Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


The Last of the GA Renaissance Fest Pics.

All aboard the Desert Passage.

Hey Heather, how YOU doin'?

You may remember the legendary Hogzilla of Georgia...

Well get ready to crap your pants kids...

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) - Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone's trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

Hogzilla originally was thought to weigh 1,000 pounds and measure 12 feet in length. National Geographic experts who unearthed its remains believe the animal actually weighed about 800 pounds and was 8 feet long.

If their server survives, be sure to check out Jamison's website: What's great about this one is that Monster Pig was properly documented for science. So assuming that this is not a 'Bama hoax, Monster Pig will join legendary animals of history such as Snowflake, and the Ghost and the Darkness.

UPDATE - Neither Tiffany nor Monica were hurt in the making of this story.

Friday, May 25, 2007


Dark Lord Denise Cometh


By David Bowie

I wish I was smarter
I got so lost on the shore
I wish I was taller
Things really matter to me

But I put my face in tomorrow
I believe we're not alone
I believe in Beatles
I believe my little soul has grown
And I'm still so afraid
Yes, I'm still so afraid
Yea, I'm still so afraid on my own
On my own

What made my life so wonderful?
What made me feel so bad?
I used to wake up the ocean
I used to walk on clouds

If I put faith in medication
If I can smile a crooked smile
If I can talk on television
If I can walk an empty mile
Then I won't feel afraid
No, I won't feel afraid
I won't be Be afraid

Maybe it was watching the game in a bar with no sound, loaded on a few beers, but it appeared that 'Sheed pushed off and Rip fouled LeBron. Not that I'm complaining, but that's what I saw.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Who will defeat the Automotive Visigoths?

The first time I ever saw this, I laughed so hard I started crying...

There is nothing cooler than monster trucks and funny cars.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


In the opinion of the Dar, the NBA Draft Lottery went well. My Atlanta Hawks landed the #3 pick, savign themselves from having to send the pick to Phoenix. In addition, they got Indiana's pick at number 11. Plus the tankerous Trio of Memphis, Boston, and Milwaukee may have been victims of another David Stern conspiracy to punish them for losing games on purpose. Anyways, being a new fan to the Hawks, I did know enough to find these posts from the ESPN message board very amusing...

For anyone who thought the Hawks might get the #1 or #2 then you haven't been a hawks fan long enough. Because anyone who has been part of this nightmare knew that when we were part of the final 3 that if there were 2 great players then we would be #3. If there would have been 3 great players then we would have been #4. Thats what being a hawks fan is all about.

More bad karma for my poor Hawks due to the terrible Dominique trade of yore (I'm convinced the Gods are still angry about that one -- I know I am). I'm sorry, but I like Law better than Conley, Jr. Bigger, stronger, and much more experienced. Conley reminds me of TJ Ford who has just now become an okay NBA point guard, except Conley's not that good. The Hawks don't have three years to wait for Conley to develop (or not), and he's shorter and weighs less than just about every other premier point guard in the league, except Allen Iverson (and he is NO Iverson). Not good for matchups. I think we Hawks fans need to be more wary of a player who is essentially a one-tournament wonder. Would Conley Jr. be a lottery pick had not Greg Oden edged OSU to victory in a couple of crucial games? Can Corey Brewer not be turned into a point guard? No? Oh well then. Just our luck to need a point guard this year -- why didn't we land Iverson again? Let me go drink myself into oblivion.

I won't tell him that Oblivion has broken up. However, it says alot that they are still talking about that Wilkins for Manning trade back in 1994 while admitting that they don't know what will happen, but knowing the Hawks will screw it up. If you know your NBA history though, the Hawks have made it one debacle after another over the years. Starting with Pistol Pete Maravich, but continuing through John Battle, John Koncak, as well as the recent Marvin Williams/Chris Paul fiasco.

But Seth has a bit of general sports perspective on the situation...

"Well, Atlanta's hockey team more than makes up for the karma. They're one of those East teams that built with a ridiculous string of draft picks -- can't bitch about draft luck when you're simply three of the league's best forwards, a top young defensive pairing and a franchise goaltender.

Another of those built-by-Bettman teams, by the way, is Ottawa. However, since Chris Pronger can bite me, and Giguere is representative of everything that's wrong with goalie pads, I'm jumping on the Canada bandwagon and rooting for the Senators. Besides, if any city ever deserved an NHL expansion and Bettman draft job, it was this one -- they had a legendary NHL franchise back when the Red Wings were playing in Victoria, British Columbia, and calling themselves the Cougers (1920s).

See what I did there? I took an NBA conversation and totally made it an NHL conversation.

People are complaining about the Pacific Northwest winning the two towers in Durant and Oden, but I think it's poetic justice. Sometimes when we see things that "aren't fair" it's really just the system working like it's supposed to. Memphis, Milwaukee and Boston were so obviously tanking at the end of the season (Boston was doing it from the get-go). And the reason we have a lottery is to make tanking not worthwhile. The alternative system would be the NHL, where a team can spend five seasons tanking games, living off profit sharing from "big market teams" while complaining about competitive balance because their fans won't come to watch their team lose on purpose, and be rewarded with five or six young franchise players.

As for the Hawks, every sport has one or two really crummy franchises (like the Devil Rays, the Lions, the Florida Panthers and Michigan State) who consistently stink so their divisional rivals can look good. How could Martin St. Louis win a Hart trophy if he couldn't spend 8 games racing around the Panthers? What would Wisconsin think of Brett Favre if he hadn't had a team like the Lions on which to pad his stats every year? Could the Yankees and Red Sox have their annual epic battle without those pleasant trips to and visits from the minor leaguers in St. Petersberg every few weeks? And how many of those wins for the winningest team in college football history came against the agricultural college on the next train stop? Would the Lakers dynasties have been so potent without the Clippers to beat up on? The Hawks exist so the legends of D-Wade and Arenas and Howard and Okafor can be built.

Well for as bad as the NBA can seem sometime, it's always nice to remember that at least the league is not run by Bettman. Im not sure how the NHL works, but in the NBA rookie contracts last only 3 years, so even if you get a LeBron, you have to bust your butt building around him or you will lose him to the Knicks, Lakers or Mavs. For example, it never mattered that the Clippers drafted Lamar Odom, Quentin Richardson, Corey Maggette, Elton Brand, Michael Olowakandi, and Chris Kaman with all their great draft picks because by the time they had run out their rookie contract they went Andre Miller and declared "I aint doin' shit for the Clippers."

I agree there was a great deal of tanking this year. But it was nice to see Milwaukee and Boston face lady Nemesis. I feel that Memphis could have deserved Oden/Durant since their 2007 was similar to the Spurs of 1997 (a solid team that had a bad season due to the season long injury to Robinson). And as for Atlanta, I would put them in a similar boat. They most certainly tanked, but they were also on pace to win about 35-40 until they got popped by the injury train. Since they knew the pick was only lottery protected, the odds were in their favor to lose because only a lottery would help them (unlike Memphis, Boston or Milwaukee that are facing a sort of win-lose scenario).

The only thing I dont like is that this draft reinforces the dominance of the West. Statistically a bad east should be helped through the lottery to make them less pathetic and distribute a bit more competitive equity coast to coast. Instead we are looking at the rise of another killer division with Denver, Utah, Seattle and Portland all looking to contend in the years to come (and poor poor Minnesota will probably spend the next decade as the crummy franchise).

But going into the draft, since there is no clear number 3 pick, I would not be surprised if the Hawks traded down to get Mike Conley Jr. Supposedly, he is the best point guard in the draft. But I don't know how much faith to put in his game considering that he has made a career of getting the ball to Beast Oden. With the 11th pick look for the Hawks to get an energy post player to fill the middle such as Joakim Noah (assuming they can't turn the number 3 pick into a trade for Jermaine O'Neal, or Zach Randolph).

Spaceboy, you're sleepy now
Your silhouette is so stationary
You're released but your custody calls
And I want to be free

Crazy Coworker - "I hope she gets crotch critters so bad that they go straight to her kidneys. I hop they talk about her for years in medical journals for the worst case of crotch critters ever!"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Now that Tres has a bigboy job he too can dick around on the internet all day. If you too have some time to kill, check out this coat of arms database he found.

Now that I've finally started to get settled into my bigboy house, I have eliminated all the junkfood and have once again started my work-out routine. Of course that is going to be difficult in my office, the way that people are always bringing donuts covered in frosting, sprinkles, and m&m's. But as if to celebrate my return to healthiness, I passed a Dolly Madison truck on the way to work. Sure it was only a momentary temptation but it didn't stop me from screaming "OOOOH! I could eat a whole box of zingers right now! OOOOOH!!"

We have all been tempted by the Beast. However, it ends here, you sum-bitch!

I about Doug Moed my pants when I saw Donyell open for three, but alas, he missed and will be haunted by that shot for the rest of his life.

Monday, May 21, 2007


Well today is the NBA draft lottery. Some hearts are going to be broken while other teams are going to be set for the next decade. Let's take a look at the teams and their chances of winning the Greg Oden/Kevin Durant sweepstakes...

1) Memphis Grizzlies - They should get the first pick considering their 25% chance of winning. However, with Jerry West leaving and Pau Gasol being a douchebag, I would love to see them denied a top 3 pick.

2) Boston Celtics - It's amazing how this team has balanced themselves on the knife of incompetence. On the one hand, look at the Raef LaFrentz and Sebastian Telfer trades. It was almost like they were tanking to get that 19.9% chance on lottery day. On the other hand, they have Paul Pierce and Al Jefferson. However, the Sports Guy's rants and begging and whining have become so obnoxious I hope they slip out of the top 3 as well.

3) Milwaukee Bucks - They got popped by the injury train but between Andrew Bogut and Michael Redd, they are better than their record indicates. But thanks to their end of season tank they deserve to slip as well.

4) Atlanta Hawks - No team has as much to win or lose and it looks like they will lose since they are counting on their 11.9%. If you remember back to the Joe Johnson trade. They not only had to give up Boris Diaw, but also their first round draft pick this year. The only stipulation is that it is lottery protected. Thus if the Hawks land one of the top 3 spots, they will get either Oden, Durant, or probably their point guard of the future, Mike Conley. Atlanta, tends to have bad luck with the draft. And if history is any indication, they will most likely get screwed again as the Phoenix Suns will get the missing piece, (Brandon Wright or Joakim Noah) and Atlanta will get the shaft on their way to another 33 win season. However, things might not be all that bad since they get Indiana's pick for the Al Harrington trade, which will probably be 11th in a loaded draft. But still look for the Hawks to get dicked over as usual.

From Seth...

No goal ever hurt so much as the overtime tally Selanne put in yesterday.

The Wings just had bad luck. You can point to the missed call late in the game, too, when the Ducks had SEVEN men on the ice, and used their extra men to stop what should have been a Detroit 3-on-2 rush. Or the phantom call that put Datsyuk on the bench for the last 1:20 after that. But it was luck who killed the Wings. It was luck that made about 20 pucks hit off the post or the cross-bar, or squirt through the crease on an open net. It was luck that redirected the Ducks' final shot in the 3rd period off of Lidstrom's stick to flutter past Hasek. It was luck that killed Lilja's clearing attempt, which bounced perfectly off a skate into a lonesome Teemu Selanne in overtime.

I don't know what you call the refs missing a Duck leaving his feet for a retaliatory check. Or the refs calling a penalty on two Ducks on the same play, then chatting and deciding to give Detroit two penalties for the post-play crap, and just one to the Ducks. I've never seen a guy get off the hook after a penalty was called on him before -- it was just weird!

Essentially, the Wings have outplayed the Ducks in this series, but providence has outplayed the Wings.

I'm going to be pissed about that overtime goal for a long time. That one hurt more than any goal ever scored on us. It was a knife into the heart of all that is good and righteous and just in hockey. I don't know who to lash out at, even. Does providence have a customer service number?

How many games do you have to win? We were the better team in Game 4. We were the better team in Game 5. We played as well in those two as we did in Game 3. But the puck just won't go in. The officials miss the easy calls. And while 20 of our shots find some freak way of missing the net after another bad play by Giguere (who's been awful in this series), 2 of theirs somehow find a way to knife into the net.

This doesn't hurt like the early playoff exits before. Those you could point at and find a real enemy. Mike Babcock himself admits he pushed the rules of obstruction and holding as far as they could go to knock the Wings out in 2002-03 -- the rules, and Giguere's monster pads, were the enemy. And the Calgary and Edmonton teams that beat us had sold their souls to the devil, particularly the Flames, who collectively have less class than any team in organized sports.

After Calgary I guess I've been a bit numbed. Let's take another moment real quick to recognize what small people make up that franchise. The sport of hockey is worse for the Flames and Jerome Iginla and Jim Playfair. After the things they pulled this year, the NHL should suspend their whole season next year and kick half of the organization out of the sport. Or better yet, fold the team and move a second Atlanta franchise to Calgary (those fans deserve a Kovalchuk and Lehtonen). Mark my words: eventually one of those cheap goon plays is going to end an opposing player's career, just as leaving Bruce Bowen in the NBA will eventually shorten the career of a shooting guard. And when it happens, a lot of people are going to stand around surprised, like they didn't see it coming. But a lot of hockey fans are calling the Ducks dirty for running at Hasek after every play, and leaving their feet for hits, holding sticks and going for late hits on Datsyuk and Zetterberg and Lidstrom.

I'll watch Game 6 a little more carefully. They certainly aren't as obvious about it as the Deserve-to-be-booted-from-the-league Flames, and Pronger is certainly a dirty player, but I kinda thought of this team as more Niedermeyer and less Pronger/Moen. But we should note McDonald, who's the team's no. 1 center, has been pretty dirty, starting with that Game 1 facewash of Hasek, and a lot of tripping and other penalties. He's been called on them a lot, too.

Also, I finally let myself watch replays of the end of the game at lunch today. When the Ducks were 6-on-4, there were about four more penalties that didn't get called on Anaheim. There's even a shot of Lilja's stick getting held during the tying goal.

I shouldn't have watched again. It just makes me sick to my stomach. I just hope the Wings use this same feeling to go out in Anaheim and takes some Ducks heads off.

The playground bully Chris Pronger will never make anyone's list of classy athletes. The Ducks look tired and beat. Giguere isn't just facing shots, but deflections and redirections and wraparounds and point-blank rockets, and he's gut tired. Scott Niedermeyer is gut tired. Teemu Selanne is gut tired. They've been hit hard and spent the series chasing a much more driven and skilled team -- surprisingly so, since on paper they should have been equals. Game 5 looked like a white flag -- sending Perry and Moen to knock over Hasek again and again (hey, the refs ain't callin interference) in the hopes of knocking the old Czech off his guard. But like in Game 4, the bounces come, and suddenly the team that should have lost 4-0 has tied it up 1-1 with less than a minute left.

If Detroit pulls this series out, it's going to mean they're so pissed about Games 4 and 5, particularly 5, that they throw everything to the wind. We were down 3-2 against the Avalanche in 2002, and came back to win the Stanley Cup. Of course, luck brought us that win in Colorado, and the Avs were facing their 3rd Game 7 of the playoffs when it came back to Detroit. And the Ottawa that looks for the winner of this one is more akin to the 1997 Flyers than the 2002 Hurricanes.

And if we don't? This was a better run than we've had, but that one overtime goal by Selanne would stand for all time. It would become the defining moment of the season. The knife would never come out.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


GA Renaissance Festival

Tondar used his five finger discount at this wedding.

It was supposed to be us doing mystery shots.