Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE ORLANDO

There's a funny thing going on in sports right now. Both the NHL and NBA are in the last weekend of the regular season and we are seeing 2 teams make an improbable push towards the playoffs. In the NHL, the local Atlanta Thrashers have finally become the team everybody has been plugging all year. But as an NBA, Eastern Conference, Pistons fan, I am more intrigued by the rise of the Orlando Magic.

They have won 8 games straight which includes wins over Miami, Detroit and San Antonio. Though they need some help in the form of Chicago losses, they are making a strong push to sneak into the playoffs as the 8th seed. That means they would face Detroit in the first round...

"Philadelphia has lost two in a row, falling 1½ games behind idle Chicago with two to play. The win was the Magic's eighth in a row overall and 12th straight at home, and leaves them 2½ games behind the Bulls. The Magic have two games left and the Bulls have three.

The Magic host Chicago on Monday night and finish the regular season at Indiana on Wednesday. Philadelphia plays at home against New Jersey on Tuesday and finishes at Charlotte on Wednesday.

Both teams need help from Chicago. Besides their game at Orlando, the Bulls play Sunday at Miami and host Toronto on Wednesday."


What makes this team frightening is the play of Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson and Darko Milicic. These kids are really putting it together at the right time. And what's worse for the Pistons is that if they have been playing with this intensity for the last 10 games, then there will be no doubt that they are playoff ready. Before it seemed like we were looking at a cakewalk with Indiana, Philadelphia, and Chicago, all competitively self-destructing for that 8th seed. But now with the hot Magic in the mix, there is suddenly a team that is just frightening enough to draw the Pistons into a lengthy battle of a series. Though as a sports fan I am the moth drawn to this Magical flame. But as a Pistons fan, I know to keep my distance because this zapper will be nothing but trouble (and not the delightful kind featuring John Candy and Chevy Chase, nor the big kind in Little China).
HORRIBLE THINGS I HAVE THOUGHT OF IN THE LAST DAY

1) If you see an SUV pulled up to the dumpster your first assumption should not be that it's a bunch of no good teenagers throwing away unwanted babies.

2) It's not a good idea to cut open my empty bottle of liquid plumber and use it as a trough to feed the geese and other animals that live in the nearby pond.

3) Tell children that the Easter Bunny Parade concludes 2 hour Easter Vigil Mass. When he doesn't show up, tell the kids: "I expected this. Maybe if you were better behaved he would have come."

3/21/06 Posted by Picasa
FRIDAY NIGHT LYRICS

Nina Simone's Sinnerman...

"Oh yeah

Oh I run to the river
It was boilin I run to the sea
It was boilin I run to the sea
It was boilin all on that day

So I ran to the lord
I said lord hide me
Please hide me
Please help me
All on that day

Said God where were you
When you are old and prayin

Lord lord hear me prayin
Lord lord hear me prayin
Lord lord hear me prayin
All on that day

Sinnerman you oughta be prayin
Oughta be prayin sinnerman
Oughta be prayin all on that day

Power to da Lord

Power, Power, Lord

Don't you know I need you Lord
Don't you know that I need you
Don't you know that I need you

Power, Lord!"
DEFEATING THE GUT

This is probably the first time I have ever blogged about guts without referring to that now infamous photo. But a little birdie recently sent me a link to this site for modern moms. Turns out I was way off base thinking it was some sort of absurd feminist site talking about male domination and gurl pow-her. To the contrary, it has valuable advice about breast feeding, mini-van maintenance (note the parallel doors), and not dropping your baby. But for all y'all beer drinkers out there, you might find this page particularly useful. With all seriousness here are 3 workouts in girl talk that are meant to "trim your tummy." Since this is Tondar's Rant I will link them as a how to on "building abrasive abs."

Friday, April 14, 2006

PIC OF THE DAY


God's silence
is the soil in which our pride dies
and true faith springs up,
a humble faith,
a faith which does not challenge God,
but surrenders to him with childlike trust. Posted by Picasa
WAY OF THE CROSS

It's Holy Week in the Church and for the first time I'm going to try and attend services all 4 days. In the meantime check out the Holy Father's meditations for the Way of the Cross. These are excellent reflections on our own failures to take up our cross and follow Christ.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

PIC OF THE DAY


Tres, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Posted by Picasa
HILLARY 2008

Seth weighs in as Hillary raises campaign funds like a Republican...

"I think Hillary's road to the White House is that she's happy to play the same game as the Republicans. On the other hand, she's got to get through a primary first, and I know at least one Super Tuesday vote in the Dem primary that probably won't go for her."
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH

This one could also be called "Disbelief. Surprise and disbelief and disgust," as the DA called it. But it pretty much speaks for itself really...

"In Waynesville, a small county seat in the mountains of western North Carolina, people whispered about the three older men who lived together south of town.

They were lovers, and there were rumors that the trio had turned a room in their house into a dungeon where they filmed sadomasochistic sex scenes Â? and then posted them on the Internet."


A little strange but nothing that unexpected...

"Authorities say they performed castrations and other types of genital surgeries on at least six people. Detectives searching the home found bloody scalpels, syringes, and prosthetic testicles in a room the men referred to as "the dungeon."

Officers confiscated a video camera apparently used to record the procedures, as well as scores of CDs and computer files. They also seized a Tupperware container from the kitchen freezer holding what appeared to be human testicles."


WTF! THEY WERE MAKING EUNUCHS!?!

But anyways, I think this raises an excellent test case for the ACLU and the perversion lobby. If abortion and sodomy are Constitutionally protected acts, shouldn't castration be as well? Afterall, don't these consenting adults have an inherent right to privacy without the government telling them not to cut off eachothers junk? This isn't that far of a leap considering the ruling in Lawrence V. Texas.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

PIC OF THE DAY


Self-vowed, to wounds and death, she bears
Her Master's healing and his word;
But ever at her side she wears,
For rosary, the broken sword!  Posted by Picasa
CROSS OUR HEARTS

From Seth...

I was wondering what you thought of the Democrats' recent use of Christian language in rhetoric.

Hillary Clinton ('helping the poor is a staple of the Bible'), John Kerry ('the immigration bill is un-Christian'), even Howard Dean have been making Biblical references right and left this month, and I can only guess that a bunch of lower-ticket candidates are making the same kinds of appeals.

From my perspective, it's a scary sign that our secular government is being turned over to one religion. Or, it could just mean that the Dems are trying to reach out to the massive Christian movement but have no more intention of actually doing something on the Christian agenda than the GOP (hey, if they can lie, so can we).

The other thing they might be doing is going after guys like you, figuring, I guess, that intellectual Christians are fed up with Bush but were only staying away from the Democrats because we appeared "anti-religion."

The sense I get is that disaffected conservatives aren't waiting around for Hillary and Bill and Howard and Barbara and John to perform the stations of the cross, and wouldn't even notice if they did. But you tell me: taking it to the extreme, if the Democratic Party changed its stance on abortion or something, would you vote Democrat? Would others? What would it take for the party to get some shiks-appeal?


Well if it weren't for that whole murdering babies thing the Church would be a very Democrat leaning organization. In fact, this has been historically true and has only changed as Roe and Evangilum Vitae have helped to solidify the GOP as the Christian party.

But to answer your first question, it depends on who exactly is quoting scripture. I can believe John Kerry or Rev. Sharpton. However, when Hillary does it, she sets off my B.S. detector. There's just something about Clintonian politics that makes my skin crawl. Which is why I think the current language from her and Dean points more towards your theory that they are simply lying like the Republicans do.

Secondly, I could very much see myself swinging Democrat, but it would be a very different party than we know today. Though I agree with them on many 4th Amendment issues my politics tend to be domestically libertarian while neo-conservative internationally. But if the Dems remain out of power and cast off the socialist past in favor of small government libertarian goals, I could see myself behind the right candidate, possibly a pro-life version of JFK. Somebody that would help make abortion a states rights issue and be strong internationally. But to tell you the truth, with the Democratic leadership full of people like Pelosi, Clinton, Kennedy, Reid, or Durbin, I don't see this scenario playing out in the near future. Plus if that happened, where would the socialist base go?

If there's one thing positive about this Christian shift, it's more about acts than faith. I would say not to be too worried. There is a huge difference between acting like a Christian on the one hand and actually accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior on the other. I think the nation is in great need of more Christian values like love and compassion. However, I would be just as scared as Seth to see the Consuming Fire Government enforce Baptist law nationally. In fact, I still get pissed about not being able to buy beer or wine on Sunday.

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OPTIMUS PRIME: MARCH 31-APRIL 8, 2006

Seth had some thoughts on swordsmithing as well...

"You might want to measure various "filler" materials before you go ahead and re-seal it.

You want to be able to fill up the pommel entirely, because you don't want the weight to get too low, or you'll have an opposite effect (and the sword will fall outta your hands a lot).

Get some putty or clay -- that's my advice. Clay's great because it's easy to get outta there if you wanna go a different way: just soak the sword and pour it out. If you use water, it will leak out the minute you go adventuring (James and Pigpen are forgetting that we're going to be climbing fences and hitting people with this). which means OP has some leaks in his future."


Some good advice my friend unfortunately you are a few days too late. You see during the Second Battle of the Forest of Illyrium there was a most unfortunate accident. Tres and I were going at eachother full speed, when I heard a most dreadful crack. I told Tres to "hold up." And as I turned my sword upright to anticipate his next blow my blade decided to move in another direction. It seems there was too much stress were the blade met the hilt and the four-way pvc cross simply gave way.

The good news is that most of the more expensive pieces are still in tact. I think I will combine Pigpen's and Tres' plan and use the remains of Optimus Prime to construct a smaller, yet stronger sword. Let us call this the move from the copper to the iron age because, With 1 sword already under my belt, as Howard Jones success or failure will not deter, Things Can Only Get Better. Whoa Whoa Whoooa, Whoa Whoa Whooooa!
TRES-ING THE DEMON

I've decided that Tres is a bad influence on me. After some talk about eat-offs with Pigpen back in the day, Tres and I found ourselves in a gluttonous downward spiral of pasta, cake, and Mexican food. To make the binge that much worse, I was inspired by his Sunday (or possibly Sundae) ritual and actually bought myself some icecream. I finished that and the cake for breakfast this morning while watching the Sopranos. It wasn't so much that I was hungry, but more that I refused to leave those dairy demons in my apartment another hour longer.

Sure Tres justified it all by saying that we worked it off running from the cops. However, the truth is, those were just more fat calories we could have been burning. I'm going to let the pasta flavored garlic from Friday night slide. Afterall, nobody could have foreseen that its location in the Kroger bargain bin was forshadowing our indigestion. But you should be getting yourself in shape now. In 10 days there will be no more cookies and no more cream. There will be a new flavor in town. One I like to call retribution and pain. And I'm going to see to it that your clown haired ass gets a double scoop.

So let it be written. So let it be done.
ONLY IN AMERICA

I enjoyed this story because it contained many amusing elements that define our society here in 2006. It starts with the power-tripping self-righteous cop lecturing students on the importance of gun safety. But after the weapon accidently discharges into his foot, Officer Toolio tries to maintain order and authority, telling the kids how important it is to be careful. But the reality is, that not only were the kids not buying it, but also his coworkers. So the cop does the only thing he can at this point, he simply sues his employer for his own negligence. You can check out the video and the lawsuit here. As I said, very amusing.
PIC OF THE DAY


Tuesday again. That means the monkeys and I will be working from home. Posted by Picasa
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Here's a classic from July 2005...

However, the hotdogs, PBR, Cisco, and Richards created "Baby snakes of consuming fire" after day 3.
OPTIMUS FIXED

James had some ideas on fixing Optimus Prime...

"Rather ironic name, optimus prime. In the camera world, a fixed lens (one that cannot zoom) is referred to as a "prime" lens. good old optimus is a "fixed" sword, it seems. The only idea i have is drilling a hole in the hilt, and filling it with water. it is easy enough to seal back up, and will certainly add some heft to it."


On the other hand I think I'm leaning towards Pigpen's solution since it addresses 2 difficulties...

"In the picture your Hilt looks to be asymmetrical with the left side (picture) being longer. Cut it open and if you could some how slide a sleeve accross the hilt so that the blade hole on the 4-way connector is covered, dump a bunch of sand in there and reseal the hilt."


This is probably the way to go. I need to make sure that the extra weight is limited to the handle and will not be permitted to shift next time I whack Tres in the neck/face. *sigh* It seems that the work of a Knight Tondar is done.

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WILL TONDAR RETURN TO VEGAS?

According to this e-mail from Dark Lord Denise, it seems that Tondar is not the only one into Adventure...

"A medieval adventure awaits you behind the castle walls at Excalibur. Our kingdom has gaming, dining and entertainment fit for royalty! NOW OPEN our Royal Treatment Spa and fitness center at the Excalibur."


Like a Mirage before my eyes it seems that I am destined to return to that glorious kingdom. I guess I will have to bring my sword. Though I wonder if Big Ed or DLD will join me on a mission to seek Prester John's help in our battle against the Saracens? Perhaps we should ally with the Venetians and join them in the sack of Caesar's more Eastern Rome. I have had my eye on the four horses they have set upon the Hippodrome.
A CURIOUS FIND

I went for a run tonight, and I was amazed to stumble upon an old manuscript. It appears to be the song written by Tres to celebrate the discovery of the Holy Grasal during our adventures through the labyrinth of King Minos. Here is the full text in it's entirety as translated by Monkey Professor Bish-Bosh.

"O' Holy
Your name Profound
Mhyrre and Heather
Your wealth abound

The angels sing
the Demon wails
the suffering of Our Lord
held in this Grail

O' Holy
Your grace surrounds
in this Grasal
your love is found

Amen"

Monday, April 10, 2006

PIC OF THE DAY


In our lives
Love has hid her face to save her heart from breaking
Into feeling
In your eyes
Joy gives way to pain
Save your tears for the rain
Visions stop at the ceiling
Without each other
What would we be
We long to feel free
And in our dreams
We see
What we need Posted by Picasa
100 YEARS AFTER THE QUAKE

I'm not trying to steal Seth's History of the Week Thunder. However, if you get the chance check out this series in the San Francisco Chronicle that tells the story of the 1906 earthquake.

This first installment details the city as the Paris of the Old West prior to the destruction. What is most interesting is that these "good ole days" are just as depraved (if not moreso) compared to our contemporary America. For example...

"The city was wide open with prostitution, drugs (opium was the drug of choice in 1906) and dance halls that never closed. Some things were too much, even for San Francisco. Crusaders, led by the Rev. Terrance Caraher -- "Terrible Terry" they called him -- had closed down the Hotel Nymphia on Pacific Street, an establishment with 300 prostitutes that had billed itself as the largest bordello in the world.

Morton Street, near Union Square, was another street of open prostitution where ladies of the evening, with names like "Idoform Kate" and "Rotary Rosie," held forth. The top performers charged $1, but sex was on sale for as little as 25 cents. Morton Street is now called Maiden Lane."

Sunday, April 09, 2006

PIC OF THE DAY


Nashville is a beautiful city set upon the scenic Cumberland River. Posted by Picasa
PIC OF THE DAY


Tres must be happy. He's been eating all fricken day! Posted by Picasa
JUST LIKE WALLACE AND GROMIT

Check out this story from London about an actual were-rabbit. Just when you thought your vegetables were safe...

"It is a massive thing. It is a monster. The first time I saw it, I said: 'What the hell is that?'" the Northumberland Gazette newspaper quoted local resident Jeff Smith, 63, as saying on its website (www.northumberlandtoday.co.uk).

He claims to have seen the black and brown rabbit -- with one ear bigger than the other -- about two months ago, and at least three fellow allotment holders say they have seen it as well."


I'll take the South's version of Brer Rabbit any day over that beast.