Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


They need to make more TV shows where people run around with pots on their head. The plot is inconsequential just as long as there is a variety of pots, fools, and a good amount of incoherent screaming.

The Dark Lord Denise is coming to visit tonight. It seems I have a busy day full of woman's work ahead of me. Posted by Picasa

Only in Texas...

"According to a police report, the fight broke out Thursday after Eric Jennings Kisiah, 27, became upset about a customer's apparent hygiene failure at the Tumbleweeds Sports Bar.

Witnesses told police Kisiah confronted the customer and two of his friends, calling them names, telling them they were dirty and threatening to "slash their throats."

Kisiah then hid near a shrub outside the bar and charged the group as they left, the police report said.

One of the men, 25-year-old Morgan Jackson, was stabbed four times, police said. He was listed in good condition after surgery."

Well that showed 'em!

Ya know you can find the pilot episode of Mr. Belvedere on Youtube. However, I like this version better...


So in retirement I have had plenty of time to watch The Maury Povich Show on an almost daily basis. Of course most of his shows revolve around "Paternity Tests: Revealed." In what alcoholics call a moment, of clarity I was disturbed by today's show. Of course, I still found delight when "In the case of 18 month old Wee Bastard, Poor Sucker was NOT the father." As usual, dancing, prancing, and weeping ensued. It must be a result of working in Malebolge that I get such a kick out of these moments. What's more interesting is the unique laughter that I have for these moments. It's not the typical Tondar giggle of "I snuck out of the shower to scare you," or the hearty laugh of drunken Tondar ripping Clown Hair because he's a redhead (lol, sucks to be him). It is a loud and hearty, "HA HA HA!"

But anyways, what I found so disturbing was that if Tondar were to die today, there would be no continuation of the Dar line. Yet the seed and blood of these scoundrels will live on thanks to their bastard children. Sure they may have knocked up mentally unstable fatties from the projects, but yet their seed lives while Tondar keeps waiting for that perfect brunette. Meanwhile, the sand keeps running out of the glass. Sure, I may have another 50 plus years. On the other hand, I could bite it on the way to the Olive Garden tomorrow. In that case, I have nothing to show for my time except some empty bottles of Richards, PBR, and this blog here.

Furthermore, if you apply this to the people I know it becomes an even more frightening thought. While Tondar would eventually like to procreate someday, many of my friends have no such desire whatsoever. I can understand that decision, but given that they are well educated and delightful people, it seems such a shame to leave the future to Maury's bastards. After all, in a hundred or a thousand years what will be left other than the genes past down from those privileged enough to grace this earth and read Tondar's Daily Rant.

Friday, November 24, 2006


"If she was abusive before, can you imagine?"

"She's twice my size and twice meaner."

"I wrote this rap because you're full of crap.
I brought you on Jerry because we're never going to marry.
My heart is really scarred, but I'm fucking your bodyguard."

"Hurricane Katrina fell on you.
But you big fat bitch, you a disaster too."

"She had him cremated and he sits on top of the TV in the living room."

"My teeth be gone!"

"It's hard to be a happy person when you know you're not being a decent one."

Fatty only worked out once today, with zero time devoted to the abs. Although it did give me enough time to burn all XIII Volumes of MP32K6. Lemme know if you wanna copy the masters.

Thursday, November 23, 2006


In the rush to blame Hastert, Frist and Bush, it is important to remember that some Republicans cling to the idealistic notion of limited government as Bob Novak explains...

The freshmen, Tom Coburn and Jim DeMint, campaigning in 2004 in Oklahoma and South Carolina, promised not to fall in line with GOP leaders. Fulfilling that pledge allied them with the long-termer John McCain. They have been backed by Jeff Sessions of Alabama and another freshman, John Sununu of New Hampshire. In the lame-duck session's first week, they played Horatio at the bridge by combining to block a pork-filled omnibus spending bill.

That would place responsibility for spending excesses on the new Democratic majority taking office next year.

That's a smart move. Pork spending had a great deal to do with the Republicans losing their support from the conservative base. By putting pressure on the Democrats to not act like Democrats, it forces them to honor centrist campaign promises or sets the GOP up for a come-back when the Democrats become just as corrupt and start spending pork like, well, Democrats.

From Seth...

I just thought it important to point out the Lions have been hit by the injury train hard this year. That's not the whole story, but I think this team isn't the worst in the league, even though that's where they're heading to finish.

Mike Williams is going to play tomorrow. hyuk hyuk.

I'd like to find something else to get up for, but I'm numb. I even turned down free tickets to the game tomorrow.

Looking ahead, I can't even see a clear-cut guy at the top of the draft. Should we make an offensive lineman No. 1 overall with Joe Thomas from Wisconsin? He's a good bet. I certainly don't want a quarterback in that spot. Kitna is serviceable, and statistics say if you prospect for QBs in the low rounds every year, you'll eventually find a diamond. We actually do need receiver help, this team can't draft another receiver, can it? Oh, man, imagine THAT!

Who else is up there? Ted Ginn? Leon Hall? Brady Quinn????!!??? Oh, that's smart: put a QB who can't throw when pressured behind OUR offensive line.

F it. Let's just take Thomas, and then grab Ryan Harris from Notre Dame in the 2nd round and rebuild the O-line. Or Victor Abiamiri if he makes it through the 1st round.

I'd have to agree the Lions have had a terrible offensive line for my entire lifetime. I wonder if they were to build the offense starting up front, what might be the results. Of course this whole conversation is moot until the Ford's fire that half-wit Matt Millen.

I realize I have been rather slow in putting together all the songs but since The Who divided the album onto two discs, I will do the same.

Disc One

1. I Am The Sea
2. The Real Me
3. Quadrophenia
4. Cut My Hair
5. The Punk And The Godfather
6. I'm One
7. The Dirty Jobs
8. Helpless Dancer
9. Is It In My Head?
10. I've Had Enough


Why should I care?

Girls of fifteen,
Sexually knowing.
The ushers are sniffing,
The seats are seductive,
Celibate sitting.
Pretty girls digging
Prettier women.

Magically bored
On a quiet street corner.
Free frustration
In our minds and our toes.
Quiet stormwater,
My generation,

Uppers and downers,
Either way blood flows.

Inside outside, Leave me alone.
Inside outside, Nowhere is home.
Inside outside, Where have I been?
Out of my brain on the five fifteen.

A raft in the quarry,
Slowly sinking.
On the back of a lorry,
Holy hitching.
Dreadfully sorry,
Apple scrumping.
Born in the war,
Birthday punching.

He man drag
In the glittering ballroom,
Greyly outrageous
In my high heeled shoes.
Tightly undone,
They know what they're showing,
Sadly ecstatic
That their heros are news.

Why should I care?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


From Seth...

Turkey of Diamonds:
I really wanted to go with a new turkey for this one, but it's impossible to ignore another MVP turkey season for perhaps the greatest turkey ever to play the game. Barry Bonds gets another trophy to add to his collection, for having more of his associates thrown in jail in 2006 than Ken Lay, and doing it with a smile. In the meantime, he finished with his lowest slugging average since 1989, and was such a clubhouse poison that the Giants refused to re-sign him for '07, the year he’ll most likely break Hank Aaron’s record.

The Terrell Owens Pro Football Turkey of the Year

This one is always difficult, as a gaggle of loudmouth tight ends and receivers annually overshadow the efforts of other turkeys throughout the league. It'd be easy to give the annual T.O. award to T.O. himself, for sleeping through chalk sessions, overdosing on painkillers in what was called a suicide attempt, dropping balls, etc. But Ricky Williams out-turkeyed him. In January he lost his starting job to a rookie drafted in the 1st round. In February he tested positive for a "holistic herbal substance." In May he signed with the Toronto Argonauts, where Joe Theismann called him a disgrace. In June he got injured, in July he had surgery, then sought "holistic" treatment. He returned in September and has stunk ever since, averaging 40 yards per game. Okay, he’s not T.O., but who else would you go with? How about Randy "I drop passes because I’m sad" Moss, or Joe Cullen, the Lions’ coach arrested for driving without his britches?

The "Other" Football Award

In the final minutes, of his final match, of his final season, in the final game, of the biggest sporting event in the world, Zinedine Zidane committed the Head Butt Heard 'Round the World. With his ejection, the French effectively surrendered the cup, allowing over-manned Italy to kill off the clock. Have a happy retirement, turkey.

Fowled Out

While fellow Jail Blazer Sheed was turning Detroit into a dynasty, Bonzi Wells was keeping busy as the 11th man in Hubie Brown's 10-man rotation. But after looking good for the Kings in the playoffs, Bonzi decided he was worth the big bucks, bigger than that measly $38 million for five years the Kings offered to retain his services. Sacramento went with John Salmons and withdrew the offer, and Wells ended up as...the 11th man in the Houston Rockets' 10-man rotation. At least his turkey award can keep him company.

The Maurice Clarett Turkey on Campus Award
More so than the NFL or NBA, college coaches teach that winning is a team effort, although a superstar in college can take a team a lot further than a pro superstar. There were some great turkey efforts on campus this year from Tennessee's backfield and Oklahoma's Rhett Bomar. And who can forget that team effort by the classy players of the University of Miami, for starting a brawl with FIU with such savage attacks they can’t replay it on television. But soon after that brawl, the Canes were out-done by their coach, Larry Coker, who suspended 13 players for...ready for! Coker's kids also started a brawl with LSU after getting stomped 40-3 in last year’s bowl game. So for continuing the proud Miami tradition of classless goons-for-hire college football, the man who coached Jeremey Shockey, Bryant "Rollin' Down the River" McKinnie, and The Soldier, now has a turkey award all of his own.

Turkeys on Ice
The NHL turkey award also goes to a man behind the bench. With Bettman and Goodenow cleared from our radars, the spotlight shifts to bounce-around coach Rick Tocchet, who between drawing up penalty-killing plays was directing a gambling ring that included, among others, Wayne Gretzky's wife. Becoming the Pete Rose of hockey is one thing, but besmirching the name of Gretzky is punishable by tar and feathering in Canada. Guess that makes Tocchet my turkey.

The Stuffing

You must be wondering, where are all the usual contenders? Where's T.O.'s turkey? Or the Soldier? Or Maurice Clarett? Owens had another turkey year, but the media hype around his turkeyness outweighed the actual turkeydom. The Soldier, meanwhile, has been playing football, albeit with a loud mouth. But even removed from football, Clarett still showed he can compete in the turkey lists. When last we left our 2002 Fiesta Bowl hero, Maurice had been cut from the Broncos, had been turned down by the Steubenville Stampede, then committed an armed robbery. In December, he declared bankruptcy to avoid paying legal fees for his previous fights with the NFL. When police attached him to the robbery in January and started looking for him, Maurice tried to go play in Europe, then turned himself in. Indicted on two counts, Clarett fired his lawyers in late July, then got arrested again in early August for carrying a ton of weapons, leading police on a drunken chase, then spitting on their faces. He was in the neighborhood of one of the principle witnesses in the January arrest. He pled guilty and was sentenced to 7.5 years in prison. This tale has just become too sad for sports turkeys. The guy’s no longer really a turkey, just a total loser.

2nd Annual Glenn Sather Worst Bang for Your Buck Award
Unquestionably, it goes to the '05-'06 New York Knicks, which is quite an impressive feat for a team playing in a salary-capped sport. By last Thanksgiving, team president Isiah Thomas already had given his franchise a reputation as the trendy place to dump off bad contracts for young talent. Zeke's Knickerbockers were in such bad financial shape (at $130 million, they were $79 million over the cap) they had to have David Stern create the "Allan Houston" rule so Houston's $20 million/year contract wouldn’t count against their luxury tax for a generation. On a salary basis, the Knicks looked like the Yankees, with most of their starters among the top earners in the league. But they weren’t the Yankees in the standings, going 23-59 last year and starting this season at 4-8.

The 05/06 payroll looked like this:

Allan Houston - $19,125,000 [retired 10/17]
Stephon Marbury - $16,453,125
Anfernee Hardaway - $15,750,000
Antonio Davis - $13,925,000
Maurice Taylor - $9,100,000
Shandon Anderson - $7,900,000 [released 11/10/04]
Eddy Curry - $7,390,000
Quentin Richardson - $6,940,000
Jerome Williams - $6,620,063 [released 8/15]
Jamal Crawford - $6,480,000
Malik Rose - $6,008,750
Jerome James - $5,000,000
Channing Frye - $2,162,880
Nate Robinson - $1,102,680
David Lee - $861,360
Trevor Ariza - $682,051
Qyntel Woods - $599,834 [min, s 12/6, counts $579,008]
Jackie Butler - $398,762 [minimum]
Matt Barnes - $131,593 [minimum, released 12/3]

Turkey of the Year: The Front Office Fowl
People in the late ‘80s used to argue who was the better Pistons guard, Joe Dumars or Isiah Thomas. Well, as team presidents, there’s little doubt. With the league's highest payroll, Thomas put together the league’s worst team. Preparing for a 2005-06 turkey run, he signed career bench-warmer Jerome James to 5 years, $30 million, and brought in Larry Brown for $50 million over 5 years. Then Zeke got off to a hot start, trading for Steve Francis to fill a need for that fourth shoot-first shooting guard. In January, Thomas got sued for sexual harassment, and in February he traded Antonio Davis to Toronto for Jalen Rose.

After that bonehead move, Brown proceeded to try to trade behind Isiah's back, feuded with players, and eventually left with a nice $18.5 million buyout. The new coach: Isiah himself. Over the offseason, Thomas drafted Renaldo Balkman (who?) and Mardy Collins (who-who?!?) and picked up Kelvin Cato (because Joe Dumars had had him), Nikoloz Tskitishivili, Milone Clark, Jared Jeffries, Paul Miller and Elton Brand – oops, I mean Elton BROWN. Sorry ‘bout that.

Somehow, these blockbuster moves failed to improve the Knicks for the first month of the '06-'07 season. Finally, this fowl finished the turkey season with a flourish, getting called for two technicals last week right in the middle of a Knicks comeback against the Celtics. Thomas was ejected, but the Celtics still managed to win by three.

This is a level of ineptitude previously unheard of in his sport, and makes Isiah Thomas our 2005-06 Turkey of the Year

"For one, I'm not your wife. I'M YOUR EX-WIFE OF 3 FUCKIN' YEARS!!"

"Have some food you like eating you fat bastard."

"My husband puts diamonds on me. That's why I'm driving a 1991 Grand Marquee."

"I don't think you can whoop him, you fat nasty bastard."

"You're on Jerry Springer Dude! Act like a normal human being!"

"How could I be back with him when I was in jail!?"

"I don't hate you because you're gay. I hate you because you're dressed like a woman."

"Now you step to the back cuz I'm BLACK ROSIE!"

"As we've seen with our stories today, as bad as your family is, it could always be worse."

Public Enemy #1 in the War on the Drugs

From the AJC...

"Dreher, in a news conference on Wednesday, said the officers broke through a burglar bar entry door and then a wooden door. The police, whom Dreher called "experienced officers," were not wearing uniforms but had on vests with "police" on the front. He said they were inside the house when they were shot."


Dozier said her aunt worried about crime in the neighborhood where she had lived for about 17 years, and might have thought the police were intruders.

"Every window in her home and every door on her home has burglar bars," said Dozier. "I talked to her the other day about a 72-year-old who was raped. I know she was just scared."

It's impossible to say what went wrong here. However, given the history of the stellar work of the Atlanta Police (remember the courthouse shootings and the crane jumper over Peachtree?), I would put my money on the authorities making a mistake. What makes it worse is that they knock down 2 doors but claim to be standing by knock and announce proceedures. Yet for all their authoritarian measures they could not prevent the depraved raping of a 72 year old woman.

At best this is another tragedy of the drugwar. At worst, it is another example of lying cops and excessive force. Either way, it's a sad sad outcome.

I think all those years of watching Bill O'Reilly kick ass in the ratings have finally made Lou Dobbs snap. After all, if that assclown can go on TV and deliver grizzled commentary on a nightly basis from the authoritarian right, why can't Dobbs do it from the populist left? What gave me the biggest kick in his editorial on Elitists Running Scared was this line...

"The free-trade orthodoxy, made up not only of Republicans but still a sizeable number of Democrats, appears to be spouting ever-louder lies and disturbing distortions of truth and reality as their desperation over the ascension of the "Lou Dobbs Democrats" on November 7 is becoming more shrill, verging on outright panic."

Maybe I missed something in the media, but I totally love how Lou Dobbs is taking credit for the November 7th midterm win of the Democrats. In no way did it have anything to do with the current Republican leadership. I will stand with Dobbs in saying that the swing voters did not lose faith over Bush's Iraq policy. And furthermore, the rise of the Dobbsian Dems had nothing to do with conservative dissatisfaction with large Republican entitlement based government. The key factor leading up to this election was the commentary of CNN's very own Lou Dobbs. He and he alone was the populist voice in the wilderness spurring this great change in govenment. He and he alone is the prime mover of this revolution speaking to us every weekday night with all the freedom permitted by AOL-Time Warner. If one thinks that Karl Rove's winning coallition of 2000-2004 was overstretched, that would simply be partisan elitist talk, and have no bearing on the Dobbsian Truth.

But all of that aside, like Bill O'Reilly, Dobbs is also capable of making some very good points as he tells it like it is...

"Elitists like Kondracke dismiss calls for balanced and mutual international trade as protectionism and nationalism. He and others completely disregard the $5 trillion in trade debt that the United States has built up through 30 consecutive years of trade deficits. That trade debt is rising faster than our national debt and is simply economically unsustainable, no matter what any faith-based economist would argue. Our political, business and media elites continue to disregard reality."

While I'm certainly not one to throw freetrade under the bus, I do have reservations about moving our manufacturing base abroad thanks to both the greed of the unions and the apathy of transnational corporations. However, I think Pigpen puts it best...

"I usually don't care for Lou Dobbs and in this piece there is some of the typical Democrat rhetoric, but I still agree with the over all editorial and think that there is a lot to be said for jettisoning the ideology of blind party following (can I do it...I don't know).

I do however take exception to the rambling on about Delphi and so forth because from where I sit it was the UAW's brow beating that pushed Delphi to such unfortunate extremes. Yes, the auto industry helped build the largest middle class ever seen, but they had moved on to attempting to build the largest upper class as well. It is well known and versed in MI that the Big 3 + Visteon, Delphi and Collins & Aikman were paying out 6 figure wages to skilled tradesmen. Which, ok they are skilled, but is it necessary to accept and/or necessary to demand that someone running a CNC machine with a journeyman's card is worth 100K/yr? In addition to the lowest educated able body still roping in 50K+, which is many many times higher than the national average. Something has to give, stop asking for higher than the already obscene wages and yet demanding that the products be American and cheap. Don't complain that you can't get a decent american car for the family for less that 25K when you work at the plant that makes them or is in someway related to the industry and think that you are underpaid. The wages have to come from somewhere, they are just taking it out on the sticker price!

Oh and by the way, we're American, we're all underpaid - it just may not actually make it so."

In spite of it all, I agree with Pigpen that the Dobbs piece is a very worthy read.

From the AP...

" A 92-year-old woman was shot to death Tuesday after she fired at three narcotics officers trying to serve a warrant at her house, officials said.


As the plainclothes Atlanta police officers approached the house about 7 p.m., a woman inside started shooting, striking each of them, said Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman. One was hit in the arm, another in a thigh and the third in a shoulder.


"My aunt was in good health. I'm sure she panicked when they kicked that door down," Dozier said. "There was no reason they had to go in there and shoot her down like a dog."

Man, I miss the Dirty.

Yeeeeeaaah Students!

So I recently stumbled upon an old friend from highschool on Myspace. Callista took over the debate team after I left. Given, that I'm not sure what kind of statute of limitations apply, nor what other Michigan debaters may read TDR, I will leave our association merely at that.

But honestly, I have to admit that I have been totally captivated by her Livejournal Rantations. Not only are the stories quite interesting (especially the ones from her time teaching in France), but I've noticed something about her writing. Maybe it's the fact that we went to the same highschool, but her approach to composition seems to be very similar to Tondar's. I even noticed some posts written in the third person. One might say that is jacked up or a little weird, but here at TDR, Tondar's down.

I have to wonder if this is a result of having the same teachers. I can't remember, but I wonder if Callista took the same honors classes. I'm sure she was most certainly forced to read the same books. However, it will be the intellectual beatings at the hands of the Devil and the Grammatical Dictators that may have proved most formative in her writing as well. I have to admit when it came to English composition, highschool was far more difficult than anything the University of Michigan could throw at me.

On a personal note, I feel like I'm being a creepy-stalker-guy having spent a large chunk of the day reading this girls Livejournal. Luckily logic tells me it is ok since 1) she invited me to read it, 2) it is public information on the internet. I don't feel bad for checking up on Matt Drudge several times a day. And I certainly don't feel bad when I sit down and devote an afternoon to reading Mark Twain, Sports Guy Archives, or theology, and I would consider this along the same lines.

I didn't mention this in my earlier posts on Saturday's game. But Pigpen raises an interesting point about the Columbus Slip&Slide that I overlooked in my post-loss depression...

"I'm not really sure if I agree with James. How can it be said that he played to not lose. They put up 39 points AT Ohio State. The defense ran into the most formidable offense they faced all year. But most of all in my mind - what the F was the deal with that turf!?!

Had the grass not been setting on a sheet of ice they'd have had that game. Alan Branch would have recorded a sack on the OSU 10yd line for a 3rd down stop, instead he slipped and Ginn netted a 30 yard pickup. Breaston would have had a couple of long YAC's but...the turf gave out. I didn't catch it, but was OSU slipping on that crap or were they equipped to deal with it? I find it absolutely deplorable that a major Division 1A school is tearing up the grass on Oct 29, everyone knows that grass will not take hold in the late fall. That's a fact of nature. Why was this decision made - regardless of UM, no visiting team should have to deal with a "12th man" like that. Plus, why are they even still using real grass? Field turf is far superior, even HS's are installing it.

I think it's obvious that if the D would have been what it was in the 2nd half all game then this rant would be a non-issue. Oh and another thing, I hate QB's at any level that hang out in the shotgun all day. I'm talking to you Troy Smith, Vince Young and Michael Vick! If ND jumps UM in the polls there should be the same outcry that Urban Meyer is ranting about now regarding how Michigan may rematch and poor, sad, downtrodden Florida may be left out - mark my words, he'll complain if USC or Arkansas go to Glendale instead. So if you want a rematch, cheer cheer for old Notre Dame (but only against USC) and...Fire Up Chips! If CMU wins the MAC, it strengthens UM in the BCS.

What gets stuck on a horse's hoof in the middle of the horse shoe?...exactly, that's what the field was like on Sat!

You hit the bump and take a dump"

That's the longest rant we've gotten from Pigpen in a while, but I'm glad. It needed to be said. And though Tondar most certainly dropped the ball before, I did take the initiative to get Seth's thoughts on the turf issue.

From Seth...

"OSU was having turf complaints all year, but I think the re-sodding did become part of the game.

U-M plays a more fluid game, where we get our athletes running and see if yours can keep up. This was especially true for Breaston, whom we use mostly on dig and drag routes. Ohio State was using a more stationary offensive system, not too different than ours a few years ago with Navarre. Basically, the receivers run mostly curls and slants, and lots and lots of deep posts. It works for college if you've got a QB who can zip it so fast that he doesn't have to throw before the route develops, and the defense can't react. But if you've got guys who drop passes, or a QB who doesn't have a gun, then it's relatively simple to stop with a solid dime defense. It's also susceptible to the safety blitz, unless you've got a QB who can escape blitzes, throw the ball quickly under pressure and take a hit.

We weren't doing too bad of a job until we lost Willis Barringer to injury. Seven of the next 12 Ohio State plays (leading to 2 touchdowns) were passes to the man or zone covered by Barringers' replacements, Jamar Adams and Brandon Harrison. I was surprised this continued, as Adams and Harrison have been able to replace Barringer with success before. Anyway, they didn't in the 2nd quarter, and Adams had a particularly hard time, missing a tackle on the 2nd long run for TD, and missing that receiver and accidentally blocking his own man (Harrison brought him down).

The turf helped them, too, because our defense is also very fluid, i.e., we'll blitz or stunt or split coverages like crazy. It's basically a next-generation version of the 46 or "Bear" defense. This means one of our guys is always moving or cutting, which means he's covering more ground. So if the ground sucks, he's got a greater chance of sliding on it than, say, a receiver whose job it is to slant across the middle, then jump into a pass. OSU didn't have many YACs with that offense, but with a crummy field, nobody can.

Carr showed again why he's one of the best football coaches to ever roam a Div. I-A sideline in the 2nd half, as he completely adjusted our defense and offense to the playing surface. He also had those kids fired up into a frenzy coming out of the locker room. But if you noticed, we did a lot more zone coverage and relied less on the blitz, instead trusting Woodley and Branch and Taylor and Biggs to take on OSU's five big o-linemen relatively alone.

This differed from the original game-plan (a similar one to what we employed against MSU this year), in which the primary goal was to stuff Troy Smith's testicles into his lungs every other play. That wasn't too bad of a plan -- it worked wonders against Notre Dame -- except the guys couldn't quite get to the quarterback, and the quarterback was too good at recognizing blitzes and passing the ball quickly. Seriously, I've never seen a guy go from standing in the pocket to releasing the football faster.

So due to the field conditions, the breakaway runs, and the fact that Troy Smith has no testicles, Carr changed things up and went into a defense like we used against Northwestern -- a Cover 2 Spy. The Cover 2, however, as anyone who's played against the Patriots or Notre Dame can testify, is most effective if your linebackers can move faster than the quarterback throws. If they're tired, or he has a gun, you have to hope the receivers have bad hands or fear you enough to drop the passes. Again, Smith showed he could adjust. As long as his receivers were catching those rockets, he could move the football, at least once he got used to the paradigm shift.

In the end, we got beat by Troy Smith. ESPN had its day: the superstar outperforming everyone in a high-scoring bonanza where every touchdown is a ridiculous highlight reel play. The losers, the people who play and appreciate football. Michigan played harder than OSU. They did themselves and the memory of Bo proud, just as Ohio State showed the hypesters and the god-makers and most classless fans in the land proud. In case Miami and Florida State never clued you in, entirely divorcing your football program from education, and paying highly talented goons to don your uniform for a few years before embarking on a short-lived, coke-addicted career in the NFL, usually pays dividends."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Tondar - That "Apocolypse Now" is no "Billy Madison."

"She's psycho and he's a loser!"
"Well, you're a very honest mom."

"I'd like to see you put a bruise on me like that."

"If you're proud of him, why are you so afraid to take your shirt off and show the audience what he's done to you."

"He's not gonna touch my daughter. Do you see that black eye? I'll give him another one."

"We've had alotta people on this show that are ignorant. I can't think of one more ignorant than you." (obviously Steve doesn't remember "Attack of the Klan Midgets")

"He stole all the Cubscouts' equipment."

"Get a closeup because he is F*#%ing crying."

You're the first person I've ever made cry on this show."


A tribute to Tondar's long hair...

I think Bespin Paris was where I had the perfect amount of hair Posted by Picasa

Here at Fontainebleau, note the artist's full mane of hair

I know I normally like brunettes, but I'd make an exception for her Posted by Picasa

Pssst, I have too much hair Posted by Picasa

This was the longest: Long Live Poteen! (BTW has anybody else noticed that the poteen taste stays with you for the next day. It's like smoking a cigarette) Posted by Picasa

I'm not sure what to make of old Scarry Face after the OSU game. As much as I would like to blame him I think his football cortex (the jowels) were functioning quite properly. Given that, here is a video tribute to the charm of Uncle Lloyd...

On the other hand, James is not as forgiving as he sees Saturday's game more along the lines of this...

From James...
"Just as I predicted, Lloyd Carr played to not lose, Jim Tressell played to win, and Michigan lost the biggest game they ever played. No surprises. USC will probably beat ND, go the championship game, and lose well against OSU. Meanwhile I predict the Wolverines to play poorly in the Rose Bowl. Maybe we'll win, but probably not. Call it the "Schembechler Curse". It is time for us to cast off our own coach Cooper and find some young Maize and Blue talent that can win big games. Just think about this, if Michigan had lost to ND, people would still be clamoring for his head and we wouldn't have been in the title race at all. And we would still be in a losing streak with both ND and OSU. When you play to not lose, you end up with mediocrity. Where are you Fritz Crisler? Where are you Fielding Yost?"

From Seth...

Remember how I said Iran's president is akin to Hitler?

His latest move, which hasn't passed their Legislature, is to try to put insignias on non-Muslims in the country.

If you're wondering why the world needs an Israel, it's because of guys like this. There are 25,000 Jews living in Iran.

I'm writing to my Congressman and senators today to put together legislation that makes it easy for Iranian Jews to emigrate to America, and to make a deal with Iran while talking about Iraq (if they do so) that would make it similarly easy on their side.

We made a big mistake in the '30s in closing our borders to Jews from Germany. I don't think the Middle East will turn into 1930s Germany, and I don't think this regime in Iran will last our generation, but I only see things getting worse for Jews there in the short term.

The frightening thing about Ahmadinejad is that unlike Hitler he seems to be a very rational actor in his political moves and declarations. He's most certainly bold, but that's because he controls a growing great power with 70 million people. One thing that bothers me about the way about our mainstream media covers leaders like him is that they love to label the enemies of America as crazy. However, Ahmadinejad's exploitation of the Jewish people and "Entity" (his term for Israel) are a very rational way to create what political scientists call a "rally around the flag effect." This brings the farsi speaking Shiites together as they unite against their perceived enemies of Israel and the United States.

Monday, November 20, 2006


"I would never hurt you - except for right now."

"You will really love my fist in your mouth when we get home."

"That ain't my kid. It's an ugly alien."

"She didn't even do it for money and she calls me a whore."

"Everyone's laughing. They think this is a joke."

"That's a face only a mother could love."

"You spend alotta time in the bathroom because you can't get your butt outta the tub."

"I'm gay and I make it look good!"

I didn't know it rained EVERYDAY in Nashville. Posted by Picasa

From Seth...

I'm sick, sick, sick of baseball writers talking about how unpredictable the Cardinals winning the World Series was. All they can say is 83 wins, 83 wins.

It's like their inability to predict what countless other people could blatantly recognize means that the world has gone funny.

The message: "hey, Toronto, you had more than 83 wins. Where's your pennant?"

The Cardinals, we should remember, were the pre-season favorites in the National League. Them and the Mets (whom the beat in the NLCS). They had the reigning Cy Young winner. They had the best hitter in baseball. They had superstar players like Scott Rolen whom they'd picked up in other teams' salary dumps.

And what's more, they'd been competitive for years. Didn't we just see them in the World Series a few years ago? Haven't they been going to the post-season, or just barely missing it, every season? Have they had a losing record in a decade?

The 83 wins was because they got injured. Their biggest three bats, including that of their Gehrig-clone 1st baseman, were out for much of the middle of the season. Gee, they lost a few then. SURPRISE!

When you look at the World Series representatives this year, they're evidence for the age-old rules of building a championship team: trade for great players, sign the right free agents, bring up your core through your system, then get hot in October.

In baseball's unbalanced world, you knew a team like the Cardinals would get theirs eventually, just like you knew the Red Sox would win one and the Mets will win one and the Yankees will make the playoffs, because those teams are good at scouting and hold onto their stars. They're not a middling spender -- they've got their best players signed cheap. This isn't Oakland or Minnesota, where the stars who get too expensive have to leave. They're not the Yankees, but they're certainly upper-middle class. And they're not a small market, either: St. Louis for much of history had multiple franchises, and baseball is the city's top sport.

If you want to be St. Louis, signing Carlos Lee and shooting for 83 wins doesn't get you there. That team under-achieved in the regular season and played to its potential in the playoffs, not the other way around.

Had Detroit won, at least some of these appelations would make some sense. The Tigers could give hope to the Brewers given their turnaround from last year. But nobody cares about who came in second. At least give the Cards their due: they've been a team challenging for a championship for years, and they finally got it.

Baseball unlike any other game is held sacred by the sportsmedia elites. They fondly remember tales of Jackie Robinson, Mickey Mantle, and Ted Williams, while holding sacred 95-100 plus win teams that captured their childlike interest and played into the mythos of "The Game." Of course this all changed when a third division was added to each conference and the concept of a wild card was introduced in 1995. Since then, the Divisional Series has gone on to reward teams that finish strong and/or can manage October baseball.

Seth is correct in saying that the Cardinals rightfully deserved the championship. However, the real issue is a bunch of crotchety old men shaking their canes and lamenting the day when "Sideburns" O'Reiley struck out 100 batters on 100 pitches while simultaneously dancing the charleston in Ebbets Field.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


It poop again Posted by Picasa

The queen of diamonds let you down,
She was just an empty fable
The queen of hearts you say you never met
Your twisted fate has found you out
And it' fin'lly turned the tables
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret

Michigan's first loss of the season always leaves a cloud hanging over the day. This one was especially difficult since it was whoopin' and a nail-biter rolled into one. As much as I would like to blame Lloyd Carr it seems that would be just simply nit-picking. He certainly could have made changes quicker, but I didn't see anything worthy of a solid second guess. Sometimes you do your best and you just come up short. It doesn't mean that you played every decision to the optimal theoretical outcome, but it also means you didn't crap the bed. In many ways the game came down to Ohio State executing their gameplan better. This was manifested in 4 plays. 2 of them were the Ohio State 50 yard touchdown runs. The other 2 were the Chad Henne overthrows when the receiver had the secondary beat. You change the outcome of one of these plays and thus goes the outcome of the game.

But anyways, today's BCS rankings have Michigan retaining the #2 position. In many ways I feel that this may be a bit too sympathetic towards Michigan. I would expect this to change depending on what happens next weekend when Notre Dame visits USC. If USC wins big, that would probably be enough to leapfrog Michigan. However, if Notre Dame wins, given that Michigan beat the Irish huge in South Bend earlier this season, that would probably be enough to propel Michigan into the rematch in Glendale. Right now you're probably asking, "Tondar, what about Florida?" Well, their only loss was a 27-17 defeat at 2-loss Auburn. If you look at the BCS standings, the polls and the computers are not showing any love. I'm not sure if this is an anti-SEC bias by voters, or a result of Florida being penalized because their schedule isn't as strong thanks to down years by Georgia, Alabama, and FSU along with too many cupcake games against teams like Southern Mississippi, Central Florida, and Western Carolina. Whatever it is, I don't see the Gators making up this ground even if they go on to defeat a weak Florida State and highly ranked Arkansas (who lost HUGE to USC).