Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, February 03, 2007


Well look what Tondar bought today at Big Lots for $20! Turns out it's not an authentic Cezanne, but The Basket of Apples will look great on my wall...

"After a brief period in Paris, Paul Cézanne returned to his native town, Aix-en-Provence, in the south of France. There, he devoted himself to portraits, still lifes, and landscapes. Wishing to make (in his own words) something "solid and durable, like the art of the museums" out of Impressionism, Cézanne sought out the structural regularity of his subjects. By repeating the round and angular shapes in The Basket of Apples, the artist demonstrated his formalist approach.

Despite his attention to the shapes and structures of his subjects, Cézanne animated the objects in the painting. He placed the basket of apples on one of his characteristic tilted tables; it careens forward from a slablike base that appears to upset rather than support it. Upon closer inspection, the tabletop seems to be fractured, since it emerges on the right side at a different level than on the left. Cézanne's use of geometric form and disjointed perspective made him an inspiration to Pablo Picasso, Cubism, and the abstract art of the 20th century."

From the NYTimes...

"The Super Bowl will end about 10 p.m. Sunday, and by 10:01 every player on the winning team — along with coaches, executives, family members and ball boys — could be outfitted in colorful T-shirts and caps proclaiming them champions.

The other set of championship gear — the 288 T-shirts and caps made for the team that did not win — will be hidden behind a locked door at Dolphin Stadium. By order of the National Football League, those items are never to appear on television or on eBay. They are never even to be seen on American soil.

They will be shipped Monday morning to a warehouse in Sewickley, Pa., near Pittsburgh, where they will become property of World Vision, a relief organization that will package the clothing in wooden boxes and send it to a developing nation, usually in Africa."

If you get the chance it is an interesting read about the ability of merchandise to create an alternate reality, where the Patriots have become the Buffalo Bills of the 2000's.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Seth found a poem perfectly describing Tondar's first winter day since Brooklyn, 2004...

I'm usually not much for poetry, but this one is truly lovely. It really got me thinking about the season and how it makes me feel. I love how poetry can tap into the human heart and draw out our innermost emotions and thoughts. This one hit it right on.


a poem by
Quentin L. Smith.


Drake - After all these years, glad to see Tres is still a pussy.

It's not exactly the kind of weather that invites the kids into Spidertown, but it's over a week away and not THAT bad...

Feb 9
Mostly Cloudy

Feb 10
Scatted Snow Showers

It's a shame you didn't come out and see one of Greenland's most rockin' shows tonight. I'm glad Tres coaxed me away from TV, working out, and my cold ass apartment, even if he didn't introduce me to that brunette girl. Don't worry he's already paid for it and will probably have to pay again real soon.

Thursday, February 01, 2007


From James...

"I could be wrong, but I get the feeling that Troy Smith is hedging his bets...

Ohio State's Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback is lobbying his hometown team to select him in April's NFL draft, and he isn't missing any chance to remind the Browns that he'll be available to them soon.

Smith was named the area's outstanding collegiate athlete at Monday night's Greater Cleveland Sports Awards, and during a taped acceptance speech he thanked the city's fans for their support.

"Hopefully, I'll get a chance to represent you guys at the next level with the Cleveland Browns," he said.

Smith hasn't hidden his desire to play for the Browns, who after finishing 4-12 last season will pick either third or fourth in April's draft. During a recent halftime ceremony at an Ohio State basketball game, Smith wore a Browns jacket.

In Cleveland he's the hometown hero who beat Michigan 3 times in a row, whereas in the rest of the country he's another overhyped Heisman winner who choked big time in the NC game. It is a real safe bet. After all, Brady Quinn may not have won his game against LSU but he played well, whereas Smith looked like he spent the last week binging on OE."

Seth then raised some interesting tangental thoughts on QBs and the NFL Draft...

"With QBs in the NFL, it really seems moxie, not height or arm or any of those things, is what takes a quarterback to success most. Does Smith have it? I dunno. Maybe he's Doug Flutie -- all luck, but the guys believe in him because of it.

What's more interesting is that he wants to play for his hometown team. The question is, is Smith lobbying to join the Browns because he wants to play at home, or because he wants a career of throwing to Braylon Edwards?

Save for later discussion: since talent is fairly evenly spread across the country, what if the NFL did away with the draft, and teams just had to recruit. Yeah, you'd get the teams that win one and everyone wants to go to, but with a 55-man roster and salary cap, how far can that really go? It would hurt league disparity, but so what: don't we love those teams that dominate a decade? Players could scout out where they want to live, play with more guys they knew in college, and the divisions could develop more regional rivalries as they compete with local schools for talent. And more teams would have to use a system, since you need a program to sell to recruits. And you avoid all the "don't buy recruits" hassles of college 'cause they're pros: if you want to give some player's mother a car as part of the package, that's a hiring bonus.

it's worth exploring."

The only difference is that teams like Detroit, Cleveland, Houston, and Arizona would no longer be able to blame their failures on bad luck. Plus, would this mean that I would have to become a Steelers fan since that's where a good chunk of the Big 10 plays professionally?

We really do need to explore the consequences of this rule change.

From Pigpen...

"The ironic thing about shutting off the lights for 5 minutes on the Eiffel Tower is that anyone who has any knowledge of electricity and power knows that it takes almost two times more electricity to turn a light bulb on than it does to burn one. They would actually conserve more power by letting them burn the 5 minutes than to turn off then on."

"I hope he can see this, because I'm doing it as hard as I can."

The AJC on the Mooninite invasion of Boston...

"A promotion for a cartoon called "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" went badly awry Wednesday in Boston, where 10 or more electronic devices that had been placed at various locations sparked enough concern to bring out the bomb squad. Even the governor of Massachusetts was irritated by the campaign, which led to temporary shutdowns of subway service, some streets and part of I-93."

And just in case you don't watch your ATHF the AJC explains it...

For the uninitiated, "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is an action-comedy that features three stars of sorts — Meatwad, a meatball-shaped character; Frylock, a talking container of fries; and Master Shake, who is, as the name implies, a milkshake.

Yeah, I'm sure a show like that is freakin' awesome, just like Vegetable Man.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Beware the Mayhem of the Mooninites...

They have 5 thousand dimensions. They are excellent spellers. And they can jump higher as a consequence of their advanced culture.

As the NYTimes explains, he ran for President in 1987 and again shortly in 2007...

"Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Delaware, who announced his candidacy on Wednesday with the hope that he could ride his foreign policy expertise into contention for the Democratic nomination, instead spent the day struggling to explain his description of Senator Barack Obama, the Illinois Democrat running for president, as "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."

Looks like the gotcha media gotcha there. Thanks for playing again. Maybe in 2027 when Tondar is 47.

Have we started planning BOOBAROO 2007 (Birthday Of Olivia Bash-aroo) yet? I don't know what should go down, but I know that Tres should probably get her something a bit more extravagant than the earrings she got for Christmas.

From the BBC via Tres...

"A duck that survived being shot and spending two days in a refrigerator has now overcome major surgery - despite briefly dying on the operating table.

Florida vets working to repair gunshot damage to Perky's wing panicked when the duck twice stopped breathing.

But they managed to resuscitate the bird, who leapt to fame when she was found alive in a hunter's fridge two days after being shot."

It will be interesting to see if she can survive. She first ran into trouble a week ago when it was discovered that her vitals dropped below 500, making it nearly impossible for a duck to survive. However, with the new vet, there is a glimmer of hope. With a little work, hopefully all the kings men can put something resembling Perky back together again.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Given that half of my coworkers smell like the night before on any given day, I found this fwd from James to be very appropriate. Though, who are the people that bend it THIS hard on a worknight?

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in our bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your butt is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now.

Finally! France is stepping up to be part of the solution. This will be the greatest 300 seconds in the history of mankind and should lead Jaques Chirac to ascend the Lion Throne to reign over all the EU...

PARIS (AFP) - The Eiffel Tower's lights will be turned off for five minutes on Thursday as part of a campaign to save energy and draw attention to the plight of the planet.

The agency that manages the Paris landmark said Tuesday that it will be joining a campaign to draw attention to "sustainable development and the preservation of the planet" with the five-minute blackout at 19:55 (1855 GMT).

(hat-tip to James)

Monday, January 29, 2007


The Forum at Caesar's Palace

Clownhair in the Dirty

The Georgia Renaissance Fair

Seth remembers when hockey was cool...

"Hallmark franchises are such because they have the biggest markets, and thus could historically afford better talent.

Rather, I think the system should be geared toward providing the best overall product for the fans. That means minimizing player movement, minimizing ticket prices, and keeping league growth at the same rate as availability of talent. I don't fault the NHL for expanding after Russia opened up, and slowing growing after Europe started sending better players. But it went way too fast, and they're paying for it now with a dearth of top-level players.

Bettman's trying to use rules to bring the game back to its scoring heydays of the late '80s and early '90s, but the reason those teams could score was the talent was more concentrated. When the league got too big, teams couldn't have three scoring lines -- the 7th, 8th and 9th best forwards on a typical roster were barely NCAA talent. So they got guys instead who could trap and slow down the other teams, which were themselves starved for offensive talent.

The NBA goes too far in protecting its super-sellers, both in teams -- Knicks, Lakers -- and stars, but that's a negative of the league which makes me watch less.

But the thing Wetzel and I agreed most on was that what's true for the NBA isn't the same on ice. Sending basketball to smaller cities worked because the kids there were already playing basketball more and more, while few in Atlanta, Raleigh, Tampa Bay, etc. can say they've been skating all their lives like someone born in Minnesota or Brantford, Ontario. And whereas in the NBA you can have a star per team and sell the sport around him, if you put a selfish hockey star in a wasteland (see Sergei Fedorov) his scoring will simply disappear.

The reason those forget-me franchises keep making it in the playoffs is because the "playoff rules" favor a team that doesn't rely on skill to win. It makes it tough to root for even great teams, because anybody can get upset by a bunch of junkers who choose to roll the dice rather than go toe to toe. You can't do that in basketball: the guys with more skill are going to take over the game and affect the outcome.

Basketball fans are notorious for crossing sports and other entertainment forms -- think of all the celebrity fans, or D-Wade wearing a Michael Vick jersey. Hockey, though, has always been about being a kind of club, more rugby than soccer. Canadians think it's theirs. Russians think its theirs. Czechs think it's theirs. Blue collar guys in Northern rust belt cities think it's theirs. For years, the NHL wouldn't go beyond six teams.

The negatives are too numerous to list, but consider the league's current uneven schedule which serves no purpose other than cutting travel costs for a few cheapskate owners. Teams play eight games per season against division foes, or 32 a year against just four teams.

So the emphasis on "new" does nothing for the NHL. Hockey wants to see old.

But it's simpler than that. There are some things you just don't do: like try to force rivalries. Wetzel was right on about the Leafs-Wings series they canceled (so Detroit could play Columbus and Nashville eight times apiece)"

It never fails

"Emma Faust Tillman, who was born to former slaves and lived to see 21 American presidencies, died at a nursing home just four days after becoming the world's oldest-known living person. She was 114."

And with that, another assumes the throne. It seems that it never fails as the Wheel of Fortune constantly spinning and declaring a new world's oldest person. Honestly, if I were investigating the cause of death I would look no further than her successor...

"With Tillman's death, the world's oldest person is believed to be Yone Minagawa of Fukuoka, Japan, who is 114, Guinness said."

Besides, one has to be weary of any monarch that is raised to the seat of power by a beer company. And as for Mr. Minagawa, I will offer these words of advice: Watch your back Jack for you do not know the hour that Queen Hecuba shall strike you down and raise another to greatness on the wheel of fortune.

Remember kids, while beating Tondar for the horrible things he says, the thumb should remain on the outside of the fist.

Sunday, January 28, 2007


Tondar, livin' alone: I hate my apartment!