Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, March 18, 2006


El Pais has "la sucesion" wrong. It should be the first born son of Dark Lord Denise sitting upon the throne. And in the case that I should die it would then pass to the next eldest son of the Dark Lord line, the Count of Sparta, my cousin Chris.

But in case you're interested here is an interesting run down of how the usurpers have maintained my throne.

"Youths rallied revelers by email and SMS messages for "macrobotellones" in 20 cities around Spain, while authorities have pleaded with parents to keep their children under control and pointed out the dangers of under-age drinking.

The botellon (big bottle) has become a seedy part of city life over recent years as teenagers, bored at home and too poor to go to bars, buy beer, spirits and cartons of wine from food stores and lounge around in plazas, drinking the night away."

It looks like Spain is cracking down on its underage drinking. The article doesn't mention this but for Spain, underage drinking are those under 14 or so. Since there is really no drinking laws, the only standard is to not serve pre-pubescent looking teens. Thus for their fiesta they simply drink in the streets and plazas (assuming they don't have parental supervision).

It's interesting that this moral crackdown has caused such a backlash. There may have been a EU sanctioned change in drinking laws or parental supervision may be eroding as cable television is brought to more areas of Spain. But I'm curious as to why this would be happening now. Nobody's been concerned about underage drinking in the past and because of that Spain avoids much of the dangerous binge drinking that characterizes the American fiesta (or after work tequila session).

BTW - did you notice this...

"Police now patrol many of the botellon hot spots at the weekends, moving along groups of teenagers who mix cocktails with cheap spirits or "calimocho" -- red wine and cola."

Yes, I spell calimatxo like the Basques.

Tres mentioned this alternative film showing an alternative history of America. For the first time in 2006, I am actually interested in going to the movies. Anyways, be sure to check out the trailer and the historical timeline. Both amusing enough to make me want to spend some money on the CSA.

Friday, March 17, 2006


If this Irish Clownhair could talk, he would wish you a happy St. Patrick's day. Posted by Picasa

Well this one will just have to speak for itself...

Man severs own penis, throws it at officers

March 17, 2006

BY ERIC HERMAN Staff Reporter

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Smashing car windows

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Dad, take a picture. Hurry! Did you get it? Dad, take a picture, quick!! Posted by Picasa

Thursday, March 16, 2006


I wonder how long before this is turned into an inspirational Academy Award winning film...

"A Dutch multicultural group is organizing a soccer tournament between gays and Muslims, hoping to counter what a study published on Thursday said was a rising tide of fear among gays."

But anyways, this is what I found most interesting...

"Of the 776 homosexuals who responded to an internet questionnaire, 80 percent said they believed their safety was threatened at some time during the year, said academy director Frits Vlek, who commissioned the research.

Only 3 percent said they were physically assaulted, Vlek said in an interview, but some 40 percent claimed they had been insulted or verbally abused.

Youths from Moroccan and Turkish backgrounds often were blamed for the incidents, Vlek said, since homosexuality is not widely accepted in many Muslim cultures."

First off, maybe their rejection of the homosexual lifestyle is why Muslim are having such demographic success. The Dutch should be this successful at breeding instead of being frightened by the influx of cheap labor and socialist tax base.

Secondly, of course the Turks are going to have problems with homosexuality. Because it is well known historically that when "going Turkish" is mentioned in a sexual context, this refers to doinking the fartbox. Why should you doink a man when you can simply doink a woman (or girl)? This way you can maintain your Mediterranean machismo, and simply pretend you're sticking it to a man. The Turks figured out this perfect work-around (without the reach-around) centuries ago. Maybe the West needs to get on board with this sodomite solution.

Finally, I doubt the scientific validity of this homosexual questionaire. When considered rationally, you would only take the time to complain about the jihadis if you actually had a negative experience with them. They should have done a scientific poll using only the data from homosexuals. That would have at least carried the legitimacy of the divide that this article attempts to create.

This isn't the typical whacky Atlanta story that we are all used to hearing. This one is more along the lines of simple big city depravity...

"The female advised that her husband was in the house and had assaulted the family," Delk said. "She also advised that there were other children in the home."

The officers entered the trailer and found the Hispanic man "standing over a child with a huge rock in his hand, and he had apparently been striking the child with the rock," Delk said.

The officers ordered the man to put down the rock, but he raised it over his head as if to strike the child again, Delk said. At that point, both officers fired on the man, killing him."

I think what is so freaky about this situation is that everybody described this guy as pretty normal until today when he just snapped. Hollywood should make a movie about this starring Michael Douglas.

I will certainly have to write about my basketball crush on Adam Morrison in the days to come. However, I wanted to make sure y'all saw this story from San Diego...

"A San Diego arena was evacuated for about two hours on Thursday, delaying a first-round game in the hugely popular national college basketball championship, after a hot dog cart attracted the attention of a bomb-sniffing dog.

Thousands of fans arriving for a game between Marquette University and the University of Alabama were kept outside Cox Arena at San Diego State University until police determined that there was no bomb at the cart.

Authorities cordoned off part of the building to further investigate, college spokesman Jack Beresford said.

"They had a robot go in and disassemble the hot dog cart and look for suspicious substances and at this point we have determined that there is no threat and it's safe to enter the arena," Beresford said."

Damn, you gotta feed that dog!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Round up the troops, St. Patrick's Day is comin' and we must restore the Eternal Mask of Agony! Posted by Picasa

From James...

"Here is an interesting article on the war in iraq, and the policies that shape the way it is won and lost. I'm always fascinated by the parallels between the US army occupying a region and vietnam. i remember vietnam parallels being draw to the balkans, which proved baseless. still, the lack of success in iraq draws quick parallels to vietnam, but perhaps for the wrong reasons. any comments on the article? in my estimation, the the biggest hurdle for success in iraq is selling iraqis on the idea of iraq. some of the regions richest oil fields are in the kurdistan region, which is why the kurds are fighting to regain control of tikrit. but if they succeed, why would the kurds need iraq, other than access to ports? perhaps iraq will descend into civil war because all factions will be fighting to control the oil. in a way, iraq's fate may be similar to that of the former Yugoslavia."

Seth's answer key Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


From Seth...

"So the Wolverine coaching staff got shaken up last month.

Jim Herrmann is gone. I really liked this guy. Mich fans is nitpickers, but I think our D has been one of the best in the country since Jim took over. Heck, his first year was 1997. You had to know the NFL beckoned, and it would be another 10 years before Carr retired, even if Hermann was next in line. But the Jets made him a linebackers coach. Ummm.. okay. SOMEONE oughta hire him a D coordinator -- maybe HC one day. If not, I'm sure the door's always open in Ann Arbor. Jim's one of those guys I think every Umich alum should be buying beers for, unless he goes to work for Ohio State or something.

Also gone is Terry Malone, and this one I'm fine with. Malone did great things with Tight Ends. You've got to give him credit for taking a pure receiver with bad hands, a fullback, a quarterback, a middle linebacker, and a 26-year-old Mormon (Massaquoi, Shea, Mignery, Joppru and Ecker, respectively) and making them into top TEs in the conference. But aside from that, I don't think "wizard" ever applied to whomever was making Michigan's offensive play calls. Malone's off to be a Tight End coach for the NFL's Saints. Fitting.

The Replacements:

The nice thing about being a team that promotes from within is that guys who would be coordinators or head coaches somewhere else will take a lesser position knowing they can move up.

Mike DeBord had an interesting ride here. He was our offensive coordinator during the Brady years, then was HC at Central Mich for a few years before coming back in 2004 to coach special teams and handle recruiting. I don't know if he's an offensive wizard, though. More like the kind of guy that the kids like to play for. He's now next in line for Carr's job if ol' Scary Face leaves.

Ron English had a more interesting February. He was our defensive backs coach before accepting the d-backs coaching job for the Chicago Bears on Feb. 7. But then we called him back up on Valentine's Day and asked him to be our defensive coordinator. This is a pretty meteoric rise; he was still coaching defensive backs at Stanford when we were in college. But you should recognize the name:

Remember when we were talking about the Lions hiring Mooch and getting slapped with an Affirmative Action penalty? I said the NFL has to give itself time for college's first generation of black assistants to progress through the college ranks before it can expect the shade of coaches' faces to change hue. Baseball had its Jackie Robinson in 1945, but didn't get its Brooks Robinson until 30 years later.

And I mentioned English as a prime example. This is the guy, I think, who is going to be the first black head coach of the University of Michigan football team. He's the one who's responsible for turning Marlin Jackson, Markus Curry, Ernest Shazor and Jeremey LeSeur into one of the best backfields of all time. He's also responsible for Leon Hall, Morgan Trent (a converted receiver), Brandon Harrison, Ryan Mundy, Brandent Englemon, and Willis Barringer, all of whom know how to tackle better than most cornerbacks in college football.

You heard it here first: someone someday is going to call Ron English the smartest man in football. But for the present, he's going to have to fill Herrmann's shoes without any noticeable dropoff before the nitpicky, win-now Wolverine fans. Accomplish that, and I'd have to say the title fits."

Seth found this little gem in the Freep. Happy betting kids!

Heather passed this one along. Here's a little payback for all those crappy Hallmark Holidays.

All things considered it's pretty difficult to limit the list to only 10. And though this list seems to have a contemporary bias, it does pay mention some of the great tagalong-stupids over the years. Unfortunately, they missed the Kevin Sweeney & Anthony Michael Hall season of 1985. Oops!

Monday, March 13, 2006


Sackett's got propaganda, but good news kids, it's not N. Korean! Posted by Picasa