Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, December 16, 2006


This is certainly taking "Get off the shed" to a whole new level. But part of the problem with being unemployed is making sure that you don't get in with a company like this...

After all, who can forget these classic quotes...

"This looks like you took a crap or a dump in the printer."

"I should fire you and burn down your friggin' house!"

"I am this close to raping you!"

"Use the company time to talk to your disgusting whore friends? No, you do not do this!"

"Get up you crazy blackman I will make you drink my piss."

"I am a strong man! Anyone in this office, take a run at me!"

"I have been lifting weights and doing cocaine all day and I WANNA BIG PIECE OF YOU, SIR!"

"I love it. I am actually going to murder you."

"Cons: Me kicking you until there is blood in your stool, and then grabbing your wife's boobies while you're tied up with a raquetball shoved in your mouth."

"Ordinarily, I would whip your nuts with a car antenna for that kinda attitude."

I drink. I smoke. I sleep on the railroad tracks. I do what I want! I DO WHAT I WANT!!

"A drunk company director was in court today after passing out on a railway track in the afternoon rush hour.

Kevin Craswell, 48, consumed a "lethal" amount of vodka and was seen by passengers at 3.30pm crawling along the railway at Epsom.

Astonishing pictures show him asleep and using the rail as a pillow. Witnesses even said they could hear him snoring from the platform.

Police said he was extraordinarily lucky to have survived. Oncoming trains had to be diverted at the last minute.

Staff took almost half an hour to wake Craswell and it caused Network Rail almost four hours of subsequent delays, costing £7,296."

Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Written By Matthew Bellamy

Oh baby don't you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretences
How long before you let me go?

Oooh...You set my soul alight
Oooh...You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth

Oooh...You set my soul alight
Oooh...You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

Tondar - Don't let it stick and burn Tres! You gotta STIR THAT POT!

Friday, December 15, 2006



There are men high up there fishing,
Haven't seen quite enough of the world,
I ain't seen a sign of my hero,
And I'm still diving down for pearls.

Let me flow into the ocean,
Let me get back to the sea.
Let me be stormy and let me be calm,
Let the tide in, and set me free.

I'm flowing under bridges,
Then flying through the sky,
I'm travelling down cold metal
Just a tear in baby's eye.

Let me flow into the ocean
Let me get back to the sea
Let me be stormy and let me be calm
Let the tide in, rush over me.

I am not the actor
This can't be the scene
But I am in the water,
As far as I can see...

I'm remembering distant memories
Recalling other names.
Rippling over canyons,
And boiling in the train.

Let me flow into the ocean
Let me get back to the sea
Let me be stormy and let me be calm
Let the tide in, rush over me.

From Seth...

I don't believe they would trade Rip Hamilton for Allen Iverson. Iverson isn't the answer for Detroit. I think we should trade with Chicago for their disgruntled center. He'd be a perfect fit here.

I really don't believe it either. Chauncey Billups would be the more obvious choice since he is our shoot-first leader and very well could be replaced by Iverson. Rip, Tay and 'Sheed would complement the Answer's penetrate and dish style. Plus, what makes Chauncey even more likely to be traded is the fact that he is in a contract year.

But the truth is that the Denver Nuggets seem to be in the best position to get Allen Iverson...

According to league sources, the Nuggets are leading the race for Allen Iverson. From all indications, Philadelphia is more concerned with financial freedom than the raw ability of the players it receives in return for Iverson and his $17.1 million salary. With two first-round picks in the 2007 draft, the Nuggets have positioned themselves in "the driver's seat." It's a complicated trade, however, that would involve at least five players, three teams and two draft choices.
-- Denver Post

Plus if you caught the Freep today, Joe Dumars seems to be willing to pay what it takes to keep Chauncey Billups...

Pistons boss Joe Dumars is wary of giving big money to aging players, but Billups is different from Wallace in that respect, too.

Wallace was on the decline -- and as an undersized player who relies on athleticism, he is unlikely to dominate into his mid-30s. Billups is at the peak of his game -- and because he is big and skilled for his position, he should be a major force for several more years.

"Dump Your Lover...You're Mine" from 1/26/98...

"She's so damn broke she's gotta get other bitches to buy tampons for her."

"He calls us friends with 'special privledges."

"He stood up, I was bent over."

"Does anyone here know what commitment means?"

Sure, I have been promised a meeting with Lord Skeletor. But, by the Power of Greyskull I shall not hold my breath. Posted by Picasa

From Seth...

"With Jake Long back, our entire offense, the 2nd best in the Big Ten, is returning for next year except Mark Bihl, Steve Breaston and Reuben Riley. Riley got replaced mid-season by true freshman Justin Boren, and Tim McAvoy is probably ready now to step in at center, and we get Antonio Bass back to replace Breaston.

On D, we have to wait to hear from Alan Branch, who said he's returning earlier in the year but didn't finalize anything. But we're losing Leon Hall, Lamarr Woodley, Dave Harris, Prescott Burgess, Rondell Biggs, and probably Ryan Mundy (he's got one more year of eligibility from a medical redshirt season but he's graduating in June).

If Branch comes back too, I think we're a good shot at national champions. Ohio State loses Troy Smith, Ted Ginn, James Laurinaitis and Quinn Pitcock, but most of the team is really young."

Thursday, December 14, 2006


For the kids here in Tennessee, I will be making a trip to Kentucky to take advantage of their lower taxes by doing my booze/Christmas shopping. If you want anything, please let me know in the next day and I will fill your order.

Or in the words of Elvis...

"So I finally got a ride
With a preacher man who asked:
'Where you bound on such a dark afternoon?'
As we drove on thru the rain
As he listened I explained
And he left me with a prayer
That I'd find cheap booze.

Kentucky rain keeps pouring down
And up aheads another town
That Ill go walking thru
With the rain in my shoes,
Searchin for booze
In the low Kentucky tax,
In the low Kentucky tax"

Johnny Red, I'm coming for you!

The X-Rays have been identified. I have 2 interviews Thursday. Let's climb the mountain and put 2006 behind us ASAP. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


"I'll Fight For My Man" from 2/23/98...

Jerry: "Don't get up while I'm on stage. I'm a chicken!"

"Did you spit on her?" *spits & punches*

Jerry: "If I came into your house, I wouldn't throw your chairs."

"I'm gonna stalk him until the day I die." - Somebody's read Wuthering Heights :)

"I'll tear your ass up here, there, every fucking where."

"You're the reason men hit women."

"Nobody gets stolen away from you, who doesn't want to be."

Atlanta's Home Depot Corporation is a gardening supply giant operating in nearly every neighborhood in America, supplying gardeners with tools of oppression. Home Depot should be called Home Despot; it supplies the gardeners who enslave Gnomes across America. Slavery and forcible confinement of Gnomes - all are fueled by Home Depot's presence. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


"I Have A Surprise...I'm Cheating" from 2/5/98...

"You ain't no kinda woman if you messin' with my man."

"I didn't wanna hurt you."

"You an immature little girl, callin' my house."

"Corey don't even like little Mexican girls."

The birth of a tradition as Jerry asks, "Why are you yelling my name?"

"You can have him and his little short dick anyways."

"Y'all need to leave Moon alone, she just wanna taste all the flavors."

"You're standing up there flaunting your anorexic ass. I've got an ass bitch."

Why do fat girls insist that they look good because of their excessive body mass. Read your Cosmo, less is more, and thin is the new fat. Learn it. Know it. Love it.

From Seth...

"Then why are there 9 players from the Big Ten on the All-America team this year, and just 5 from the SEC?

By the way, Michigan and Ohio State each had three, which means the Big Ten had more blue-chip talent in two teams than any other conference, and both teams had as many All-Americans as the entire ACC, Big East and Big 12.

And just in case you might think adding 2nd team All-Americans to the list would change things, Michigan led all schools in total All-Americans, adding Mike Hart, David Harris and Alan Branch as 2nd teamers (Florida added CB Ryan Smith).

But maybe the panel was biased toward the Midwest. Oh wait, I'm sorry, actually it had more people from Florida than anywhere else:

Dick Weiss, Daily News (New York); Jeff Shain, The Miami Herald; Bob Thomas, The Florida Times-Union; Scott Wolf, Los Angeles Daily News; Mark Snyder, Detroit Free Press; Blair Kerkoff, The Kansas City Star.

AP Sports Writers: Jeff Latzke (Oklahoma City), Paul Newberry (Atlanta), Andrew Bagnato (Phoenix), Tim Reynolds (Miami) and Ralph D. Russo (New York), and Associated Press Writer Genaro C. Armas (State College, Pa.). 2006 All-Americans:

QB: Troy Smith, Ohio State
HB: Darren McFadden, Arkansas
HB: Steve Slaton, West Virginia
WR: Dwayne Jarrett, USC
WR: Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech
TE: Matt Spaeth, Minnesota
T: Jake Long, Michigan
T: Joe Thomas, Wisconsin
G: Justin Blalock, Texas
G: Josh Bleekman, Boston College
C: Dan Mozes, West Virginia

DE: Lamarr Woodley, Michigan
DE: Gaines Adams, Clemson
DT: Quinn Pitcock, Ohio State
DT: Glenn Dorsey, LSU
LB: James Laurinaitis, Ohio State
LB: Paul Posluszny, Penn State
LB: Patrick Willis, Ole Miss
S: LaRon Landry, LSU
S: Reggie Nelson, Florida
CB: Leon Hall, Michigan
CB: Daymeion Hughes, Cal

Special Teams
K: Justin Medlock, UCLA
P: Daniel Sepulveda, Baylor
KR: DeSean Jackson, Cal

There are many things to enjoy about retirement. I get to work out twice a day. I have an hour each of Frasier and Springer to watch everyday. I even get to devote more time to cooking the meals that I enjoy the most. In spite of all of that, I don't want this situation to continue forever. And what makes it so truly discouraging is the resume black hole. After I take all the time and energy to send off a bit of myself into cyberspace, I don't even get a response. No phonecall, no Suck Off And Die letter, I often don't even get a reply "thanking me for my interest." I give and give and for all my time, energy, and money that I dump into the endeavor the return is zero.

Rationally, I'm fine with this and understand how the game works. In many ways, I'm better for where I am right now. On the other hand, if you don't mind hearing the whine of my inner little girl, my emotions find little consolation. Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown, all the whining, meowing, and thrashing do no good and in the end, it's still the same wretched reality of the black hole of retirement. I know I will never be compensated for my wasted resources, but it doesn't make me any less resentful of the way things unfolded.

Or to paraphrase Tres, "Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish heads. At least you're not pregnant, scared, and alone."

Though I am now sober, the above problem has still not solved itself. Posted by Picasa

So I'm still having problems coming up with the prototype for the second generation of swords. To preserve the integrity of the shaft I want to go with one solid piece. However, there is no way to make the 1 inch handle fit over the 3/4 inch blade. The only bushings in existence would simply connect the 1 inch pipe to the 3/4 inch pipe in one long continuous pipe which once again brings us to our structural problems of connecting separate pieces of pipe to withstand the forceful blows of grown men.

One alternative, would be to simply create it all out of one piece of 3/4 inch and then find some way of creating a new grip for the handle. This of course would eliminate the crossbar which I have found to be a very important tool in broadsword battles as it prevents your opponents sword from sliding down the blade and smashing your knuckles (this piece of course does not stop Tres from smacking me in the crotch). Without that crossbar, it drastically changes the design and possibly the effectiveness of the sword.

Well if anybody has any ideas on how to solve the singular blade/hilt problem, fire me off an e-mail and we can discuss advancing medieval warfare for the glory of Christendom.

From the AP...

"Democrats tidying up a cluster of unfinished spending bills dumped on them by departing Republican leaders in Congress will start by removing billions of dollars in lawmakers' pet projects next month.

The move, orchestrated by the incoming chairmen of the House and Senate Appropriations committees, could prove politically savvy even as it proves unpopular with other members of Congress, who as a group will lose thousands of so-called earmarks.

"There will be no congressional earmarks," Rep. David Obey, D-Wis., and Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., said Monday in a statement announcing their plans, which were quickly endorsed by incoming Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and soon-to-be Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D- Nev."

I was a bit skeptical that the party of cradle-to-grave government would be willing to take steps to cut pork barreling. However, it seems we are about to witness the first benefits of divided government. It's not that I really trust the Democrats to abandon their principles, but if they can take up the mantle of small government for political purposes I wouldn't have any problem with that.

On the other hand, doesn't this make them Republicans in a way? They get elected on a national platform of cradle-to-grave government (welfare, healthcare, wealth redistribution, etc.), but instead are led on a limited government agenda by the conservative faction of their party. Sure they don't have the corruption problem like the GOP, but we all absolutely know how power works.

Don't write notes to yourself during 7am blacked out bathroom trips.

Monday, December 11, 2006


American culture has always been characterized by its abundance of resources and the political freedom to obtain this abundance. Today however, ideas of abundance and freedom have the connotation of consumerism. If you have time, check out this lengthy read by Andrew J. Bacevich that talks about our American identity and the impossible task of changing the Middle East to better serve our demands for oil and other consumable resources. I don't totally agree with his realist interpretation of American History, but since it makes the thesis work I certainly appreciate the different perspective.

"Why Did You Cheat?" from 11/6/97...

"You ain't gotta car cuz you say somebody blew it up."

"We haven't been friends since you pulled a gun and put it to her fuckin' head. OOOOH! Forgot about that one!"

"The bullet holes in the hotel were her shooting at me. We were both drunk."

"I don't care what any of you say. Y'all stupid!"

"I think they're both stupid for fightin."

"He ain't all that. You can have that."

"You don't throw away a marriage or relationship because somebody messes up once."

My friend James has really taken a great interest in photography recently. To get us in the mood for Christmas, he took us behind the scenes of this seasonal picture. Honestly, I think it's some of his best work ever.

What happens when a clown doesn't have clown hair? It's just downright creepy. But like our friend Clownhair Tres, Ronald is made happy by food as well...

"I know we're going to be friends too because I like to do everything boys and girls like to do."

Robert of Rhuddlan was awakened from a nap in his castle of Deganwy and told that the Norse raiders were taking the cattle from the fields and enslaving women and children. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 10, 2006


In case you haven't noticed, the Tennessee Titans have been on a tear lately winning four games in a row. The first game that caught my interest was the come from behind 24-21 victory over the NY Giants. Since I am sick of both the Giants and the Mannings this was a great game to watch. The next week things kept rolling with another upset win over the Manning of Indianapolis. Once again, it was an exciting nail biter of a game that was won on a last second 60 yard field goal.

Going into today's game against the Houston Texans, it was on the Tondar agenda to watch the game for both the drama and the exciting play of quarterback Vince Young. You may remember Vince Young from that Rose Bowl a couple of years ago where he ran all over Michigan's defense and Lloyd Carr gave the game away in the final minutes. But once again today, I was not dissapointed. Vince Young had a spectacular game including a 39 yard game winning touchdown run in overtime. As usual, the game was close and went back and forth before the Titans pulled it out on the strength of Jeff Fisher's mustache.

I'm not sure if it's the dramatic way that the Titans are winning, or the exciting play of Vince Young and Pacman Jones, but I am starting to become a Titans fan. I'm not sure what this means for my Dirty Birds or that team in Detroit that experienced a renaissance of winning last decade known as the Wayne Fontes era. But in the meantime, I have found an AFC team that I can enjoy, and the best part is that you can count on them to find a way to win instead of losing. I guess that kind of makes them the Anti-Lions. But regardless, I'm not totally out of the closet on this one, but it is very possible that you might hear them referred to as Tondar's Titans in the near future.

I feel I'm being followed,
My head is empty
Yet every word I say turns out a sentence. Posted by Picasa