Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

FUCK Y'ALL, I'M A FOOD LION MVP

I'm afraid that I can't be both good neighbors (or friends) with as many of you at these great prices. Things have changed and many of you are not cool enough to hang with a Food Lion MVP. That's right kids, Tondar the Destroyer is now an MVP, and with such a title, I'm afraid I will have to spend more time with just the coolest of you. Don't worry, those of you that have been cut have already been notified (except for Tres, but nobody can get ahold of him anyways). As a Food Lion MVP, I become one of the great movers and shakers of supermarket shoppers. And there's no need to keep foolling ourselves. This makes me better than most of you.

You see with the card I join an ellite few that in addition to everyday low prices, I am now ENTITLED (yeah motherfuckers, entitled) to bonus buys, Buy One Get One Free Items, and special discounts to which the rest of you serfs and plebians cannot even imagine. In fact, I don't even want you to imagine because your small brains cannot even fathom the infinite savings to which I now have access. Think you're bigtime with your Kroger Plus card? Fuck you, race off to hell. Think you can get by on your "walk-up" sales at Publix? Go bake a fucking cake for your wife and kids. That's right kids, this is a big boy's game of savings. You don't know how to play and you would probably just get hurt.

I apologize for being a rather bad neighbor about this. But apathy is what must be paid for great prices. Being a Food Lion MVP, my lifestyle will change and I see little room for keeping you in my life. Please don't take it personally. It is a simple fact of life that some of us are meant for savings and others are simply deadweight.

So let it be blogged. So let it be done.

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