Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, May 20, 2006


From Seth...

Anna Nicole Smith crying at the Supreme Court? WTF! Don't they have bigger cases to take up right now than whether oil tycoons who marry dumb strippers can keep their dough?

Well actually this case was rather important because what the high court was asked to decide was a matter of federal jurisdiction in probate cases (those arise after death to determine who gets what goodies). Plus this case was another chance for the Supreme Court to overturn the liberals on the 9th Circuit. It turns out that like Seth, the 9th was so upset to see Anna Nicole Smith before their bench that they found any way to rule against her. They even went so far as to determine her "probate case" had no place in federal court. But the Supreme Court ruled that ANS's suit was not a probate claim but a tort claim (suit for damages and compensation), and therefore a question that can and should be decided in federal court. But don't blame this one on Scalia. The almost unanimous decision was handed down by Justice Ginsburg with only Justice Stevens concurring.

Between the Tigers, Wings, and Pistons, April was a good month for Detroit sports. How good, Seth?

In all of April, there were only 3 days when a Detroit major pro team didn't win a game.

From late march through early April we went a full two weeks in which at least one of our big pro teams won a game (playoff games in itals).


27. Red Wings
28. Pistons
29. Pistons
30. Red Wings
31. Pistons
1. Tigers
2. Red Wings, Pistons
3. Tigers, Red Wings
4. Pistons
5. Tigers
6. Tigers, Pistons
7. Tigers, Red Wings
8. Tigers, Red Wings
9. Pistons
10. (Tigers lost to ChiSox)
11. Red Wings
12. Pistons
13. Red Wings
14. Tigers
15. Red Wings
16. Tigers, Pistons
17. Red Wings
18. (Red Wings lost to Preds)
19. Tigers
20. Tigers
21. Tigers, Red Wings
22. Tigers
23. Tigers, Pistons
24. (Tigers lost to Angels)
25. Tigers
26. Pistons
27. Red Wings
28. Tigers
29. Tigers
30. Tigers

For those of you that are serious about defending a woman's right to choose, you gotta get this t-shirt. It says everything about what kinda gal, you really are.

If you haven't seen this quote before, it is from Teddy Roosevelt in 1907. I think it still holds true to what defines an American in this great melting pot of ours...

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language. And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Hat-tip to Brado for the fwd.

From the bottom of their heart... Posted by Picasa

Thursday, May 18, 2006


One thing about living alone is that you don't have to empty the dryer. In fact I just leave the door open and it works like a hamper full of clean clothes. No more wasting my time doing womans work. Folding clothes is for skirts! Boom-cha!

James raises an interesting point with regard to nehru jackets...

Speaking of Vegas, do you think I’d look good in a Nehru jacket? I’m thinking that it will either look really good or really bad on me. Good could be in that sophisticated sort of way. Bad could be that cheap Neo sort of way. Neo looked kinda Tinky Winky anyways, but his was not a true Nehru jacket. Let me know either way.

I think the jacket could have potential on the right candidate. However, given James' height and pretty long hair, I have a difficult time not picturing a Chinese James. Just grow out the fu mustache and put that hair in a braid and boom - it's Halloween in Madison. Now let's say we put the jacket on somebody taller such as Drake, it could probably work in that sophisticated way mentioned above. Sorry guy.

But have you considered seersucker? It's gettin' to be that mighty hot summatime 'gain?

Seth was right, it was the Shenanigator calling game 5. Posted by Picasa

It's ironic that Larry Brown is being fired in New York just when Detroit needs him the most. After all how can the best team in Pistons history have lost 3 straight games to this Cleveland Cavaliers team? It was scripted for them to waltz through the early rounds, setting up a showdown with Miami. Hey, wha' happened? Well Larry Brown knows. The answer is simple. The Detroit Pistons are not playing the right way.

I was happy when Joe Dumars brought in Flip Saunders. At the time, I thought the Pistons had internalized all the lessons Next Town Brown had to offer. However, it seems they have forgotten his lessons on maintaining a vicious intensity for 48 minutes. They have also forgotten that championship basketball begins on the defensive end. It seems simple, but this has been lacking in the last 3 games. I never thought I would see this out of the Pistons but they are simply not going to work and putting in the effort necessary to grind out victories. They have gotten carried away by my ringing endorsement and prophecy and thus expect to be crowned champs. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Just ask the 2004 Lakers.

Over the last 3 games, I have been most disappointed by Chauncey Billups. I thought he deserved the MVP this year. Considering his increased 18.5 ppg and league leading 4.1 assist/turnover ratio. He was the biggest producer on the best team in the NBA. He was their leader that walked with the swagger of a star that just knocked down that nail in the coffin shot. However, over the last 3 games he has forgotten how to take it to the hole and get the offense going. If you read the latest from Bill Simmons, he dissects the new NBA brilliantly. Chauncey's role is to get to the hole off of screens and then find the open man. Inside to outside. Instead they have been playing isolation ball using players not suited to beat LeBron one on one. When this breaks down, they throw up a low percentage jumper from 20-23 feet. Outside to inside. This does not work.

On the defensive end their scheme is also not working. For a team that prides themselves on their ability to play anybody straight up they have thrown this out the window in favor of a very ineffectual double team of LeBron. Unfortunately, he is too capable of finding the open man. And what's worse is that the Pistons have been slow on their rotations allowing Cleveland's bigguns to put up close high percentage shots. There is a reason Donyell Marshall, Drew Gooden, and Zydranus Ilgauskas are not normally on the tongues of the casual NBA fan. These guys should not be scoring in double figures.

The good news is that the Pistons are no strangers to the 2-3 hole. They have been able to come back in every series since they lost to Boston in the 2002 semis. This includes game 6 wins in New Jersey and San Antonio (nobody wins road games in San Antonio) as well as a home win over the Wadeless Heat. But to win this game 6 in Cleveland, Detroit is going to need a few things in addition to a renaissance of Larry Brownesque focus.

1) Put the D back in Etroit - Championship basketball begins on the defensive end. They need to become that man defense powerhouse they once were. If LeBron Drops 50 on them, so be it as long as the rest of the team doesn't score 20.

2 Put it in Chauncey's hands - The man is their point guard. Let the offense flow from him on 95% of possessions. We should not see Tayshaun or Rip in Kobe-like isolation. There is a reason Kobe is no longer in the playoffs. Run Chauncey off screens if you have to, but he must have the ball within the first 10 seconds of a possession. From there run some screens and set up Rip and Tay. Look for McDyess and his 10 footer. And if possible, hook up 'Sheed for some low post action. Chauncey needs to create first and from there he'll get everybody else going.

3) Bang them bodies - It's a shame it comes to this with the Heat resting in the wings. That was to be the physically grueling series. But now that they have put themselves in the Box of Despair they are going to need a physical performance to fight their way out. Everytime LeBron goes to the hoop strong, knock him on his ass and make him pay. If Gooden, Marshall, or Ilgauskas are going up for a high percentage shot, make them think about it and earn it at the line. Ben Wallace hasn't gotten many freebies this series and neither should Cleveland's bigguns. The truth is that over the last 3 games the Cavs have been tougher. That must change in game 6. Detroit needs to piss in the four corners of Quicken Loans Arena and put those sons of bitches on notice with their scent that this is how the Pistons role and if you wanna take the crown then you will have to rip us limb from limb because we're coming for LeBron and we're bringing hell with us. Or in the words of Yngwie, "Unleash the fooken fury."

4) Hit the bench - Where you gonna find the fucken fury? With Rasheed still cripped up we are going to have to dig into the bench a bit. Unfortunately McDyess is a bit softer in his older Kar' Malo' days. However, Dale Davis was one of the meanest SOB's in his day and was a cornerstone of Larry Brown's Pacer teams. This year in the playoffs Detroit has been quite tentative in their tenacity because they need to keep their starting 5 out of foul trouble. Cleveland's aware of this fact and this is why they have been nuts to the face - sticking it to us the last 3 games. By opening up the bench the Pistons physically have more bodies and mathematically more fouls. Even if it's just for a bit, we need to see Cato, Davis, and Evans out there grinding away to make Cleveland react.

5) Change it up - After 7 quarters of blowout basketball, Cleveland changed their approach. With the exception of game 5's third quarter, Detroit has been sticking to the game 1 and 2 template. Flip Saunders was always criticized for not succeeding in the postseason. Now his team is facing elimination. Mike Brown changed his approach to take advantage of Detroit's lack of depth. With the season on the line, will Saunders make the adjustments necessary to advance his new team? I know I would.

86-84...But that's what you get for turning the ball over 17 times to 12 Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


Game 5 is about to kick off in about an hour. And with the series tied 2-2 Im not "worried." But I do think "concerned" would be the correct word. We're getting alotta sprained ankles that correspond with my implosion theory of injuries. If we had Rip and 'Sheed at 100% for every game things would be playing out closer to the script I wrote. Yeah, LeBron got his in game 3. But with a solid 'Sheed playing 38 minutes in Game 4, we would be looking to wrap this up tonight. So yeah, 3-13 with 7 pts and 6 rebounds isn't going to cut it for 34 minutes. It's expected they will take care of business at the Palace, but as we know from years past this isn't always the case. Only San Antonio and Utah seem to be near invincible at home. Everybody else breaks down from time to time.

Another problem with Cleveland is that we can't open up our offense as much because they are a better running team than we are. We can get away with it from time to time. I especially like the plays where Tayshaun brings the ball down the court and passes off to Chauncey in a give-and-go play. This broken rhythm upsets a defense that gets used to playing the halfcourt game where the Pistons burn 20 seconds off the clock.

Plus I have been very amazed by the play of Anderson Varejao. The Brazilian has come outta nowhere to look like a young Ben Wallace (afro and all). He has been johnny on the spot, cleaning up the boards and putting back the loose ball. In fact, he is averaging 11.75 ppg this series off the bench. On the other hand, with Larry Hughes back, there could be more potential for trainwreckery on the part of the Cavs since he was traded from Washington for playing a little fast and loose with a low assist-turnover ratio (3.6a/2.8TO for the regular season). So far in this series he is averaging 8ppg. We need to see more of that.

In the end, I think with the series tied 2-2 and Miami already waiting in the wings, this should be enough to motivate Detroit into kicking it up a gear. They've let Bron-Bron have his fun and build his legend. Now its time to go to work and fulfill their destiny against Shaq, Wade, and the referees.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Thousands of years ago before the dawn of man as we knew him there lived Sir Santa Of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dino bones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they had behaved the previous year. The so-called toys were buried as witches and defecated upon, and hurled at predators who were awoken by the screams of the children. It wasn't a Holly-Jolly-Christams that year...for many....were killed. Posted by Picasa

How KrAzEE is L-Town? Well not only is it the hometown of Frank, Jason, and Sackett, but you can get your hands on a Craigs List gem like this...

"I have a large lot of Neil Diamond, 12 songs CD's. I have a total 30 new and shrink wrapped regular cd's and 9 new and shrink wrapped digipacks. I will sell all or some(not just one or two). Please email how many you are interested in and I will work a price. Thank you."

Of course the first thing that pops into your head is that this would be the entire catalog of albums. However, since Neil Diamond is a total sell-out what do you want to bet it's 40 years of crappy compellations, all of which feature "Brother Love" and "Sweet Caroline."

For those of you that may not know, or whom I may not have contacted: I will be in Vegas over Memorial Day. I plan on flying out on the Wednesday before to hang with the Dark Lord and Big Ed before meeting up with Frank. Now tentatively we plan to hire a prostitute and berate her while watching an episode of "Deal, or No Deal." It's our money and she should know that we are amused that her father didn't love her. However, we may also try to find some 18 or 19 year old girls on CraigsList willing to consume peyote and sea water in the desert before we play a few rounds of Russian Roulette. After all, as the commercials tell me "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I will be returning on the redeye, Tuesday night. If I haven't contacted you but you're still interested, holler at your Dar. You know how I roll.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
?cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste. Posted by Picasa

Monday, May 15, 2006


Looks like Michigan may be reforming its delivery method for Food Stamps soon. Turns out the unintentional consequences of free money has the grocery store running out of steak and lobster early in the month...

"As she wheeled her cart through K&G recently, food stamp recipient Tamika Ealy, 22, said she tends to do most of her shopping early in the month.

"The food tends to be fresher at the beginning of the month," she said.

While store owners say their food is always fresh, they acknowledge the selection is better on days they expect more sales. With customer purchasing so skewed, they say they have no choice but to adjust their merchandise."

Of course any reform they implement is going to cause mass confusion and moronic starvation. On the other hand, it will keep people dependent on government and keep them voting Democrat.

Ever wonder where cable news tv gets their experts? Seems like sometimes they just randomly grab people off the street. Well that's exactly what the BBC did when they went to interview an "expert" on illegal downloading. Turns out he was an African cab driver that could hardly speak English. Not surprisingly, he was able to hold his own for the minute long interview.


The interview

Karen Bowerman: Guy Kewney is editor of the technology website Newswireless.

Face of horror

KB: Hello, good morning to you.

Mr Goma: Good morning.

KB: Were you surprised by this verdict today.

Mr Goma: I am very surprised to see... this verdict to come on me because I was not expecting that. When I came they told me somehting else and I am coming. So a big surprise anyway.

KB: A big surprise, yeah, yes.

Mr Goma: Exactly.

KB: With regards to the costs involved do you think now more people will be downloading online?

Mr Goma: Actually If you can walk everywhere you are going to see a lot of people downloading the internet and the website and everything they want. But I think eh It is much better for development and eh to inform people what they want and to get the easy way and so faster if they are looking for.

KB: It does really seem the way the music industry's progressing now that people want to go onto the website and download music.

Mr Goma: Exactly you can go everywhere on the cyber cafe and you can take, you can go easy. It is going to be an easy way for everyone to get something to the internet

KB: Thank you. Thanks very much indeed.