Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


I don't know if you've seen this in the news lately, but Atlanta area Congresswoman, Cynthia McKinney is in a nasty runoff against challenger Hank Johnson. If you don't remember, Cynthia was the same Congresswoman that hit a Washington DC cop back in March. But probably the most disturbing part of her being a member of Congress is her source of fundraising. From Muhammed to Muhammed she is really bringing in the jihadi money from outside of GA. In fact, just look at the A-E registry. What makes it all even more disturbing is her rantings on 9/11 and what Bush knew beforehand. Now honestly, I can't say if this proves her right or wrong since she is in the pocket of the jihadis, but the proof is on the FEC site that she is certainly connected to blood money.

I heard of this story over a week ago. However, I was unable to find it in the news today...

Next second, the scene of triumph turned to horror - as the 14ft blue marlin leapt out of the water across the vessel and speared Mr Card through the chest with its spiked bill.

The impact of the 800lb fish knocked him overboard into the Atlantic off Bermuda.

Then, with a thrash of its tail and with the 32-year-old still impaled and bleeding profusely, it dragged him underwater.

I find it interesting to hear stories like this because of Dark Lord Denise. For all her evil she is still a very fearful person. And when I hear that one could simply be speared by a blue marlin, it makes me less afraid to worry about petty womanly fears that simply fall under "that's not a good idea."

Now certainly, there is great use of a woman's tendancy to be risk-adverse. Man probably would not survive himself if it were not for the calming influence of his counterpart. However, unless they can state logical reasons such as capital gains-taxes, termites, or emotional inertia, I often cannot take their arguments seriously on the whole.

This is one of my all time favorites. The sad part is that it hasn't aged well, but it's still pretty funny. Let the full video load so that you can enjoy the full effect of Clive Clemmons and his declarations of inappropriateness.

Friday, August 04, 2006

I wish I had a Drake to do my woman's work. Posted by Picasa

If you get the chance, check out this UM style poltical science post on the game theory of the current war between Hezbollah and Israel. I think Instapundit's (fill in) really nails this one on the head and takes it beyond the typical news and editorializing that you get in the MSM.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Is that Tres on the left? Posted by Picasa

For those of you not yet down, I have a MySpace account. It's a great way to stay in touch and hunt down those friends and weirdos you once knew. Anyways, I stumbled upon an old friend from when wee Tondar was 9. I will not confirm nor deny these events, but it seems that ole Tondar has always been pro-booze.

Chris - "Every so often I think of that day when you tried to fight me off with a chair because it was alcohol awarness day and you thought I was going to tell a story. You probably don't remeber that. For some reason I still do."

In retrospect, I do believe this was actually a fight over somebody usurping the "good beanbag chair" which I had rightfully claimed by the Ancient Laws of Combat.

From Seth...

It's not hard to find concern for what might come out of resumed warfare between Israel and Hezbollah.

It's hard for us Americans to really grasp the realities of being the lone Jewish guy in the middle of a long Arabian night. Our ideals of war are gleaned from two titanic clashes that we entered late, and our forays into East Asia and Iraq. The Asian lessons made half the country gun-shy, and the other half believers in the ridiculous notion that we can walz in to the tune of cheering, liberated mobs.

Israel can't afford such romantic notions. Warfare to them is war: dirty, unfair, strategic, horrible, able to be lost in one mistake, and utterly, tragically necessary. Thus, what you and I think about the morality of this action amounts to what a football coach thinks of offensive playcalling. In other words, they'll do the dance to show they're listening, then go back to exploiting holes where they see them.

What the recent action against Hezbollah amounts to is Israel seizing an opportunity to pop a pimple. That's the best way to describe these pockets of terrorists that Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Egypt set up to house "refugees" and other unwanted Muslims, where their re-education toward the destruction of Israel can be closely administered. These festering zones, your mother will tell you, are best left untouched until they recede in their own time. Fat chance; you wanna pop that bitch the moment it gives you reason.

Is it fair to call Hezbollah a zit? If you've met them, then feel free to correct me, 'cause from the stories I've heard, I could have done a lot worse than pus.

The point is, a good pimple pop can be cathartic, and while it might get ugly and sore for a bit, the wound heals, and the crud is nicely out of the equation.

This isn't actionable information for those of us to whom a terrorist attack is cause for immortalizing the date. Except it's our job, as fans, to play our part, criticizing where critisim is due (with war, evil is never hard to find on either side), and sending in the U.N. to break up the fight once our boy's got his licks in.

I'm sure someone else on our side of the pond has a much better understanding of this game than I. But I'm also willing to bet that Israel's aggression is more than simple frustration, and they know what they're doing much more than the people who brought you the Ousting of Saddam.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


Looks like East Nashville isn't the only place to find ADVENTURE in Music City. Note the Waterslide in the foreground. Posted by Picasa

If it's on the internet it must be true...

Like a pawn
On the eternal board
Who's never quite sure
What he's moved towards
I walk blindly on Posted by Picasa

The John Henson Chronicle, By Frank...

"To All:

A few weeks ago, I was out in the Hollywood area, hitting up a few bars. After the bars close, my friends and I decided to hit up a strip club nearby, called Cheetah's:

For a danky looking strip club on the outside, and a silly, gaudy decor inside, the club had pretty good looking chicks, and made strong drinks to boot.

Anyways, when I walked into this club, I saw a patron, surrounded by strippers and an entorague of friends, living it up, buying drinks left and right.

He looked quite familiar; a friend of mine asked me, "Hey, who is that guy? Isn't he the guy from Talk Soup?"

I replied, "Yes it is! Holy shit, its that guy from Talk Soup! He has the skunk hair shit! What's his name?"

My friend could not remember, but then I recalled, "Fucking John Henson!"
And so there it was, John Henson of Talk Soup fame:

at a strip club in Hollywood, living it up with strippers around him, drunk and waiting for his limo-taxi outside.

We left shortly thereafter.

Just another surreal night in LA.


Seth sent me this interesting NYTimes piece about a pastor in MN that has gone out of his way to keep the Word seperate from the conservative politics of our day. In the long run I would have to agree with this policy. Not only does it politically weaken your voice when you become too entrenched in one faction. Furthermore, it is dangerous for the independence of religion to be tied so closely to politics. Or as Rev. Boyd puts it...

“When the church wins the culture wars, it inevitably loses,” Mr. Boyd preached. “When it conquers the world, it becomes the world. When you put your trust in the sword, you lose the cross.”

From Seth... Homina Homina Hasek.

Let's put it this way: every heard of a team that has two goalies who won a cup with that team, and then left and came back?

If you can make sense of the Red Wings' goalie crease, by all means.

To recap:

The Ozzie Years:
1993-94: Super Prospect Chris Osgood called up, ready for Prime Time
Result: Wings trade Steve Chiasson for veteran Mike Vernon to provide tuteledge.
1994-95: Young Chris Osgood leads Wings to NHL Finals
Result: Osgood wins starter job over Vernon for 1995-96
1995-96: Osgood brilliant as Wings set regular season wins record, lose to Avs in Conf. Finals
Result: Osgood annointed one of league's great young goalies
1996-97: Mike Vernon gets hot, seizes starter role for playoffs, wins cup
Result: Vernon gets traded for two 2nd round picks (both eventually traded)
1997-98: Chris Osgood wins cup
Result: Wings hold parade. Osgood: future Hall of Famer?
1998-99: Osgood has another solid season, lose to Avs in Conf. Finals
Result: One of the Vernon picks is traded for backup Bill Ranford
1999-00: Osgood has decent season, awesome playoffs, beats up Patrick Roy, but loses to Belfour in conf. finals
Result: Wings need defense, but Ozzie blamed.
2000-01: Osgood has mediocre season. Injured Wings lose to L.A. in 1st round, Ozzie blamed.
Result: Dominick Hasek acquired. Osgood can't be traded, lost to Islanders on waivers. Predicts he'll be back.

The Hasek/Cujo/Legace Years:
2001-02: Hasek puts up Osgood-like numbers, but wins cup on star-studded team. Legace becomes a top backup.
Result: Hasek retires to beat up Czechs on roller skates. Wings sign Curtis Joseph for $8 million
2002-03: Cujo good, but Legace just as good in backup role, Wings can't score and lose in 1st rd. to Giguere/Ducks
Result: Hasek comes out of retirement, Wings welcome him back, Cujo future in doubt.
2003-04: Cujo sent to minors but can't be traded. Hasek has groin injury. Legace great. Cujo returns, loses in 2nd rd.
Result: Hasek returns salary, apologizes, strike kills off Cujo's last contract year
2004-05: Strike season
Result: Hasek signs with Ottawa and Cujo signs with Phoenix. Osgood brought back (as he predicted)
2005-06: Legace awesome as starter, Osgood does well as backup, but Legace so-so in 1st round loss to Edmonton
Result: Legace not re-signed. Osgood reluctantly re-signed. Belfour entertained. Hasek signed instead.

The Future:
2006-07: Hasek retires after two weeks, Wings trade for Giguere, who loses to Legace in 1st round. Ozzie blamed.
Result: Cujo signed, Belfour and Hasek open retirement home with Ron Artest.
2007-08: Cujo marries Belfour, then gets in roller skating fight with Hasek.
Result: Giguere, Legace both signed by Avs. Ozzie blamed.
2008-09: Jimmy Howard ready for Prime Time, Tom Barrasso signed in hopes of getting back Scotty Bowman
Result: Ozzie blamed.

Sunday, July 30, 2006


From Seth..

"Lions camp started yesterday, and it just happened to fall on a day the Tigers weren't playing, so the Honolulu Blues were the talk of the town.

My Lions interest has always been about the same: I'll watch it on TV for 16 days of the year, but if someone wants to go sailing or something in the 3rd quarter, I'm not gonna be like "dude, I'm watching the Lions." I'm a Tigers fan. I'm a Wolverines fan. I'm a Red Wings fan. I'm a fan of the Pistons when they're winning (at least I'm honest about it). But I'm not sure if even a stellar season by the Lions could get me to really care about their fortunes.

Maybe I'll get my chance this year. Remember when I said the Tigers were tough to predict, well wait'll you see these Lions.

Rod Marinelli was introduced as the "tough guy." This is just part of the Lions' typical new-coach schtick, in which we trade off between a "hard-nosed kind of guy," and a "fresh, more open, more professional atmosphere."

What's more telling is he's young, he's an out-of-the-box pick, and his experience is with defensive lines, which seems to be the only thing he knows anything about. I like young coaches in the NFL -- they seem to do their best work when they can fully implement their ideas for the first time (old coaches and their fundamentals approach works better in college ball). But Rod Marinelli could be less an upcoming Tom Landry, and more prima facie evidence of the theory that a person will be promoted to one step beyond their most competent position. Except in his case, it's maybe two steps. He sounds like an awesome defensive line coach. But does he have any clue as to what to do with the offense?

I guess he doesn't have to, since Mr. Miyagi, i.e., Mike Martz (he of the 2000 Rams offense), is now running the show. I don't know what to expect here. One thing the Lions have been good at is getting coordinators who used to be head coaches, going off the "promoted to your level of inompetence," theory. I'd like to see Martz come in with a gazillion new ideas that take advantage of all the wasted receiver talent. I'd be down with even a Texas Tech-style formation, with one back, 4 receivers, and the offensive line spread out. And then run like the dickens out of it. What I fear is that he'll come in here with the same offense he's been running in St. Louis, which defenses finally figured out.

The other big change in Detroit, aside from the new quarterback thing, is they moved Boss Bailey to middle linebacker. At first this made ZERO sense, as the knock on Bailey is he's fast but way too weak to take on Guards and Centers. But then again, he's very fleet-footed, and the defense is changing to Cover 2, so he might be effective. Or he could just get buried. He's not your typical Cover 2 middle linebacker -- for that you need to feature an Urlacher or a Ray Lewis, who pounds as well as he covers. That ain't boss.

And of course, Jon Kitna's the quarterback, in case this franchise needed any more references to the Bengals of a few years ago. He's not Joey Harrington, that's the first thing. You saw how bad Joey was for the lockerroom. It wasn't his fault; the coaches and the GM never committed to him, so how could the players? Anyway, Harrington being gone could have a huge effect on the team, or none at all. Kitna is actually a perfect backup QB, if there is such a thing, because he's a guy with experience whom everybody likes, but doesn't have that competitive fire that makes for a great starting QB. On the other hand, maybe that's just the media personality he assumed after the Bengals took Carson Palmer No. 1 overall and Kitna realized he needed to start auditioning for another job.

So where could these Lions go? Well, given how tough their schedule is this year, probably not to the playoffs, even if they're better than last year. But there's a ton of great talent in some spots and gaping holes in others (offensive line especially). Jauron is gone (which is too bad -- I loved his defenses). But Marinelli knows his defense, especially up front. Perhaps Kitna will look brilliant in a system designed for us, and Kevin Jones will be Martz's Marshall Faulk, and Bailey will become the league's top tackler, and nobody will be able to throw against our bevy of corners, and all those receivers will drive backfields nuts, and we'll be talking several months from now about how all of these changes were pure brilliance. On the other hand, this also reeks of Matt Millen hiring whomever the next guy with a last name starting with "M" might be, and the Marty Mornhinwheg-ness of Marinelli will shine through. And Bailey will get banged up and lost for the season in one game, and the receivers will continue to be junk, and the offensive line will crumble from its weak links and Kevin Jones will have to face tacklers before he even gets the ball.

The first question is whether the new systems mean anything. Is Martz going to create something that plays to the talent he has, and resurrect the worst offense in the game? Do we have the right guys for a Cover 2 defense after building for the 4-3 stack for so long?

The only thing I'm sure of is Kalimba Edwards will have a great season, because Marinelli knows defensive lines and says Edwards is great.

The rest? I have no clue. I'd say we're 60 percent possibility of being a total joke, and a 35 percent possibility of being a genius team that totally surprises the league. There's really no in-between. We're 5-11 or 10-6."

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