Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Saturday, June 14, 2008


From Seth...

I'm a believer in small ball for the team that knows how to do it.

But -- and maybe it's just the American Leaguer in me here -- I'm starting to get a bit sick of all the sac bunting this year. If the fleet-footed Marlins and Angels want to do it, fine. But in the last week I've had to endure sac bunts galore from the guys who would never be scouted by the fish, nor the seraphs.

Raul Ibanez?

Emil Brown?

Travis Buck?

Bobby Crosby?

Richie Friggin 6'8 Sexton?!?

If we resurrected Ted Kluszewski and put him in a green jersey, I'm willing to bet Bob Geren would give him the bunt sign as well.

And since when did the Moneyball Twins and Athletics, who built their teams on OBP and Slugging, start laying down like a lineup of NL pitchers? Is it because they just want to see aging Pudge Rodriguez and Kenny Rogers popping out of their knees?

The only other explanation I can come up with is there's a nasty cold going around that's messing with the managers' signs.

So I found this Sacrifice Bunt Irk Level o-meter on the Internets. I think I'm going to make an extra-large copy and hold it up for the opposing managers at future ballgames.



Keep in mind that if Frank were taller and better at basketball, he could be Manu Ginobili. Thus, we should consider his radical plan for the Pistons...

My Modest Proposal:

1. Replace Flip Saunders with Pat Riley

2. Replace Sheed with Yao Fuckin' Ming

Pat Riley has a solid, better record than Flip does in the playoffs. And Riley knows how to beat us, so I think he can improve our weaknesses.

I would be tempted to replace Sheed with Duncan, but the later is too old.

I would actually want Kevin Garnett instead of Ming. But I am trying to be realistic here!

Let me just say this: Do you think we would have lost the Eastern Conference finals if we had Garnett as Center and Riley as our coach?

Some of you may doubt if these possibilities are affordable. I say fuck it, were going to five blades! If we can't afford this talent with the salary cap, we will circumvent it, like U of M Basketball circa 1992. We will just give these players shit-SUVs, free vacations, free bitches, free drugs, whatever you need homes.

I know this seems radical. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and the Pistons aren't getting any younger.


James found this story about a one-horned deer in Italy. James believes this to be a sign of the apocalypse. Personally, I see this as an affirmation of the policies of Silvio Berlusconi.

Friday, June 13, 2008


And Mommy wanted to spend money on a crib!

So Mistress Angela and I have stumbled across a copy of NCAA Football 2004 for XBox. We've actually had a pretty decent time putting together our Notre Dame and University of Michigan teams. But this is just a temporary fix as we anxiously await the premier of Rich Rod. James has summed up our thoughts on the subject thusly...

Tondar and I haven't been this excited about a season in years. Stewart Mandel vowed that if OSU loses to USC, as a voting pollster he won't vote them back to a NC game even if they go 11-1. Talk about a non-conference game to watch, that could decided the championship there. And out here in Badgerland they hate OSU a lot, so they are a team with a target in the Big 10.

I hear Georgia is poised to make a championship run too, though I admit I don't know much about the state of the SEC this year. On paper USC vs Georgia looks like a good matchup.

Every Michigan coach starting with Fritz Crisler has had a winning season his first year, and every Michigan coach starting with Fritz has beaten OSU. Fritz, Oosterbam, Bump, Bo, Mo, Lloyd...they all did it. So I guess I expect (hope) Rod to do it too. I've been looking over the schedule, the opponents' schedules, changes, stats, and gazing into the spheres to try and see where we will end up this year. It is the great Known Unknown. I won't make my prediction for this season until August, I think.

Is it September yet?

Ron Paul has officially ended his presidential campaign today. I'm not sure where this leaves the Tondar vote. Obviously there is no way I would vote for McCain or Obama (though I still think Hillary is going to find some way to Freddy Krueger her way back into this mess). But as CNN has pointed out Ron Paul will continue to Campaign For Liberty supporting limited government politicians. You can check out his new website here.

Update: I received a copy of the campaign announcement and I was particularly moved by this passage...

"In the final analysis," I wrote in my new book The Revolution: A Manifesto, "the last line of defense in support of freedom and the Constitution consists of the people themselves. If the people want to be free, if they want to lift themselves out from underneath a state apparatus that threatens their liberties, squanders their resources on needless wars, destroys the value of their dollar, and spews forth endless propaganda about how indispensable it is and how lost we would all be without it, there is no force that can stop them."

Our time has come to act on these words.

May future generations look back on our work and say that these were men and women who, in a moment of great crisis, stood up to their politicians, the opinion-makers, and the establishment, and saved their country.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


James raises an interesting point...

I like that hating on Detroit article. For whom are we to question the ways of Dumars? If Dumars is to trade away our all star player, then let it be thy will. For his is the vision! If Dumars trades 1 Rasheed, he will surely net 2 Rips; a good deal if there is one. For, other than the stain of Darko, what hath Dumars done that errs from the path of Basketball Righteousness? Can't you see another run next year?

Well first off, ESPN doesn't seem to realize that hiring Avery Johnson would be a mistake. Looking at Avery's track record over the last 2 years we see that he was upset by his former boss Don Nelson in 2007 and then lost his team for 2008. The truth is the Little General is basically Scott Skiles with an annoying voice and it would only be a matter of time before Sheed would strangle him.

For the new coach, I was leaning towards Rudy Tomjanovich. He has 2 rings from coaching Houston in the 1990s. While he has the reputation of a players coach, he is obsessive and demanding and could most certainly push the Pistons to play to their potential. On top of that, having Number 45 that close to Big Blue again would help Beilein with recruiting. But from what I have read about Michael Curry, I'm at least willing to give Joe D. a chance.

However, to answer James' question, there have been a handful of disappointing moves by Joe Dumars...

- In 2006 after the departure of Ben Wallace, Dumars signed chump-change Nazr Muhammed to a 5 year $30 million dollar contract. Luckily he was bailed out by the mildly brain damaged Michael Jordan when he offered Walter Herrmann and Primoz Brezec for that dead weight contract.

- In 2001, a weak draft, Dumars drafted Rodney White ahead of Joe Johnson, Richard Jefferson, Gerald Wallace, Tony Parker, and Gilbert Arenas.

- One of the biggest failures was his inability to find a decent supporting cast to the starting 6 prior to 2008. From prior playoff runs let us not forget the limited contributions of Elden Campbell, Carlos Arroyo, Carlos Delfino, Maurice Evans, Tony Delk, and Flip Murray.

- Though of course James is right, nobody will forget drafting Darko ahead of all-stars, Carmello Anthony, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, David West, and Josh Howard.

From Seth...

A couple of things said this week that need chiming in on:

1. Retire Dom's number? In Buffalo, yes. When you think of the Sabres, you think "They had Pat Lafontaine, Gilbert Perreault and Dominick Hasek." In Detroit? No. They didn't retire Larionov's. A retired number to me should be for someone who was a longtime superstar for that team. It means that player is a guy that you point at when identifying the greatness of the franchise. Heard of the Wings? They had Sawchuck and Yzerman and Howe and Abel and Lindsay and Lidstrom. If you wear a red jersey with number 9 on it, everyone knows the name that should go there. It's not for Hall of Famers who stop by to win a cup. Fetisov was a HoFer who won two cups here, but we gave number 2 to Fischer (for whom it yet waits). Shanahan might have made it had he stuck for the last few years. Fedorov too. Chelios will be a question, and is way more deserving than Hasek cause he's now actually played here longer than either his Montreal and Chicago stops. But he became a legend as No. 7 in Chi-town, not as 24 in Detroit. The questions are doubly-moot given Ilitch's well-documented reluctance to hang numbers (Lou Whitaker and Jack Morris are still waiting, while Alan Trammell's No. 3 is on the back of Gary Sheffield). The next jersey retired by Detroit will be Lidstrom's.

If you need another reason not to retire Dom's number, Drew Sharp says we should.

2. The Pistons may have another shot at Carmelo. Except Carmelo's agent says there's no chance. Joe Dumars says he's talking about a trade for "a team's best player." Denver's GM is mum. Perhaps Melo's agent is the last to know? I dunno. Except for when you're asking a hockey player about his health, I tend to trust sports insiders above bloggers.

3. ESPN the Magazine is hating on Detroit. Two words: Cup Envy. A few more words: Dude, since when is a college football program finished because it loses one recruit and a mediocre starting offensive lineman who doesn't fit the system? Michigan missed out on Charles Rogers but things still turned out okay.

4. Would somebody please take the fucking credentials away from whatever journalist is still in West Virginia following every dirty Rich-Rod rumor the eight people in that state who know how to read can come up with? Actually, I think all those "rumors" are being made up in Columbus. My reasoning: if they're coming from W.V., how'd they get an Internet connection?

5. Remember how I said the Red Wings are stocked on defense? Apparently, they want to re-sign Lilja too. I can see that. He's one ahead of Lebda on the depth chart. But you can only carry so many guys on an NHL roster, and if you send down Derek Meech or Kyle Quincey, you lose them. I think the Lilja thing is an insurance because Stuart might want to be paid what he's worth on the open market. If Stuart doesn't sign, they know they can get Lilja back for a mill. That means you have Lidstrom, Rafalski, Kronwall, Lilja, Lebda, Chelios, with Meech and Quincey on hand and Kindl in the minors. I'm not sure I like that. I think they pay Stuart, not Rafalski dollars but maybe $3.8 to $4.2 because that gives you 4 great defenseman, which is the key to winning the cup these days. You can do that and still pretend like everyone on the roster takes less to play in Detroit (many do, but not all). Cheli can come back anytime he wants to because he's Cheli, okay? Here's the thing, though: you now have too many NHL defenseman, in a league that's crying for NHL defensemen. SO BUILD THE FARM! Before everyone knows we're overstocked, shop Meech, Lebda and Quincey. They're starters on any of the 20-odd teams who project to be in the market for defenseman. A 3rd round pick or maybe even low 2nd is reasonable for any of them. And you give Ken Holland's people a low 2nd round pick and there's a good chance you'll end up with a future Top 4/Top 6 guy.

6. The Freep's Michael Rosenberg said nobody would have predicted Osgood would supplant Hasek like this one day, back when we got Hasek in 2001. But I mentioned to Rosie that on July 1, 2001, Ozzie did just that. If you see the story on that, I'm the guy.

7. This is for Tondar.

8. Rumor has it that Gary Moeller's famous 1995 breakdown happened right after he learned his wife had cheated on him. The guy: assistant coach Les Miles. Remember how there were adamant anti-Miles people in the Michigan family, but nobody would say what the problem was?

Just a rumor. It's seedy as all hell.

I wouldn't put too much stock in it though. There's enough seedy recruiting whispers and very very public academic questions about Miles' players that could have solicited the negativity.

Mistress Angela is learning some hard truths about EA Sports and Michigan State football...

"Oh! Guess that's why you only have 3 stars of prestige Michigan State!"

"Tondar, you can't throw the Hail Mary, you don't have the Notre Dame playbook."

"HA HA! State sucks worse than I do!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up Sparty."

"I told Sparty to cram it!"

"I'm not playing the greatest defense and Michigan State is still throwing it to nobody."

Monday, June 09, 2008


Better grab your sleep, peace, and quiet while you can. Nothing can beat the delights of arbitrary screaming.