and eight rebounds. -- Chicago Tribune

Maybe Seth was right on this one...

Everyone knows he'll be good, but everyone also sits around talking about how he was never "given" the opportunity. Here's what I don't get: in a sport for which there are only 5 starting spots per team, and a maximum of two or three that one guy could play, how much should someone be "given?"

At what point do we say, "look, Darko, if you wanted to be on this team, and you have more talent than Ben Wallace, and better knees that Antonio McDyess, then why don't you beat those guys out for playing time."

Why didn't Larry Brown or Flip Saunders ever take the kid aside and say, "if you try hard, and out-play one of the other guys, you get to play." And if they did, and he never responded, then, well, maybe that's what happened.

I learned long ago not to question Joe Dumars' moves. But I also think when Darko becomes a star, nobody can really call Detroit "stupid" for trading him, anymore than you can call them "stupid" for drafting him in the first place. He's too young to be a bust, too valuable to be held onto until the appelation fits. So now we have a high 1st round draft pick -- not another shot at 2, though -- and the ability to keep Ben and Chauncey around, and then add some bench when we need to.

I'm actually quite surprised by this. Other than Jesus, Joe Dumars is the only other human in whom I have total faith. I figured if he was traded that he must surely be damaged goods after encountering a screaming Larry Brown as his first American coach. I still think that Darko will not be bad. But we probably won't see him come of age until 2008-09, which is a little late if Joe Dumars has to keep him signed and happy from his rookie season in 2004.

Overall, I am beginning to think that we wasted the number 2 pick in a VERY deep draft on ole Darko. He has been slow in development and couldn't get playing time with these Pistons because he is lazy in practice and such a defensive liability in games. If you're not Steve Nash, then you are expected to contribute on both ends of the floor. And though you can see Darko has talent and a high basketball IQ (I love his raw post-moves. It's like watching a young Hakeem Olajuwon fresh off the boat). He just never grasped the idea of moving your feet and playing tough NBA style defense. Not that this is so much a criticism of him, but more so of our trans-Atlantic cagers that learn a softer, more laisez-faire game of basketball. Hopefully, the Pistons will be able to get a quality player when the highschoolers begin to swell the college ranks again (following the 2007 season). Plus by that time we will be interested in developing replacements for Wallace, Wallace & McDyess, as they are the oldest pieces on this team.

Bottom line: In Joe we trust.

Two of the daughters and a son have only ever walked on two palms and two feet, but another son and daughter sometimes manage to walk upright.

The five can stand upright, but only for a short time, with both knees and head flexed.

Their remarkable story is told in a television documentary, to be screened next week, which shows scientists studying their movement, but also their struggle to fit in with modern society.

Professor Nicholas Humphrey, evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, visited the family twice. He said: "It's amazing as an example of a strange, strange aberration of human development. But their interest is how they can live in the modern world."

The five are all mentally retarded. Their mother and father, who are closely related are believed to have handed down a unique combination of genes which result in the behaviour.

I've heard some strange anthropological stories from around the world, but this one is right up there.

The first rule of Tondar film-making is to stick to the book. There's a reason why The Bible and The Lord of the Rings were so beloved as both books and movies. The movies simply told the story of the beloved book. Well now it seems that Sir Anthony Hopkins may have stumbled upon Tondar rule number two...

"It's condescending. Audiences aren't so mindless as movie-makers think."

I think this is where Hollywood got lost for the 2005 Oscars. Beyond Episode III, Chronicles of Narnia, Sin City, and King Kong, there wasn't another reason for me to go to the movies. Other than those mentioned above, they certainly didn't inspire me with that many amazing stories or fantastical worlds. But anyways, inspite of being a cranky old-man rant, Sir Anthony is right on...

--"Audiences aren't so mindless as movie-makers think", he told the Radio Times magazine.

--"I'm also tired of the camera moving all over the place, with car chases so cut and edited you don't know what's happening."

--He added: "If you look at The Shining or Fargo, they photograph it and let actors tell a story. That's the old-fashioned way. I hope it comes back."

--"Can you figure that out? It's insanity. Or they complain because their trailers aren't big enough. Bulls***. It's a job, like any other, so don't make a big deal. Be polite, treat the crew with respect and don't think you're different."

Monday, March 06, 2006


One monkey and so much poison, surely this must be Raiders of the Lost Ark! Posted by Picasa

I recently asked Seth for his thoughts regarding the impact of the NFL labor dispute on the Lions. For example, is there a way for any of this labor dispute to be good for the lions or is Millen to stupid to take advantage? What is the Lions current situation?

From Seth...

"The Lions have one of the least expensive teams actually. The Fords wouldn't spend to the salary cap.

It helps that pretty much nobody met their incentives the last few years.

Most NFL teams are worried because they have a ton of back-loaded contracts. Imagine a star receiver with a 3-year $15 million contract. He's not making $5 million a year, but $2 million in 2004, $4 million in 2005, and $9 million in 2006. The reason is, his team signed him when they were close to the cap already, and planned on the league having the cap raised by 2006.

The Lions, since they've been stinking, have a lot of front-loaded contracts, i.e, the guys have been paid with "bonuses" that we awarded at the end of the season. So cap-wise, we're one of the healthiest teams in the league. If the players get doinked in these negotiations, which I suspect they will because they're arguing for the wrong things, we're in better shape because the other teams will find themselves in salary cap hell.

As for the negotiations themselves, the players shouldn't have let their agents pick what's being argued about. Scott Boras doesn't care what his mid-level clients are making. He makes his bank from the top-end contracts. So while the NFL and the agents piddle over how much of the league's revenue should go to Terrell Owens, the biggest doink, unguaranteed contracts, will be back for more.

Remember that $15 million contract above? For negotiating the deal, Boras gets his $1.5 million up front. But after two years, unless he's a superstar worth $9 million off the cap for the 2006 season, his team's going to release him. Heck, if he gets injured that first season, the player takes home all of $500,000 before getting cut in July.

I'm just saying, if my job was to protect the interests of all the players, that's what I would have focused on, not what percentage of league revenue goes to the help."

My understanding was that most NFL contracts were bonus loaded since they aren't guaranteed. That way you have to spend for free agents upfront before they get popped by the injury train if the big contract cant come to fruition. Isnt that in the best interest of the agent and player?

So Seth, if the Lions play this right, they may be able to take on everybody's overpriced cut players on the cheap and back themselves into respectability assuming Millen and Ford behave rationally and responsibly for once?

From Seth...

"Ford won't let Millen spend the cap until we're winning.

Yeah, the bonuses are the reason they can move stuff around like that. Most of the contracts are part of the "signing bonus."

The Lions don't have a lot of phree agents. Of those we had to compete for, we have a safety, two corners, a linebacker, a guard and a tight end. Most of our team was built through the draft. But more importantly, the free agents we have are old guys who signed front-loaded old-guy contracts. Earl Holmes, Kennoy Kennedy, et al. didn't want to leave the bulk of their deals on the table if they retired or dropped in value and got cut.

What we don't have is a lot of guys on their 2nd contracts, which a lot of other teams do. That's in part because we drafted so horribly in the '90s that we didn't have anyone to bring back. 2nd contracts are usually the most back-loaded because the player is still reaching his potential, but already has enough established worth to demand now-dollars."

Sunday, March 05, 2006


Did Tres mention he almost broke his leg? Posted by Picasa

This is Paddington Huggs and his best friend the stove. He is the lone citizen of the Monkey Republic because Mr. Mojo said he shouldn't be burdened with responsibility. Posted by Picasa

"I approached her (I can't remember my line--to be honest, it was mediocre at best, I kinda fumbled that one) and she talked to me for like two minutes and then turned her back on me.

I literally stopped and checked my face for boogers. I can't remember the last time a girl dissed me that hard. I seriously thought maybe someone set her up to do that to me, just to fuck with me. I looked around expecting Irish Master P to break out laughing, like I was on Punked or something. Nope. Apparently, I just suck.

I talk to like five more girls, and every single one brushes me off. Quickly. This confuses the shit out of me; even apart from this ridiculous website, my game is good. I can pick up girls pretty easily, but these girls were ignoring me like I was an unwashed beggar. Of course I asked Irish Master P what the fuck was going on. He laughs at me,

IMP "Dude, this is a Greek party at the University of Michigan. If you aren't in a fraternity or someone they know, you're no one."

Tucker "But I'm famous."

IMP "D list famous. You're a cult celebrity. To these girls, you aren't even as cool the dudes in this frat."

Tucker "Not as cool as YOU? YOU?? Find me a knife. I'm going to cut all these whores."

In case you haven't read that one, it is from the Tucker Max short "My First Michigan Football Game." Take the time to give it a full read because it is a great summary of that backwards sausage fest known as Ann Arbor. It's sad but you can certainly see where we were retarded in our social development. Just take this line...

IMP "You want me to 'accidentally' push you into her so you can meet her?"

Tucker "That is awful."

There are two options for the Blue Trooper when it comes to the ladies in Maize and Blue. First, he can try to solve for the problematic girls. Some come up with inventive approaches such as IMP's "accident." Some try alcohol or GHB. While others import girls or simply take off for East Lansing. For the rest of the kids they instead form a pack mentality and take up more interesting pursuits such as Piracy or Adventure.

You see, during those magic hours when you are supposed to be getting laid with a super-hot girl too drunk to know any better, this is when things can become surreal. Afterall, why waste your time talking to that girl at a party when all you're going to do is walk her home to hear her anounce that her roommate is in the room or have her start crying because she was either previously raped or molested. No man deserves that cruel Wolverine fate even once.

Ya know, people ask me why I take up the cross and storm off on Adventure in the wee small hours. My answer is always the same. Instead of hooking up with a biggun or troll, I could continue to drink and maybe get the chance to meet a garbageman, police officer, bum, or security guard as I run through the night with the best of friends holding high the banner of "Open Bar." It only takes a few nights for one to trade in all those weeppy women, and goodnight kiss-offs for a chance to storm Michigan Stadium, The Vatican, The Labrynth, 628, The Saracen Camp, or any of the other great wonders that can be found at the bottom of the 30 pack. However, that is the fate one must expect when climbing into that sausage pit of feminism, where the blue most certainly refers to frustrated gonads.

Now that Tondar has a digital camera I have the option to photoblog at a quicker pace. Unfortunately if you take alotta pictures some of them will end up being a bit on the sucky side. Now before I delete them, I figured I could at least share them with the kids so that they will at least be preserved in cyberspace even if they are not worth preserving on my hard drive. So behold a photodump of krappy pics from the weekend Frankie Came to Atlanta.

photodump Posted by Picasa

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photodump Posted by Picasa