Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Monday, April 28, 2008


From Seth...

I mostly skipped this draft, since things were transpiring at work and since the Lions have proven to me in the Millen era that their draft picks are never as good as they are on draft day.

For example, they made a big PR splash by drafting a hard-hitting, slow, talent-shy Army cadet, because Army has a new rule that you don't have to go right to Iraq anymore. Wooo, wave the flag everybody. But when your team needs a shot from the moon to get good, and you've been stocking up on safeties, maybe it would be better to let another team nab a special teams guy who will be spending his Tuesdays trying to convince your fans to die for their country (and its dumber decisions).

But I have a few thoughts, 'cause it's sports and stuff.

Thought one: Matt Millen looks good on draft day. Somehow he convinces prospects that we have a football team in Detroit every year. Heh heh. They'll learn.

Thought two: ... (it's the NFL -- if you're using your brain you get kicked off ESPN)

Thought three: Here's two things that you can statistically prove about draft day: 1) The more Michigan men you draft, the greater your chance of winning a Superbowl. 2) If you're drafted by Bill Parcells, you have a better chance of winning a Superbowl. Parcells drafted Jake Long and Chad Henne. Also, the Patriots nabbed Shawn Crable. Coincidence?

Thought 4: By the way, John Beck and Josh McCown are the guys ahead of Henne on the depth chart. With Long anchoring their line, I guarantee you this: there will come a day when Henne will start for Miami. What he does with that start is up to him.

THought 5: Smart guys draft a position heavy in the years before that position becomes a big deal. Receivers didn't start going until the 2nd round. This is because Matt Millen is not one of those smart guys.

Thought 6: Can you believe the receivers didn't go until the 2nd round? Mario Manningham, you may now join Ernest Shazor as the cautionary tales we tell juniors so they won't leave early. Wait, isn't that what I said would happen to you before this?

Thought 7: Limas Sweed to Pittsburgh. Big, tall, tough receiver who muscles things away from defenders and then laughs at safeties who get injured trying to hit him. Rashard Menenhall, big, tough, fast character guy back who runs safeties over then laughs at them for getting injured trying to hit him. Reasons No. 440 and 441 why Detroiters wish we had the Steelers.

Thought 8: Dallas now has Terence Newman, Anthony Henry and Mike Jenkins. So why the F are they taking the Pacman Jones gamble? These are the kind of guys who hit at 18. Good luck with that, fellas.

Thought 9: Cincy spent all offseason trying to get a DT. In 7 rounds and 8 picks, they didn't get a DT. Remind me never to send the Bengals to the store for an onion.

Thought 10: The Lions traded up to get Drew Stanton in the 2nd round (passing up Paul Posluzny in the process). The Dolphins traded down in the 2nd round, and still got Chad Henne. Which QB was better in college?

Thought 11: How long can ESPN's mega crush on Matt Ryan be kept on the sidelines when it's Joey Harrington he has to beat out for playing time?

Thought 12: Aaron Rodgers gets drafted in the 1st round, waits for three years for Favre to retire, and the first thing that happens is the Packers use a high pick on Brian Brohm. Just wondering: what if it wasn't Favre waiting to retire, but the Packers saying "Dude, stick around, your backup SUUUUUUUUUCKS."

Thought 13: Remember when the Tigers had like a gazillion 1st basemen in 2000 (points for whomever can name the most Tiger 1st basemen in 2000). Meet Tampa Bay and their QB parade, featuring Jeff Garcia, Brian Griese, Luke McCown, Bruce Gradkowski, Chris Simms, Jake Plummer, and now Josh Johnson?!? Tampa has a male population 148,050 according to That means that if you meet a guy in Tampa, your chances are 1/18,500 that he's the starting quarterback for the local football team.

Thought 14: Maybe the Bengals think Keith Rivers can play defensive line. Cause that worked so well at USC

Thought 15: Joe Flacco from Delaware got drafted 18th overall. It's funny because Delaware uniforms look like Michigan uniforms. Dude, again, Chad Henne is better than Flacco. I think the Ravens got confused by the uniform.

Thought 16: Wasn't Jeff Otah supposed to be a great OT but wasn't going to be available for the Lions at 17? The Detroit sports radio channels have been awash with talk of the Lions running more next year. But our problem was that we have big, slow o-linemen who can run block but can't pass block worth a damn. Well, every scouting report on Gosder Cherilus is that he can run block but he can't pass block worth a damn. Will Gosder Cherilus become a better tackle than Jeff Otah? Or Sam Baker for that matter? Well, let's look at former Lions offensive linemen drafted ahead of more highly rated prospects....Oh Gawd! I'm sorry. Don't look. Don't Look!!!!

Thought 17: It never fails: the Lions like to stock up on the poor man's version of everybody. Like Randy Moss? Draft Charles Rogers. Like Steve McNair? You need Charlie Batch. Barry Sanders left your team at 30 years of age because he couldn't fathom playing another season for Bill Ford? Get Kevin Smith, who almost beat Sanders' single-season mark in college, playing in a conference that's almost a BCS league, where he almost fought the vicious chicken of Bristol...

Thought 18: Miami also got Akin Ayodele and Anthony Fasano for a 4th round pick. Ayodele gets replaced by....wait for it...Zach Thomas. Now figure this out. Dallas gives Parcells back two of his go-to guys, signs the aging vet that Parcells cut, and traded the pick to Oakland. In the end, the Cowboys ended up with guys in the same three positions as the Dolphins, but worse on every account.


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