Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


Photodump Posted by Picasa

Photodump Posted by Picasa

Photodumped Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 01, 2006


DJ Kicken - There Ain't No Party Like A Alcoholic Party


I get drunk when I stumble to my phone,
to call just at my girl,
to bone when I`m alone.
Oh no, she`s drunk too,
I only got to kiss.
Only when I`m drunk I sing a song like this.

`Cause there ain`t ain`t ain`t ain`t ain`t
`Cause there ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
Ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
`Cause there ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
Ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
`Cause there ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party...

All right girl.
You`ve got to show me some vibes.

Feel the vibes,
Feel the vibe through your body.
Feel the alcohol tonight.
Feel the vibes,

Because there ain`t,
Because there ain`t,
Because there ain`t no party like an alocoholic party.

Feel the vibe through your body.
Feel the alcohol tonight.
Alcohol tonight, Alcohol tonight, Alcohol tonight.

`Cause there ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
Ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
`Cause there ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party.
Ain`t no party, like an alcoholic party...

"We play around in gravy and mashed potatoes because he is turned on by playing around in food."

"This is a fetish for alotta men."

"They go home with Barbie, but they call my ass when they want to have real fun." (Not really, Tondar wants a dark haired Barbie not covered in food)

"No man tells me what to do. Kabonnie is always single."

"My wife used to weigh 360 pounds."

"She gave me a list of what I could eat off of her. It was fat free this and by the time I was done, I didn't wanna fuck her anymore."

"I am your wife get out of that tub and talk to me."

"You will address me as Goddess Cheyanne."

"Jerry, I'm a fat pregnant stripper and I'm pissed off."

"You just out whorrin' around. Big fat cow on a pole."

"Do you think post-modernism is dead, and if so why?"

Well Tres and the kids are back from livin' la vida rock star in New York. But since most of you missed, and the kids have been talking about it, you can find the clip of the Good Morning America award presentation here (or click below where it says video)

You Tube Videos of the Week


There's been much discussion about GMA using Tres' full name along with his good posture and smiling (very TV savvy). However, there has been a small controversy surrounding his sweater, and whether or not it is rock and roll. But like Bill O'Reilly, I will leave that up to the viewer to decide.

Also, if you haven't seen the video, here it is...

Thursday, November 30, 2006


"My Man Is Becoming A Woman"...

"I'm a 37 year old woman trapped in a man's body."

"This is my red cherry lipstick. If you like it, I just might give you a kiss."

"As we know, some days women swell. This appears to be one of those days."

"Why can't I be the one to roll in the hay with you and make you squeal with passion?"

"See I got the real boobies not like yours."
You're just jealous. Mine are bigger."

"But that's like tricking him into sex."

"I didn't lie to you because I didn't tell you."

"You a man with a dick."

"I don't get down with that punk stuff. I ain't gay."

"I'm disrespected! I'm a man laying down with a man pretending to be a woman."

"You said you had a woman trapped inside you - I think you ate her."

From the parking lot to Times Square. Do you think they had free food on GMA too? Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


From Seth...

"Hypsters are going to make a bigger deal of this than it is. I don't think labeling Ben Wallace a locker room poison is justified just yet. In fact, it sounds ridiculous.

Ben's not fitting in with the Bulls for the same reason the Pistons are having trouble adjusting: their starting 5 were all but married since Rasheed Wallace came to town. Everybody had eye signals and knew what the other guy was going to do, yada yada.

Was Ben unhappy about his role with Detroit? I have to guess that he was, but we're seeing this kind of thing isn't always black or white. Ben was probably a little upset that he wasn't an offensive option except for the odd, demoralizing alley-oop slam, which was coming less and less (probably because teams got better at guarding for it). But I bet his agent, smelling Chicago dollars, was pushing at him to make this a more contentious issue.

The easiest thing to forget in sports is that the athletes are people, and act as such. Ben's in a new work environment, with its own rules and standards. His music in the Pistons locker room was part of his aura -- big nasty ben with his hopped up hip-op blaring. The other guys knew him and respected him, and probably said to themselves "I'd hate to be the other team after mr. cop-killer over there is loosed." Afterall, they were married.

When people change jobs, there's always a lot of "we did it this way" to get over while adopting the new company's culture, especially if you spent a lot of years at your old job. People get comfortable, expecting their reality to be the norm. I'm willing to bet this is what happened with Ben in Detroit.

He saw the fros in the audience, and how willing every advertiser from Toledo to Pontiac couldn't wait to get him to endorse their goods, and figured that was his worth.

What now? Most likely, he'll adjust to Chicago. It's still the first friggin month of the season, afterall. The Pistons seem to be adjusting to Nazr, although he still looks like the odd man out. And Ben will find his place where he is.

The headband and the music are small fries -- miles away from Marburyism. But if he's really that uncomfortable, I'm sure the Pistons would be okay with a trade and contract restructuring. I'd be."

Speaking of Marburyism, Seth has some thoughts on Woj's comparison between the Knicks and the Pistons...

"Beating a dead horse because you want it to get back up and carry your cart is useless. But beating a dead horse because it's fun to see its ribs crack is something else entirely.

The "Knicks are ill-managed, Pistons are well-managed" theme is a late, well-booted equine, but good ol' Woj doesn't let that get in the way of another chance to brag about how we got it good."

Of course, I'm a bit harder on Joe Dumars. I'm certainly not going to take it as far as The Sports Guy. But mistakes were made as the Ben Wallace contract situation played out into the worst case scenario with Dumars dumping Darko, Arroyo, and Evans and having nothing but first place Orlando's draft pick this year to show for it.

"And you should think about not drinking so much."

"Princess or not, you can't be treated like a damn troll. You're no Shrek."

"And you're getting married by a drunk."

"How long did you breast feed him? Seventeen years?"

In case you missed Good Morning America today (not that you SHOULD), the veil of secrecy has been lifted and Tres and Greenland were on with their award winning Youtube video. He was excellent on the TV, standing there and smiling. However, what totally made the moment was when they said Tres' Full name - not Tres Crow, not even Richard Crow, but RICHARD EUGENE CROW THE THIRD. It was one of the funniest things I've seen on TV in a loooooong time.

BTW - Does anybody remember voting on the various categories or were they arbitrarily assigned?

Sometimes it's difficult not to get sucked in by the temptations of the ladies. It's important to retain that rational edge. Posted by Picasa

It was the perfect plan. Bring a frontloaded dumptruck of money to the heart and soul of the team that had won 5 straight Central Division titles. Detroit would lose their edge and Chicago would be catapulted to the ranks of the ellite in the Eastern Conference. It was such a great plan that even Tondar bought into the hype (at least I assumed they would be good for the regular season). Unfortunately it has backfired and now Ben Wallace is having a bit of a meltdown Chicago because the grumpy 15 million dollar baby can't wear his headband and has protested by taking that post-contract year dump in rebounds (9.2) and blocks (1.5). Marc Stein of ESPN has the lowdown and the money quote...

"My theory? The Bulls gave Wallace the payday he always dreamed of, but Wallace gave up more than he ever realized. It's not just the teammates he left behind in Motown. Signing that big contract wiped away the unwanted/unloved/underdog image he's thrived on for years. He can't be that guy any more."

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


From Seth...

"They said this was the best rookie crop in a generation. And the best of the best: Our boy Verlander.

In other news - I don't know what to say about Sheff. I do know when you make a lineup with him, the '07 Tigers look awful tough:

CF Granderson
2B Polanco
SS Guillen
DH Sheffield
RF Ordonez
C Rodriguez
LF Monroe
1B Casey?
3B Inge

We probably gave up a decent 4th starter from '07-2011 in Humberto Sanchez. But where was Sanchez going to start? He's still behind Zach Miner, Roman Colon, Wil Ledezma, Andrew Miller and Chad Durbin in our list of young starters, and Jordan Tata maybe too. We knew Sanchez would be traded.

The thing is, Sheff is old. He'll be 41 at the end of this contract. At least one of these years, we're going to be paying for a dead weight.

Seth a (former?) smoker takes issue with the advertising practices of Philip Morris...

"Time Magazine did an article on the top PR guy for Phillip Morris last year, talking about how he had taken a 180 turn on the dangers of smoking and started talking about campaigns to get kids to quit.

I really believed the guy was for real.

But when I saw the ads, I was thinking this same thing, that they were airing commercials on teenager programming (MTV, Comedy Central) that looked like it was targeted at adults: "Parents, talk to your kids about smoking." If you look at the other ads that target teens, they focus on independency, using actors in their 20s doing things with their friends or on their own."

I haven't seen the commercials but the only argument I've seen in favor of Seth's position was a flimsy declaration by a NYTimes editorial...

"Just why the costly advertising campaigns produce no health benefits is a rich subject for exploration. The ads are fuzzy-warm, which could actually generate favorable feelings for the tobacco industry and, by extension, its products. And their theme — that adults should tell young people not to smoke mostly because they are young people — is exactly the sort of message that would make many teenagers feel like lighting up."

Has anybody seen the aforementioned ads? Do they seem to promote or discourage smoking? I'd like to see a little more information before we continue to stick it to the tobacco industry.

Pigpen had a good question about that fragment of an abortion resulting from a hideous incest known as the Millen Era Detroit Lions...

"Why is it that the injury train hits us hard EVERY year? There hasn't been 1 year in the Millen Era that hasn't been crippled by significant injuries to starters. Do they purposefully get players that are fragile girls, or is it just cruel fate?"

From Seth...

"If you play football the right way, you should expect a couple of injuries. But if you aren't playing right, you can expect more. The other team is out there to hit. If you're mailing it in, you're not looking for an attacker, you're not braced to receive, and you're not in control of where/how you come down.

If your quarterback or running back is getting injured, that's the mark of a bad offensive line, because linebackers and ends are making tackles from behind or his sides. Bad offensive linemen get injured often too because a good defensive lineman can bow your back off the snap, and if you don't fall over, something (ankle, calf, or back) will get strained.

We're injured, but not the worst in the league by far. Look at the Bengals, or the Jaguars.

It is strange, however, that year after year, the Colts seem to get by with few injuries. In fact, you'll note that teams who've made SuperBowl runs in recent years have done so because of an abnormal amount of health. If you want to know the difference between last year's dismal 49ers and this years' 5-6 squad, they've got only one opening day starter out for the season, and he stunk anyway.

The NFL just has too many injuries, period. The game's become so fast that everybody hires guys who are simply muscle and bone (you can't break fat), or guys whose body shapes are far off the human norm. Then you put these guys on a field where they're trying to hit each other, then fall on one another, then jump on top of the pile of other guys who fell on one another.

You also have guys of the wrong body type playing many of these positions. The guys built to be hard-nosed linebackers, run-stopping ends or tight ends (6'0, 260) don't make it in the NFL anymore, and that's the body type that could withstand the punishment. The type of guy who used to make up the bulk of NFL rosters is now basically a fullback.

A safety in high school is told to put on weight and muscle when he comes to college and is turned into a linebacker, the linebackers then go to the NFL and become defensive ends. Your NFL tight ends are usually converted receivers. The NTs are as big as the offensive linemen, and in 3/4 sets you've basically got DTs playing end. Meanwhile, the o-linemen are monsters carrying more weight than even their large frames can hold.

Think about evolution; the human body was not designed to carry 350 pounds, nor absorb a rush from two other humans of 350 pounds. The guy may look like a truck, but he's still got a homo sapien ankle, and the cartiledge in his knee or back isn't made from anything different than the cartiledge in yours.

So why the Lions more than others? Millen has bought in to this speed-type of defense. Look at Boss Bailey, who's been injured most every season. Well, he's not naturally built all that different from his brother Champ, who's a cornerback. And we've got him playing linebacker! Millen also takes risks on guys with injuries. Artose Pinner missed his senior season at Kentucky before being drafted. Terrance Holt dropped down to the 4th round because he was injured at the end of his senior season at NC State. Fernando Bryant, Kalimba Edwards, Dre Bly, Damien Woody and others had injury histories. Heck, our 1st round pick this year, Ernie Sims, a linebacker with a running back's body, is one head or neck injury away from being out of the league. Millen isn't the only guy in the NFL to draft these kinds of players, but given how empty the franchise has been on talent, I think he took more risks in grabbing injury-prone guys in the hopes that they'd all miraculously be healthy one season and make a drive for the Superbowl.

I also think there's a lack of focus on this team, which comes from all that losing. It doesn't seem to matter who's the coach. They could bring in Parcells and still these guys wouldn't react. The personnel, talent-wise, isn't untalented. But the same lack of focus that has lead to all the losing also leads to more injuries, and with the kind of bodies these guys have, there's little room for error to begin with.

Finally, remember that we're the Lions. Cruel fate isn't going to give up on this team now when it's about to celebrate its 50-year anniversary next season."

"She's a trailer park bitch and she needs to go back there."

"Do you wanna be black? I'll make you black and blue!"

"Cuz I got an ass bitch, and I know how to use it."

"Well he was the high voice in the group, know."

"Why would you sleep with his girlfriend?"

"For having 3 kids, you are hot."

"They are entitle to be informed before the cheating starts."

Remember that deadly drug raid in Atlanta last week? Well it looks like Tondar's suspicions were correct...

The informant, who has not been identified, complained to department officials that the drug investigators involved in the bust had asked him to go along with a story they concocted after the shooting, said Pennington. He said the informant had been placed in protective custody.

There are also issues with the warrant being possibly being forged. Orin Kerr has some legal doubts and analysis on the Volokh Conspiracy. This is beginning to look more and more like out of control cops trying to cover up their killing of an 88 year old (I won't dare say defenseless) woman.

Another trip to Pasadena isn't THAT BAD Posted by Picasa

So tonight Ole Tondar was returning to the apartment after completing my workout at 10:30 pm. On many nights I like to do my second workout during the NBA or NFL games televised on prime time cable. However, tonight on the top floor, Tondar was greeted by the sound of the neighbor girl getting railed something fierce...


That was either a mighty orgasm or a top notch performance. Plus, what is a dude named Gene doing getting laid (at least I think that's what she said). Not that I lingered like a perv in the hallway but I couldn't help but overhear and giggle a little. This is one of the prices of living in a confined space with other people in close proximity. But I think the bigger issue is what the neighbors hear coming out of my apartment. Of course Tondar is rolling single these days so it's certainly not a ladies voice. However, this doesn't stop me from singing along with the Dido or Neil Diamond. Plus if I'm playing video games or watching sports, in hindsight, I have probably convinced my neighbors that I have Tourette's Syndrome...


Bob Saget!


Must you hold on EVERY PLAY!?!

You shut your ho-baggin', Buckeye mouth Herbstreet!

Not "Mush-head" again!

Cocksuckin' Bill Walton, shut your logorrhea-hole you hippy MORON!

Why do you open your mouth John Madden!? Every word more useless than the last!

I ain't watchin' this liberal clap-trap!"

Tres came across this funny story on

"DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- A homeowners' association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan."

This appears to be a ride down the slippery slope. Though it makes me wonder if the resident hasn't done other obnoxious things to piss off her neighbors. If the homeowners association is so quick to go to war over a peace sign, I wonder if she has a history of being that douchebag neighbor always playing the asshole to everybody around. After all, I know my Mom is still upset about one of my basketball games getting shut down 10 years ago because...

"Danny's sleeping. Poor Danny has to go to bed before the sun goes down and thus the neighborhood has to come to a grinding hault all on poor Danny's account. Oh sleepy Danny, heaven forbid that Danny's sleeping habits are not known to the rest of the neighborhood. Poor sleepy Danny!"

The media is up to their seasonal trouble making as they bring to light another example of the War on Christmas...

"HICAGO (AP) - A public Christmas festival is no place for the Christmas story, the city says. Officials have asked organizers of a downtown Christmas festival, the German Christkindlmarket, to reconsider using a movie studio as a sponsor because it is worried ads for its film "The Nativity Story" might offend non-Christians."

Sure this ends up being great publicity for New Line Cinema to advertise their film. But what I want to know is who are the policy wizards that haven't learned that by removing Christmas from the public sphere they are not protecting the non-Christian minority but offending the majority? This is just the sort of thing that keeps Bill O'Reilly fired up like a soapy loofah.

Monday, November 27, 2006


Seth on Michigan State's new football coach...

"Before he became Cincy's head coach, Dantonio used to be the defensive coordinator under Jim Tressell at Ohio State, and before that was the secondary coach during the Saban/Williams years at MSU.

He's been an effective recruiter in Ohio, and hopes to challenge Michigan and Ohio State for the state's top recruits (heard that one before). His claim to fame is that he's been Tressell's right-hand man for most of Ole Sweater Vest's career, going back to their days of dominating Div. I-AA at Youngstown State.

In two years at Cincy it's hard to tell much about what kind of program he runs, although several trends stand out:

1. He likes to play his young players. This could just be because he recruited the freshmen and sophomores, while the old guys were from the previous regime.

2. He's been associated with some of college football's dirtier, football-before-academics programs. Under Saban and Tressell, and on his own, Dantonio's players have been caught in pay-for-play scandals and sketchy recruiting practices, particularly Maurice Clarett, whom Dantonio recruited for the Buckeyes. A number of his players at MSU and OSU have had substance abuse problems, in college and in the pros. At Cincy, he had the lowest graduation rate of any school in Div. 1-A, but that was true for that school before he got there. There were several alleged scandals at Yougstown State as well.

3. Another thing he picked up from Tressell, Dantonio is known to emphasize tradition and program identity, and often has quoted Tressell's famous "tap into the soul of the athlete" comment in press conferences.

My best guess is that Dantonio will recruit his type of clowns and mold a few winning teams, perhaps surprising Michigan in 2008 or 2009. You'll see a marked improvement in defense in a few years over these awful John L. Smith defenders, with guys brought in for speed. However, you'll also a backtrack to the Nick Saban-era kind of coke-snorting goons -- more Jeff Smoker/Charles Rogers than Drew Stanton. Eventually, he'll have a 5-7 season in 2010 and State will tire of him and move on to the next poor soul to try to build a team in the backyard of some of college football's biggest powerhouses."

Right now there is still quite a bit up in the air. Only the Big Ten and the Mountain West Teams have accepted Bowl berths. In the meantime, it looks like USC will lose to another OSU team and Michigan will get a very solid but underachieving LSU team in the Rose Bowl. CNNSI has the details.

"Well you were stupid to do it because I've been using you the damn two years."

"If you wanna get drunk and go under the bridge after the show, I'll be there with my shirt backwards."

"I am Miss Stumpy. I have no arms and I have no legs."

"Well, you're not going to get the best of help at $40 a month."

"We're gonna meet this guy that's mistreating you because it's unthinkable."

"The fact of the matter is that she is a genetic defect and...YOU SUCK BUDDY! I don't have to take that!"

"If she had two feet she oughta kick you in the ass."

"I ain't scared of you! Like I never hit a girl before!"

"You come up here and I'll slap you around a little bit."

Sunday, November 26, 2006


If it's on the internet it must be true...

Look how close we are...I'm so in love with my girlfriend we don't even fit in the frame. Posted by Picasa