Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


I don't believe I announced it, but I am here this weekened with Tres in Nashville. I have to admit this whole, "not drinkin'" thing has put a damper on Adventure. Last night for example, Tres and I went out for Mexican and a movie. Considering that Tres sometimes seems to have a vagina, one might consider that a date. But after all the fun we came home and constructed swords. Mine ended up being a 53 inch beast of a broadsword. I have decided to name it Optimus Prime, and like Yngwie I will unleash the fucking fury. It is truly a sword fit for the Baron of Atlanta, and the rightful heir to throne of Spain.

Tres' sword on the other hand is a more manageable 43 inches. This gives him the flexibility to be swift in battle as he cuts down his Texan enemies. Due to a lack of alcohol, Tres was unable to name his sword last night.

Today we will be attending a rock and roll party. Being a time to interact normally, I must leave my sword behind. However, I plan on not bathing so that the world can smell the verile fury off of me and know once and for all, from where babies come.

Being a fan of NLEast baseball now, I have to keep an eye on the competition. And this year for the Braves, the Mets will be the biggest challengers. Here is what Ben had to say about his boys from Queens...

"The Mets are just going to be plain awesome this year. Delgado will tear it up, and his best buddy Carlos Beltran will benefit from a) having some pressure taken off him from being the star acquisition, and b) having a good friend around, and he will have an amazing year. Not to mention the emergence of one of the best players in the game, David Wright, at a mere 23 is already approaching superstar status in New York. Speedster 22 year old shortstop Jose Reyes is going to eclipse last year's stolen base total (60) and triples total (17) under the benefit of new baserunning coach Rickey Henderson (who insists "Rickey can still play, he's just coaching for now"). Also, don't forget about our key pitching acquisition, Billy Wagner, who is going to be unstoppable in the 9th (as he always has). And veteran catcher Paul Lo Duca who will hold it down behind the plate.

Then add to that Aaron Heilman, who had a torrid .87 ERA out of the bullpen after the all star break last year, and new relievers Jorge Julio, Duaner Sanchez, and Chad Bradford, who are all proven stoppers. Our one weakness is the starting rotation -- trading Kris Benson AND Jae Seo could prove to have been a bad move. Pedro will be Pedro, Glavine will be good (great ERA last year, also I think had a 15-15 record that would have been better had the bullpen not blown so many leads). Our #3 is Steve Trachsel, a consistently consistent starter, #4 Victor Zambrano (a genuine bum -- we traded Scott Kazmir for this guy????) and #5, a 25 year old rookie named Brian Bannister who allowed 1 run in all of spring training. It looks good on paper but if any one of them, namely Pedro or Glavine, goes down, we're in trouble. Heilman will be brought in from the bullpen to start (his natural position), but our bullpen will be a bit weaker then. So we shall see. The Mets hitters should more than make up for the perceived lack of

Starting pitching. None of our starters are really going to pitch beyond 6 or 7 innings very much, so the bullpen better kick ass. Based on history, though, it really is hard to argue that the Braves won't win the NL East until it actually happens. But as the Mets marketing campaign this year says, "get your tickets before the bandwagon does." I'm sayin! M - E - T - S METS METS METS!"

On the other hand, Seth, a Tigers fan is a bit more skepticle...

"My feeling is, until the Braves DON'T win the NL East, I'm going with the Braves to win the NL East. Last time they didn't win the NL East, George Bush was president. The OTHER George Bush.

By the way, that was just one season after the Tigers traded them John

Smoltz for Doyle Alexander. Glad we got that 40-year-old reliever to help with the '87 playoff push, eh? Much better than two decades of Michigan-born John Smoltz pitching for us, eh?

The Braves are making a transition right now that's reminiscient of when the Dimaggio Yankees were turning into the Mantle Yankees. That is, the old stars are still around, and there's a bunch of young stars

Just starting to shine. They're my favorites for not just the NL East but the NL Champs. That young first basemen they've got could be the next Gehrig, momma's boy and all. And when you look at their pitching staff, you've got three of the top five changeups in the game.

The Mets, well, they're going to win every 5th game for sure because there's this Pedro Martinez fella on the mound, but they'll only win 35 percent of the rest of them. Carlos Delgado is the big name this year, but he'll lose 20 percent off his career stats like everyone else who comes to play for the New York teams.

In the rest of the NL East, the Marlins are fun but they'll fizzle at the end of the year. The Phillies are looking scary, but they're the Phillies - they'll get injured and fight in the locker-room, and then one of them Thome) will get in trouble for steroids or something and the Braves will prevail. The Nationals had a good start last year, but given what we've heard so far from Spring Training dramas, this team has all the makings of a bad chemistry disaster.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

It seems Tondar can take pictures too bitches. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Well look at Ole Seth in a pair of 33's can you dig that money? You gotta give the Tondar diet credit Posted by Picasa

You're probably not going to hear about this one in the Main Stream Media, but this was the big story of the day out of Atlanta...

"Rep. Cynthia McKinney of Georgia struck a Capitol Hill police officer Wednesday morning after the officer, not recognizing her as a member of Congress, tried to stop her from stepping around a security checkpoint, police confirmed.

The incident "has been brought to our attention and it is being investigated," said Sgt. Kimberly Schneider, a spokeswoman for Capitol Hill police."

Of course she is a Democrat. But what requires this story to be swept under the rug is McKinney's belief in 9/11 conspiracies. Also, before you jump on to the Democrat bandwagon with Seth, you should also consider that she blamed her 2002 Congressional defeat on the Jews. All things considered this is one person and incident that the liberal media needs to ignore.

But anyways, this isn't the first time this has happened and so McKinney now baits trouble as she refuses to wear her Congressional pin. In fact, Cynthia is so special police have provided have gone ahead and posted Special-C's picture around the Capitol to avoid the dreaded label of "RACIST"...

"This is not the first time McKinney has had an encounter with Capitol Hill police. When she first arrived in Congress in 1993, an officer failed to recognize her because she was new and not wearing the congressional pin. After she complained, police put pictures of McKinney up at each security checkpoint to ensure it would not happen again.

McKinney also once ran into problems at the White House. USA Today reported that when McKinney, who is African-American, and a young white aide arrived at a welcoming ceremony in May 1998 for then-Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi, the guard at the gate deferred to the aide as the person of authority. Once in the executive mansion, McKinney said, another guard tried to stop her until Rep. James Moran (D-Va.) stepped in.

"I am absolutely sick and tired of having to have my appearance at the White House validated by white people," McKinney wrote in a complaint to then-President Bill Clinton. "I don't need to be stopped or questioned because I happen to look like hired help."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


We regulate any stealing of his property
And we damn good too
But you can't be any geek off the street,
Gotta be handy with the steel
If you know what I mean.
Earn your keep Posted by Picasa

With immigration in the news, The Onion takes a look at the smackdowns American wrestlers don't want.

"These masked luchadores are hard-working, energetic, and always willing to learn new skills that Americans consider beneath them—such as being power-bombed from the top turnbuckle or chokeslammed through the announcer's booth," said McMahon on this week's WWE Raw.

I wonder if they will try to stick it to the gringos by not going to work this Friday as well. Where I come from there's a name for people that don't like to work like that either. They are called Italians.

It seems Tres found another nugget of brown gold from that site Pigpen passed along yesterday...

"Woman: Well, everybody poops.

Man: That's the title of a book.

Woman: I know. I was making a literary reference."

And this one sounds like just a typical weekend in Livonia...

"Girl: And he's like, "Are you pregnant?"

Guy: Is that how straight people ask if you got laid?

Girl: No, but I'm kinda worried.

Guy: Yeah. My friends from high school got pregnant like one after the other.
Girl: Ew.

Guy: It was like abort over here, abort over there.

Girl: I'm scared.

Guy: We was killing baby fetuses every week."

Sha-SHAH! Posted by Picasa

Time is a gypsy ghost
Steals away the night to leave you stranded without toast

Distance is a long range filter
Memory, a broken toaster left behind in the heartland...


I hope this email finds you all doing well and enjoying spring! I am writing to say goodbye once again. Tomorrow my flight takes off for NYC, and then on to Egypt a few days later. Time has flown by, and I am sure that the next 6 weeks abroad will as well. I am going to Egypt to get my TESOL/TEFL certificate. What that is= a certificate that is internationally recognized so I can teach anywhere in the world! How cool is that?!? I will be taking classes for 5 weeks in Alexandria, Egypt (which is located right on the Mediterranean Sea!). During this time I will be learning how to teach English as a foreign language as well as having Arabic and Egyptian culture classes. The last 2 weeks of the class are spent teaching, so that will be the exciting part. My friend Morena Jill from Spain is also taking the classes with me, and we will be living together in an aparment 2 streets over from the sea! It is going to be hard to stay motivated to go to class when I would rather drink margaritas on the beach!

Of course I will be going to see the pyramids and all of the cool sites in Egypt. Our program also includes a diving trip to the Red Sea for a few days! It is really hard to believe this is all happening. It was a dream.... and now it is a reality. You too, can make your dreams come true. You have to believe in yourself, work toward your goals, and you can do anything you put your mind to. I hope that you find what makes you happy in life, and you go for it. As for me, international experiences and education are my passions in life. Learning about other people and seeing the world in which they live is what makes me really happy. So, I made a plan.... and here I am- getting on my plane tomorrow. Anything is possible. It all depends on how bad you want it, and how much you are willing to work for it. Go for it! Make your dreams come true! We only have one life to live.... so take some chances! Go outside your comfort zone! Nothing is easy, but it is very worthwhile in the end! Good luck!

Ok, so that was my little motivational speech for you. I would like to thank all of you for being in my life- I wouldn't be able to leave the country if it wasn't for you. Having such a wonderful and supportive family and group of friends is what makes this all possible for me. Thank you so much for believing in me and motivating me to do great things.

So, from now on I will only be available via email until I return to the US on May 7th (although I will have my cell on until Thurs afternoon, then it will be shut off). I will be checking email regularly, so please... please....PLEASE email me. I can't tell you enough about how much it means to me that I get email from home. It makes my day! Each week I will send out an email to tell you a bit about Egypt and what has happened.... the adventure is about to begin!

Good luck with whatever you may be doing! I miss you guys already! I promise to bring home some warm weather when I return!

Take care!
I love you all!!!!!


Though, I still don't support Katherine, I'm glad to see she's quoting coach from "Saving Silverman:" "If you can dream it, you can do it!"

Monday, March 27, 2006


From Seth...

"Hawaiian is the official language of Hawaii, with English codified as the language of legal documentation.

We just went five rounds on whether or not to use the Okina (a silent consonant in the Hawaiian language usually, and wrongly, portrayed as an apostrophe) in Hawaiian place names in our magazine.

I'm not about to call their state "Hawai'i." If they want their silly silent consonant, they can stop hogging all the good weather."

I thought the obvious answer would be something Hispanic. But then I thought maybe that the old Oklahoma territory would still have Ojibwa on the books. Eat it up kids, it's one of the few times Ole Tondar's wrong.

Tres told me about this cross dressing manny originally from, yes, Tennessee...

"A MAN posed as a real-life Mrs Doubtfire for FIVE years - dressing up as a woman to look after a couple's two children.

But "Erica" Sadowski's cover was blown when he disappeared with the youngsters and was arrested after a former college friend recognised him from a wanted poster.

The children were unharmed.

Sadowski's double life was similar to the 1993 film Mrs Doubtfire, when actor Robin Williams played a dad who posed as a nanny to see more of his kids.

Long-haired Edward Sadowski, 59, managed to fool mum Sarah Garner and her boyfriend Robert Smith into thinking he was a woman.

He wore women's clothes, make-up and spoke with a high-pitched voice as he looked after their children - Meagan, one, and five-year-old Breanna.

Sadowski even took hormone pills to develop breasts and con the couple."

So do they lock him/her up with the men or the women? Who deserves more protection, Sadowski or female inmates? When it comes to the ole gender bender, there are no easy answers.

From Tres...

"NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- About 200 disabled activists, most in wheelchairs, blocked streets around the state Capitol on Tuesday in a second day of protests to criticize Tennessee's long-term health care program.

Forty-four protesters were arrested by police, who were trying to prevent traffic delays that frustrated state workers on Monday.

"They were afforded the opportunity to get out of the roadway and they didn't," said police spokesman Don Aaron."

If only there had been pictures. We could have been making fun of this one for years! Like an unmanned leaf blower spinning in circles, this is a bit of comedy best left to the imagination.

Pigpen found this little gem. Just about everyday you can hear something along these lines. Next to "You can't fuck in Chinatown, mutherfucker!" my favorite would have to be...

"Crazy guy: Yeah, I don't have to remember. I know. What are you looking at? I'm gonna kill you, you keep it up, I'm gonna kill you. I don't need to be no CIA, FBI, Special Agent Man, whatever the fuck you got. I battle evil! I'm gonna kill you.

Man from window: Shut up!

Crazy guy: Fuck you. I battle evil! I battle evil every day. You're a coward. I'm gonna blow up that building. I don't like evil. I'm a peaceful man and I battle evil.

Man from window: Go away then.

Crazy guy: I battle evil!"

Sunday, March 26, 2006


For the Shrek's of the world, here are tips to brush up on your table manners. And just remember next time we eat together I will be practicing Dark Lord Denise's technique of fork stabbing when you stray from this list. Happy learning...

"Parenting tips from the trenches

• Your child's eyes are always on you, so mind your own table manners. Set an example by following the above rules and adding to them so your child will learn by example. For instance, use the proper technique to hold a fork and rest your knife blade on your plate -- not on the table itself -- in between bites.

• Try not to have unrealistic expectations of how long your child will be able to control her actions -- 15 or 20 minutes is probably the max that your preschooler will remain patient and follow the rules of table etiquette.

• Also, put a cap on how many rules of table etiquette you will insist on at one time. Once your preschooler has the above rules mastered, you may want to add one or two more that refine those above, such as no elbows on the table.

A noisy, messy preschooler, who won't sit still, can be a terror to sit down with at mealtimes.

She may think dinner is an opportunity to toss peas on the floor, but you know better.

Teaching her good table manners now will pay off for her in the years to come -- socially, as well as once she's in the business world.

Here are the basics

• Before touching food, hands must be clean. This means while helping to prepare food as well as when eating it. Keep a container of liquid antibacterial soap in the bathroom and show her how much to squeeze out to wash her hands. She may need help drying her hands.

• Take a seat at the table and stay seated throughout the entire meal. No bouncing around or getting up and down unnecessarily until the meal is finished. Sit up straight in the chair and bring the food up to the mouth vs. bringing your face down to the plate.

• Napkins not in use belong in the lap. Once seated, your child will enjoy placing the napkin in his lap by himself. Then, as he dines, show him how to use the napkin and replace it on the lap.

• Never chew with an open mouth. To drive the point home, demonstrate what chewing with an open mouth looks and sounds like.

• Don't use fingers to eat with. Preschool age is not too early to start using grown-up-size forks or spoons; however, it is too early to worry if your child is not holding the utensils properly.

• Use polite words. "Please pass the butter.""Thank you for slicing my chicken."

• Don't reach across the table or someone else to take food.

• At the end of the meal (or her patience), your child should ask to be excused from the table.

Frank: I guess your monkey friends rubbed off on me.

Frank thought this was in order for quite some time...

"Check out this article, about a dude from Saginaw MI, who is trying to end child support payments, since he never wanted a child to begin with."

I doubt this case will be successful, but it would be nice to see an equal protection under the law for men and women to "choose" parenthood. This way Frank doesn't have to throw his Asians down the stairs with his famous "Morning After Spill."

From James...

"For anyone interested, the Free Press wrote an article about the four Michigan inventions that were featured in the book Makers - the aiBAR was one of those inventions. For anyone local in Michigan the article is in the March 16th paper. Uunfortunatly they did not use a photo."

Oh I got pics from back in the day, but Tres ain't gettin' any of them. Posted by Picasa

I was looking at the Pistons today and they are 1.5 games ahead of San Antonio and Dallas for that crucial homecourt advantage. Down the stretch they have 15 games remaining. This includes a crucial stretch when they play at Miami and at Orlando on a back to back before having to face Indiana. However, after that the schedule lightens up which will give them about 2 weeks before the playoffs begin on April 22. If they can stay ahead keep up the pace until that Indiana game that hopefully should be enough for the homecourt advantage since there aren't too many 50 win teams left for them to play.

Richard on the reincarnation of Old Karl Malone - Somebody need to tell Antonio McDyess they ain't no crocodiles or piranhas in the paint.

As time goes by and girls come and go, one's definition and understanding of love changes. Sentimentality and lust are powerful forces that help to confuse the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of humanity. I came across this on page 439 of Umberto Eco's "Baudolino," and found it to be true in sorting out the confusing varieties of love...

“…I believe that with Beatrice I cultivated the very idea of love, which did not need a face, and to me it seemed then a sacrilege to make any effort to imagine her carnal features. As for Colandrina, I realized—after having known Hypatia—that with her it had not been passion, but, rather, gaiety, tenderness, very intense affection: what I might have felt, God forgive me, for a daughter, or a younger sister. I believe it happens to all those who fall in love, but in those days I was convinced that Hypatia was the first woman I had truly loved, and certainly that is true, even now, and forever. I then learned that true love dwells in the triclinium of the heart, and finds there calm, alert to its own most noble secrets, and rarely returns to the chambers of the imagination. For this reason it cannot reproduce the corporeal form of the absent beloved. It is only love of fornication, which never enters the sanctum of the heart, and feeds only on voluptuous fantasies, that manages to reproduce such images.”