Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

5 YEARS AND $50 LATER: DOOM 3

I bought Doom 3 years ago when I was living in Atlanta and had a Friday whim to drink Rolling Rock and get my gaming on. Of course, I did not have a computer worthy of Id's latest technology, so after a weekend of attempting to play, the game was set aside for more NBA Live 2003, and NCAA Football 2003. At the beginning of July, Angela used the rest of her 2009 education money to buy me a new computer. With 5 years of extra technology, I was finally able to fire up that bad boy and chase down that Cyber-demon.

Boy was that disappointing.

For ole Tondar, Doom II was one of the greatest games ever made because of the multitude of weapons, chaos, and cross-fires that could be formed. There were plenty of demons and plenty of wide open spaces where Marine could run around. It was like 30 levels of an unholy hunting preserve. Unfortunately, Doom 3 missed the boat on this fun.

The game has a very specific linear path that must be followed as the Marine fights from one tight, dark space to another. Of course, once started, I did have to complete my crusade, lest I be reduced to a vegetable trapped in the limbo of my mind, wondering if I did not have the moxie to obliterate the Cyber-Demon of the 21st Century. And once he was vanquished, I stumbled upon this perfect review of the game by The Spoony Experiment. Money Quote:

Oh, you're given a flashlight. I bet the developers thought they were really clever in giving you that one pittance, because you'll basically have to carry that flashlight out all the damn time just to see where you're going. Then you'll see a monster, fumble for your gun, and promptly find yourself unable to see again. So you'll aim your gun roughly in the direction you think the monster's at, guess, pray, and panic fire endlessly until you think it's dead. The entire game is a pointless back-and-forth transition from flashlight to gun, because evidently in the year 2145, marines working on a Martian base with notoriously bad light haven't been assigned weapons with lights on them. Nor have they mastered the use of duct tape to affix a flashlight on the end of their weapons. Or uh...just kind of hold the flashlight up against your weapon while firing it. But no, you're either holding the flashlight or a weapon, routinely getting slapped around by everything you can't see. And so you're stuck wandering around the entire game where the lighting is flickering, dim, or nonexistent, getting wailed on by everyone hiding where you can't see them.


AND IT GOES ON FOR HOURS LIKE THIS!!!

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