Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, March 15, 2008


James, Tres, and I have often talked about movie ideas. One of mine has always been a comedy with a working title called the "Random Movie." It would be filled with a mixture of a plot that doesn't make sense, a varying quality of special effects, and moments of quality comedy gold that have no relation to eachother and to the plot. Browsing Youtube this week, I found a piece that had me laughing from the word "Get..."

Be sure to check out the sequel, Cars 2: All Out Cars
And for all of you in a black t-shirt, how about that metal?!

What I have always found amazing about the media's love affair with the Clintons is the way their truthfully lacking statements are left to go unchallenged. Pigpen has stumbled across another example, this time surrounding the "dangers" of a 1996 trip to Bosnia. You may remember the civil war that ravaged the former Yugoslavia for most of the 1990's. However, what you may not remember is how the great American president, Bill Clinton fixed the problem by sending an envoy of foreign policy heavy-weights including his wife, daughter, Sheryl Crow, and Sinbad (the comedian, not the sailor).

I know that this is the kind of womanly experience that I want answering the phone at 3am, because it is only through past experience that a woman president can bring change, the kind of change that only a woman with experience can bring.

From Seth...

It's been seven days now, and I'm still waiting for the e-mail asking me if your water is safe.


In case you didn't hear, the AP published a 5-month study that found a lot of pharmaceuticals in tap water. We don't test or control these things, except for a certain kind called endocrine disruptors which we've been talking a lot about ever since they started creating transsexual fish.

As usual, the AP did a fantastic job finding information that nobody wanted to give out, and published it without commentary for the good of the public.

And as usual, the public ignored 95 percent of the article, and completely ignored the follow-up responses of their elected officials and local scientists, and started freaking out about one paragraph. The mass of nitwits and nutbags who voted for Nader because Gore's environmental stance was too conservative, as expected, called for immediate controls and blamed Bush. And yes, that much greater mass of nitwits and nutbags that elected Bush twice, as expected, got as far as the headline before calling the reporters names.

What can I say: when it comes to stuff in their water, the country goes What About Bob.

What do you need to know? You're probably not in much danger, but if you are, there's nothing we can do to help you at the moment. We can't test what a cocktail of everyone's drugs is doing to people, because you have to test that on people. Best guess: there's not enough to do anything. Sometimes, there might be. For example -- I thought this particularly interesting -- Southern California has really high levels of anti-depressants in their water. Yum!

Put it this way: if you were to spend a week on the most stoner campus in the world, you would find that your drinking water has a level of THC in it. It might even get a tiny bit of THC taste in it, if you have a tongue that can taste THC (only 1 in 10 people can). However, if you found you were stoned, and you hadn't smoked, it wouldn't be from the water -- there's just not nearly enough in there.

I chose Marijuana because of the drugs that people take that could end up in drinking water, there's WAAAAAAY more THC than any other, because it's taken in high doses and is widespread.

So if you didn't get stoned brushing your teeth this morning, I'm willing to bet you won't get a porphyrine headache either.

Plus -- and OCD people should repeat this as a mantra -- your body is really really really good at handling low levels of pretty much anything. You can have low levels of radiation mixed with poison mixed with Jason's ass after three days of not showering, and not a spec of it will affect your cells.

So drink up, friends, and if anyone freaks out at you for your latest glass of agua, let 'em know that you, as a human, are equipped to handle it, and that you don't associate with weak aliens. Or tell them to read the fuckin article rather than just repeat whatever the brain-frying assbag on the radio said. Or throw the glass of water on them and be all like "ha ha now you're gonna melt!"

It's still the same water. If you want something perfectly devoid of malignant pathogens and chemicals, drink beer!

Sackett sent this story along. What I find interesting is that fact that the spouse was burned for simply not washing feet. Now, I wonder what should happen to the unclean spouse that doesn't bathe for 3 days?

(Leave this playing in the background as you read.) THE TIME has come again. And if the capitalist media thinks it can shame me into eating modestly, they have another thing coming. This June I return to Michigan as Taco Armageddon 2008 will be at hand. I am the Khrushchev of Tacos and I will bury you all. You accept my taco proposals and I'll accept any controls. Don't send U2s. Don't send children. And for the love of morbid obesity, don't send the weak-hearted, small appetite peasants. You were supporting aggression. This time the struggle is global. This time there will be no vomiting by the bridge. Rise up and take the challenge. History is on my side.

My vas pokhoronim!

Once more time we set out upon the adventure road.

So I was trying to come up with a lullaby for Miss Isabella. The best thing that popped into my head was...

Holy Diver
By Dio:

Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me

Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean

Gotta get away
Holy Diver

Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue
Something is coming for you

Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light
Oh we will pray it's all right

Gotta get away-get away

Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel
The vision never dies
Life's a never ending wheel

Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade
No need to look so afraid

Jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Miss Olivia is right-on. It's hard getting caught up on sleep this time of year!

Monday, March 10, 2008


All aboard Angela's Naggin' Train!
"Well, well! It's Monsieur Douchebag hard at work! Just had the pleasure of this weekend's daily rant. What a masterpiece that is. Besides the fact that I did have a good laugh in spite of myself, I do believe that should be the last time you use such language in such close proximity to a story surrounding Miss Isabella. We all know how hardcore you are, now the least you can do is be appropriate.

And that's the last I'll say of it."

Sunday, March 09, 2008


Treasure Island, Las Vegas, Nevada

Self explanatory.

I should probably get rid of this one since Matt and Beth broke up.

A while back Angela's cousin decided to contact me out of the blue, via Myspace...

Hi my name is Krista (Last Name Omitted). I am Angie's cousin, our dads are brothers. I just found out about the baby and an engagement! Wow congrats. I just hope you take very good care of my cousin or you'll have to answer to the (last name omitted, capitalization sic) clan:) So what do you do for a living? you two make a cute couple just please don't break her heart, after the last one she needs to be treated like a princess. I was wondering if there is a way to get Angie on my friends list so I can write to her. Please let me know.
Thank You,

So yes, the cats well out of the bag by now. I slipped one past the goalie and now Angela is about 6 months along in creating a brand new human being. We plan on naming the little one Isabella. It's rather interesting, but I have avoided writing anything in this space about her. At first it was out of shock and a need to keep things quiet until we survived the first trimester. After that, it became a matter of production and how to go about putting this into words, and possibly altering this blog forever. After all, many people tend to bore the pus and blood out of others when they use their online space to brag about their children and display pictures of their dysfunctional family pretending to be happy. This is boring and I assure you that I will not be turning TDR into a melodramatic tea party where paddy cake and dookie doos are discussed (disgust?) on a regular basis. With that being said, I will include amusing anecdotes and relay some of the funny things that Isabella says and does. Because, let's face it, kids are fucking stupid. And that is high comedy.

But speaking of high comedy, after Krista set herself up so perfectly, I could not help but write her back and answer a few of her questions, for as we all know, Tondar can't resist a good set up...

Peace be with u Krista-cuz,

It is delitfull to hear from new family. 1st thanks 4 tha congrats. I plan on taking good care of Angela. I know how to make security and if there is 1 thing a man knows how to do its keep his women safe. And you can count on more than locks and dawgs keeping Angela safe.

But 2 answer youre question, I am now workin again. Trust me I am fo sho keepin this job. I work in the factory of a clothing company. It pretty cool since they let decorate my own clothing after hrs and all I have to pay for is the costs of the beads.

And dont you worry about breaking Angelas heart. She is a plate of nickles and even my Master aproves. There may have been a time before I learned about fear that I might not been the best boyfriend but I had some time to think and grow with some help from above I know can do this.

I will have Ang contact you. So you live in Missuri now? Was you 2 close growing up? It was nice meting you.


So yeah, don't ever doubt that Tondar knows how to make friends and influence people.