Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


My work sent us an e-mail 'splaining the beauty and proper use of a reverse mortgage. Learn it. Know it. Love it...

What is a reverse mortgage? A reverse mortgage is a special type of home loan that enables a homeowner who is 62 years of age or older to convert a portion of the equity in his or her home into cash.

Does a homeowner repay the loan? Using a reverse mortgage, the equity built up over years of homeownership can be paid to the homeowner in installments. Unlike a traditional home equity loan or second mortgage, however, the borrowers do not need to repay the loan until such time as they no longer use the home as their principal residence.

How is a reverse mortgage different than a "traditional" or forward mortgage? Reverse mortgages have a different purpose than forward mortgages. With a forward mortgage, the homeowners use their income to repay debt, and this builds up equity in their home. But with a reverse mortgage, the homeowner is taking the equity out in cash. So with a reverse mortgage debt increases, and home equity decreases.

How does the homeowner receive the money? With a reverse mortgage, the lender sends the homeowner cash. The homeowner makes no repayments, so the amount the homeowner owes gets larger as more and more cash and more interest is added to the loan balance. As the debt grows, equity shrinks (unless the home's value is growing at a high rate).

When a reverse mortgage becomes due and payable, the homeowners may owe a lot of money and their equity may be very small. In fact, if the homeowners had the loan for a long time, or if the home's value decreases, there may not be much equity left at the end of the loan.

In other words, a reverse mortgage is a 'rising debt, falling equity' type of deal. But that is exactly what informed reverse mortgage borrowers want: To 'spend down' their home equity while they live in their homes, without needing to make monthly loan repayments.

Only in Atlanta could you come across a story this strange. At first it was the story of a young black man wrongly imprisoned for getting his 17 year old schwerve on with a girl of 15, sexually knowing. However, the story has taken an interesting twist as it has made the Douglas County DA a purveyor of pornography...

The sex act was videotaped by another partygoer -- and that tape shows the faces of several underage girls.

Douglas County District Attorney David McDade has estimated he has given the tape to about three dozen people -- including reporters, lawmakers and members of the public -- after receiving open records requests, according to The Associated Press. He told the AP Georgia's open records law requires him to do so.

It's frightening that if we can't protect our teenagers from consensual sexual encounters, who is going to protect Georgia from the pornographers in the DA's office?

Sometimes the kids can't keep up.

As remembered by journalist Seth...

Claude Lemieux

Lemieux was both a winner and a whiner. In his 20-year career, he won Stanley Cups for three different teams and always saved his best hockey for the playoffs, when he scored 80 goals and won a Conn Smythe trophy with New Jersey. One of the game's filthiest players (see Ken Linseman, Ulf Samuelsson and Esa Tikkanen), Lemieux was the hockey equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard, sticking and running, initiating and dodging. He often infuriated referees by complaining about calls and infuriated opponents by refusing to fight anyone who was bigger than half his size, until Darren McCarty left him no choice. He was also one of the toughest players to knock off his skates and move out of the slot. His regular-season numbers (785 points in 1,197 games) don't do him justice. More than a few writers will vote him in while holding their noses, but a majority of voters will keep him out.

Take notes, Iginla. How would you like your NHL career and Hall of Fame chances summed up like this.


by Rush
Lyrics by Peart
Music by Lee & Lifeson

If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
[And] if love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

Friday, July 13, 2007


Pigpen enjoyed the latest Peggy Noonan column in the Opinion Journal about disliking Bush. Money quote...

"Americans hire presidents and fire them. They're not as sweet about it as they used to be. This is not because they have grown cynical, but because they are disappointed, by both teams and both sides. Some part of them thinks no matter who is president he will not protect them from forces at work in the world. Some part of them fears that when history looks back on this moment, on the past few presidents and the next few, it will say: Those men were not big enough for the era.

But this is a democracy. You vote, you do the best you can with the choices presented, and you show the appropriate opposition to the guy who seems most likely to bring trouble. (I think that is one reason for the polarity and division of politics now. No one knows in his gut that the guy he supports will do any good. But at least you can oppose with enthusiasm and passion the guy you feel in your gut will cause more trouble than is needed! This is what happens when the pickings are slim: The greatest passion gets funneled into opposition.)"

For Tondar, it is a bit more simple, why CAN'T we fire Bush? The Democrats were elected on an anti-war platform yet they have been unable to do anything in that respect. Furthermore, the President has become more and more out of touch with Americans, especially Democrats but now even Republican. I have been saying since the beginning of the new year that the successful presidential candidate in 2008 will be both anti-war and anti-immigrant (both anti-Bush positions). However, the GOP still seems to stay in line with the President and the money strings of the party. If I were in Congress, I would cast my lot with the rest of America and support impeachment for allowing the Mexican invasion, the "illegal" war, the commutation of Scooter Libby's sentence or any of the host of civil liberty violations that have accompanied the war on terror.

The point isn't to find a legal reason, for they are all over the place. The point is to initiate impeachment and make a President fall more in line with both the wishes of the people and consequently Congress.

Spiders don't flame they burn
Will the trespassers ever learn
Call me DeNiro cuz I bring the heat
Usin' the butane to cook spider meat

Crack-a-lack now yo dead
Tondar just had to light up yo head
Charred black spider guts oozing at the seams
Dumpin' the bodies into the waxy buttercream

With the Pistons and Wings both falling short, it looks like we might be heading towards another Tetrafecta of Suck for 2007. And just to keep the theme of falling just short alive, James stumbled upon Terry Bowden's college football preview...

1. USC Trojans
Michigan2. Michigan Wolverines

The Wolverines were 11-0 last season before losing their last two contests against highly ranked Ohio State and USC. There is some work to do on defense where they lost seven starters, but they return huge play-makers on offense in quarterback Chad Henne, running back Michael Hart, and wide receiver Mario Manningham. Michigan also has eight home games, including one against Ohio State. I just can't believe the Wolverines would lose to the Buckeyes four years in a row.

Of course if this plays out, Lloyd Carr will get to lose a third bowl game to USC in five years. However, regardless of the outcome, word on the street is that this might be Scary Face's last year of falling short. So there may be some light at the end of the tunnel.

From James...
And y'all thought we were hardcore for drinking bumwine. I don't know if the whole poopjuice thing will catch on, but that's Man vs. Wild, baby.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


This is enough to give you nightmares...

MINNEAPOLIS-A six-year-old girl has been hospitalized after a horrifying accident at a swimming pool, when she sat on an open drain and a powerful suction pump tore out part of her intestinal tract.

James asks the question on everybody's mind:

OK, who has a pair of Chuck Norris Action Jeans?

Feelings are intense
Words are trivial

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Tres on burning himself on the 4th of July: "That's the first time I ever bought and put on a fireworks display. I'm like the girl that has sex once and gets pregnant."

In case you didn't know, Phondar suffered a fall on the 4th of July (I know, just like John Adams and Thomas Jefferson). His functionality has been greatly limited, thus forcing Tondar back into the market for a phone. Now, I'm really just looking for something basic that would allow me to speak with Erika in NY, Drake in the Dirty, Pigpen in the GRR, and Frankie in Hollywood, while not having to ignore calls from Miss Olivia, Clownhair, or Mistress Angela. I don't need all of those camera phone, or MP3 features. I really just want something that's not going to fall apart in 9 months.

If anybody has any ideas for phones, carriers, and features please pass along your insight. Remember kids, this is true democracy at work as you get to select Phondar II.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Never let the substance abuse fuck yo game...

"Drunk as can be, I'm the drunken master style. See nobody can never touch me."

From Seth...

The biggest question of the Red Wings' offseason:

Who will wear No. 28?

In a year that we lost Matthieu Schneider, Todd Bertuzzi and Rob Lang, three guys whose careers teeter on the edge of Hall of Fame worthiness, we've seemed to replace them with a boatload of 28s.

What I mean is the jersey number.

Our biggest acquisition has been Brian Rafalski, who wore 28 every year he played for the New Jersey Devils. He's essentially a younger, less talented Schneider, but a little more responsible in his own end but not as great a shot.

We've also picked up Dallas Drake, a grinder whom we traded for Bob Essensa years ago. He wore No. 10 with the Blues but since that's Ted Lindsay's number, Drake would probably prefer to go back to the number he wore in college and when with the Red Wings....No. 28.

The loss of Lang hurts, except that he put like zero effort into the playoffs this year. But it's easier to take considering Tomas Kopecky should be up in the NHL to stay now. Kopecky actually made the Wings' roster out of camp last year and would have been our top rookie phenom, but got injured and didn't make it back until the playoffs. He played well, however, and should be out there centering a scoring line next season, perhaps wearing the same number he wore for us last year....28.

After years and years of waiting, Igor Grigorenko will finally be wearing a Red Wings jersey next year, we think. He's lost a lot of speed since his life-threatening auto accident years ago, but before that he was one of the most promising prospects in hockey. Igor will probably take on Todd Bertuzzi's role. His jersey number throughout most of his career was 14, but since that number was going to be retired as Shanny's, Igor doubled it and has been wearing No. 28 with his hometown team and with Team Russia.

The last offseason move that needs to be made is re-signing restricted free agent Derek Meech. Meech is a promising defenseman who seems like he'll fit in well as a Brett Lebda kind of guy, competing with Kyle Quincey for ice time as the 6th defenseman. Because he would need to clear waivers to go down to the Grand Rapids Griffins again, Meech will probably stick with the Red Wings, provided we can re-sign him, but considering the backlog at his preferred number, Meech probably won't be able to wear the same number he sported for Grand Rapids last year, which is 28.

Getting off the 28s, the team seems to be coming together, though Holland may want to make one last impact move with the $5 million he has left under the cap, preferably a 2nd line forward. Petr Forsberg is out there still. The free agent class of 2008 is small so it doesn't look like there will be many names to trade for at the deadline in '08, unless the Senators tank and want to rent us Dany Heatley or something, but that's pretty unlikely. The Sharks will probably get Patrick Marleau to sign an extension. Ooh, Marian Hossa in Atlanta might be out there, though.

Monday, July 09, 2007


Poor Sarah...

Hey Tondarian...It was great seeing you!! Too bad you guys couldn't stay longer. Hows about you send me your pics...mine suck!

The brokedown church of brokedown Morehead

Jason in his favorite position

Hey Cat, whatchya doin?

I have a feeling this one will end up on MySpace. What say you Miss Sarah?

Which one is the real Beardo? I don't know which one to shoot?


Thanks, Tres!


"My Girlfriend" (if it's on the internet it must be true)

Which of these kids is more sober?

Dirty ass road trippers

To All:

On Friday night, myself and a friend of mine were at a Santa Monica bar, Temple Bar,
which plays Hip Hop and Soul and World Music.

After getting some drinks, I turn around and see a striking attractive woman come up to the bar off in the distance from me, wearing a one-piece white dress. At first, I am in disbelief. I turn to my friend, asking him "Is that Brooke Burke from E! Wild On?" He glances over to me, then back to me, stating "Sure is her."
Brooke Burke is from one of my favorite shows in college, E Wild On, which featured her going to different travel hot-spots in the world.
She was with a gentlemen who I did not recognize, who I later learned was not the rumored plastic surgeon she married prior, but rather a French male model. She was looking beautiful as always, but appeared to have a timid demeanor, not even speaking that much with her companion. She did seem interested in the Soul music that was playing.
I was a little critical of The Temple bar earlier, so my friend made the point that, "Well, if this bar is good enough for Brooke Burke, and she has been all over the world, we probably picked a good bar." He was right.


Always tell the truth...

That's why they don't be buyin' peoples music.
See, we keeps it - REAL.
'Mean we ALWAAAYS gonn' keep it real...
You can't knock what's real, know what I sayin'.
We tellin' the truth, man.

From Seth...

According to Hasek's agent, Dom, who signed for $2 million (but could get up to $4 in bonuses) knew he was worth $5 million but wanted to sign for less to help the team. I'll buy it.

He had every right to ask for more than this, given his performance the last two seasons.

He's a weird dude, but halving your pay check so your team can sign other great players is a sacrifice that most athletes would never dream of making, especially because their agents consider it tantamount to murder.

Hasek deserves a lot of thanks from Detroit for taking this deal. I really hope the town notices.

But Seth, would it be possible for him to sign for $2 million from the Wings and then $3 million as a Little Caesars spokesman. Thus he gets his money, but it doesnt have to count against the cap?

Did they put any riders in the contract about that mysterious groin injury he gets or a flake out clause?

He gets another $2 million in incentives, but they didn't say yet what they are, so I'm guessing the groin is in there as a games played thing.

Part of the salary cap rules prevent teams from paying players through the back door. Ilitch can't pay them any more for other services than those in his contract (which includes spokesmanship of certain things and attendance at his charity events and such). But Ilitch can hook him up with paid extras. That's what they did with Yzerman, when he signed for less and Hockeytown Authentics, which isn't affiliated with the Wings except for their purchasing agreement, kind of underpaid for their authentic gear from the Wings and overpaid Yzerman for doing those "ooh, curling" commercials. Draper too. But those commercials got investigated by the league.

Some teams are starting to use my loophole, though, where you have a team/player option at the league minimum at the end of the contract. It would be an easy fix for the NHL to stop it, but they haven't yet.

Another loophole I foresee is the re-signing clause. You can negotiate a contract extention with a player and then have the new contract apply for the remaining years. So let's say you wanted to pay Nick Lidstrom $7 million per year for 2005-06 through 2009-10. In 2005, you sign him for $9 million per season on a two-year contract. Then at the end of the season (when you know you're not going to sign any more guys), you renegotiate his contract to take whatever was left of the cap, say an extra $3 million, so he counts $12 million against your 2005-06 cap (under NHL rules, you can do this so long as he's not an upcoming free agent). Then, you renegotiate the deal after the season, but before July 1, signing a contract extention for the remaining $23 million over 4 years. Lidstrom will now count just $5.75 million against your cap in 2006-07, 2007-08, 2008-09 and 2009-10.

That extra $1.25 million per year under the cap is the difference between a checking forward and a 2nd-line scorer.

And so long as nobody finds out you were in collusion, it looks totally normal to the NHL: Detroit signed the NHL's best defenseman for a huge contract, maxed what they could pay him under the cap, then discussed a long-term deal to carry him to his retirement in Detroit at a fair price. Only Kenny and Nick and Lidstrom's agent will ever know the actual deal was simply a front-loaded $35 million over 5 years.

By spending up to the cap level and renegotiating the contracts afterwards, you can actually get your marquee player's contract to count significantly less against the cap for the bulk of his contract.

From Seth...

Jim Leyland's starting lineup for the AL in the All-Star Game tomorrow:

1. Ichiro Suzuki, cf -- SEATTLE
2. Derek Jeter, ss -- NEW YORK
3. David Ortiz, 1b -- BOSTON
4. A-Rod, 3b -- NEW YORK
5.Vladimir Guerrero, lf -- ANAHEIM
6. Magglio Ordonez, rf -- DETROIT
7. Ivan Rodriguez, c -- DETROIT
8. Placido Polanco, 2b -- DETROIT
9. Dan Haren, p -- OAKLAND

That's a potent bottom of the order, eh?

According to the Telegraph, the Live Earth concerts were a bit of a flop...

The experienced stadium rock acts briefly instilled a sense of occasion, honours going to Metallica, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters and Genesis. Up and coming arena acts Kasabian and Snow Patrol held their own, but then the mood would drift with middle-ranking pop from Paolo Nutini or Corinne Bailey Rae. Jazzy piano soul from John Legend sent the horde streaming towards the toilets.

Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth, woke a lot of people up to the very real and imminent dangers of climate change. But the inconvenient truth of Live Earth is that it was a soulless telethon, with no clarity or drive.

I mentioned this to Tres on the way to Kentucky, Friday. I could not see the concept of climate progression as a reason to hold a benefit and figured it was doomed to failure. Unlike, Live Aid, Live 8, or The Concert for Bangladesh, there are really no victims of Al Gore's truthy plague. Now whether one believes in the homocentric concept of Waterworld isn't really the issue when you're holding a benefit. A benefit must have a beneficiary. Whether it is kids with AIDS, college funds, or the hungry, somebody actually has to receive some benefit or else your philanthropy is wasted. For without benefit, you are simply raising the vacuous concept of awareness, talking past those that have already made the change to green or those that decide to remain in their suburban lives spending increased capital on a lifestyle that is fundamentally unsustainable.

In many ways this reminds me of that Rush song about "awareness"...

it's not as if this barricade
blocks the only road
it's not as if you're all alone
in wanting to explode

someone set a bad example
made surrender seem all right
the act of a noble warrior
who lost the will to fight

and now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
staring down into a heartless sea
done with life on a razor's edge
nothing's what you thought it would be

Sunday, July 08, 2007


Step aside Sunny...

"I went and bought me an outfit today that costed me alotta money, today."

As taken by Tondar's broke ass camera...

Just like Picasso


We drink. We smoke. We do...

Ghost Faced Killah

This is how we do it

"Yeah, I'll fight your 80 year old grandpa"

Tres steals from children.

There's the next album cover: "The Freewheelin', Toy Stealin' Tres Crow"


Thanks for everything Nate. Kentucky is the best!

Today was our first kickball game. And just like the rest of life, we were rewarded for simply showing up. We were rewarded with our first win on a technicality, since the other team did not even show up. In place of the game we were going to have our second team practice. However, due to the heat and poor stretching, in a matter of 15 minutes most of the team was injured with quads. Tres' was actually a re-injury from falling down the hill Friday night (Hey, did Tres mention that he almost broke his shoulder?), but somehow I don't think the rest of the team was suffering from a Kentucky Hangover. But a win is a win, and now we have to figure out a way to keep our team fielded.