Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

OFF THE TRACKS AND AIN'T STOPPIN

A friend at work sent me this one from Craigslist...

"ever dated a trainwreck? now's your chance! lonely, intelligent, unemployed (hunting, but over-qualified), alcoholic, overweight blonde seeks tall, smart, funny, hung, alcoholic male, age 35-55 for long-term dysfunctional relationship. no republicans, married guys or circus midgets. let's trade amusing anecdotes, war wounds and out-dated pics in an effort to lure each other into the abyss."
PIC OF THE DAY


Suddenly this birthday award all made sense tonight.


I wonder if they hand out awards for breaking the most beer bottles? Don't worry, Tennessee isn't a deposit state.
FRANKIE ON THE VOICEMAIL

"I need a mortgage. I need a crazy-ass mortgage. I need variable interest rates that vary per month. High, low, I just want it completely randomized. Don't give me any of this ARM/fixed bullshit. I want shit that's crazy, absolutely nutty. That's what I'm looking for in a mortgage."


Four hours and several drinks later...

"I need, again as I said before, is there any mortgages that adjusts like by a weekly basis? I mean up, down, all around. I want interest rates for my mortgage to be 30% like a credit card company in Delaware run by a bunch of Jamaicans...We're all big boys now, trying to find our way in the world, trying to grow and be proud. But what about the children? What about the hate? What about the things like Pabst Blue Ribbon and Cisco, the things that really matter?"
QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Tondar on Vacancy: "Yeah, I'd put a baby in Kate Beckinsale."

Friday, March 09, 2007

PIC OF THE DAY

More tortuous than all else is the human heart,
beyond remedy; who can understand it?

Thursday, March 08, 2007

CRAZY FWD CORNER

I recently got an interesting e-mail from our office fwd guy. However, like most of these things, when you do a bit of research it turned out to be a little less than truthful.
RIDING THE BEAR WATCH
The plot thickens as some days get worse than others...

Had a 9am with the boss this morning. Nothing like getting yelled at and cussed out for 30 minutes because you interrupted "hangover time." I guess it's alright, in a way it is like the drunken abusive step-dad I never had.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

YOUTUBE OF THE WEEK

Sure it's an old classic, but it still brings a smile and a laugh to ole Tondar.
THE NEW FORMAT

The changes to TDR have been well received. Thus as you notice to the right, the Linky Dinks have been restored with some minor editing. In the future look for the new template to be Tondard into shape as the rantations continue through this second era.
CAN'T GET YOUR HEAD AROUND IT WATCH
Some days are better than others...

I'm not sure what I've really gotten myself into here. Today at 2 my boss mysteriously left work. Eventually he returned around 7:30. It turns out he went to the bar to get drunk, but somehow still had the "professional courtesy" to make it back in for the last 30 minutes of our workday.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

MISTAKES? I'VE MADE A FEW

From the Telegraph...

HOW TO SPOT A TOXIC WIFE

1 Women who are secure in themselves and have a more developed emotional intelligence and personal depth do not feel the need to show off. Check whether or not she is festooned with 'designer' accessories. Listen carefully to what she says. How often does she name-drop?

2 On first acquaintance, she will want to find out if you're rich or not. If you find yourself discussing your assets within the first 10 minutes you know her agenda. She is not going to waste time on you if you don't have serious money.

3 She will flirt without first finding out if you're married or involved with someone else. She has no scruples about stealing another woman's man.

4 Even though she may have an impressive job, her main asset is sex. She will come on in a highly provocative manner, be wearing lots of make-up and revealing clothes. Potential toxic wives are extremely clever. Do not equate intelligence with emotional values and worth.

5 Often she will use the FSFM tactic (feel sorry for me). This will manifest itself on the second or third date. She wants to assess how generous you can be and will tell you how ''naïve" she is and how "misled'' by some nasty people she owes money to. As a chivalrous male, you get out your chequebook.

6 You must find out how motivated she is. Ask her what her future goals, dreams and aspirations are.

7 Toxic gold-diggers tend to target older men. And your level of physical attractiveness makes no difference. Do you genuinely wildly arouse her or is this all an act?

8 She will choose the most expensive item on the menu or the most expensive drink.

9 Men, who have been recently widowed or divorced are great prey. You are at your most vulnerable.

10 Before you marry, go on holiday together or spend at least some time co-habiting. Remember, if you make a mistake you will pay for it for the rest of your life.


So I've dated girls that violate 3, 4, 5, and 6. I'm most intrigued by the concept of the "FSFM Tactic." I have seen that one used many times. And in true Tondar douchebagging fashion, this tactic has failed on me when women exhaust my sympathy. Certainly we have the Dark Lord to that for robbing me of compassion. But I truly am thankful since it has saved me more than once (ignoring for now what it has cost me). But it is a far better thing to find out now before making that costly legal commitment or even co-mingling finances. However, I can't help but be a little bitter at the Telegraph for providing me with information that would have been useful years ago.
PIC OF THE DAY

Drink your kalimatxo and someday you will be big and strong like Tres.

Monday, March 05, 2007

PIC OF THE DAY



I smell a party on the horizon. Who's down?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

PIC OF THE DAY


There are many nights when I should have been arrested.