Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Monday, June 16, 2008


Seth looks back while we all anxiously await the coming season...

Since RichRod's now on board with Michigan's jersey number traditions, one question remains: considering every other signee is a clone of Biakabatuka or Dez, which will actually wear 21? Can we put them all in 21, just to emphasize the new regime?

On 2nd team safeties for the Carr memorial, I nominate Cato June 2002. I also remember never wanting to kill DeWayne Patmon, if that counts for anything. Patmon was so solid we barely missed Ray (the '98 squad didn't give up deep plays, and it wasn't because Todd Howard and James Whitley were taller back then). At free safety, how about Marlin Jackson in 2003? It's kind of cheating, but it solves the logjam at corner.

Also, in memorial to the Carr era, here's a bunch of traditions and nicknames we tried to create during the Lloyd Carr years that never quite caught on:

"Scary Face" -- Lloyd. He's got a scary face, especially when he's angry.

"Donkey Punch" -- David Underwood. The e-mail became that ska band, became No. 5. After doing Minnesota or MSU or whatever for 50 minutes with Chris Perry, we'd put in Underwood to sock people in the heads and tighten up those pussies. Was funny until we realized Underwood, followed by Jerome Jackson, were on top of the depth chart going into '04.

"Phil Brabbs for Heisman" -- At one point early in the season, Brabbs led the Big 10 in yards per carry, yards after catch, fumble recoveries and touchdowns. He was the second coming of Tom Harmon, except he couldn't kick field goals. And he always wore long sleeves. We are forever Brabbs fans.

"Speshal Teams" -- The Bobby Williams Spartans. Remember when they had to get a pad with everyone's number on it so all the special teams guys would remember to go out on the field? Don't call them tards. They're just Special.

"Worst. Play. Ever." -- That swinging punt from 2003. Statistically, if Carr had just made Navarre take a knee on 4th down instead of call that play, we'd have won perhaps two more games.

"Pinball Wizards" -- Refers to uber-talents who just show up in the games when we're scoring like madmen and everything we ever believed we knew about football seemed to be crumbling before our eyes, e.g., the 2000 offense. Guys like Terrell and Henson after the Northwestern game made us postulate that they only show up in those games when both teams are scoring at will.

"The Daves" -- Interior offensive line of 2002: David Baas, Dave Pearson and Dave Petruziello. Honorary members: David Schoonover, David Spytek, Dave Underwood, Dave Armstrong and Tony Pape, which starts to sound like "Dave Ape" when you say it 10 times fast. We never realized our dream of an all-Dave offensive line, but since O-liners are generally no-namers anway, we figured it would be cool if the O-line at Michigan was heretofore known as "The Daves."

"The Hot Potato Game" -- Another 2000 attempt at meme following the Northwestern game, wherein the defenses are so bad, whichever team possesses the ball when time runs out is the loser.

"John Cooper Day" -- 2-10-01, John Cooper's career record against Michigan, and also the date of the first annual John Cooper Day. We made t-shirts. We hoped Michigan fans would come together every February 10th thereafter to honor the man who made beating Ohio State such an annual pleasure. Unfortunately, it's usually during mid-terms.

"John Navarre, Best Quarterback in the History of the MAC" -- Dude always shredded MAC teams, even as a redshirt freshman while Henson was nursing his ankle while getting fanned by Steinbrenner

"James Whitley, Future Star of the XFL" -- Self-explanatory so long as you remember both Whitley and the XFL.

"Shoop" -- Jason Avant, for the suction noise his hands made when catching a 98-mph John Navarrre Special

"DeBored" -- Mike DeBord. Purposefully misspelled his name every time he called run-left.

Zoltan hand-Z's -- C'mon, we can wiggle our fingers for kickoffs and jingle keys on 3rd downs, but can't make 110,000 Z's with our hands on punts? There's time yet. Make this happen!

"The Reese" -- Tyrece Butler, after his mom sent us a huge shirtless pin-up his freshman year. For all I know, our poster of chiseled 18-year-old Tyrece still hangs on the walls of the Daily's editorial board room -- our glowing endorsement of Tyrece's one-play contribution to Wolverine football -- providing fodder for anyone who ever called the Daily "gay."

"G-d Love Ya, Mickey Hart" -- A quote from a Kevin Costner baseball movie nobody would have seen except a Tiger pitches a perfect game. Said after Hart runs.

"The Little Ball of Awesome" -- A nickname attempt for Hart

The Wolverine Claw -- The hand-chop is offensive and seminally Seminole. So rather than having the Native American community hanging out of top floors of the Union again, we made our hands into claws and sang the Seminole chop "ooohh" song thing. Yes, it's gay, but it's Wolverine-gay


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