Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Friday, February 09, 2007


Tres - You're asking for a bladder infection doing it that way.

Tres - If you can put your box in a box then your box has been around too many boxes.

Seth - *BRRMP*

Drake - So the whole country is...
James - Fucked.

James - If I were a woman, I'd be puking right now.

Seth - If it's a civil union, do the blow jobs still stop?

Tondar - Girls are stupid.

James - First week of sex, you have to put it in her butt to see what you can get away with.

Tres - If God is so great, why doesn't he cure Sackett's ADD?

Tres is not the first person in history to get a bad haircut. From the Book of Judges...

"16:17. Then opening the truth of the thing, he said to her: The razor hath never come upon my head, for I am a Nazarite, that is to say, consecrated to God from my mother's womb: If my head be shaven, my strength shall depart from me, and I shall become weak, and shall be like other men.

16:18. Then seeing that he had discovered to her all his mind, she sent to the princes of the Philistines, saying: Come up this once more, for now he hath opened his heart to me. And they went up, taking with them the money which they had promised.

16:19. But she made him sleep upon her knees, and lay his head in her bosom. And she called a barber and shaved his seven locks, and began to drive him away, and thrust him from her: for immediately his strength departed from him.

16:20. And she said: The Philistines are upon thee, Samson. And awaking from sleep, he said in his mind: I will go out as I did before, and shake myself, not knowing that the Lord was departed from him.

16:21. Then the Philistines seized upon him, and forthwith pulled out his eyes, and led him bound in chains to Gaza, and shutting him up in prison made him grind."

Thursday, February 08, 2007


This is how we do it! (from Tonnaroo I February 24-26, 2006)

Seth defends his status as a Honda owner...

"Well, i got the first Honda because i made a deal with my parents that they get to pick the car, and they also get to pay all but $100 a month on it.

I got the second because I was fed up with the Big Three and Honda earned my trust.

Chrysler has taken one sweet package after another from Michigan to stay put, and each time, they come up with an excuse to pull back on promises. Dr. Z in particular showed up under the impression he could browbeat Michigan and Detroit leaders -- not to mention the incident at the Southfield City Council last summer.

Second, as with any other Detroiter, we want the Big Three to prosper, and he's tanking the business. When he bought the business, Chrysler was spending more than Ford and GM combined on R&D -- they were going to be the ones selling electric cars, remember? Americans are ready for the next technology wave, while Dr. Z is fixated on his Immobilaire.

Third, his effort has been largely focused on De-Detroiting Chrysler. His engineers are German, his designers are German, his lawyers are German, and that complex in Southfield is not even half empty. I don't even look at Chrysler and think of them as an American company anymore, and neither does much of the market. Which goes back to wanting the Big Three to do well; his presence alone makes it harder to move Chryslers in the states.

Fourth, I was so sick of those B.S. commercials that aired during every break of every Tigers game, sometimes twice in one break. I hated those things more than the Dick DeVos ads.

"Dear Doctor Z: the world is a worse place because you exist. Would you care to comment?"

to which James points out the problems with the "medium 3"...

"I rather think that GM and Ford shunned making small cars, which proved their undoing, and forced them to eschew American manufacturing. The medium three are really just truck manufacturers that make small cars because the government forces them to. GM made a loss on every single Chevy Cavalier it made. Why make a car if it causes a loss? To meet CAFE of course, because you are trying to push volume on trucks. That's not really a problem for Honda and Toyota, because their small cars remain profitable.

You are giving me the impression that Honda and Toyota are gaining market share because they are opening new plants, and Chrysler's plant closings will cause them to lose market share. Is this your argument?

Frank and I discussed the myopic view of the US car companies, and from our perspective their problem is that they look out of their windows they see Detroit. Detroit's market is not really indicative of the rest of the country. Most the US doesn't really have any brand loyalty, because Uncle Joe or Grandpa Mike didn't work for Ford and Chrysler and can't get you that class A discount on your new Silverado. Nowhere in America is the penetration of the US makers so high or the percentage of trucks and SUVs so high as in Detroit. This is probably due to incompetent management. Not one of Kashif's B-school classmates even considered going to the medium 3. If GM doesn't even bother recruiting from one of the best B-schools in their own backyard, where does their talent originate. I'm guess Oakland University. Hence they decided they would stop making competitive cars so they can make the best damn trucks in the world. That's fine if you are a truck company, but you should probably expect to lose significant market share in the process (which they did). I don't think that was the deal that Detroiters or the shareholders agreed to (any medium 3 shareholder today is a fool for owning stock that hasn't appreciated in about 30 years).

To put it another way, in what way did Honda earn your trust? Did you compare price, quality, performance, safety, styling, and fuel economy to determine where you can make the optimal choice? I know that's what I did, not who is the VP of the company or whose daddy is going to lose his job at the plant if I don't buy car A.

The US automotive sector has been declining for over a generation, and it screwed over a couple of cities in the process. In light of this, we should probably focus on moving those cities from a manufacturing base that will never recover to something new. Good old Jenny Granholm likes to think of herself as good for Detroit because she worked to woo the Japanese to do business in Michigan. Well guess what, giving those subsidies to cottage industries would probably have boosted Michigan's economy by more than hoping Toyota brings 300 jobs to SE Michigan. I think it is time Detroit faces reality: the automotive boom of the 20th century was an anomaly. It was a flash in the pan that will never happen again. Pittsburg isn't steel city anymore, and Houston isn't the center of big oil. But don't mention this until AFTER we take off from Metro airport, because I don't want to be lynched."

From James...

"Smut and eggs is out. Yes, I'd like the Western Omlette with a side of lesbo. Hold the DVDA.

Pigpen sent me this SCTV Classic of Michael McDonald takin' it such a long way to goooooooooooooooo...

By the way, let's not forget to bust out the CCCP1, Johnny La Rouche, and Leonard Bernstein SCTV clips during Tonnaroo.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


From James...

"Not that it is the most scientifically valid source, but I did see a mythbusters episode that demonstrated the fallacy of lightbulb energy consumption.

I recall U of M had stickers on the lightswitches telling people to turn the lights off to conserve energy, because unless you are flicking them off and on you will conserve energy by turning them off, even if for only a minute. Of course five minutes of juice on the Eiffel tower is probably what, a buck's worth of power?"

Pigpen responds...

"That's interesting, I don't really have a good explanation for that other than...other electrical applications such as motors will always draw many more amps on start up then what they take to run. Case in point that you'll be familiar with is.

Remember the last "party" that Miss Kristin of Grand Rapids had at her house and some dude was running his DJ crap off one of Bernie's generators. I told Kristin that if the generator runs out of gas make sure that you have him [that dude] turn off his equipment otherwise the amp spike will blow his equipments' fuses. Sure enough that is exactly what happened.

It is entirely possible that I stand corrected on the lightbulb and that the amp spike associated with turning on electrical things may be a function of the inertia related to the armature spin. I asked my dad after I emailed the first time and he thought is was as dumb as I did (Eiffel Tower), I'm inclined to trust his 30yrs of professional experience and the NEC codes that he has to work by, but it may really be the case that the power increase on a low wattage level is insignifcant/unmeasureable to be considered a factor."

Kristin is a sweetie, but if you're not one of her real friends she will probably conspire to fry your electronics.

From Seth...

With signing day upon us, we know who this year's commitments are, I noticed a trend that's too strong to ignore:

The SEC is winning.

See all the SEC teams at the top? 6 of the Top 9 teams according to Rivals are SEC teams. And a seventh, Alabama, is listed above Michigan and Oklahoma, two recruiting powerhouses coming off good seasons.

The SEC did have a good year, but if Rivals are right, half of the nation's best talent are going to play there.

Something has to be amiss. Is it the coaches -- like Tuberville and Saban -- that kids want to play for? Is it Florida's national championship? Is it the weather that attracts kids away from the Midwest and Southwest?

Or is there dirt involved?

There was a similar trend in the 1980s with the Southwestern Conference. As each school started getting dirtier in turn to compete with each other, more and more of the nation's talent was flocking to Texas or SMU or Houston or Baylor or A&M.

Of course Ole Tondar is not as convinced. I think its the trend of today's geography. Tres and I are already here. If we spit out kids and as much as we cram Go Blue down their throat the concept of Michigan Winters and UM Trolls and the would most likely be major factors in the decision.

Let's weigh the options...

One light dusting of snow vs. a season of minimum 30 inches snow.

Olivia and the SEC Girls vs. Big Tiff & the Troll Posse

It could certainly be money, but Ockham's Razor tells me it is a matter of geography, competition, and those soft flowery smelling little things.

Tres had some thoughts too...

"I think you both are right. The SEC is diiiirrrttty!!! And they don't have any qualms about cheating to win. However, their are enough perks to playing down here that i think a lot of recruits prolly come here for those perks. Also, Seth, if we were honest with ourselves, despite a lot of grandstanding, the Big Ten looked like shit in the bowl season. Our two most touted teams looked like pee-wees compared to their competition and even when the SEC lost, which was rare, they still looked like they belonged there. I don't think the SEC was a better conference this year, they just looked better when it counted. The Big 10 choked and they are going to pay for it. Hopefully next year we can redeem ourselves."

Can you feel the magic yet? I know James is ready.

From James...

"I can see that you don't like Dr. Z, but I'm not sure why? Is it the mustache? What specifically has he done that you despise? So he cut some jobs, so have the other 2. Fucking over Detroit isn't the reason market share has tanked over the last 30 years is it? Or more to the point why have your last 2 cars been Honda rather than Pontiac, Mercury, or Plymouth?

I agree that if we all got together we might do a better job than Dr. Z or, my favorite cocksucker Dick Wagoner, the man who is single handedly shedding the US and Michigan tens of thousands of jobs every couple of years. Of course the way to do it is to make profitable small cars, something the "medium sized 3" have been unable to do for the last 40 years."

Miss Erika came across this great idea for St. Valentine's Day. For some reason it reminded her of all the romantic things that I used to do for her...

"Make your Valentine’s day STEAMY! Take your Valentine to White Castle on Wednesday, February 14 between 5 and 8 p.m. and enjoy hostess seating, candlelit dining and your own server. Reservations are required, so check the list below for participating Castles near you!

Special this year, you can also treat your honey to a romantic White Castle dinner in your home! Cupid’s Crave Kits include eight cheeseburgers, one sack of fries, two regular soft drinks, coupons and keepsake items to heat up your homespun romance. Now, ain’t that sweet?"

Remember guys, the only thing that would make that magical moment better is if you are so drunk that the only words you can coherently say insult her friends and blame HER for turning the night into a complete disaster.

Seth found this great column from Matt Hayes about the path followed by coaches that don't have the integrity of Lloyd Carr. Money quote...

"Why wouldn't Bob Stoops, Pete Carroll or Kirk Ferentz be interested in coaching the Cowboys or any other NFL team? Why wouldn't Petrino leave a perfectly good situation at Louisville -- he recently signed a 10-year, $25 million contract -- for the uncertainty that is the Falcons? There is absolutely zero risk.

If Petrino bombs in the NFL, he'll have his choice of prime college jobs soon after -- and he'll have banked twice the money he would have at Louisville. Last week, Raiders owner Al Davis took a deep dive into the college pool to hire Southern California offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin. He's 31 and never has been a head coach at any level.

Will it work? Who cares?

If it does, he makes millions.

If it doesn't, he makes millions.

Sooner or later, he'll be back in college football, anyway."

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Being overwhelmed in a fit of rage, I am going to wander around the neighborhood picking fights. If nothing comes of that I will just go work out for 2 hours.

UPDATE - So Tondar worked out and for the first time in years I was given the chance to say no to drugs as some redneck wanted to unload some steroids or something on me. I appreciate the offer, but the last thing I needed at that time was more testosterone fueling the fires of rage.

Monday, February 05, 2007


Just because Frank isn't going to be there, doesn't mean you're allowed to break my stuff. That's right, hope you enjoy drinking your calimatxo out of a sippy cup.

Tres joins the blogosphere!

From Seth...

Lady 1: "Look, they have a Web site for my uncle-in-law who just passed. It says you can leave a message for the departed. How can you leave a message for a guy if he's dead?"

Guy 1: "What, you think they don't get e-mail in heaven?"

uy 2: "They've got to have e-mail there. How can you have a heaven without high-speed Internet?"

Lady 1: "I bet it's like, the speed of your Internet is determined by how good you were in life."

Guy 1: "I think I read that in Dante's Inferno."

Guy 2: "I dunno -- if you were designing a paradise, would you involve Comcast?"

From Seth...

"How is it that I'm more qualified to run an auto company than the mustached schlong who owns Chrysler?

I'm already on record as being one the first people to despise this phalanx of a man -- when he started doing those retarded "Dear Dr. Z" commercials.

Today, I ask you all to join me in returning the favor he just bestowed upon us in saying FUCK Chrysler, and FUCK Zetsche.

He bought in thinking he could simply buy the Chrysler name, and everyone would still treat it like a Big Three. So when the thing blows up his face, he responds by scaling back the whole operation.

Chrysler lost all cred in North America the minute this little pecker inserted himself. Didn't he notice that Honda and Toyota making huge inroads into the U.S. market by OPENING plants on our side of the Atlantic? Did he not realize that children of GM workers woudln't buy anything but Buicks until "Roger & Me" came out?

GM's problem is they thought they could pull this same crap -- close and outsource and ship and live off their red, white and blue name.

But Chrysler's really playing the moron game, 'cause they've made their CEO the company's mascot -- and guys like us, someone who is establishing his automotive purchasing routine, moving up through car purchases, and advising others on car purchasing decisions -- are learning to really hate this guy.
And making him do the announcement for more Detroit plant closings is the worst thing image-wise the company can do. Way to go, you weiner. Duking Detroit in the fart-box is a great way to make friends.

What a penis.

Now what do we do? Buy Fords? I'm sorry, I can't justify $2,000 down and $240 a month on a company whose part-owner continues to employ Matt Millen.

Am I crazy, or could any of us run these companies better?

Money quote:

"We need to go deeper and faster, or else what's the point?" Zetsche is said to have told Chrysler officials recently, the newspaper said."

From Seth...

"Tomorrow, an unheralded employee from the NHL will walk out into the streets of downtown Toronto with a large stack of envelopes.

Little fuss will be made, but once those envelopes fall into the mailbox, they will set off what could become a huge storm.

You see, tomorrow the Hockey Hall of Fame will send out its ballots for the 2007 class. And under Hall rules, only four players a year can get in.

Why is this a problem? Well, when the NHL had its lockout a few years, a number of notable players decided it was time to hang up their skates. The class is thus the best in recent memory, including Mark Messier, Ron Francis, Scott Stevens, Al MacInnis, Adam Oates, Pavel Bure, Mike Richter, Doug Gilmore, Glenn Anderson, and Igor Larionov. And Dino Ciccarelli, the Jim Rice of hockey, still hovers on the edge with seemingly enough stats but suffering from a career of personal problems and bad media relations.

If Dino has a year, it won't be this one: there's only four spots.

Messier's sure to get one. The captain of the Gretzky-era Oilers, the heart of the Rangers, and the 2nd leading scorer in NHL history, he's an easy lock.

The next easy pick is Al MacInnis. With all due respect to the others in this class (and Bobby Orr), Al's sniper shot from the point is simply the best the NHL has ever seen. Al's in.

Ron Francis seems like an easy in too. He's like Messier light, but with that Maple Leaf pedigree and all those years in the league with a C on his sweater, Francis can't be snubbed, and no-one would want to snub him.

So who gets the fourth spot, then? Scott Stevens is a Hall of Famer. His stats can be questioned, but Stevens was a one-man wrecking crew, a consummate leader of a semi-dynastic team, and the guy who made Martin Brodeur look like Terry Sawchuk.

So if you take those four, that means you're leaving Oates, Bure and Larionov 'till next year, and putting off any decision on Richter, Gilmore, Anderson and ol' Dino. Afterall, the list doesn't change in 2008.

I can handle a one-year wait on Oates -- he's not Francis or Messier. I can handle Bure even easier, 'cause unlike the other forwards, he wasn't a leader, and nor did he play into his 40s. I can wait another year to have the Dino argument, which should be had out eventually. I can't decide on Gilmour and Anderson anyway, and Richter I'd vote against (being the best goalie ever from the United States is nice, and true, but if the best goalie from the United States is the 100th best goalie of all time, why put him in the hall before the 90th?)

But Larionov I can't stomach, and I already know I'm gonna have to.

The Hall has been promising to notice international players for years, now. They've even opened up a room for it. But this is still a show run by Canadians, and you can't expect a roomful of canucks to snub a guy who knocked more snot out of opposing players than anyone else in his day. And like I said, Francis, MacInnis and Messier are locks.

So they'll look at Larionov, with is meager stats aside from passing. And they'll use that as a convenient excuse for leaving out man who made a career putting the L in KLM before paving the way for Russian players to come to the United States.

Yes, he'll get a nod from Scotty Bowman, who once sent Jim Devellano, one of the most powerful men in hockey, hat-in-hand down to Florida to apologize to Igor and have him waive the no-trade clause to come back to Detroit.

Larionov is the consummate assists man (eat your heart out Ronny Francis), setting up spectacular forwards for 20 years. But his biggest assists are those that don't show up in a statistical database. They're Sergei Fedorov, Pavel Bure, Pavel Datsyuk, Alexei Yashin, Dmitri Mironv, both Slava Kozlovs, and all the way down to Evgeni Malkin. It's Larionov who took the flack from mother Russia (as Communist as ever when it came to its hockey players) and made it possible for Russians players to come to America.

And to snub Igor his first year would be a direct insult to that. I think you can make Francis or Stevens wait one year -- it won't kill anybody. But they won't."

It can't be as bad as the monsoon that struck Miami tonight during the Superbowl. Honestly, I think this was the first bad-weather Superbowl in the 41 year history. But anyways, things are looking a little cold for Tonnaroo Too as there is no change in the status quo. From the Tennessean...


39°F | 24°F

45°F | 26°F

40°F | 28°F

Don't forget your warm old clothes just in case the adventure bug bites and we end up storming a citadel or two.

Direct quote from one of the properties I have been looking into purchasing...

"Media/family room with perfect set up for you flat screen tv. Great natural light in the day and artistic lighting at night."

With that much room, maybe I can hang some paintings and populate it with 2-D cutouts of Darth Vader and Legolas. This is like the 100 sq. ft. room that I used to describe to customers while selling air conditioners. Sure everyone thinks 10x10. But what if the room is 50x2? That still leaves plenty of room for that flatscreen!

From the PR wire via Seth...

EA Sports has just released its prediction based on an automated simulation using Madden NFL 07. For highlights of this virtual battle, check out the following game summary and player stats.

Indianapolis Colts 38, Chicago Bears 27

Thomas Jones (#20) Bears Running Back

Peyton Manning (#18) Colts Quarterback

Asset Center

Super Bowl Screen Shots

12.9 MB


Super Bowl Highlight Video

128 MB


For more information regarding Madden NFL 07, please visit our press site at

Players of the Game:

Bears: Thomas Jones- 24 Carries, 101 yds, 1 TD
Colts: Peyton Manning- 28/36, 383 yds, 3 TDs, 1 INT

Chicago Bears:

Grossman- 22/38, 231 yds, 2 TDs, 1 INT


Jones- 24 Carries, 101 yds, 1 TD
Benson- 12 Carries, 39 yds
Grossman- 2 Carries, 4 yds


Muhammad- 4 Rec, 72 yds, 1 TD
Berrian- 5 Rec, 37 yds, 1 TD
Davis- 4 Rec, 41 yds
Clark- 2 Rec, 28 yds
Jones- 5 Rec, 49 yds
Benson- 2 Rec, 4 yds


Gould- 2/2 FG (33, 36), 3/3 XP

Indianapolis Colts:

Manning- 28/36, 383 yds, 3 TDs, 1 INTs


Rhodes- 8 Carries, 32 yds
Addai- 16 Carries, 59 yds, 2 TDs
Manning- 1 Carry, 2 yds


Clark- 7 Rec, 84 yds, 1 TD
Harrison, 9 rec, 102 yds, 1 TD
Wayne- 4 Rec, 73 yds, 1 TD
Wilkins- 2 Rec, 33 yds
Standeford- 2 Rec, 21 yds
Moorehead- 2 Rec, 17 yds
Addai- 2 Rec, 21 yds


Vinatieri- 1/1 FG (42), 5/5 XP

Scoring Summary:

Colts- Harrison 17 yd TD Rec from Manning (Vinatieri XP), 11:03 1st
Colts- Vinatieri 42 yd FG,
4:37 1st

Bears- Jones 12 yd TD run (Gould XP), 14:39 2nd
Colts- Addai 4 yd TD run (Vinatieri XP),
10:48 2nd
Bears- Gould 33 yd FG,
6:02 2nd
Bears- Gould 36 yd FG, 0:03 2nd

Bears- Muhammad 23 yd TD Rec from Grossman (Gould XP), 13:32 3rd
Colts- Clark 36 yd TD Rec from Manning (Vinatieri XP),
10:22 3rd
Colts- Wayne 32 yd TD Rec from Manning (Vinatieri XP),
5:14 3rd

Bears- Berrian 6 yd TD Rec from Grossman (Gould XP), 12:07 4th
Colts- Addai 8 yd TD run (Vinatieri XP),
4:44 4th


From Frank...

I didn't know that your blog was causing that much controversy...

"This week, the anti-blog sentiment surfaced again in Tennessee. Blogger Bill Hobbs repoted that state Rep. Rob Briley and state Sen. Jamie Woodson also had proposed legislation aimed at online defamation. Hobbs said the bill would require bloggers and others who write or publish content online to remove allegedly defamatory comment within two days lest they "create a presumption of malice intent."

It didn't take long for a blog swarm to materialize in the Volunteer State, either, with popular Knoxville, Tenn.-based blogger Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit joining the critics. Before long, Riley had posted a comment to Hobbs' blog, stating that he would withdraw his bill immediately."

I guess "Still Angry After All These Years" was a pretty hard-hitting post.

Last year while we were in Paris, Seth made these instructions so that Don LeDouche and his friends could find the way to our apartment.

Tondar is once again too busy to really devote the time and effort necessary for solid blogging. Thanks to the hours of the new job, preparations for Tonnaroo Too, and buying a big boy house, I really don't have much free time anymore.

Thus, I leave the blogging to you. If you come across anything please send it along and I will cut, paste, and post it here. Tondar's 'Daily' Rant is now going on vacation.