Tondar's Daily Rant

Prepare yourself for the writings of Tondar the Destroyer, Baron of Atlanta, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Spain, from whom all babies come. As his will be blogged, so let it be done.

Thursday, February 27, 2014


*Tondar's Note: This was discovered as a draft of a 10/17/06 post. Im not sure if the links still work, but it was well written and interesting so I went ahead and published. For the original with alternative wording and order see here*

One of the things I love most about Youtube is being able to get music videos on demand. And being a lover of the artform, I thought I would put together a little top ten of some of those rare greats you probably have never seen...

10. Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue - Where The Wild Roses Grow: Not only is this a creepy video, but it's also a great song. Kylie's beauty is the perfect answer to Nick's creepy. And thus we are left with a beautiful imagery in a ballad of love and lust with a little Nick Cave style murder thrown into the mix.

9. Sophie B. Hawkins - Right Beside You: Yeah, you're not escaping a Tondar top 10 without Sophie B. Not only is this still one of my all-time favorite songs, but the video is a great representation of why I love Sophie B and her music. Sure the director could have taken the easy way out and simply have shown images of her singing and frolicking in the water. However, it is given that extra edge of real woman insanity when the unpredictable element of nature (rain and horse) are thrown in. Plus the blue filter visually represents the duality of her lyrics as she is both obsessive and playful as she sings of her lover. But if you are not that intrigued by any of the artistic elements, one can simply appreciate an attractive girl, soaking wet and touching herself.

8. Travis - Flowers In The Window: This video always reminded me of the Bill Haley song "13 Women, and Only One Man In Town." In the Travis version, they are dumped into a town in the southwest where all the women are pregnant. Strange imagery follows. Yet in the end, I think this video serves as a reminder that it is from Tondar that all babies come.

7. A-Ha - Forever Not Yours: This epic masterpiece is another of my all time favorites. This 2002 Euro-hit combines the drama of the city scenes of "The Killing Fields" with a Biblical re-telling of Noah's Ark. While the treasures of humanity, and the animals are being saved (2 at a time), A-Ha is making their way to the boat as well. The drama really kicks up as the rain starts to fall. Plus as an added bonus this video features the only Asian, Indian, and both blacks that live in Sweden (they happen to be security guards).

6. Weather Girls - It's Raining Men: This video is just classically bad. On a personal note, I've always been intrigued by the concept of it actually raining men. I really need to talk to Tres about the possible insurance ramifications of such an act of Mother Nature. I would like to see this video redone with the men falling from the sky causing damage to homes and vehicles as they splat down from the heavens. This video kind of captures this concept but it's mostly about Martha Wash and Izora Rhodes dancing around some half-nekkid men on a bad set. I was in a club in Prague a few years back and it was a real sausage fest. And the girls that were actually there were underage Swedes simply trolling for men to buy them drinks. When this song came on, I declared it a perfect storm and as the Colonel of the Discotheque, led the march to a much cooler nightclub.

5. Meatloaf - Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through: As a teenager I was always a fan of the brunette in the horizontal stripes. I especially liked the way that shirt showed off her body. But I think the rest of America felt the same way because she grew up to become Angelina Jolie. But like every Meatloaf video there is an interesting but failed attempt at a story. I still can't quite figure it out. I think Meatloaf is supposed to be some sort of carny/juke box elf/Michael Jackson as he saves all the vulnerable kids and doesn't molest them. In the end he takes them on his motorcycle to his magical new land full of rock and roll dreams and an angel. Or something like that. *shrug*

4. Phil Collins - Don't Lose My Number: Whether it was his solo stuff, or with Genesis I have always been a fan of Phil Collins' videos. This classic shows Phil ripping off a bunch of videos and genres at the time (such as Road Warrior, Take On Me, Every Breath You Take, and California Girls) as he tries to come up with a concept for his non-sensical song "Don't Lose My Number." I was especially a fan of the Western scenes and the fat guy that steals his sandwich. "Fake Blood! Great isn't it?!"

BTW - Have you ever noticed that Phil Collins seems like the type of guy that should be overweight. Yet when you see him, you're kind of surprised that he appears to be in good shape. I'm not sure what's up with his shape or look, but this Phil Collins Phenomenon has always intrigued me.

3. Articolo 31 - L'Italiano Medio: Speaking of Phil Collins, this is a great rip-off of Genesis' "Land of Confusion." In this case they parody some of the better videos and characters that make up the Italian Media of today. What I enjoy is the way the puppets walk the line between retarded, funny, and frightening. Plus if you watch closely you can see some puppet porn. Forz'Italia!

2. Alizee - Moi Lolita: Leave it to the French to find a popstar that pushes the boundaries of the puritanical concept of the age of consent. But before everybody gets creeped out, Alizee is just four months younger than miss Allison of the Purple Heart. But with that being said it's still strange to see this young Alizee toying with provencial hearts before running off to the discotheques where she dances seductively into the night. I've always liked the cinematography of this one as it uses a filter to give the video a classical and timeless feel. Note how the director keeps the camera constantly moving showing the energy of both the Discotheque and youth as we zoom, pan, spin to the 4/4 beat. Also, be sure to pay attention to the beginning of the video where Alizee is chased off by what appears to be a real life version of the Cat Lady from the Simpsons.

1. Mylene Farmer - Pourvu qu'elles soient douces: Nothing like a 17 minute 18th Century period piece. This epic video focuses on a booty chasin' English Officer that's got it bad for the sweet sweet behind of a captured French peasant girl. After beating on the officer for a while the peasant girl ends up getting cornholed by him (note how they hold hands). In the end the French army kills everybody (so obviously it's a fantasy), but not before a wet old muddy cat-fight can go down. The video also features full nudity, excessive violence, a cast of hundreds, plus a beat straight out of the early 80s. In other words, it freakin' rocks!