Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


From Seth...

With the new NBA age limit, I think there's a great opportunity, especially with a clean program. The guys who wanted to go directly to the NBA are going to go play at a place like Ohio State where they know you're a pro athlete, not a college student. That means there's more opportunity to recruit those 4-year top-level guys who might go late 1st or 2nd round in the NBA draft. If we get one of those guys per year, and they stick around, we can build a program while our competition is bouncing up and down with players coming and going. We almost got there two years ago, before the injury train wrecked four starters and Horton went cold.

From Pigpen...

There has been much bickering and caterwalling going on concerning the latest blunder with the BCS. Most of it is centered around the SEC apparently being the only deserving conference in all Division 1. Strength of schedule this and ranked opponents that, but we need to consider a major factor that currently is not calculated - road wins. Michigan has a huge victory in South Bend against then second ranked Notre Dame, they also went into Happy Valley and got it done (although the Lions this year were mediocre at best) and they also had 1 loss on the road to #1 OSU by 3 pts. Florida did not beat LSU on the road they did it at home, beat UT on the road, lost at lower ranked Auburn by 10 and beat Ark on a neutral site, but then rounded out the road schedule by playing at Vandy and at a very weak FSU. Fine, maybe the teams played evoke memories of juggernaut southern style football, but this year they were not the teams of yore, especially with Arkansas having absolutely no passing game and getting to the SEC champ game.

Also one more thing that is worth noting is that supposedly the Big 10 is weak this year...look at the polls, all of them and pay attention to the possible bowl scenario that could play out and produce the 1, 2, & 3 teams all from the Big 10 (OSU, UM, UW). The BCS was set up for the express purpose of eliminating the Co-Champion issue. If OSU loses on a fluke FL and UM soundly beats USC, there will more than likely be a Co-Champion this year with UM picking up the AP share. I know that there are a lot of IF's, but isn't there always?

Urban Whiner was using the "conference champion" as the driving point for the Gators ticket to Glendale. How many conference championships has ND won? Voters would not even bat an eye to put ND in the game if they could get away with it. If it's not stated that the National Champ is required to be a conference champ, then don't haul out that point when you're whining your way to Arizona. Seth would know better than I would, but wasn't it 2000 or 2001 when OU lost in the Big12 champ to KSU, but still went to play for National Championship?

The point of all this is that the system is flawed, and much like traditional politics of democracy someone will always feel slighted. You cannot please all people all the time. Yes we're raising a stink about how UM got shafted, but I could have cared less when Auburn got shafted 2 yrs ago. Personally I'm not in favor of a rematch, because I think the regular season match up is too steeped in tradition to allow a "post season" re-match. I'm also a proponent that the Rose Bowl is and should ALWAYS be Big 10 / Pac 10 - No exceptions. It's funny that amid all of the national championship controversy the real must see game has now become UM/USC simply because out of the 5 BCS bowls, the only one with an even-ish match is the Rose.

As a traditionalist I think this in a way is preferable to an OSU vs UM rematch, or even LSU vs UM Rose, which was being predicted last week. If a team has never been to the Rose because it wasn't an option in the past, they don't deserve to go, ever. "This is Texas' first ever trip to 'the grandaddy of em all', what a historic day for the Longhorns" - No it's not, because it's not their bowl! But I digress, that's for an entirely different rant.

BTW - There is a theory being floated up round these parts, that the voters are trying to duck controversy by unjustly giving OSU easy prey so that double jeopardy cannot occur in the event of a UM win over OSU and thus requiring a split national champ. Mull that over for a while!

Maybe I'm getting too old to grow a mustache and hang out at the bus-stop with the kids. Posted by Picasa

The Connells - Uninspired

By Mike Connell and Doug McMillan

Well the steel in his strings
Cuts into his fingers
And the lines that are left
He knows so well

And the words that he screams
Sift through the smoke and sweat
While his wandering mind
Tries to tell...

To tell him he's uninspired
In some weary, absent way
To tell him he's simply tired...

Then the sound rolls in
And lifts him up and in to the place he should've been
Then the sound rolls in, and lifts him up and in

And when all has been drained
He wrestles with the feeling
Of an unfelt refrain that he knew too well

And the words that he hears,
Because they compliment
Are the words that he fears,
Because they tell...

They tell him he's uninspired
In some weary absent way
They tell him he's simply hired here.

Friday, December 08, 2006


Tondar after he finished re-alphabetizing his CDs - "Good, I only have to wash my hands 17 times a day now."

"I was prostituting and your uncle was my pimp."

"Sometimes even the playa gets played."

"What we see here aren't relationships, but long dates."

The NYTimes has a very ironic piece that reviews Bill Frist's run as Senate Majority Leader. My favorite part is this interestingly worded paragraph that mentions the Medicare drug expansion and Terry Schiavo as it chronicles the "successes" of Frist's Senate...

"Mr. Frist scored some legislative successes, helping create the Medicare prescription drug program and winning confirmation for two conservative Supreme Court justices at a time of bitter partisanship over judicial nominees. But even he acknowledged he might be best remembered for invoking his medical credentials to urge Congressional intervention in the case of Terry Schiavo, the Florida woman who became a cause celebre but was later found to be beyond medical help."

Unfortunately the article neglects Frist's most glaring failures. First there is no mention of President Pro Tempore, Ted Stevens and his spending ways (remember his Bridge to Nowhere?). In fact there is no mention of excessive government spending, expansion, or pork barreling whatsoever.

From Seth...

"If every single man with a son in the U.S. is not teaching him to throw left-handed, he should have the Department of Family Services called, because if an average innings-eater can make $10 million a year, who's to say your kid can't?"

--Jeff Passan, on Ted Lilly signing a contract with the Cubs.

Lilly, by the way, is what the Yankees gave up to get Jeff Weaver from the Tigers. Oakland got Lilly and we got Bonderman, Carlos Pena and Franklyn German. That was the first major league move made by the Don (Tigers' GM Dave Dombrowski) when he came to Detroit. His first action overall was signing Craig Monroe to a minor league deal.

For those of you that remember the glory days of Ann Arbor bands living at 308, here are Amy's pics of Oblivion's last show. Check them out because they are some really great pictures. I especially like the dark tones, while the mustaches hint at the imminent end of the band.

These are my favorites...


Photodump Posted by Picasa

Photodump Posted by Picasa

GA Renaissance Fair Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 07, 2006


"I'm not a man, I'm actually a woman."

"Love is not lying to me the way you did."

"He went searchin' for me the night after we met and he knocked on every trailer door lookin' for me."

"Then you need to call prison and reserve your room."

"Why don't you use $200,000 to buy Gary Coleman a dick over here."

"How about the girl in the back there taking her top off?"

Since moving south, I have only seen it snow a handful of times. Not that it's anything special for y'all yankees but we've got some mad flurries flying about the tennis court something fierce. I would say it's beautiful, but I know the true evil of snow so I will simply say nothing.

In the days before Judith Miller the NYTimes used to care about the plight of this great nation. Check out these classified stories from 1943 that chronicle America's efforts to rebuild the pacific fleet.

I wonder if anyone ever teased Winslow Homer for having a last name for a first name and vice-versa. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


After seeing 1899's "The Gulf Stream" again in the MET, I felt inspired to change my desktop. I changed this a while back after my trip to NYC, but I kept forgetting to write about it until now. Winslow Homer is one of my favorite American artists. Of course, in a cute twist of the brain Miss Erika would always call him Homer Winslow. I kinda have to agree with her that it does sound better.

I've always liked this painting because of the blues and greens of the water. The way they swirl is very characteristic of the post-impressionists that dominated the European art scene of the time. Note the very loose brush strokes that give the sea it's wild swirling appearance. Plus the dangerous hint of red in the water and the yellow sky create a scene where man is completely overwhelmed by nature. This on the other hand, was more characteristic of the American artists like Frederick Church and Thomas Cole that dominated the Hudson River School of the prior generation.

Of course for most viewers their eyes are immediately drawn to the weary sailor trapped on that raggedy ass boat. The composition and pieta-like despair is very reminiscent of Gericault's "Raft of Medusa," even right down to the yellow sky (BTW - can you find the two figures on the raft that inspired our weary sailor?). In the case of "The Gulf Stream," the mast is broken. He looks emaciated. At any moment, the rippling waves could send our hero to the circling sharks that have been drawn to the blood in the water. If that's not bad enough, the yellow sky is broken by the water spout approaching in the distance. One might think this guy is totally screwed and about to become the victim of a cruel fate. But if you notice the ship on the horizon, there is still hope for our hero.

Between the color, style, composition, historical reference, and message I've always dug this painting. On the other hand, Homer had difficulty selling such a painting. The museums of the day really liked his moonlit scenes. Eventually they decided to purchase this painting but it wasn't until Homer wrote a letter addressing their concern:

The "unfortunate negro will be rescued and return to his friends and home whereafter he lives happily."

When there's nothing else to believe in, believe in hope.

"Dildos get old after a while."

"Stick something in my mouth, can't nobody hear me then!"

"You don't tell me who to love!"

"Of all the things said in this show, that's what you're going to 'boo?"

"I ain't a whore, I just needed some dick."

From Seth...

I wonder if buying gifts online would be cheaper if I asked them not to handle it, just ship it. Shipping I understand; they gotta pay Fed Ex what it costs -- no problem. But why am I paying for all of this handling? I don't want anyone handling my package. I want it shipped, and that's all.

Olvido de lo criado,
Memoria del Criador,
Atencion a lo interior,
Y estarse amando al Amado. Posted by Picasa

Kinda speaks for itself...

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.


The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Turns out if you are on network TV and mention a website that doesn't exist, the network has to buy it. So in case you missed Late Night with Conan O'Brien, be sure to check out

(Technically safe for work, though it does have some PG-13 pictures and oddly enough Conan's request for manatee pics and stories.)

Pigpen has an interesting theory on the Blue (cardigan) Sweater...

"Has the sweater been cavorting with the brown coat and the FSU starter jacket?"

The sad part is the brown jacket was destroyed sometime around 2000 by Dark Lord Denise. She always had it out for that jacket for she understood the power that it posessed. She could never harness that power so she saught to destroy it. It now resides in Garment Valhalla where it awaits its companions the Sweater, the FSU Pullover, and the Leather Jacket of Firenze. Together the four will ride across the land to a point where fashion and function meet. There they will meticulously weave a new overcoat of red, gold and green. And in this Jacket people shall tremble before my practicality and marvel at my taste. And they shall remark, "Truly, that is the coat of the Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come."

Until that day, the FSU jacket will remain in the Love Grotto while the other two remain with me for their temporal work has not yet been completed.

"The baby's not yours, I'm pregnant by a transexual."

"You been neutered!"

"Hey Shrek, whatchyou do with Donkay's hair?"

"It's a good thing you didn't break it off, there'd be no sex."

If you remember your Soviet history, than you will notice the similarities between Joseph Stalin and Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez. Check out this must-read piece from the NYTimes that illustrates Chavez' traditionally leftist approach to power...

"A priority for Chavez right now is what he calls a 'revolution within a revolution,' " said Steve Ellner, a political scientist at the Universidad de Oriente in eastern Venezuela. "This means a purging process of those associated with corruption or excess bureaucracy. In January you're going to see some heads being chopped.

First they seize control of political power, then they take control of the means of economic power...

"Red, in fact, colored not just the clothing and advertisements of the Chavez campaign. Rafael Ramirez, the energy minister, described the national oil company as "red, really red," in comments caught on video in which he told workers that they had no place in the company if they were not supporters of the government."

Well they have the propaganda down. But that is inherent to every government. I would imagine that the key to achieving these next goals would be improving the secret police force as well as creating a system of prisons that allows fear to keep the revolution alive. At least that's the way Stalin played it once he started turning on the Trotskyites and other dissenters within his own government. It's not enough to be a revolutionary you must be pure in your doctrine, ideology and have a record of always supporting the "correct" party policy.

Cold enough for ya? Posted by Picasa

You may remember The Blue (cardigan) Sweater from my days in the fraternity, Italy, and periodic visits during the 308 era. You may even remember seeing it through the crack under the bathroom door as y'all were being un-cool with an ax on one particularly harsh Tondar birthday binge.

But since then, the sweater has not seen much action. However, due to the ridiculous cold I have busted it out to save on my heating bills. Now during the glorious Council of Tonnaroo '06, did I bust out the Sweater? The reason I ask is because it fits me like the skin of a gastric bypass patient. Did it always fit that way? Did Seth happen to put it on? Was there rough-housing had in the Sweater? In particular the left arm is bulging and seems stretched a few inches longer than the right.

Like Maxentius, I would like for the Sweater to be preserved in a museum as a symbol of my power and legacy of good piracy. However, I just can't remember it having sustained so much damage. Is this the wear of time, or a blackout of more sinister and damaging proportions?

The kids didn't have much to say about the screwjob. My inbox was flooded with simply the links to others that could make the argument for them. If you're interested in fueling your bitterness be sure to check out this excellent column by ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski.

On the other hand, Sethian apologetics demand praise for the non-political way Lloyd Carr handled himself. Dan Wetzel's piece doesn't make the hurt go away. But I guess we still have our integrity just not the one that got away.

Monday, December 04, 2006


James came across this story of a great archeological find on the Palatine...

Excavation under Rome's Palatine Hill near the Colosseum turned up items including three lances and four javelins that experts said are striking for their completeness — digs usually turn up only fragments — and the fact that they are the only known artifacts of their kind.

Clementina Panella, the archaeologist who made the discovery, said the insignia were likely hidden by Maxentius' people in an attempt to preserve the emperor's memory after he was defeated by Constantine I in the 321 A.D. battle of the Milvian Bridge — a turning point for the history of the Roman empire which saw Constantine become the unchallenged ruler of the West.

There's much to be learned from studying the Romans. Plus if our Republic continues in the same fashion, archeologists may some day uncover the standards for the deposed Emperor Bush IV (who coincidently lost favor after yet another war in Mesopotamia).

Pigpen found this story in the Independent illustrating another example of fellowship from the peace loving religion of Islam...

The 46-year-old schoolteacher tried to reassure his family that he would return safely. But his life was over, he was part-disembowelled and then torn apart with his arms and legs tied to motorbikes, the remains put on display as a warning to others against defying Taliban orders to stop educating girls.

But it's interesting while most of the news stories focus on Iraq, there is still this level of depravity on the Afghani front.

"My daughter foundout I was prostituting my granddaughter."

"Is there an organization of grandma pimps?"

"I worked at Jack-in-the-Box for a couple of days."

"When I needed you to know, I told you I was a man."

"Oh I don't need to fix my teeth to do THAT kinda work."

What I love about this song is that it actually has the feel of a David Bowie song. The song is so happy yet the lyrics are so dark and cruel. "Yes, it's brillantly done," the way he sticks it to the Chubby Little Loser.


Meatwad - "I added food coloring 'cause it's a holiday. But it turned black 'cause I added all the food coloring I had. And I ate this butter straight outta the tub 'cause it tastes good. There's a reason behind everything."

There truly is a reason behind everything.

Sea and Sand

Here by the sea and sand
Nothing ever goes as planned,
I just couldn't face going home
It was just a drag on my own.

They finally threw me out
My mother got drunk on stout,
My dad couldn't stand on two feet,
As he lectured about morality.
Now I guess the families complete,
With me hanging round on the street
Or here on the beach.

The girl I love
Is a perfect dresser,
Wears every fashion
Gets it to the tee.
Heavens above,
I got to match her
She knows just how
She wants her man to be
Leave it to me.

My jacket's gonna be cut slim and checked
Maybe a touch of seersucker with an open neck
I ride a G S scooter with my hair cut neat
I wear my wartime coat in the wind and sleet.

I see her dancing
Across the ballroom
U V light making starshine
Off her smile.
I am the face,
She has to know me,
I'm dressed up better than anyone
Within a mile.

So how come the other tickets look much better?
Without a penny to spend they dress to the letter.
How come the girls come on oh so cool
Yet when you meet 'em, every one's a fool.

Come sleep on the beach
Keep within my reach
I just want to die with you near
I'm feeling so high with you here.

I'm wet and I'm cold
But thank God I ain't old
I should have split home at fifteen
Why didn't I ever say what I mean?
There's a story that the grass is so green,
What did I see?
Where have I been?

Nothing is planned, by the sea and the sand

Sunday, December 03, 2006


Tonight after finding out the dreadfully blue news, I began rapidly flipping through my 5 channels in a fit of rage. "Cocksucker," was said and the remote was slapped. However, my rage soon turned to melancholy as I stumbled upon Frank Sinatra on PBS singing a song of his that I had never heard. You may be familiar with "The Gal That Got Away," but it was totally new to me. In one of those rare times in life it was the perfect song for that exact moment as the political realities of the USA Today Coaches poll conspired against Michigan...

"The night is bitter
The stars have lost their glitter
The winds grow colder
Suddenly you're a lot older
And all because of the gal that got away"

How true it is. The Tennessee weather seems that much colder, while Hendarsonville seems that much more bitter. Even a High Life shower can't console Tondar over this one. Like a heart-wrenching break-up, this one is over. It certainly could have been played better, and handled different. Now that it's over, all that is left is regret and a sense of lost...

The gal who won you
She's run off and undone you
That great beginning
Has seen its final inning
I don't know what happened
It's all a crazy game

Sure someone can certainly mention how delightful this run was as we look back on the good times. To that person I say shove your memories in a sack and drown them with the bastard kittens...

Good riddance good-bye
Every trick of hers you are on to
But fools will be fools
And where's she gone? - Where has she gone?

So I guess eventually I'm going to have to suck it up and put together that trip to the Rose Bowl. But for tonight, I will play the role of Andrew Sullivan and have one of those "Whoa is me" moments as I wallow in my melancholy for the championship that got away...

Ever since, (since) this world began
There ain't nothin' sadder than
A long lost loser
Lookin' for his gal who got away

On a night when it is so easy to hate on the Wolverines, I figured I would join in the pigpile. I will not join the haters and their changing standards of what makes a #2 team. However, I will call this piece on Michigan basketball a must-read.

After all, wasn't Tommy Amaker brought in as a stop-gap to rebuild the "prestigious" Michigan program? When do we make that Big Dance of a tournament? When do we compete with MSU, not only in games, but for recruits? When does Amaker get held responsible for his mediocrity?