Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, January 27, 2007


Sometimes a night just doesn't turned out as planned.

It is strange when players make the jump from college to the NBA. Sometimes the great players arise from legendary performances (Michael Jordan, Clyde Drexler, Grant Hill, or Isiah Thomas). Other times they seem to come out of nowhere (John Stockton, Scottie Pippen, Steve Nash, or Kar' Malo'). ESPN has a rundown of the top ten greatest freshmen seasons of all time. Surprisingly, only 4 of those on the list (including Carmello Anthony) go on to have remarkable NBA careers. There's a variety of reasons why the other 6 did not keep up their legendary performances. However, it all goes to explain the rationale behind players wanting to jump to the NBA as soon as possible, thus getting paid while they still got game.

Will there be a special guest at Tonnaroo Too?

Possibly is there anything better than a night full of DEE-TROIT BASKETBALL and ladies, all within the borders of the Clipper nation? Can life get any better than this?

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Get Broqtuun while you can kids...

"I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn't want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key."

Poor Brent! I guess the poor guy slipped on some ice deep in the heart of Texas and broke his elbow. I hope this doesn't ruin his dream to play "And1 Basketball" on ESPN2.

To All:

Last Friday, I went with a friend to eat in the fashionable Robertson Blvd area of Hollywood, at the Newsroom Cafe:

This area and Newsroom are know for its star sightings; there are literally paparazzi hanging out on the side walks with their cameras waiting for stars to come by.

While walking to Newsroom with my buddy, I see this strange hippie man holding a young girl piggy-back style. My friend yells out, "We love you Al!"

I then realize it is Weird Al, who replies back, in his goofy, aw-shucks voice, "Oh thanks!"

Somehow I have the feeling the paparazzi were not that interested in him, but at least he got a shout-out.


These are the same assclowns that stranded me at LAX after the Rose Bowl. Thanks to them, I got home late, was dead tired on my first day of work, and became sick after sharing their stale putrid germ air. However, my experience wasn't as bad as this...

"Enough is enough," said Kate Hanni, a Napa, Calif., resident who was stuck with her husband on American Flight 1348 in Austin for nearly 10 hours Dec. 29 during a trip from San Francisco to Mobile, Ala. Her flight was supposed to land at Dallas/Fort Worth Airport for a connection, but heavy thunderstorms diverted the plane to Austin.


Stories of the long delays have been featured in national news media, including The Wall Street Journal and NBC Nightly News, in recent weeks. Passengers say they ran out of food, toilets overflowed and some lacked access to medication while stranded on the tarmac.

Hanni called the conditions "subhuman."

If they are going to suspend the rights and liberties guaranteed by the Constitution every time we step into an airport, than the least government can do is enumerate what few rights one retains when placed at the mercy of the airlines. It is indeed time for a Passengers Bill of Rights.

Tondar had Arby's today. Y'all know what that means <):)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


What makes a great book is characters and moments to which one can relate. Right now I am reading Naguib Mahfouz' "Midaq Alley." I especially liked this moment between the young Abbas and the beautiful Hamida on page 83...

"You think a lot about a few minutes, whereas I think about the whole of life, about our life together. This is what I'm concerned about. Don't you believe me? It's the thing I think and worry about most of all, by the life of Hussain who blessed this fine quarter."

He was talking simply and sincerely and she found a new interest and pleasure in listening to him, even though he did not manage to stir her frigid heart. She tried to forget her painful indecision and gave him all her attention. She did not, however, know what to say and so just took refuge in silence. The young man was gaining confidence and he began to speak with emotion. "Don't grudge me a few moments or repeat your strange question. You ask me what I want, Hamida. Don't you really know what I want to say? Why do I come up to you in the street? Why do my eyes follow you wherever you go? You have what you want, Hamida. Don't you read anything in my eyes? Don't they say that the heart of a believer is clear for all to see? What have you learned? Ask yourself. Ask anyone...they all know."


Meanwhile Abbas gazed at her in fascination. Desire, hope, and her silent thoughtfulness increased his tension.

"Why are you silent, Hamida? One word would heal my heart and make the whole world change. One word is enough. Please speak to me, Hamida. Please break your silence."

Still she remained silent and full of indecision. Abbas tried again: "one word would fill my spirit with hope and happiness. Perhaps you don't realize what my love for you has done to me. It has made me feel as I never felt before..."

I found this particular passage very moving because I once had a very similar catharsis with a cute young lady. Of course things went better for Abbas as "She felt his hand touch and grip hers, giving warmth to her cold fingers." Unfortunately, when Tondar spoke from the heart in a similar manner, his advance was rejected and every moment of her silence caused more emotional rantations to pour forth from the Dar in distress. Eventually, my logorrhea was halted upon the jagged rocks of rejection. But in the above passage, I could really relate to Abbas as he poured forth his heart. And in case you didn't notice from my edits, I removed where Mahfouz describe her thoughts and internal calculations. During my experience with this, I was ignorant of her thoughts so I thought it was only fitting to reflect this too. However, weep not for me. I have not finished the book, but something tells me that Tondar's ignorance will be a blessing, while Abbas' success will be a curse.

It's been a while since we have had one of these but once again the AJC has the scoop from the Dirty...

"Dejesus-Rodriguez lives on Tambec Terrace, about a five-minute walk from the graveyard, according to the report. He said he had been trapped for hours. His leg had been broken and he was going into shock, the report said.

Around him, nine other grave markers had been toppled. He admitted to police that he had been knocking over headstones, and that the last one fell on him. Police charged him with criminal damage to property after taking him to the hospital for treatment."

Doesn't this almost sound like something out of Dante's Inferno? If you remember your Aquinas, Contrapassum is the return of punishment in the manner by which one has sinned. I can't think of a more fitting punishment than to have your leg broken in by a headstone in the process of desecrating a graveyard.

Man, I miss that A.T.L.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Anybody ever see any of the clips of Bobby and Whitney? While I really dig this one, I'm sure most of the kids will prefer the all time favorite...


Even the French can't make clowns that aren't scary.

From Seth...

"Helmholdt goes too far in all of his statements. Hart was the offensive MVP (team MVP was David Harris). He's not Brady (though he willingly takes a lot sacks like him) because Brady always stunk in the 1st quarter and that's been Henne's best, but it's vice-versa in the 4th. Michigan had the best QBs in the nation for most of the 1910s-1930s. Since "best qb season ever by a Michigan player" doesn't have any qualification, e.g. "since Michigan discovered the forward pass in 1990," you can't put Henne, or Brady, or even Navarre, Henson, Griese, Grbac, or Leach against the old-time greats.

But Henne did have a great season. He's been well coached (some say over-coached), which gives him consistency, and his experience at this level is now unparalleled. He's started every single game that Michigan's played for three years now. I'd like to see the reigns of the offense totally turned over to him next season, with some more 4-wing sets thrown in. Hart's ability on the screen was underused this year, probably since running off tackles was working just fine. That cut into Henne's passing yardage a lot."

Monday, January 22, 2007


Sorry, Ashley Carol. If Olivia is not going to bee around for Tonnaroo Too, that makes you our emergency contact when the Night Train goes off the tracks. Whooo Whoooo!

The clock is up and running so I wanted to go over some details for the upcoming Tonnaroo Festival...

* With Olivia being out of town, Ashley Carol has been named emergency contact. If somebody dies, DO NOT CALL 9-1-1! Call Ashley Carol, and she can give the survivors a ride to Walmart to buy shovels.

* As surprising as it is, I have actually had some requests from the ladies to join the crusade and take up the cross at Tonnaroo Too. As much as it pains me to say this, no women will be allowed at the conference. Of course there is an exception for the emergency contact. But assuming every limb stays attached, this will be a sausage fest in the glorious tradition of Ann Arbor.

* If you would like to request anything for the food or booze menu, let me know in advance. Right now I am probably going to make Tondar deep dish on Friday night, with other meals TBA. Of course there will be plenty of Richards and PBR to rot your innards.

* Keep in mind that Tondar only has 9 1/2 minutes of hot water. Thus showering must be staggered throughout the weekend and should be accomplished with all deliberate speed.

* And finally, stay tuned to the website and mailing list for all info including lineup announcements, special activities and more. We are looking forward to another incredible festival and to seeing you all in henDARsonville.

From Seth...

The final irony: knowing New York, this guy's probably looking at another $1 million in losses when he realizes his ritzy shoppers get the news and don't want to shop at his store.

I could just see it now: "Oh my gawd, Mahgaret, did you heah what happened at Kemp Antiques?"

I'm not sure how it will pay to actually sue dirt-poor drug addicts for choosing to be homeless in front of his store. But having lived in "The City" for a time, I think we have all had run-ins on the subway with this kind of urine soaked human abomination. I'm sure there is great amounts of empathy all about the city. And it never hurts to get free advertising from the NYPost.

Kemp Antiques is now the first name New Yorkers think of when they think antiques. I'd say you can't buy this kind of advertising, but I'm sure his lawyer would say otherwise.

Who ever imagined that they made sock monkey sheets? Who ever imagined that they made them for queen sized beds? Regardless, DLD struck motherly gold with this gift. Not only do they keep me warm in the Tennessee winter, but they keep me from fornicating as well.

From Tres...

"It seems to me that we may be in the midst of another renaissance in Indie filmmaking, one that may be somewhat unprecedented. The driver behind this explosion of awesome indie films may very well be that they are not indie at all, and that large studios are now actually throwing larger budgets to projects that seem likely to sell well. Because of film goers like us there actually appears to be an audience for thought-provoking, but visually appealing films and the studios are starting to listen and put out films to cater to this audience, albeit not under their marquee labels. What has spurred on my new-found love of the cinema in particular is three movies that I have seen over the last three weeks, all of which blew my mind and deserve recognition for their achievement. So here goes:

The first movie I saw, I had been interested in for about two weeks after I read an early review of the film. Guillermo Del Toro’s (Blade II, Hellboy) Pan's Labyrinth is one of the most disturbingly haunting fantasy films ever made. It is at once extremely violent, gutsy, and gorgeous. This movie follows Ofelia, a young Spanish girl whose pregnant mother, Carmen, has recently married Captain Vidal, an officer in Franco’s fascist government. The film is set in 1944 at the tail end of the Spanish Civil War when Franco’s army was hunting down every last remnant of the resistance. Ofelia and her mother come to an abandoned farmhouse that is now occupied by the ruthlessly violent Vidal and his soldiers. As they bitterly root out the scattered outposts of the resistance, and Carmen's condition worsens Ofelia finds solace in the seemingly fantastical world found in the ruined remains of a Labyrinth in her backyard. There she meets the ambassador of this hidden world, Pan, a faun who suggests to Ofelia that she may be the long lost daughter of the King of the underworld. In order to find out if she is she must pass three tests, each one increasingly dangerous. As the intrigue and depravity of the real world about her spirals out of control Ofelia is forced to choose between the danger around her and the danger below.

What made this movie so good is that it juxtaposes the very real (and at times hard to watch) violence of the real world with the increasingly sinister "tests" of Pan. It seems almost sad that Ofelia finds solace in Pan's world, simply because the world around her is so depraved. If strong violence does bug you too much and you enjoy fantasy at all this movie cannot be missed.

The next movie I saw was accidental. I wanted to go see Children of Men but Olivia conned me into seeing Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, and am I ever glad she did. This is straight up one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen. Nearly every shot is so clear and stark that it takes the breath away. Even when it shows something ugly, which it often does, it is still beautiful.

This movie portrays the short, but interesting life of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille who, after surviving a horrible birth and attempted infanticide by his mother in a fish market in 18th century Paris, goes on to apprentice under the tutelage of Fezzini, master perfumer. Grenouille’s uncanny sense of smell gets his foot in the door and his ability to perfectly blend perfumes helps propel Fezzini’s business to the top of Paris’ aristocratic food chain. But Grenouille is obsessed with the art of capturing scent and his lust carried him to Grasse, the supposed center of the perfuming art. Here he begins his quest to create the greatest scent of all time, one that will make his mark on the world forever. But, in order to create this scent he must capture the essence of young womanhood, and so begins his string of murders in which he must create a perfume from the essences of 12 women to bottle his masterpiece. The adventure leads to a climax that will blow your mind, when panic sets in among the aristocracy of Grasse.

The llast movie I saw was, in fact, Children of Men which I finally was able to catch on Friday. For those of you who may be somewhat familiar with Alfonso Cuarón's other movies (Y Tu Mama Tambien, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) it won't help you at all prepare for the bluntness of this movie. It begins with an explosive bang and doesn’t let up for the rest of the film. I went into it expecting something a little more brooding and less hostile, but the faux-documentary style of the film creates moments of utter terror as the viewer is forced to tag along for the horrifying journey.

The film is set in 2027, 18 years after infertility spread throughout the world. No one can procreate and the helpless violence that spread since then has created an island of panic and oppression on the British Island, as Refugees are rounded up and forced to live in internment camps. Theo, a hopeless bureaucrat who drinks through his day, is soon swept up in the secretive plans of the Fish, a terrorist organization whose mission is to free all Refugees, as they plan to smuggle out of the country a young girl who has become pregnant. From that point on the movie simply follows Theo and the girl's journey from the streets of London to a nightmarish climax in the war-torn urban landscape of Bixworth.

This movie, aside from being incredibly intense, is also very gutsy as it portrays urban warfare in an aggressive documentary style. One can't help but feel we are following along with our troops in Baghdad; the only difference is that most of the faces with guns are white. It is disturbing and terrifying and Cuaron should be acclaimed for having the guts to present a vision that is going to turn off most American viewers. This movie is an action movie, but unlike the average Vin Diesal movie none of the action is glorified. No, it is real, and frightening, and stressful to watch and leaves the viewer worn out after only an hour. Much like King Kong Cuaron is able to keep the viewer on the edge of his seat for the duration of the movie but unlike Kong, there isn't much fun in it. Yet it is so earnest in its portrayal of a world gone awry that despite the bleakness of Cuaron’s vision of humanity, we are left with hope, not despair, and for that I feel Children of Men is even more impressive. For anyone who thought V For Vendetta was good, you will absolutely love this movie."

Sunday, January 21, 2007


Georgia Renaissance Fair

Vegas baby, Vegas

Atlantis Show at Caesar's Palace

I really hate the photoblogger now that HELLO is gone :(